Relational Safety
Dr. Gillian Boudreau is a licensed clinical psychologist and licensed school psychologist. She speaks in the podcast above about the importance of an individual's sense of felt safety in their nervous systems in order to access our prefrontal cortex functions such as learning, curiosity, and resourcefulness. This goes for both children AND adults! We need to also feel safe in our nervous systems in order to be resourceful and problem solve in order to support our students! Head on over to the Educator Nervous System page to learn more and access resources to support your nervous system and provide some much needed care for yourself, if that would feel good for you.
Some important points Dr. Boudreau makes in this episode:
Neuroception: students can sense how adults feel about working with them; if an adult is afraid (possible meltdown or undesired behaviors, fear of failure, etc.) a student picks up this fear within their own nervous system which can then send them into a fight/flight response
Gaining and modeling freedom: developing an internal sense of safety, getting a sense of freedom from expectations and rules, and gaining self trust as well as trust in others. Give yourself the freedom the make mistakes, to learn, to show up authentically and do what's best for your students
Get the adult urgency out of this space.
Fear is about speed as well: rushing tells the brain that there is a threat.
Slow down: talk slowly, and move more slowly.
Internal interrogation: where is this need to rush and this need for urgency coming from? (societal expectations, childhood, etc.)
Grounding strategies for self in those moments of urgency/threat: our parasympathetic system can take us out of the threat response system and release this sense or perceived need for urgency
Co-regulation: once we are grounded and this sense of urgency has been released, we can then provide some much needed validation for our students in their tough moments, and we can then join in with our calm mirror neurons
Head over to the Co-regulation Page for more information about this
Dr. Stephen Porges explains the polyvagal theory and how neuroception affects the way we perceive and feel with other people and in certain environments. Connection and relational safety with our students is incredibly important in order for them to perceive the adults and environments they are in as safe. This is also why it is incredibly important to make sure our environments are sensory-friendly and our students are not being exposed to traumatic sensory experiences throughout their day. Head on over to the Sensory Supports Page to learn more about how to ensure a sensory-friendly space.
The research shows that kids need attachment (see videos below), which involves connection, belonging, love, and authenticity. When kids feel connected, they feel safe, and a felt sense of safety leads to a regulated nervous system. Within the AEN framework, we call these Touchpoints, which are moments of felt safety. So how can we connect with our students who experience the world differently than we may, in a way that is meaningful to them?
Some strategies to build meaningful connections with our autistic students:
Interests: talk about and/or play with the topics/items they are interested in! Be genuinely excited about what they are excited about. If your student loves to sing/draw/dance, sing/draw/dance with them! If they love shipwrecks, learn about shipwrecks so you can engage in a meaningful conversation about this topic with them! Interests can be a great tool to build trust and a sense of safety, acceptance, and belonging through connection.
Stim with them: this helps them feel safe to be their authentic selves. Join into their world authentically and genuinely, in order to share your calm mirror neurons with them.
More on joining into their world: follow their lead and engaging with them / join in whatever activity they are doing or which feels best to them (certain toys they love and are playing with in the moment, making animal noises, pretending to be animals and stomping or hopping around, rolling on the floor together, being silly together, etc.); follow their lead and join into whatever activity they are doing in that moment.
Positivity and encouragement: “That was awesome!” "Wow, how beautiful!" "You worked so hard on that!" "You just did that really hard thing!" Intentionality in encouragement matters here. This is not about "reinforcing" the behaviors you want; this is about genuine care for and connection to them as human beings, so they can feel loved, affirmed, connected, and seen. Positivity also helps build a positive sense of self.
Music and Movement: so many of our students (especially those who are non-speaking) feel connected through music and/or dancing. Sing together (be observant of responses to tones), dance together, and incorporate music into routines and transitions
Laughter! Have FUN together!
Dr. Gabor Mate on the importance of Attachment and Authenticity. Our autistic students need to feel safe to be their authentic selves, as well as attached and connected to those around them as their authentic selves.
Dr. Gabor Mate on the importance of Attachment.
s10615-007-0111-7.pdfFor more on the Attachment Theory and the importance of attachment in development, read the research article above!
Mona Delahooke discusses in her book Beyond Behaviors: Using Brain Science and Compassion to Understand and Solve Children's Behavioral Challenges the importance of "personalized attunement: a way to tailor our interactions to meet each child's physical and emotional needs." As we know, a student cannot access their prefrontal cortex (where learning happens) unless they feel safe, and that sense of safety is dependent on each student's individual neuroception, or how their nervous system is perceiving the people around them, the environments, and even the tasks they complete. A child's feeling of safety is dependent on their individual differences and perceptions, and each child may need something different in order to feel safe and connected. "When a child experiences a neuroception of safety, there's no need for protective, defensive behaviors," which are characteristic of the red pathway (Delahooke, 2019). When a child "relaxes onto the green pathway, cooperation, learning, play, and curiosity emerge naturally." (Delahooke, 2019). You can use the following worksheets to determine whether or not a child is feeling safe, as well as whether or not a child is experiencing personalized attunement from the adults supporting them.
Source: Delahooke, M. (2019). Beyond behaviors: Using brain science and compassion to understand and solve children's behavioral challenges. PESI Publishing & Media.
The following checklists can be used as starting points for thinking about which pathway a child is on. It is important to note that the blue, red, and green pathways will look very different for each child, based on the underlying characteristics of autism they present with. A grimace for one child, for example, could mean pain or discomfort, while for another it could mean curiosity. For one student a "flat expression" could mean dissociation, while for another it could mean nothing and they may very well be in the social engagement (green) pathway. Rocking for one child may not fall within the red pathway because they are using it to regulate themselves and are on the green pathway while doing so, but for another rocking, or increased rocking, could signify a move onto the red pathway. It is important to know your students well enough to know which bodily signals, facial expressions, and behaviors signify which nervous system state they are in. It may be helpful to make a red/blue/green pathway chart individualized to each child which identifies their signals in each nervous system state.
