Churches need, and want, to be safe places where people feel valued and loved.
That is one side of the coin. The other side is that many churches will also feel that homoerotic activity is not consistent with God's design for us and therefore not healthy. They will want to encourage people to consider that. But how do we be faithful in doing both - both genuinely loving people AND encouraging them to live in a way that is consistent God's will (and, maybe, their own desires)?
This is a careful balancing act for parents, friends, and church staff including youth workers, as well as Christian professionals in many other professions.
It must also be noted that, in some countries, it is now illegal to discourage a same-sex-attracted person from being sexually active. That makes this balancing act very much more difficult. It is hoped that the following resources will help you think through the complexities of this.
Most of the websites listed below have excellent resource that help understand not just the issues but what life is like for those who are same-sex attracted.
Most importantly, LISTEN!
Take time to listen and understand. Listen for a long time before expressing your own views.
See the first section of this article by Ed Shaw (Living Out) on seeking to understand what it is like for same-sex attracted people.
Understanding Sexual Identity: A Review - Robin Barfield, (Living Out), a review of Mark A. Yarhouse's book, Understanding Sexual Identity: A Resource For Youth Ministry
How Biblically Inclusive Is Your Church? - the Living Out audit (See this video)
What Does It Mean To Be A Truly Inclusive Church? - Anne Witton (Living Out)
This is a worthwhile interview in total but, on inclusion, you will find relevant material at 41 mins, 47 mins and 67 mins.
Caring Well For LGBTQ People - Stuart (True Freedom Trust)
What Does It Really Mean To Care? - Trevor (True Freedom Trust)
How Can I Support A Christian Who Experiences Same-Sex Temptation? - Jonathan Berry (True Freedom Trust)
What Does Good Pastoral Support Look Like? (Part 1) - Andy Robinson (Living Out)
Part 2 - Andy Robinson (Living Out)
Pastoral Papers - (Center For Faith, Sexuality and Gender) - multiple papers on pastoral issues
What Pronouns Should Christians Use For Transgender People? - Greg Coles (Center For Faith, Sexuality & Gender)
Fr James Martin has been hugely influential in encouraging the Catholic Church to be more compassionate towards LGBTQ people. And rightly so. You can find videos with him speaking.
This video questions whether he also teaches the truth as the Catholic Church understands it. It quotes the Catholic teaching that it is not pastoral to omit biblical morality in an attempt to be pastoral. "Only what is true is ultimately pastoral."
You can judge whether they are right by listening to the second video here.
In September 2023, Andy Stanley's church. North Point Community Church, hosted a conference designed for “parents of LGBTQ+ children and for ministry leaders looking to discover ways to support parents and LGBTQ+ children in their churches.”
It has created much controversy. In this video, Sean McDowell and Alan Shlemon talk about their concerns. They express their concern to be compassionate without abandoning biblical teaching.
Also
Andy Stanley's Sunday message responding to the criticism - Andy Stanley (North point Community Church)
Andy Stanley's 'Unconditional' Contradiction - Sam Allberry (Christianity Today)
The Center For Faith, Sexuality & Gender (Preston Sprinkle)
A Biblical Resource For Pastors On Gender And Sexuality - Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission of the Southern Baptist Church