971 Commonwealth Ave #3
Sundays 8PM
(Meeting moderator)
Welcome to the Sunday 8PM closed mix meeting of Sex Addicts Anonymous. My name is ____ and I will be your facilitator this evening.
This meeting has a hybrid format, meaning that it is both in-person and virtual on zoom. If you are on zoom, please change your name to your first name and last initial. If you are able, please keep your video on at all times, keep your microphone muted when not speaking, and ensure that you are in a private environment to maintain anonymity.
This meeting is open only to those who are seeking to stop addictive sexual behavior. There is no other requirement. For the sake of those attending, please feel free to leave at this time if this does not apply to you.
Now let's take a moment of silence to meditate and invite God to our meeting. We'll follow that with the Serenity Prayer.
(Meeting moderator)
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
(Volunteer)
Sex Addicts Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other so they may overcome their sexual addiction and help others recover from sexual addiction and dependency. Membership is open to all who share a desire to stop addictive sexual behavior. There is no other requirement. Our common goals are to become sexually healthy and to help other sex addicts achieve freedom from compulsive sexual behavior. SAA is supported through voluntary contributions from members. We are not affiliated with any other twelve-step programs, nor are we a part of any other organization. We do not support, endorse, or oppose outside causes or issues. Sex Addicts Anonymous is a spiritual program based on the principles and traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous. We are grateful to A.A. for this gift which makes our recovery possible.
(Volunteer)
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program. They cannot develop a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. There are those, too, who suffer from serious emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps.
At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But, we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
Remember that we deal with sexual addiction – cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is one who has all power – that one is God. May you find God now!
Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked God’s protection and care with complete abandon.
Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery.
(Volunteer)
1. We admitted we were powerless over addictive sexual behavior – that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other sex addicts and to practice these principles in our lives.
Many of us exclaimed, “What an order! I can’t go through with it.” Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection. Our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:
(1) That we were sexually addicted and could not manage our lives.
(2) That probably no human power could have relieved our addiction.
(3) That God could and would if God were sought.
(Volunteer)
Our goal when entering the SAA Program is abstinence from one or more specific sexual behaviors. But unlike programs for recovering alcoholics or drug addicts, Sex Addicts Anonymous does not have a universal definition of abstinence. Most of us have no desire to stop being sexual altogether. It is not sex in and of itself that causes us problems, but the addiction to certain sexual behaviors. In SAA we will be better able to determine what behavior is addictive and what is healthy. However, the fellowship does not dictate to its members what is and isn’t addictive sexual behavior. Instead we have found that it is necessary for each member to define his or her own abstinence.
Since different addicts suffer from different behaviors, and since our sexuality is experienced in so many different ways, it is necessary that SAA members define for themselves, with the help of their sponsors or others in recovery, which of their sexual behaviors they consider to be “acting out”.
This can be a difficult challenge. If we are too lenient with ourselves, we might not get sober. If we are too strict, we might restrict ourselves from healthy behaviors that we have no need to give up, and an inability to meet our high standards could set us up for relapse. We need the help of other recovering sex addicts, and the reliance on a Power greater than ourselves, to find the right balance between these two extremes.
Our program acknowledges each individual’s dignity and right to choose his or her own concept of healthy sexuality. We have learned that our ideas of what is healthy and what is addictive evolve with experience. In time, we are able to define our individual abstinence with honesty, fairness and gentleness. This process is a valuable exercise in our recovery. It requires us to carefully examine all of our sexual behaviors, decide which ones are healthy or addictive, and note those cases where we’re not sure. It is a way of taking stock of our sexuality that teaches us a lot about ourselves and our behavior.
(Meeting moderator)
SAA meetings around the world give out chips to celebrate significant milestones of sobriety. We have chosen to celebrate increments of 1,2,3,6, & 9 months using sobriety "chips". If anyone is currently celebrating one of these milestones, we would be extremely grateful if you would share this with us so we can celebrate your progress with a chip! Please keep in mind that you should only have 1 of each chip maximum (think of them like badges).
Please indicate which color chip you would like to be recognized for today. If a milestone is not listed, please share with us any milestones you are celebrating!
9 months - Gold Chip
6 months - Blue Chip
3 months - Green Chip
2 months - Yellow Chip
1 month - Red Chip
1 day chip - White Chip
(Meeting moderator)
To communicate any changes or disruptions to the meeting schedule, we have created a google calendar. If you would like to be invited to receive updates or changes to our meetings, please send an email to symphonychurchsaa@gmail.com so we can add you to our e-mail list.
(Meeting moderator)
To facilitate program fellowship and support outside of the meetings, we have begun a program call list that will be available upon request. If you would like to be added, please put your phone number in the chat with your first name, last initial, your phone number, and if you would like to be contacted via text first and our secretary will add it into the database. If you would like a copy of this list, please e-mail symphonychurchsaa@gmail.com and we will give you access. We also have a physical list you can look at in person.
(Meeting moderator)
Our Seventh Tradition holds that SAA ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions. We have a wide variety of literature for you to borrow or read - please feel free to take a pamphlet or borrow a copy of the green book. We also have a recurring monthly zoom subscription. If you do decide to borrow something from our literature collection or simply wish to support this meeting, please consider donating. We take Cash or Venmo (@david-lu-21). We currently have $106.41 in the account and have agreed as a group to maintain a cash reserve of $100. If you would like to see our income and expenses, please e-mail us or visit https://bit.ly/symphony-saa-income-expenses-tracker
Our next business meeting will be on Sunday, October 1st, 2023. Please send us an e-mail with any topics you'd like to discuss at the meeting.
Anyone have any SAA-related announcements?
(Meeting moderator)
Now we will proceed with introductions. If you are a newcomer, feel free to identify yourself. This is to welcome you and to acknowledge the courage it took to get here. We generally recommend you come to at least 6 meetings before committing to the SAA program.
Template:
Hi, my name is ______ and I am ________.
(Optional) My inner circle behaviors are ___________.
Today, I feel physically _______________.
Today, I feel emotionally _______________.
Today, I feel spiritually _______________.
(Meeting moderator, until 8:35PM)
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
In taking the Ninth Step, we act on the knowledge that what we do really matters-that our actions have consequences in the world, for good or ill. The damage we did in our addiction is cleared away not only by honestly admitting what we have done, but by committing to setting things right. Reaching out to others to acknowledge and heal the wrongs of the past brings us freedom and serenity in the present. We call this process making direct amends. In Step Nine we make our best effort to contact the people we have harmed, admit the wrongs we have done them, express our remorse, and offer some kind of reparation. Most importantly, we change how we behave today. We do our utmost not to repeat the behavior that caused harm in the past, and we communicate this resolve to those we've hurt.
Many of us find ourselves worrying about the reactions of those to whom we make amends, hesitating to proceed with this step because of our fear. We can rely on our Higher Power to be with us throughout this process and to grant us the courage we need to move forward. Our part is to make the amends, without taking responsibility for the reactions of others. Some of the people we approach may accept our amends with understanding and forgiveness, and others may not. The response of any particular person, positive or negative, is not a measure of how well we make our amends. The success of our amends depends only on how honestly and thoroughly we make them.
The Ninth Step can be a project of some magnitude. We work this step only when we have a strong foundation built on the preceding steps. Rather than be overwhelmed by the number of people on our Eighth Step list, or all of the harm we've done over the years, we simply make amends to one person at a time. Each person and situation has much to teach us. We can take our time, patiently dealing with the challenges we are ready for, and trusting that we will become ready for others in the future.
Throughout this process, we are mindful of our motives in making amends. Effective amends are as selfless and sincere as we can make them, with no hidden agendas. We want to be sure we are not using the amends process as an excuse to re-engage with people who prefer not to have contact with us. We also guard against using Step Nine as an opportunity to deend our past behaviors or to burden others with detailed confessions in order to relieve ourselves of our own guilt. In all cases, we check to see whether we are acting out of selfishness, simply in order to feel better, or from a desire to be liked and admired for having changed our ways.
We need to exercise good judgment here. We seek the counsel of our sponsor and other members who have experience working this step. Rather than rushing into premature amends, we take the time to get clear about exactly what we are making amends for and what harm we think we caused in each situation. We also take time to clarify our emotions before we proceed. An attitude of humility and sincere regret for the harms we have done will carry us far. For each amends, we also decide whether it is appropriate to make contact with that person, how much we reveal to the person, and whether we put ourselves at risk when we make amends. If we have good reason to believe that we will do someone harm by making contact, then we refrain. Sometimes we might ask through a third party if contact for an amends would be appropriate. If the answer is no, we need to show our respect and stay away. If we contact a person we have abused, it may need to be through someone that person knows or under the supervision of a professional who can make the interaction safe. When it comes to those we have harmed through sexual abuse or illegal behavior, we should be very cautious about harming them again, not even offering to make amends unless we're certain they would welcome it.
We are careful about how much we reveal in our amends. To those we have harmed in the past that are not close to us today, we need not explain that we are sex addicts. Revealing our disease is less important than taking responsibility for the harm we did, and may actually distract us from focusing on our amends. We also use judgment about how specific we are when making the amends. Going into great detail about our sexual behavior, for instance, might do more harm than good. Instead, we can share the general pattern of our hurtful behavior, taking our cue from the person to whom we are making amends if more detail would be helpful. We are fearless, however, in revealing those consequences of our behavior that directly affect the other person, such as if we have exposed him or her to a sexually transmitted disease. Throughout this process, we carefully examine our motives, always balancing the willingness to take full responsibility for our wrongs with care and concern for the wellbeing of those we have harmed.
We usually don't need to put ourselves at grave personal risk when making amends. Some of us committed serious offenses in our sex addiction. Admitting to them can have dire consequences for us, as well as for our loved ones. Before we take action, we look at those we may harm in the process, including ourselves. On the other hand, we don't want to leave room for rationalizations. We consult with our sponsor, and perhaps an outside professional, before attempting to make amends that could have legal consequences. Ultimately, after praying to our Higher Power for strength and guidance, we come to our own decision regarding such amends.
When setting things right, we consider what would be appropriate in each case. If we took money or property, we do our best to replace it. If our behavior has caused psychological harm, to our children or others, we can offer to pay for therapy. If we were distant and neglectful, we can make ourselves available and emotionally present. Many situations are more complex than this, requiring prayer, careful thought, and consultation with our sponsor. It is often helpful to ask the people we harmed what they think we should do to help make things right. We bear in mind that we can't always fully repair the harm we've done; nothing can change the past. This does not keep us from doing our best to set things right in the present. Many of us have seen great healing occur in ourselves and our relationships from even seemingly inadequate acts of reparation.
If we cannot make our amends directly, we can still take meaningful actions. We may, for instance, donate time or money to an appropriate charity or institution. It may be best to make our donations anonymously, in the spirit of our newfound humility. In the case of those people who are deceased, we can still write letters to them, containing everything we would have said to them if they were alive, and then read these letters to our sponsor. We can remember such people in our prayers and allow their memory to motivate us in our new way of life. In all cases where we cannot, for whatever reason, make direct amends, we grieve our losses and then use our experience to make better choices in the future.
Despite our best efforts and intentions in working this step, regaining the trust of those we have harmed is usually not a quick or easy matter. In our addiction, many of us apologized over and over to our loved ones, only to repeatedly harm them again. Our apologies will be seen as sincere only when it becomes evident that we now live differently. Often it takes longer for the people hurt by our behavior to trust us again than it takes for us to make significant progress in our recovery. In some cases, trust may never be restored. We can only make amends to the best of our ability, and leave the rest in God's hands.
In the long run, the most effective amends we can make to others and to ourselves is in our commitment to recovery. Some call this making "living amends." We find we can redress the wrongs of the past by not hurting those we have harmed, or anyone else, in the same way again. As we complete our Ninth Step, we know we have done everything in our power to clean up the wreckage of our past and move forward with our slates clean. By continuing to stay abstinent and work the SM program, we commit to maintaining this new freedom from the consequences of our acting out. We become accountable for our behavior. Our relationships improve, both with those we have harmed in the past and with new people in our lives. We see that we are becoming better people, and we begin to experience a new sense of self-worth. We feel free to live in the present and enjoy our lives, no longer having to carry a load of despair, resentment, and fear.
Working Step Nine brings us many gifts: true empathy for those we have harmed, compassion, self-respect, and respect for the humanity of others. God willing, we may experience the forgiveness of those we have harmed. If we have been diligent in our amends, we will certainly grow in self-forgiveness too. As a result of accepting responsibility for the harm we have done, even to those who may have hurt us, we glimpse new possibilities for loving and forgiving others. Our faith in our Higher Power increases when we realize that we've squarely faced the wrongs in our past, made amends for them, and received the gift of a better future. The process that began in the Fourth Step, and culminated in the Ninth, now becomes a part of our lives, a daily stance, a practice that will keep us sexually sober and spiritually connected. We will now take Step Ten.
(Meeting moderator, until 8:55PM)
The meeting is now open for sharing. You can share about a specific topic or just get current. To keep the meeting safe, we do not make direct comments about another person's share or give advice.
Please avoid mentioning the name of a Book, Movie, Treatment Center, Website or the Like in your share because this can be viewed by some as "promotion” and can be a trigger for some. Please also avoid sexually explicit descriptions or comments that could be a trigger. If you feel triggered, please feel free to say a prayer, step out of the room or meeting temporarily, and come back when you feel ready.
It is also safe to speak in “I” statements, as opposed to “you” statements. Feel free to share more specific information after the Unity Prayer when Fellowship begins. It is appropriate to reference the reading.
We ask that any Newcomer that would like to share be given the opportunity. Our focus is making you feel welcome and acknowledge the courage it took getting here. We will reserve some time for Questions and Answers at the end of the meeting.
(optional) Please keep your shares to 3 minutes maximum. If you did not get a chance to share, you may share at the end during fellowship.
I will help moderate.
Who would like to keep time?
Who would like to begin?
(Meeting moderator)
As a gentle reminder for all of us, anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions. What you heard was spoken in confidence and should be treated as confidential. Please keep the things you heard here in the confines of your mind. Carry no gossip and always remember to place principles before personalities.
(Volunteer)
This is how recovery has been for us. Each of us has taken steps of courage and leaps of faith. Each of us has contributed, not only to our own recovery, but to the recovery of other suffering sex addicts as well. We have contributed by showing up at meetings and by sharing our experience, strength, and hope. We have listened to our fellow addicts and supported them in their recovery journey. Like the first members of our fellowship, we continue to remain sexually sober by helping our fellow addict stay sober. Our prayer is that every sex addict who seeks recovery will have the opportunity to find it. And keep coming back.
(Volunteer)
Some of us started out as a "tourist" at SAA meetings-the member who shows up every week or every other week, who shares at meetings, who may even buy and read the literature, but who doesn't get a sponsor, doesn't work the steps, certainly never stays for a business meeting-and who doesn't stop acting out on his or her inner-circle behaviors for more than a few weeks at a time before the next relapse. This resistance to surrendering to the SAA program is rooted in pride and a stubborn unwillingness to admit defeat, despite the pain and consequences already experienced. As an SAA "tourist," we cling to the belief that we are not really powerless and that just going to meetings (maybe combined with just going to church, or just seeing a therapist, or just getting a slip signed, or just reading a book) will be enough to turn things around without too much inconvenience. Many tourists drop in and out for months or even years before one final crisis brings us to our bottom and makes us willing, at last, to get serious.
The steps are the spiritual solution to our addiction - leading not only to a life of abstinence from our addictive sexual behaviors, but to a fulfilling life of service to our brothers and sisters in recovery and beyond. The spiritual awakening described in Step Twelve puts us on the path of service and connects us with our Higher Power, our fellow addicts, and our world in ways we had never dreamed possible. This awakening is the foundation of a responsible and joyful existence as we seek and find our Higher Power's will for us-both in our individual lives and in the life of our fellowship. And for this priceless gift of recovery, so astonishingly simple, so freely available, we are humbly grateful. We invite all suffering sex addicts, inside and outside the rooms of SAA, to join with us in accepting this gift.
(Volunteer)
Through a renewed Relationship with God, the healing force of recovery will take hold in our hearts. By giving ourselves over to God and working our program, our lives will become manageable and we will be restored to sanity. We will receive the inner strength and support needed to face our anxieties and fears, and to deal with the painful feelings that feed our addiction.
Relations with Others will improve as we learn to respect our boundaries and allow others freedom to be themselves. Reaching out in trust and connecting with others will come easier, dispelling our sense of isolation and loneliness. Degrading fantasies and obsessive sexual thinking will diminish.
Relating to Ourselves, self absorption will give way to self-discovery; secrecy to honesty; feelings of unworthiness to dignity; and shame to grace. A restored integrity will guide our behavior. We will feel more alive and regain a sense of happiness. We will hear ourselves laugh again and rediscover play. We will embrace change and will grow.
A Spiritual Awakening will free us from the tyranny of our addiction. An awareness of being guided by a Higher Power and supported by caring friends will sustain us. Regret for the past and worry for the future will give way to living for today. We will open ourselves to the amazing possibilities of a life worth living. Our life.
Are these extravagant promises?
(Altogether) WE THINK NOT!
We have seen them fulfilled.
They are ours, if we want them and work for them.
(Meeting moderator)
I put my hand in yours and together we can do what we could never do alone.
No longer is there a sense of hopelessness.
No longer must we each depend upon our own unsteady willpower.
We are all together now, reaching out our hands for a power and strength greater than ours;
And as we join hands, we find love and understanding beyond our wildest dreams.
(Meeting moderator)
Thank you for attending our meeting today! Now it is time for fellowship.
(optional) Did anyone who did not get a chance to share yet today like to share?
Feel free to stick around to chat, ask questions, pass around phone numbers, or get a sponsor.