971 Commonwealth Ave #3
Sundays 8PM
(Meeting moderator)
Welcome to the Sunday 8PM closed mix meeting of Sex Addicts Anonymous. My name is ____ and I will be your facilitator this evening.
This meeting has a hybrid format, meaning that it is both in-person and virtual on zoom. If you are on zoom, please change your name to your first name and last initial. If you are able, please keep your video on at all times, keep your microphone muted when not speaking, and ensure that you are in a private environment to maintain anonymity.
This meeting is open only to those who are seeking to stop addictive sexual behavior. There is no other requirement. For the sake of those attending, please feel free to leave at this time if this does not apply to you.
Now let's take a moment of silence to meditate and invite God to our meeting. We'll follow that with the Serenity Prayer.
(Meeting moderator)
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
(Volunteer)
Sex Addicts Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other so they may overcome their sexual addiction and help others recover from sexual addiction and dependency. Membership is open to all who share a desire to stop addictive sexual behavior. There is no other requirement. Our common goals are to become sexually healthy and to help other sex addicts achieve freedom from compulsive sexual behavior. SAA is supported through voluntary contributions from members. We are not affiliated with any other twelve-step programs, nor are we a part of any other organization. We do not support, endorse, or oppose outside causes or issues. Sex Addicts Anonymous is a spiritual program based on the principles and traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous. We are grateful to A.A. for this gift which makes our recovery possible.
(Volunteer)
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program. They cannot develop a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. There are those, too, who suffer from serious emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps.
At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But, we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
Remember that we deal with sexual addiction – cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is one who has all power – that one is God. May you find God now!
Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked God’s protection and care with complete abandon.
Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery.
(Volunteer)
1. We admitted we were powerless over addictive sexual behavior – that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other sex addicts and to practice these principles in our lives.
Many of us exclaimed, “What an order! I can’t go through with it.” Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection. Our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:
(1) That we were sexually addicted and could not manage our lives.
(2) That probably no human power could have relieved our addiction.
(3) That God could and would if God were sought.
(Volunteer)
Our goal when entering the SAA Program is abstinence from one or more specific sexual behaviors. But unlike programs for recovering alcoholics or drug addicts, Sex Addicts Anonymous does not have a universal definition of abstinence. Most of us have no desire to stop being sexual altogether. It is not sex in and of itself that causes us problems, but the addiction to certain sexual behaviors. In SAA we will be better able to determine what behavior is addictive and what is healthy. However, the fellowship does not dictate to its members what is and isn’t addictive sexual behavior. Instead we have found that it is necessary for each member to define his or her own abstinence.
Since different addicts suffer from different behaviors, and since our sexuality is experienced in so many different ways, it is necessary that SAA members define for themselves, with the help of their sponsors or others in recovery, which of their sexual behaviors they consider to be “acting out”.
This can be a difficult challenge. If we are too lenient with ourselves, we might not get sober. If we are too strict, we might restrict ourselves from healthy behaviors that we have no need to give up, and an inability to meet our high standards could set us up for relapse. We need the help of other recovering sex addicts, and the reliance on a Power greater than ourselves, to find the right balance between these two extremes.
Our program acknowledges each individual’s dignity and right to choose his or her own concept of healthy sexuality. We have learned that our ideas of what is healthy and what is addictive evolve with experience. In time, we are able to define our individual abstinence with honesty, fairness and gentleness. This process is a valuable exercise in our recovery. It requires us to carefully examine all of our sexual behaviors, decide which ones are healthy or addictive, and note those cases where we’re not sure. It is a way of taking stock of our sexuality that teaches us a lot about ourselves and our behavior.
(Meeting moderator)
SAA meetings around the world give out chips to celebrate significant milestones of sobriety. We have chosen to celebrate increments of 1,2,3,6, & 9 months using sobriety "chips". If anyone is currently celebrating one of these milestones, we would be extremely grateful if you would share this with us so we can celebrate your progress with a chip! Please keep in mind that you should only have 1 of each chip maximum (think of them like badges).
Please indicate which color chip you would like to be recognized for today. If a milestone is not listed, please share with us any milestones you are celebrating!
9 months - Gold Chip
6 months - Blue Chip
3 months - Green Chip
2 months - Yellow Chip
1 month - Red Chip
1 day chip - White Chip
(Meeting moderator)
To communicate any changes or disruptions to the meeting schedule, we have created a google calendar. If you would like to be invited to receive updates or changes to our meetings, please send an email to symphonychurchsaa@gmail.com so we can add you to our e-mail list.
(Meeting moderator)
To facilitate program fellowship and support outside of the meetings, we have begun a program call list that will be available to any meeting attendees. If you would like to be added, please put your phone number in the chat with your first name, last initial, your phone number, and if you would like to be contacted via text first and our secretary will add it into the database. If you would like a copy of this list, please e-mail symphonychurchsaa@gmail.com or visit https://bit.ly/symphony-saa-call-list.
(Meeting moderator)
Our Seventh Tradition holds that SAA ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions. We have a wide variety of literature for you to borrow or read - please feel free to take a pamphlet or borrow a copy of the green book. If you do decide to borrow something from our literature collection, please consider donating so we can replenish our inventory of literature and chips. We take Cash or Venmo (@david-lu-21). We currently have $183.49 in the account and have agreed as a group to maintain a cash reserve of $100. If you would like to see our income and expenses, please e-mail us or visit https://bit.ly/symphony-saa-income-expenses-tracker
Our next business meeting will be on Sunday, April 2nd. Please stay on after the meeting to give your thoughts on any suggestions to the meeting.
Currently, we are looking for assistance in the following positions for 6 month terms. If interested, please talk to David or e-mail symphonychurchsaa@gmail.com. The only requirement is that you have attended at least 3 Symphony Church SAA meetings and are committed to stopping addictive sexual behaviors.
Meeting moderator
Responsibilities include logging onto zoom link 15 minutes prior to meeting, setting up hybrid meeting in person, moderating meeting, and facilitating fellowhip. 1x a month minimum.
Anyone have any SAA-related announcements?
(Meeting moderator)
Now we will proceed with intros, checkins, and acknowledging sobriety birthdays. If you are a newcomer, feel free to identify yourself. This is to welcome you and to acknowledge the courage it took to get here. We generally recommend you come to at least 6 meetings before committing to the SAA program.
Template:
Hi, my name is ______ and I am ________.
(Optional) My inner circle behaviors are ___________.
Today, I feel physically _______________.
Today, I feel emotionally _______________.
Today, I feel spiritually _______________.
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
In taking the Fourth Step, we begin to know ourselves for who we really are. Building on the foundation of the first three steps, we take stock of the feelings and patterns that have shaped our lives. We come to realize that our addiction is more than just unmanageable sexual activities; it includes an entire system of underlying thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. If we neglect this inventory, we risk being stuck in our old habits and mistaken beliefs, and our unexamined defects of character will eventually lead us to relapse. By looking honestly at our moral nature-the failings that kept us trapped in our addiction, as well as our virtues and aspirations-we start co move away from being self-centered and toward being God-centered.
The Fourth Step takes courage, because we are gradually giving up our old rationalizations, dishonesty, and self-pity, in order to discover the truth about who we are. In the process, most of us find ourselves peeling away many layers of denial. Our distorted view of ourselves led us to avoid responsibility for our actions. Our denial about our addictive behaviors prevented us from seeing our faults. At the same time, our belief that we were horrible people kept us from believing we could ever change, or be deserving of a better life. In taking the Fourth Step, we become willing to challenge these old ways of thinking and examine ourselves with a new clarity.
A searching and fearless moral inventory is one of the means by which we open ourselves to the care and healing of our Higher Power. It is one of the first and most profound ways we put our Third Step decision into action. As we work Step Four, we practice honesty, courage, and faith, keeping in mind that others have walked this path before us and have found their recovery strengthened through this work.
A moral inventory can be described as a systematic examination of all the beliefs, feelings, attitudes, and actions that have shaped our lives from out earliest years. It is a careful survey of how we have responded to people, circumstances, and the world around us. An inventory allows us to go over out lives methodically and objectively, reevaluating assumptions, beliefs, and feelings that we have held onto for years but perhaps never examined or questioned. In making this inventory, we take special care to identify those aspects of our character that have caused harm to ourselves and others, so as to bring them forward for healing and change in later steps.
The Fourth Step inventory is a written inventory. If we merely say it aloud or think about it, it is too easy to miss or ignore important things. All inventories have to be recorded in some way in order to be accurate. Imagine trying to take inventory of all the merchandise in a store without writing anything down. In the same way, our inventory needs to be documented in order co be useful. The written inventory serves as a snapshot of the current state of our moral being and allows us to get an accurate, realistic perspective on ourselves, perhaps for the very first time. We may also draw on this inventory for reference when working Steps Five through Nine.
Experience has shown that it is helpful to work this step one small amount at a time, without crying to rush the process. Mose of us cannot write a thorough Fourth Step in one sirring. There is too much work to do, and we need time to reflect on our work as we do it. If we break the step down into manageable pieces, all we need to do is focus on the piece in front of us.
The support of others in doing this work is essential. While making our inventory, we stay in close contact with our sponsor and our friends in the fellowship. A sponsor can help us pace our work and keep us on track, encourage us to explore new areas, or give us permission to move on when we are stuck. Some of us have found it helpful to set a date for our Fifth Step as part of the Fourth Step process. We may also share parts of our inventory with our sponsor as we go along.
There is no single format that is used by all members in their inventories. We work closely with our sponsor to discover what kind of writing we need to do and what form of inventory is most effective for us. The common element is that we write about a number of aspects of our lives that, when put together, give us an honest picture of ourselves, including our shortcomings. Our inventory is searching, because we try to examine ourselves as thoroughly and painstakingly as possible. It is fearless, because we don't let our fear stop us from digging deeper. It is moral, because it concerns our values and the consequences of our actions for ourselves and others.
Examining our sexual conduct is an important aspect of our inventory. While in our First Step we examined the patterns of our sexual behavior and disclosed specific instances, here we explore more deeply our sexual history and look at every instance in which our sexual behavior directly or indirectly harmed others or ourselves. We look at whom we hurt, what we did specifically to hurt them, and why we did it. In the process, we may uncover the secret agendas, fantasies, beliefs, and rationalizations contributing to our behavior. While violating others sexually is an obvious example of a harm done, we also acknowledge that using people for our sexual exploits, violating trust, committing infidelity, lying and covering up our behaviors, manipulating others covertly or overtly, and taking advantage of others by using power or authority are other ways we may have caused harm. We may also examine our traumatic sexual experiences or sexually abusive relationships and their effects on ourselves and others. Clarity, honesty, and self-disclosure are essential as we explore each instance. We take full and unequivocal responsibility for what we've done. Even if we were co-partners in sexual misdeeds, in working Step Four we focus only on our part. We look honestly at the defects that drove our behavior, such as selfishness, desire for control, an attitude of entitlement, or feelings of inferiority or superiority.
We also inventory our resentments. For sex addicts, resentment is one of the most stubborn obstacles to our spiritual growth. Resentment means holding on to old hurts, anger, and grudges. When we cling to hurts or anger, we get a negative attitude. We feel victimized. And each time we play the event over in our minds, we feel victimized again. From this victim attitude, we ofren slip into an attitude of entitlement. If life is unfair, we are entitled to get what we need and want by any means necessary. So feeling entitled, we play by a different set of rules. We lower our moral standards to allow ourselves to get our fair share. We use dishonesty, blaming others, manipulation, or theft to even the score.
In our inventory we list the people and situations that have hurt us, citing specific instances. We list what resentments we hold against people, and why-trying to identify exactly what they did, instead of writing in generalities. Many of us write about how we felt when we were hurt, and how we feel now. We may list what we think was lost, taken, or threatened by another person's actions. Some of us have also listed resentments against society or certain institutions. We also write about our blame of others-how we believe their actions have harmed us and affected our lives for the worse. We may find ourselves feeling uncomfortable about this, but it is important to write honestly about our feelings, even if they seem unreasonable.
We then go back over the list of resentments, looking at each incident, and ask ourselves what role we played in the situation. We must take responsibility for our part, however small. Sometimes, especially for resentments from childhood, we determine we had no role in the problem at all. When we review the resentments from our adult lives, however, we discover, often to our surprise, that we've almost always contributed in some way to the troubles that have beset us. When looking at the actions of others, for instance, we need to ask ourselves, "What is it about their actions that may have been a response to something I said or did?" A sponsor can help us sort this out and see where we need to take responsibility, and where we need to let go of carrying responsibility for the actions of others.
When we review our responsibility in conflicts, we see the pattern of our character defects emerge. Character defects are flaws in our moral nature that prevent us from aligning ourselves with God's will; they are expressions of our willfulness. These defects include dishonesty, selfishness, self-cemeredness, lack of humility, grandiosity, pessimism, the desire to control everything around us, or any other shortcoming that we see coming up again and again in our relationships with others. For example, if we repeatedly got into conflict with people because of jealousy, we list jealousy as one of our character defects. In our inventory we do our best to list whatever such defects we can identify. We will refer to our list of character defects later in Steps Six and Seven.
In the same way that we write about our sexual conduct and resentments, we may inventory other emotions and behavior patterns in our lives. Examples of troubling emotions that bring out our character defects may include fear, envy, loneliness, shame, embarrassment, or self hatred. This list may not fit for everyone, and we may inventory other patterns instead. Our sponsor can help us narrow or broaden our focus as needed.
Our emotions have often been a source of pain and confusion in our lives, and they frequently triggered our addictive sexual behavior. We may have acted out whenever we experienced anger, fear, anxiety, or even joy, rather than responding to these emotions in a healthy way. We also may notice that our feelings increase in intensity when we stop acting out. In taking inventory, we may write about the many ways that these feelings have ruled our lives, using specific examples from our experience. We strive to isolate and recognize each feeling, to the best of our ability, and we practice acceptance of all our emotions, rather than denying or fearing them. In each case we search for the defects of character revealed by our emotional unmanageability, as well as giving ourselves credit for the times we were responsible, caring, and appropriate with our emotional responses. If we find ourselves hesitating, we turn to our Higher Power for help, trusting chat with God's care we cannot fail.
START:
In the case of fear, we may write about times in which we risked our lives, health, careers, or relationships, while denying chat we were in danger. We can list the ways in which we have been handicapped by our fears: how fear motivated actions that we later regretted, how it prevented us from achieving the things we desired, or how the fear of intimacy and commitment contributed to our loneliness. Many of us have found chat fear was a pervasive influence throughout our lives, profoundly affecting our beliefs, our relationships, and our self-worth. Yet we also need to credit ourselves for the times when we have been courageous-the times we felt fear but still did what was worthwhile or healthy for us.
In writing about envy, we may look at all of the ways we compare our insides with the outsides of others. We might list the things others have that we think we're lacking, write about our responsibility for not pursuing these goals, and then list the things in our lives for which we are grateful.
When examining loneliness, we may write about the ways in which we have isolated ourselves. If we keep ourselves too busy to have friends, or otherwise avoid intimate contact, we note that. We list the ways we have avoided emotional intimacy with those closest to us. And we list the ways we still avoid it. If we have kept secrets or kept parts of our lives hidden, we record that as well.
We may want to write down the things we've done that brought us shame or embarrassment. Although embarrassing events might seem trivial, we sometimes feel as much embarrassment as if the events happened yesterday. We can also list the things we feel guilty about. We look at things we did that we knew were wrong and about which we feel remorse. And we write down any secrets that we feel ashamed about, or other events that bring up shame when we recall them. These painful events and feelings must come to light if we are to continue on our path of recovery. As long as they remain secret, they have the power to lead us back to our addiction.
We may inventory self-hatred by listing the things we've done that we feel we cannot accept or forgive ourselves for. These are the things time does not seem to heal. We look at the ways we let ourselves down. We list the resentments we hold against ourselves. We record the things about ourselves that we don't like, or that we wish were different. We write about how we have acted in self-hating ways, listing the ways that we've abused our bodies, our emotions, and our spirits. We look at how we have neglected our physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual needs. We examine the ways in which we allowed others to abuse us and treat us poorly. We list the negative things we believe about ourselves, and the abusive messages we cell ourselves. We look for the patterns in our self-hating behaviors, trying co identify the character defects underlying them.
A moral inventory wouldn't be complete without some acknowledgment of our positive aspects. We list the ways we have acted in a self-loving manner. We may write about the friendships we have nurtured and the people we have helped. We list the things we are genuinely proud of, such as healthy accomplishments that we worked hard to achieve. We write about our love, faith, and gratitude. We give ourselves credit for the success we have had at turning our addiction over to our Higher Power.
We need to remember that our Fourth Step is an inventory, not the inventory. We may always return to our inventory when we need to. We may have only been ready to face certain truths about ourselves when we first worked the step. We may work a Fourth step again when we have new challenges to face or when we need to examine ourselves more closely. There is no one right inventory, and there are no perfect inventories.
Completing Step Four is a major milestone in our recovery. To complete it we need patience, persistence, honesty, and courage. It takes support, for we do our Fourth Step with help of our Higher Power, our sponsor, and our group. And it takes gentleness in the form of self-care. By completing this step we show a committment to our recovery and to living in reality. Now, after gaining such hard won insight into ourselves, it is time to open up and share our truth, and in this sharing help make ur recovery secure. It is time for Step 5.
(Meeting moderator, until 8:55PM)
The meeting is now open for discussion. You can share about the reading or just get current. To keep the meeting safe, we do not make direct comments about another person's share or give advice.
Please avoid mentioning the name of a Book, Movie, Treatment Center, Website or the Like in your share because this can be viewed by some as "promotion” and can be a trigger for some. Please also avoid sexually explicit descriptions or comments that could be a trigger. If you feel triggered, please feel free to say a prayer, step out of the room or meeting temporarily, and come back when you feel ready.
It is also safe to speak in “I” statements, as opposed to “you” statements. Feel free to share more specific information after the Serenity Prayer when Fellowship begins. It is appropriate to reference the reading.
We ask that any Newcomer that would like to share be given the opportunity. Our focus is making you feel welcome and acknowledge the courage it took getting here. We will reserve some time for Questions and Answers at the end of the meeting.
(optional) Please keep your shares to about 3 minutes. If you did not get a chance to share, you may share at the end during fellowship.
I will help moderate.
Who would like to keep time?
Who would like to begin?
(Meeting moderator)
As a gentle reminder for all of us, anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions. What you heard was spoken in confidence and should be treated as confidential. Please keep the things you heard here in the confines of your mind. Carry no gossip and always remember to place principles before personalities.
(Volunteer)
This is how recovery has been for us. Each of us has taken steps of courage and leaps of faith. Each of us has contributed, not only to our own recovery, but to the recovery of other suffering sex addicts as well. We have contributed by showing up at meetings and by sharing our experience, strength, and hope. We have listened to our fellow addicts and supported them in their recovery journey. Like the first members of our fellowship, we continue to remain sexually sober by helping our fellow addict stay sober. Our prayer is that every sex addict who seeks recovery will have the opportunity to find it. And keep coming back.
(Volunteer)
Some of us started out as a "tourist" at SAA meetings-the member who shows up every week or every other week, who shares at meetings, who may even buy and read the literature, but who doesn't get a sponsor, doesn't work the steps, certainly never stays for a business meeting-and who doesn't stop acting out on his or her inner-circle behaviors for more than a few weeks at a time before the next relapse. This resistance to surrendering to the SAA program is rooted in pride and a stubborn unwillingness to admit defeat, despite the pain and consequences already experienced. As an SAA "tourist," we cling to the belief that we are not really powerless and that just going to meetings (maybe combined with just going to church, or just seeing a therapist, or just getting a slip signed, or just reading a book) will be enough to turn things around without too much inconvenience. Many tourists drop in and out for months or even years before one final crisis brings us to our bottom and makes us willing, at last, to get serious.
The steps are the spiritual solution to our addiction - leading not only to a life of abstinence from our addictive sexual behaviors, but to a fulfilling life of service to our brothers and sisters in recovery and beyond. The spiritual awakening described in Step Twelve puts us on the path of service and connects us with our Higher Power, our fellow addicts, and our world in ways we had never dreamed possible. This awakening is the foundation of a responsible and joyful existence as we seek and find our Higher Power's will for us-both in our individual lives and in the life of our fellowship. And for this priceless gift of recovery, so astonishingly simple, so freely available, we are humbly grateful. We invite all suffering sex addicts, inside and outside the rooms of SAA, to join with us in accepting this gift.
(Volunteer)
Through a renewed Relationship with God, the healing force of recovery will take hold in our hearts. By giving ourselves over to God and working our program, our lives will become manageable and we will be restored to sanity. We will receive the inner strength and support needed to face our anxieties and fears, and to deal with the painful feelings that feed our addiction.
Relations with Others will improve as we learn to respect our boundaries and allow others freedom to be themselves. Reaching out in trust and connecting with others will come easier, dispelling our sense of isolation and loneliness. Degrading fantasies and obsessive sexual thinking will diminish.
Relating to Ourselves, self absorption will give way to self-discovery; secrecy to honesty; feelings of unworthiness to dignity; and shame to grace. A restored integrity will guide our behavior. We will feel more alive and regain a sense of happiness. We will hear ourselves laugh again and rediscover play. We will embrace change and will grow.
A Spiritual Awakening will free us from the tyranny of our addiction. An awareness of being guided by a Higher Power and supported by caring friends will sustain us. Regret for the past and worry for the future will give way to living for today. We will open ourselves to the amazing possibilities of a life worth living. Our life.
Are these extravagant promises?
(Altogether) WE THINK NOT!
We have seen them fulfilled.
They are ours, if we want them and work for them.
(Meeting moderator)
I put my hand in yours and together we can do what we could never do alone.
No longer is there a sense of hopelessness.
No longer must we each depend upon our own unsteady willpower.
We are all together now, reaching out our hands for a power and strength greater than ours;
And as we join hands, we find love and understanding beyond our wildest dreams.
(Meeting moderator)
Thank you for attending our meeting today! Now it is time for fellowship.
(optional) Did anyone who did not get a chance to share yet today like to share?
Feel free to stick around to chat, ask questions, pass around phone numbers, or get a sponsor.