971 Commonwealth Ave #3
Sundays 8PM
Welcome to the Sunday 8PM closed mix meeting of Sex Addicts Anonymous. My name is ____ and I will be your facilitator this evening.
This meeting is open only to those who are seeking to stop addictive sexual behavior. There is no other requirement. For the sake of those attending, please feel free to leave at this time if this does not apply to you.
Now let's take a moment of silence to meditate and invite God to our meeting. We'll follow that with the Serenity Prayer.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time. Enjoying one moment at a time. Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace. Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world, as it is, not as I would have it. Trusting, that if I surrender to your will, you will make all things right. That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with you forever in the next. Amen.
(pg. 1 of SAA Green Book)
Sex Addicts Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other so they may overcome their sexual addiction and help others recover from sexual addiction and dependency. Membership is open to all who share a desire to stop addictive sexual behavior. There is no other requirement. Our common goals are to become sexually healthy and to help other sex addicts achieve freedom from compulsive sexual behavior. SAA is supported through voluntary contributions from members. We are not affiliated with any other twelve-step programs, nor are we a part of any other organization. We do not support, endorse, or oppose outside causes or issues. Sex Addicts Anonymous is a spiritual program based on the principles and traditions of Alcoholic Anonymous. We are grateful to A.A. for this gift which makes our recovery possible.
(adapted from SAA Green Book and pg. 58 of AA big book)
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program. They cannot develop a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. There are those, too, who suffer from serious emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps.
At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But, we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
Remember that we deal with sexual addiction – cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is one who has all power – that one is God. May you find God now!
Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked God’s protection and care with complete abandon.
Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery.
1. We admitted we were powerless over addictive sexual behavior – that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other sex addicts and to practice these principles in our lives.
Many of us exclaimed, “What an order! I can’t go through with it.” Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection. Our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:
(1) That we were sexually addicted and could not manage our lives.
(2) That probably no human power could have relieved our addiction.
(3) That God could and would if God were sought.
(pg. 14-15 SAA Green Book)
Our goal when entering the SAA Program is abstinence from one or more specific sexual behaviors. But unlike programs for recovering alcoholics or drug addicts, Sex Addicts Anonymous does not have a universal definition of abstinence. Most of us have no desire to stop being sexual altogether. It is not sex in and of itself that causes us problems, but the addiction to certain sexual behaviors. In SAA we will be better able to determine what behavior is addictive and what is healthy. However, the fellowship does not dictate to its members what is and isn’t addictive sexual behavior. Instead we have found that it is necessary for each member to define his or her own abstinence.
Since different addicts suffer from different behaviors, and since our sexuality is experienced in so many different ways, it is necessary that SAA members define for themselves, with the help of their sponsors or others in recovery, which of their sexual behaviors they consider to be “acting out”.
This can be a difficult challenge. If we are too lenient with ourselves, we might not get sober. If we are too strict, we might restrict ourselves from healthy behaviors that we have no need to give up, and an inability to meet our high standards could set us up for relapse. We need the help of other recovering sex addicts, and the reliance on a Power greater than ourselves, to find the right balance between these two extremes.
Our program acknowledges each individual’s dignity and right to choose his or her own concept of healthy sexuality. We have learned that our ideas of what is healthy and what is addictive evolve with experience. In time, we are able to define our individual abstinence with honesty, fairness and gentleness. This process is a valuable exercise in our recovery. It requires us to carefully examine all of our sexual behaviors, decide which ones are healthy or addictive, and note those cases where we’re not sure. It is a way of taking stock of our sexuality that teaches us a lot about ourselves and our behavior.
Our Seventh Tradition holds that SAA ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions. If you would like to contribute to the finances of this meeting, please consider donating any amount to our PayPal account: paypal.me/symphonychurchsaa. The finances will be used for meeting materials such as printouts, books, and literature available for all attendees to borrow or use. We currently have $0 in the account. You may also volunteer to moderate a future meeting by talking to David or e-mailing symphonychurchsaa@gmail.com. The only requirement is that you have attended at least 6 meetings and consistently maintain sobriety of at least 1 month.
Now we will proceed with intros, checkins, and acknowledging sobriety birthdays. If you are a newcomer, feel free to identify yourself. This is to welcome you and to acknowledge the courage it took to get here. We generally recommend you come to at least 6 meetings before committing to the SAA program.
Sample Sharing Template:
Hi, my name is ______ and I am ________.
My inner circle behaviors are ___________.
Today, I feel physically _______________.
Today, I feel emotionally _______________.
Today, I feel spiritually _______________.
Some highlights of this past week were ______.
Some goals I have for this upcoming week are___.
Additionally, I would like to share about______.
And with that, I'll pass.
Long-term abstinence is possible through the SAA program. Through the grace of God, we can find freedom from addictive sexual behavior. We don't just act out less frequently or stop the worst behaviors while continuing others. We are abstinent from all of our inner-circle behaviors, one day at a time, over months, years, and decades. Many of us live this miracle every day, and it is possible for us all.
Many of us experience a period of intense emotional upheaval and physical discomfort when we stop our addictive sexual behaviors. We call this withdrawal. We may be assailed with powerful memories, feelings, and physical sensations. Other withdrawal symptoms can include intense mood swings, physical pain, anger, anxiety, depression, exhaustion, insomnia, nightmares, or acting-out dreams.
In withdrawal we often feel a powerful urge to resume acting out in order to stop the discomfort. We may find ourselves repeatedly confronted with temptations to sabotage our recovery, or mysteriously drawn to new sexual behaviors that we never thought would interest us. Yet we know that if we act out again we will only postpone or prolong the inevitable withdrawal.
No one can go through withdrawal for us, or take away all the pain. But we have the support of our sponsor and others in the program to help us get through this. During withdrawal, we are advised to keep in regular contact with others through phone calls, meetings, and fellowship. We also need to be gentle with ourselves, honoring our needs for self-care, comfort, safety, nourishment, rest, exercise, and affirmation.
If we experience withdrawal, we can be confident that it will not last forever. Many of us with long-term abstinence have gone through some form of withdrawal and have come out on the other side, often far healthier and happier than before going through it. We may continue to experience some form of withdrawal with each new level of surrender in our recovery. We have faith that our Higher Power is guiding us through this process and that we are cared for along the way.
As sex addicts, many of us face great challenges in maintaining abstinence from our addictive behaviors. Those of us who have experienced recovery in other twelve-step programs that deal with addiction to substances often feel that it is harder to stay abstinent from addictive sexual behavior than from alcohol or other drugs. Our sexual obsessions are inside of us and seemingly available on demand, not just when we ingest a mood-altering chemical. In addition, we may experience a wide variety of addictive sexual behaviors, which may switch and change over time. Our disease is powerful, baffling, manysided, and deeply ingrained. It is no surprise that many of us have experienced relapse.
Relapse means engaging in something that we have defined in our personal program as addictive sexual behavior, or "acting out." In terms of the Three Circles, relapse means engaging in sexual behavior that we've put in our inner circle. It is vital, therefore, that we use the Three Circles, or some other tool that exactly defines our abstinence, so that there is no ambiguity about when we have relapsed and when we have not. Clear definitions allow us to recognize our progress. Lack of clear definitions leaves room for denial and rationalization, and prevents progress.
There are no failures in this program. We do not judge members who relapse, because we know that we are all powerless over this disease. If we relapse, it is important that we get right back into recovery immediately. We need not turn a mistake into a self-destructive binge. Often we feel ashamed when we relapse. Our addiction becomes charged, and the thought arises that we might as well try to get the urge out of our system. But we have learned that this is only the shame and the addiction talking. Our addictive desires cannot be satisfied. Instead, we can go to an SAA meeting, and we will be welcomed there. Whatever situation we face, no matter how badly or how recently we acted out, no matter how defeated we may feel, we can stay abstinent today. All we need to do is make it a priority to use the tools of the program and seek help from our Higher Power and our friends in recovery.
A relapse is an opportunity to take inventory of how well we are working our program. Here are some questions to consider: Do we find ourselves returning to slippery situations or places? Are we attending meetings regularly, or are we finding excuses to do something else instead? Are we listening at meetings? Do we judge what others are saying rather than trying to relate to it? Are we being honest when we share? Do we have a sponsor, and have we been keeping in touch with our sponsor? Have we been fully honest with our sponsor? Are we using all of the tools of the program? Are we making phone calls? Are we praying and meditating? Are we working the Twelve Steps? Are we stuck on a particular step? Are we avoiding a step? We need to work all of the steps if we want to continue our progress.
When evaluating our program, we are ultimately asking if recovery is our highest priority. We all have responsibilities and obligations. But if we allow ourselves to fall into our addiction again and not return to recovery, we jeopardize everything we have.
We also need to examine the circumstances surrounding a relapse. These give us clues about how we can be better prepared in the future. What was going on in our life before the relapse? Perhaps we are vulnerable during holidays. Or we may need to get extra support when we are around our family of origin. How were our relationships at the time? We may have acted out when we were having difficulty in our relationships. Some of us discovered that we've actually started fights as part of our acting-out pattern. How was our self-care? Were we isolating? Did we allow ourselves to get too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired? Illness can weaken our boundaries and make us more vulnerable to our addiction. By recognizing the circumstances surrounding a relapse, we can get more support when we are in similar circumstances in the future.
Gradually we learn to identify our "triggers." Triggers are any situation or behavior that causes us to feel a powerful desire to act out. One of the most difficult challenges for many of us is learning how to turn back from acting out once we have been triggered. It is one thing to get back on track after a relapse, and another to pull away from our addiction once the familiar pattern has been set in motion. We learn that we don't need to wait until after a relapse to recommit to our recovery. If we feel on the verge of engaging in an inner-circle behavior, we can use program resources to break the pattern before we act out. We remind ourselves that acting out is not a healthy option and that we are powerless to stop the addiction on our own. We may say a prayer to call upon our Higher Power for help, or we may reach out to another addict. Calling someone on the phone, even if no one is there to answer the call, is a powerful act of surrender. Sometimes that is enough to break the spell. Many of us have found that automatic interventions are better than trying to evaluate whether we are at risk for relapse. We can make a phone call whenever we are exposed to a trigger, regardless of whether we feel like acting out. This gets us in the habit of turning away from a relapse even before the addictive craving kicks in. We also find it helpful to identify our part in the slippery situation and take responsibility for using the program's tools to address it.
Some of us have found ourselves relapsing on a regular or periodic basis. In these cases, we need to make some fundamental improvements in our program. If we haven't found a sponsor and worked the Twelve Steps, it is time that we do so. If we are continuing to act out as a pattern, it is possible that we aren't fully willing to admit powerlessness over our addiction. Sometimes we put ourselves in difficult situations over and over without sufficient support to stay abstinent. In this case we need to ask ourselves if we have accepted powerlessness over our addiction in every aspect of our lives. It might also be necessary to make adjustments in our Three Circles. We may need to add new items to our inner or middle circle, or move certain behaviors from one circle to another. If we find that we are relapsing around a certain situation, we need to change the situation or find new ways to respond to it. Regular contact with our sponsor and other friends in recovery helps us gain the insights and discover the resources we need, so that we can be open to changes in our ways of thinking and acting.
When we have been abstinent for a length of time, complacency can become a stumbling block for us. We can't take recovery for granted. Many of us have found that our disease continues to progress, even as we work our program. If we relapse, we often don't just return to our old behavior, we go on to new, more destructive behaviors. And our disease may tend to escalate faster than it used to. To avoid complacency in our program, we need to cultivate and maintain a sense of gratitude and a commitment to sexual sobriety.
We didn't choose to be sex addicts. But we are each responsible for our own recovery. As a fellowship we believe that long-term abstinence is possible for all of us. If we "keep coming back," and work the program to the best of our ability, our Higher Power will help us stay sexually sober today.
The meeting is now open for discussion. You can share about the reading or just get current. To keep the meeting safe, we do not make direct comments about another person's share or give advice.
Please avoid mentioning the name of a Book, Movie, Treatment Center or the Like in your share because this can be viewed by some as "promotion”. It is ok, however, to talk about your experiences with these items. It is also safe to speak in “I” statements, as opposed to “you” statements. Feel free to share more specific information after the Serenity Prayer when Fellowship begins. It is appropriate to reference the reading.
We ask that any Newcomer that would like to share be given the opportunity. Our focus is making you feel welcome and acknowledge the courage it took getting here. We will reserve some time for Questions and Answers at the end of the meeting.
(optional) Please keep your shares to about ____________minutes.
I will help moderate. Who would like to begin?
As a gentle reminder for all of us, anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions. What you heard was spoken in confidence and should be treated as confidential. Please keep the things you heard here in the confines of your mind. Carry no gossip and always remember to place: principles before personalities.
(Ottawa, Canada Hope and Recovery Group)
Through a renewed Relationship with God/our Higher Power, the healing force of recovery will take hold in our hearts. By giving ourselves over to God/our Higher Power and working our program, our lives will become manageable and we will be restored to sanity. We will receive the inner strength and support needed to face our anxieties and fears, and to deal with the painful feelings that feed our addiction.
Relations with Others will improve as we learn to respect our boundaries and allow others freedom to be themselves. Reaching out in trust and connecting with others will come easier, dispelling our sense of isolation and loneliness. Degrading fantasies and obsessive sexual thinking will diminish.
Relating to Ourselves, self absorption will give way to self-discovery; secrecy to honesty; feelings of unworthiness to dignity; and shame to grace. A restored integrity will guide our behavior. We will feel more alive and regain a sense of happiness. We will hear ourselves laugh again and rediscover play. We will embrace change and will grow.
A Spiritual Awakening will free us from the tyranny of our addiction. An awareness of being guided by a Higher Power and supported by caring friends will sustain us. Regret for the past and worry for the future will give way to living for today. We will open ourselves to the amazing possibilities of a life worth living. Our life.
Are these extravagant promises?
WE THINK NOT!
We have seen them fulfilled.
They are ours, if we want them and work for them.
I put my hand in yours and together we can do what we could never do alone. No longer is there a sense of hopelessness. No longer must we each depend upon our own unsteady willpower. We are all together now, reaching out our hands for a power and strength greater than ours; and as we join hands, we find love and understanding beyond our wildest dreams.
Thank you for attending our meeting today! Now it is time for fellowship. Feel free to stick around to chat, ask questions, pass around phone numbers, or get a sponsor.