971 Commonwealth Ave #3
Sundays 8PM
(Meeting moderator)
Welcome to the Sunday 8PM closed mix meeting of Sex Addicts Anonymous. My name is ____ and I will be your facilitator this evening.
This meeting has a hybrid format, meaning that it is both in-person and virtual on zoom. If you are on zoom, please change your name to your first name and last initial. If you are able, please keep your video on at all times, keep your microphone muted when not speaking, and ensure that you are in a private environment to maintain anonymity.
This meeting is open only to those who are seeking to stop addictive sexual behavior. There is no other requirement. For the sake of those attending, please feel free to leave at this time if this does not apply to you.
Now let's take a moment of silence to meditate and invite God to our meeting. We'll follow that with the Serenity Prayer.
(Meeting moderator)
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
(Volunteer)
Sex Addicts Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other so they may overcome their sexual addiction and help others recover from sexual addiction and dependency. Membership is open to all who share a desire to stop addictive sexual behavior. There is no other requirement. Our common goals are to become sexually healthy and to help other sex addicts achieve freedom from compulsive sexual behavior. SAA is supported through voluntary contributions from members. We are not affiliated with any other twelve-step programs, nor are we a part of any other organization. We do not support, endorse, or oppose outside causes or issues. Sex Addicts Anonymous is a spiritual program based on the principles and traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous. We are grateful to A.A. for this gift which makes our recovery possible.
(Volunteer)
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program. They cannot develop a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. There are those, too, who suffer from serious emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps.
At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But, we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
Remember that we deal with sexual addiction – cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is one who has all power – that one is God. May you find God now!
Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked God’s protection and care with complete abandon.
Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery.
(Volunteer)
1. We admitted we were powerless over addictive sexual behavior – that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other sex addicts and to practice these principles in our lives.
Many of us exclaimed, “What an order! I can’t go through with it.” Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection. Our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:
(1) That we were sexually addicted and could not manage our lives.
(2) That probably no human power could have relieved our addiction.
(3) That God could and would if God were sought.
(Volunteer)
Our goal when entering the SAA Program is abstinence from one or more specific sexual behaviors. But unlike programs for recovering alcoholics or drug addicts, Sex Addicts Anonymous does not have a universal definition of abstinence. Most of us have no desire to stop being sexual altogether. It is not sex in and of itself that causes us problems, but the addiction to certain sexual behaviors. In SAA we will be better able to determine what behavior is addictive and what is healthy. However, the fellowship does not dictate to its members what is and isn’t addictive sexual behavior. Instead we have found that it is necessary for each member to define his or her own abstinence.
Since different addicts suffer from different behaviors, and since our sexuality is experienced in so many different ways, it is necessary that SAA members define for themselves, with the help of their sponsors or others in recovery, which of their sexual behaviors they consider to be “acting out”.
This can be a difficult challenge. If we are too lenient with ourselves, we might not get sober. If we are too strict, we might restrict ourselves from healthy behaviors that we have no need to give up, and an inability to meet our high standards could set us up for relapse. We need the help of other recovering sex addicts, and the reliance on a Power greater than ourselves, to find the right balance between these two extremes.
Our program acknowledges each individual’s dignity and right to choose his or her own concept of healthy sexuality. We have learned that our ideas of what is healthy and what is addictive evolve with experience. In time, we are able to define our individual abstinence with honesty, fairness and gentleness. This process is a valuable exercise in our recovery. It requires us to carefully examine all of our sexual behaviors, decide which ones are healthy or addictive, and note those cases where we’re not sure. It is a way of taking stock of our sexuality that teaches us a lot about ourselves and our behavior.
(Meeting moderator)
SAA meetings around the world give out chips to celebrate significant milestones of sobriety. We have chosen to celebrate increments of 1,2,3,6, & 9 months using sobriety "chips". If anyone is currently celebrating one of these milestones, we would be extremely grateful if you would share this with us so we can celebrate your progress with a chip! Please keep in mind that you should only have 1 of each chip maximum (think of them like badges).
Please indicate which color chip you would like to be recognized for today. If a milestone is not listed, please share with us any milestones you are celebrating!
9 months - Gold Chip
6 months - Blue Chip
3 months - Green Chip
2 months - Yellow Chip
1 month - Red Chip
1 day chip - White Chip
(Meeting moderator)
To communicate any changes or disruptions to the meeting schedule, we have created a google calendar. If you would like to be invited to receive updates or changes to our meetings, please send an email to symphonychurchsaa@gmail.com so we can add you to our e-mail list.
(Meeting moderator)
To facilitate program fellowship and support outside of the meetings, we have begun a program call list that will be available upon request. If you would like to be added, please put your phone number in the chat with your first name, last initial, your phone number, and if you would like to be contacted via text first and our secretary will add it into the database. If you would like a copy of this list, please e-mail symphonychurchsaa@gmail.com and we will give you access. We also have a physical list you can look at in person.
(Meeting moderator)
Our Seventh Tradition holds that SAA ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions. We have a wide variety of literature for you to borrow or read - please feel free to take a pamphlet or borrow a copy of the green book. We also have a recurring monthly zoom subscription. If you do decide to borrow something from our literature collection or simply wish to support this meeting, please consider donating. We take Cash or Venmo (@david-lu-21). We currently have $123.40 in the account and have agreed as a group to maintain a cash reserve of $100. If you would like to see our income and expenses, please e-mail us or visit https://bit.ly/symphony-saa-income-expenses-tracker
Our next business meeting will be on Sunday, October 1st, 2023. Please send us an e-mail with any topics you'd like to discuss at the meeting.
Anyone have any SAA-related announcements?
(Meeting moderator)
Now we will proceed with introductions. If you are a newcomer, feel free to identify yourself. This is to welcome you and to acknowledge the courage it took to get here. We generally recommend you come to at least 6 meetings before committing to the SAA program.
Template:
Hi, my name is ______ and I am ________.
(Optional) My inner circle behaviors are ___________.
Today, I feel physically _______________.
Today, I feel emotionally _______________.
Today, I feel spiritually _______________.
(Volunteer, until 8:35PM)
Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
With the Eighth Step, we begin to take responsibility for the harm we inflicted on others when we acted on our character defects. Most of us know that we caused harm in one way or another, but in the past, we chose to feel guilty without doing anything about it. It was frightening to consider the consequences of our wrongs, and we felt helpless to take action. Or we were too self-absorbed to notice the wreckage in our wake - so wrapped up in our own resentments and hurts that we were unwilling to recognize our part of the problem. However, as we progress in recovery, we seek to reclaim the truth about our actions. Working Steps Four through Seven helps our responsibilities become clearer. In Step Eight we claim both our integrity and our compassion, and become willing to free ourselves from the guilt we have carried.
We start by writing a list of all the persons we have harmed. Our Fourth Step inventory can be very helpful in making this list. Going back over our inventory, we will see the names of many people we resented, feared, neglected, or harmed with our sexual acting out. Most of these names will go on our Eighth Step list. Paying attention to the shortcomings outlined in our Fourth Step may also trigger memories of the harm we have caused to other people over the years because of these defects. The point is to make the list as complete as possible, trying not to leave anyone out. Whereas in Step Four we looked at our painful relationships to help us uncover our character defects, in Step Eight we focus on the individuals affected by these defects, in order to see how we have harmed each one.
The harm we have done to others can take many forms. We may have harmed people sexually or physically, or hurt them verbally or emotionally. Harm may have resulted from our actions or from what we failed to do. The degree of harm could vary, from our being inconsiderate or neglectful to outright abuse. We list anyone we have harmed in any of these ways. Many of us include details in our lists, such as when we hurt the person, what we did to cause harm, and what harm resulted. Listing these specific details helps us to take responsibility for our actions in a concrete way.
We have found it helpful to start by considering the people who were directly harmed by our acting-out behavior. We may have exploited and manipulated others, taken advantage of their vulnerability, convinced them to violate their values, or pressured them into having sex. Some of us engaged in sexual abuse and other harmful or illegal sexual activities. We may have forced people to have sex or to participate in our sexual activity. We may have exploited children or used violence or threats to keep others from exposing our behavior. The important thing is to be thorough, including all the people we can remember who were harmed by our behavior, whether we know their names or not. If we start to feel overwhelmed, we pray to our Higher Power and turn to our sponsor and friends in recovery for support and guidance.
We also list those who have been harmed by our dishonesty, self-centered attitudes, or other behaviors that arose from our character defects. We may have lied or made false promises to people, even to those we felt closest to. We may have been critical, impatient, argumentative, judgmental, financially irresponsible, vengeful, or mean. We also list people we harmed by our neglect, by not "showing up" for our lives. Perhaps we were too busy for family or friends, missed important events, were preoccupied, withdrawn, isolated, or uninvolved in our work, or completely abandoned our families or loved ones.
We work this step most effectively when we keep our attention squarely on the Eighth Step, concentrating only on our willingness to make amends to those we have harmed, rather than worrying about how to actually make our amends in Step Nine. The amends process is broken into two steps for a reason, allowing us to take the time we need to become truly willing before moving forward. At this point, we only need to be honest with ourselves about the harm we have done. We stay focused on this work, letting go of any worries we may have about the future. Our Higher Power is with us throughout this process.
Many of us were surprised when it was suggested that we put our own name on our amends list. We forgot to take into account the harm we did to ourselves. In our addiction, we often took poor care of ourselves and acted in self-destructive ways. We may have betrayed our own values or damaged our sense of self-worth. Putting our own name on the list helps to develop a sense of compassion for ourselves and encourages us to begin treating ourselves with care and respect.
When we have completed our list, most of us ask our sponsor to go over it with us and provide feedback. Our sponsor may make suggestions about people or incidents that we've overlooked, or suggest that we take certain names off the list. Some of us feel guilty for things we are not responsible for. Our sponsor can help us sort these things out, encouraging us to be thorough without being too hard on ourselves.
After we have completed our list, we often experience difficulty in becoming willing to make amends, especially if we feel that the people we hurt caused us harm as well. Justifications and rationalizations for our behaviors may reassert themselves. If we are angry with someone, it is hard to think about making amends to that person. We may wish that he or she would make amends to us first. But in order to become willing, it is essential that we focus only on our own behavior, not on someone else's. Our part may be small, but we concentrate on that part.
We have found that when we hold on to old grievances, we are prevented from growing spiritually. In many cases, our list contains names of people with whom we have unfinished business. If our life is full of these unfinished conversations, our mind is filled with regrets and "what-ifs." Working this step means finding the willingness to bring resolution to these relationships, regardless of whether or not those involved behaved rightly towards us. This process of becoming willing to make amends involves a deeper surrender to our Higher Power's will than we have known before.
Some of us have felt trapped in our feelings about the past. We have felt great sorrow and grief over our actions and the losses that resulted from them. Sometimes we felt so ashamed that to talk of it further seemed almost unbearable. If we feel overwhelmed in this way, we turn to the God of our understanding and to our program friends for support in facing the pain of our actions and finding the willingness to make amends. Our lives are in God's care, no matter what harm we may have caused. We muster our courage, in the faith that our willingness to continue with this step will both dramatically reduce our suffering and allow us to acknowledge the suffering we have caused to others.
Empathy with those we have harmed is a sign of our willingness to make amends. This process cannot be rushed. We may never be able to fully understand what those we have harmed have gone through, but we can ask for the willingness to have this understanding given to us, in God's time.
Eventually we find the willingness to proceed with our amends. However, we don't expect to work Step Eight perfectly. If we're not feeling totally ready in every case, or if we' re still unsure about some names on our list, we can still move forward and not get stuck here. We can always return to Step Eight at another time and go deeper. Now that we have been honest about the harm we have caused, and have become willing to do what we can to make amends, it is time to take action. We are ready for Step Nine.
(Meeting moderator, until 8:55PM)
The meeting is now open for sharing. You can share about a specific topic or just get current. To keep the meeting safe, we do not make direct comments about another person's share or give advice.
Please avoid mentioning the name of a Book, Movie, Treatment Center, Website or the Like in your share because this can be viewed by some as "promotion” and can be a trigger for some. Please also avoid sexually explicit descriptions or comments that could be a trigger. If you feel triggered, please feel free to say a prayer, step out of the room or meeting temporarily, and come back when you feel ready.
It is also safe to speak in “I” statements, as opposed to “you” statements. Feel free to share more specific information after the Unity Prayer when Fellowship begins. It is appropriate to reference the reading.
We ask that any Newcomer that would like to share be given the opportunity. Our focus is making you feel welcome and acknowledge the courage it took getting here. We will reserve some time for Questions and Answers at the end of the meeting.
(optional) Please keep your shares to 5 minutes maximum. If you did not get a chance to share, you may share at the end during fellowship.
I will help moderate.
Who would like to keep time?
Who would like to begin?
(Meeting moderator)
As a gentle reminder for all of us, anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions. What you heard was spoken in confidence and should be treated as confidential. Please keep the things you heard here in the confines of your mind. Carry no gossip and always remember to place principles before personalities.
(Volunteer)
This is how recovery has been for us. Each of us has taken steps of courage and leaps of faith. Each of us has contributed, not only to our own recovery, but to the recovery of other suffering sex addicts as well. We have contributed by showing up at meetings and by sharing our experience, strength, and hope. We have listened to our fellow addicts and supported them in their recovery journey. Like the first members of our fellowship, we continue to remain sexually sober by helping our fellow addict stay sober. Our prayer is that every sex addict who seeks recovery will have the opportunity to find it. And keep coming back.
(Volunteer)
Some of us started out as a "tourist" at SAA meetings-the member who shows up every week or every other week, who shares at meetings, who may even buy and read the literature, but who doesn't get a sponsor, doesn't work the steps, certainly never stays for a business meeting-and who doesn't stop acting out on his or her inner-circle behaviors for more than a few weeks at a time before the next relapse. This resistance to surrendering to the SAA program is rooted in pride and a stubborn unwillingness to admit defeat, despite the pain and consequences already experienced. As an SAA "tourist," we cling to the belief that we are not really powerless and that just going to meetings (maybe combined with just going to church, or just seeing a therapist, or just getting a slip signed, or just reading a book) will be enough to turn things around without too much inconvenience. Many tourists drop in and out for months or even years before one final crisis brings us to our bottom and makes us willing, at last, to get serious.
The steps are the spiritual solution to our addiction - leading not only to a life of abstinence from our addictive sexual behaviors, but to a fulfilling life of service to our brothers and sisters in recovery and beyond. The spiritual awakening described in Step Twelve puts us on the path of service and connects us with our Higher Power, our fellow addicts, and our world in ways we had never dreamed possible. This awakening is the foundation of a responsible and joyful existence as we seek and find our Higher Power's will for us-both in our individual lives and in the life of our fellowship. And for this priceless gift of recovery, so astonishingly simple, so freely available, we are humbly grateful. We invite all suffering sex addicts, inside and outside the rooms of SAA, to join with us in accepting this gift.
(Volunteer)
Through a renewed Relationship with God, the healing force of recovery will take hold in our hearts. By giving ourselves over to God and working our program, our lives will become manageable and we will be restored to sanity. We will receive the inner strength and support needed to face our anxieties and fears, and to deal with the painful feelings that feed our addiction.
Relations with Others will improve as we learn to respect our boundaries and allow others freedom to be themselves. Reaching out in trust and connecting with others will come easier, dispelling our sense of isolation and loneliness. Degrading fantasies and obsessive sexual thinking will diminish.
Relating to Ourselves, self absorption will give way to self-discovery; secrecy to honesty; feelings of unworthiness to dignity; and shame to grace. A restored integrity will guide our behavior. We will feel more alive and regain a sense of happiness. We will hear ourselves laugh again and rediscover play. We will embrace change and will grow.
A Spiritual Awakening will free us from the tyranny of our addiction. An awareness of being guided by a Higher Power and supported by caring friends will sustain us. Regret for the past and worry for the future will give way to living for today. We will open ourselves to the amazing possibilities of a life worth living. Our life.
Are these extravagant promises?
(Altogether) WE THINK NOT!
We have seen them fulfilled.
They are ours, if we want them and work for them.
(Meeting moderator)
I put my hand in yours and together we can do what we could never do alone.
No longer is there a sense of hopelessness.
No longer must we each depend upon our own unsteady willpower.
We are all together now, reaching out our hands for a power and strength greater than ours;
And as we join hands, we find love and understanding beyond our wildest dreams.
(Meeting moderator)
Thank you for attending our meeting today! Now it is time for fellowship.
(optional) Did anyone who did not get a chance to share yet today like to share?
Feel free to stick around to chat, ask questions, pass around phone numbers, or get a sponsor.