971 Commonwealth Ave #3
Sundays 8PM
Welcome to the Sunday 8PM closed mix meeting of Sex Addicts Anonymous. My name is ____ and I will be your facilitator this evening.
This meeting is open only to those who are seeking to stop addictive sexual behavior. There is no other requirement. For the sake of those attending, please feel free to leave at this time if this does not apply to you.
Now let's take a moment of silence to meditate and invite God to our meeting. We'll follow that with the Serenity Prayer.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time. Enjoying one moment at a time. Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace. Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world, as it is, not as I would have it. Trusting, that if I surrender to your will, you will make all things right. That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with you forever in the next. Amen.
(pg. 1 of SAA Green Book)
Sex Addicts Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other so they may overcome their sexual addiction and help others recover from sexual addiction and dependency. Membership is open to all who share a desire to stop addictive sexual behavior. There is no other requirement. Our common goals are to become sexually healthy and to help other sex addicts achieve freedom from compulsive sexual behavior. SAA is supported through voluntary contributions from members. We are not affiliated with any other twelve-step programs, nor are we a part of any other organization. We do not support, endorse, or oppose outside causes or issues. Sex Addicts Anonymous is a spiritual program based on the principles and traditions of Alcoholic Anonymous. We are grateful to A.A. for this gift which makes our recovery possible.
(adapted from SAA Green Book and pg. 58 of AA big book)
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program. They cannot develop a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. There are those, too, who suffer from serious emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps.
At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But, we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
Remember that we deal with sexual addiction – cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is one who has all power – that one is God. May you find God now!
Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked God’s protection and care with complete abandon.
Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery.
1. We admitted we were powerless over addictive sexual behavior – that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other sex addicts and to practice these principles in our lives.
Many of us exclaimed, “What an order! I can’t go through with it.” Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection. Our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:
(1) That we were sexually addicted and could not manage our lives.
(2) That probably no human power could have relieved our addiction.
(3) That God could and would if God were sought.
(pg. 14-15 SAA Green Book)
Our goal when entering the SAA Program is abstinence from one or more specific sexual behaviors. But unlike programs for recovering alcoholics or drug addicts, Sex Addicts Anonymous does not have a universal definition of abstinence. Most of us have no desire to stop being sexual altogether. It is not sex in and of itself that causes us problems, but the addiction to certain sexual behaviors. In SAA we will be better able to determine what behavior is addictive and what is healthy. However, the fellowship does not dictate to its members what is and isn’t addictive sexual behavior. Instead we have found that it is necessary for each member to define his or her own abstinence.
Since different addicts suffer from different behaviors, and since our sexuality is experienced in so many different ways, it is necessary that SAA members define for themselves, with the help of their sponsors or others in recovery, which of their sexual behaviors they consider to be “acting out”.
This can be a difficult challenge. If we are too lenient with ourselves, we might not get sober. If we are too strict, we might restrict ourselves from healthy behaviors that we have no need to give up, and an inability to meet our high standards could set us up for relapse. We need the help of other recovering sex addicts, and the reliance on a Power greater than ourselves, to find the right balance between these two extremes.
Our program acknowledges each individual’s dignity and right to choose his or her own concept of healthy sexuality. We have learned that our ideas of what is healthy and what is addictive evolve with experience. In time, we are able to define our individual abstinence with honesty, fairness and gentleness. This process is a valuable exercise in our recovery. It requires us to carefully examine all of our sexual behaviors, decide which ones are healthy or addictive, and note those cases where we’re not sure. It is a way of taking stock of our sexuality that teaches us a lot about ourselves and our behavior.
Our Seventh Tradition holds that SAA ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions. If you would like to contribute to the finances of this meeting, please consider donating any amount to our PayPal account: paypal.me/symphonychurchsaa. The finances will be used for meeting materials such as printouts, books, and literature available for all attendees to borrow or use. We currently have $0 in the account. You may also volunteer to moderate a future meeting by talking to David or e-mailing symphonychurchsaa@gmail.com. The only requirement is that you have attended at least 6 meetings and consistently maintain sobriety of at least 1 month.
Now we will proceed with intros, checkins, and acknowledging sobriety birthdays. If you are a newcomer, feel free to identify yourself. This is to welcome you and to acknowledge the courage it took to get here. We generally recommend you come to at least 6 meetings before committing to the SAA program.
Sample Sharing Template:
Hi, my name is ______ and I am ________.
My inner circle behaviors are ___________.
Today, I feel physically _______________.
Today, I feel emotionally _______________.
Today, I feel spiritually _______________.
Some highlights of this past week were ______.
Some goals I have for this upcoming week are___.
Additionally, I would like to share about______.
And with that, I'll pass.
Sex Addicts Anonymous offers a spiritual solution to the disease of sexual addiction. Every aspect of our program is founded on the experience of a Power greater than ourselves helping us live healthy and productive lives, free of addictive sexual behavior. With time, and continued abstinence from our inner-circle behaviors, we have found that the desire to act out becomes less intense and less frequent. The sense of compulsion is lifted from us-we now have a choice. We also experience relief from the obsession with sex, and we are grateful to be free of a craving that we thought would never leave us.
Sexual sobriety is a gift that makes possible many other spiritual gifts. But it is not a cure. We need to remain humble, continuing to practice our program on a daily basis, in order to stay sexually sober and grow spiritually. We cannot afford to be complacent or to live unconsciously. Maintaining the freedom we have found requires daily conscious contact with the God of our understanding, expressed by practicing the spiritual principles we have learned in recovery. We came to the fellowship of SAA out of a desire to stop acting out. Through the steps, we have been given the abstinence we sought, but in the process we have been given much more: an entirely new way of life based on spiritual principles. Our journey of recovery lasts a lifetime.
In taking this journey, we commit fully to the process of recovery. We make the program our top priority, in the knowledge that anything less puts us at risk. We learn to listen with an open mind at meetings. Gradually, we stop picking and choosing what we are willing to change, and begin to open ourselves to the changes our Higher Power wills for us. We learn to go to any lengths for our recovery-because we are worth it.
Rigorous honesty is one of the essential principles on which our program is based. Without honesty, we do not stay sober. We share honestly with our sponsor, and at meetings. We learn to be honest about who we are, what we have done, what brought us here, and what we are doing now. Honesty helps us gain self-respect, eventually becoming our normal stance in the world at large and in all our relationships. We don't lie or cheat, even when we can get away with it. We learn not to use halftruths to manipulate others. We accept responsibility for our actions and our lives. We live in the faith that God's care is enough for us and that we don't need to be dishonest to survive.
In addition to the Twelve Steps, there are many suggested tools that we have found to be beneficial in our recovery from sex addiction. A tool is an action that suppons recovery and that has been used successfully by other sex addicts. We practice honesty:, openness, and willingness when we adopt a new tool, and we trust in the experience, strength, and hope of the fellowship that we will benefit as others have before us. We offer here some common tools that we have found to be helpful, but there are many others.
Our experience has shown that we move forward in our recovery when we take action. Understanding our addiction benefits us in many ways, but ultimately, we can't think our way out of the problem. Our best thinking got us into trouble in the fust place. Instead, we move into action. We go to a meeting. We call someone in the fellowship when we feel like acting out, or when we feel shaky. We avoid places and situations that are associated with our addictive behavior. We get a sponsor. We carry the SM message, contribute to the fellowship, and help others recover, while helping ourselves in the process.
As we work the program, we become more aware of how the addictive process operates. One of the most imponant skills we gain is connecting our behavior with its eventual consequences. When we feel like acting out, we tend to slip into fantasy and focus on our addictive desires, losing touch with our knowledge of the consequences that inevitably follow. In recovery, we practice reminding ourselves about the possible results of our acting-out behavior. We consider how we will feel afterward, what it will cost, what we are putting at risk, and what harm we may be bringing to others. Often we may need the help of other members to do this successfully, so we have learned to call our sponsor, or someone else in the fellowship, when we are feeling the desire to act out. Another sex addict can bring us back to earth, supponing us in our recovery and reminding us of the consequences of relapse.
Most of us use the telephone on a regular basis, just to let someone else in the program know how we are doing or to reach out when we are struggling with our addiction. Some of us have made a commitment to call a friend in recovery whenever we're in a slippery situation or when obsessive thinking and desires begin to arise. Sometimes all we need is for someone to ask us what is going on and to listen to the answer. Before long, we know what is bothering us, and once we know, the urge to act out usually passes.
Reading recovery literature is another important tool of the program. It helps to educate, motivate, and inspire us. Reading SM literature helps us learn how to stay sober and work a recovery program specifically tailored for us. This unique identification with our disease and our fellowship is invaluable in fostering a sense of belonging and a commitment to recovery from sex addiction. Some of us also consult outside literature on sex addiction or read literature published by other twelve-step fellowships. Such literature may help us understand our disease in depth and give us additional insight on how to work a program of recovery.
Many of us use the tool of setting boundaries. Boundaries are the limits we put on our behaviors. When we decide that we need to stay clear of a behavior that is a problem for us, we can set a boundary around that behavior. For example, we may set a boundary around driving through neighborhoods where we used to act out. If we have a problem with inappropriate sexual talk or intrigue, we may set a boundary around making sexual jokes or flirting with people. If we are sexually attracted to children or have molested children, we may set a boundary around being alone with children or driving past schools or playgrounds. We set boundaries in order to keep ourselves safe and away from situations that can lead us into our acting-out behaviors.
Boundaries may also be limits we set and maintain with others in our lives. We learn how to let other people know how we wish to be treated and what kinds of behavior we will and will not accept. Unless we accept personal responsibility for establishing and sticking to healthy boundaries in our relationships, we run the risk of harboring resentments or casting ourselves in the role of the victim. The danger in playing the victim is that we might develop a sense of entitlement to act out. Our sponsor can help us set appropriate boundaries and keep us accountable.
Some of us use journaling as a tool to help us discover and express how we feel, relieve our obsession, record our progress, and give us a creative outlet. Sometimes we write about a particular topic or a problem that we are trying to deal with. It can help us sort out what we think and feel. When we are confused, we can write in order to gain clarity. Writing can also help us to stop obsessing about things. Just the act of writing can help calm the mind. As a daily routine, writing helps us stay in touch with our feelings, issues that may be bothering us, and challenges we are facing in our lives.
Over time our journals become records of our progress. We can look back at old entries and see what we used to struggle with. We can see how the things we used to fear often didn't come to pass. We can discover the progress we've made in our recovery, noticing changes in our behavior and outlook that we might otherwise have overlooked, since they are often subtle and happen over a long period of time.
Developing our creativity helps us play and heal. We express ourselves in different ways. We might play a musical instrument, write poems, paint, dance, or draw. Or perhaps we cook, garden, or decorate. Some of us had given up on being creative when we concluded that we weren't good enough or that we didn't have time. In recovery, we rediscover our creative side. Many of us choose to put our artistic and creative activities in our outer circle.
Many of us need to recover physically as well as spiritually and emotionally. One of the amends that we owe to ourselves is to take better care of our bodies. This may include eating better, seeing the doctor or the dentist, or getting some exercise. Exercise is also a way to reduce anxiety, establish a new relationship with our bodies, and enjoy pleasure from our bodies that is not sexual.
There are many other tools and suggestions that have been passed along from one addict to another through the years. Some of these informal traditions are expressed through various recovery sayings and slogans. Examples include: HALT (get help when you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired), Let Go and Let God (the principle of surrender), and Progress, not Perfection. It can be very helpful for us to recall these sayings when we find ourselves in difficult situations.
A slogan that expresses one of the fundamental truths of the program is One Day at a Time. Rather than thinking in terms of forever or always, we simply focus on staying sexually sober today, letting go of worry about tomorrow or the rest of our lives. Keeping our attention in today helps us to show up and be present for our own lives, while resting in the faith that God's care is sufficient for the future.
Through our experience of God's care and the love and care we find in the SAA fellowship, we learn the importance of being gentle with ourselves. We know all too well the brutality of our addiction. Gentleness is a different way. We are gentle by taking good care of ourselves, making sure we get what we need, and not pushing ourselves too hard. We forgive ourselves for our past and present mistakes. We acknowledge the positive changes in our lives. We learn to love and affirm rather than punish ourselves. We allow ourselves to experience the full range of human feelings.
We may have setbacks and difficult times. We may suffer the painful consequences of past behavior, or experience the pain of new growth. It is important that we not give up. Using the tools, and practicing the spiritual principles we have learned, we can move through the pain without acting out, and find serenity. The miracle of recovery from sex addiction becomes a reality we experience every day.
The meeting is now open for discussion. You can share about the reading or just get current. To keep the meeting safe, we do not make direct comments about another person's share or give advice.
Please avoid mentioning the name of a Book, Movie, Treatment Center or the Like in your share because this can be viewed by some as "promotion”. It is ok, however, to talk about your experiences with these items. It is also safe to speak in “I” statements, as opposed to “you” statements. Feel free to share more specific information after the Serenity Prayer when Fellowship begins. It is appropriate to reference the reading.
We ask that any Newcomer that would like to share be given the opportunity. Our focus is making you feel welcome and acknowledge the courage it took getting here. We will reserve some time for Questions and Answers at the end of the meeting.
(optional) Please keep your shares to about ____________minutes.
I will help moderate. Who would like to begin?
As a gentle reminder for all of us, anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions. What you heard was spoken in confidence and should be treated as confidential. Please keep the things you heard here in the confines of your mind. Carry no gossip and always remember to place: principles before personalities.
(Ottawa, Canada Hope and Recovery Group)
Through a renewed Relationship with God/our Higher Power, the healing force of recovery will take hold in our hearts. By giving ourselves over to God/our Higher Power and working our program, our lives will become manageable and we will be restored to sanity. We will receive the inner strength and support needed to face our anxieties and fears, and to deal with the painful feelings that feed our addiction.
Relations with Others will improve as we learn to respect our boundaries and allow others freedom to be themselves. Reaching out in trust and connecting with others will come easier, dispelling our sense of isolation and loneliness. Degrading fantasies and obsessive sexual thinking will diminish.
Relating to Ourselves, self absorption will give way to self-discovery; secrecy to honesty; feelings of unworthiness to dignity; and shame to grace. A restored integrity will guide our behavior. We will feel more alive and regain a sense of happiness. We will hear ourselves laugh again and rediscover play. We will embrace change and will grow.
A Spiritual Awakening will free us from the tyranny of our addiction. An awareness of being guided by a Higher Power and supported by caring friends will sustain us. Regret for the past and worry for the future will give way to living for today. We will open ourselves to the amazing possibilities of a life worth living. Our life.
Are these extravagant promises?
WE THINK NOT!
We have seen them fulfilled.
They are ours, if we want them and work for them.
I put my hand in yours and together we can do what we could never do alone. No longer is there a sense of hopelessness. No longer must we each depend upon our own unsteady willpower. We are all together now, reaching out our hands for a power and strength greater than ours; and as we join hands, we find love and understanding beyond our wildest dreams.
Thank you for attending our meeting today! Now it is time for fellowship. Feel free to stick around to chat, ask questions, pass around phone numbers, or get a sponsor.