971 Commonwealth Ave #3
Sundays 8PM
Welcome to the Sunday 8PM closed mix meeting of Sex Addicts Anonymous. My name is ____ and I will be your facilitator this evening.
This meeting is open only to those who are seeking to stop addictive sexual behavior. There is no other requirement. For the sake of those attending, please feel free to leave at this time if this does not apply to you.
Now let's take a moment of silence to meditate and invite God to our meeting. We'll follow that with the Serenity Prayer.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time. Enjoying one moment at a time. Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace. Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world, as it is, not as I would have it. Trusting, that if I surrender to your will, you will make all things right. That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with you forever in the next. Amen.
(pg. 1 of SAA Green Book)
Sex Addicts Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other so they may overcome their sexual addiction and help others recover from sexual addiction and dependency. Membership is open to all who share a desire to stop addictive sexual behavior. There is no other requirement. Our common goals are to become sexually healthy and to help other sex addicts achieve freedom from compulsive sexual behavior. SAA is supported through voluntary contributions from members. We are not affiliated with any other twelve-step programs, nor are we a part of any other organization. We do not support, endorse, or oppose outside causes or issues. Sex Addicts Anonymous is a spiritual program based on the principles and traditions of Alcoholic Anonymous. We are grateful to A.A. for this gift which makes our recovery possible.
(adapted from SAA Green Book and pg. 58 of AA big book)
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program. They cannot develop a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. There are those, too, who suffer from serious emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps.
At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But, we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
Remember that we deal with sexual addiction – cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is one who has all power – that one is God. May you find God now!
Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked God’s protection and care with complete abandon.
Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery.
1. We admitted we were powerless over addictive sexual behavior – that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other sex addicts and to practice these principles in our lives.
Many of us exclaimed, “What an order! I can’t go through with it.” Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection. Our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:
(1) That we were sexually addicted and could not manage our lives.
(2) That probably no human power could have relieved our addiction.
(3) That God could and would if God were sought.
(pg. 14-15 SAA Green Book)
Our goal when entering the SAA Program is abstinence from one or more specific sexual behaviors. But unlike programs for recovering alcoholics or drug addicts, Sex Addicts Anonymous does not have a universal definition of abstinence. Most of us have no desire to stop being sexual altogether. It is not sex in and of itself that causes us problems, but the addiction to certain sexual behaviors. In SAA we will be better able to determine what behavior is addictive and what is healthy. However, the fellowship does not dictate to its members what is and isn’t addictive sexual behavior. Instead we have found that it is necessary for each member to define his or her own abstinence.
Since different addicts suffer from different behaviors, and since our sexuality is experienced in so many different ways, it is necessary that SAA members define for themselves, with the help of their sponsors or others in recovery, which of their sexual behaviors they consider to be “acting out”.
This can be a difficult challenge. If we are too lenient with ourselves, we might not get sober. If we are too strict, we might restrict ourselves from healthy behaviors that we have no need to give up, and an inability to meet our high standards could set us up for relapse. We need the help of other recovering sex addicts, and the reliance on a Power greater than ourselves, to find the right balance between these two extremes.
Our program acknowledges each individual’s dignity and right to choose his or her own concept of healthy sexuality. We have learned that our ideas of what is healthy and what is addictive evolve with experience. In time, we are able to define our individual abstinence with honesty, fairness and gentleness. This process is a valuable exercise in our recovery. It requires us to carefully examine all of our sexual behaviors, decide which ones are healthy or addictive, and note those cases where we’re not sure. It is a way of taking stock of our sexuality that teaches us a lot about ourselves and our behavior.
Our Seventh Tradition holds that SAA ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions. If you would like to contribute to the finances of this meeting, please consider donating any amount to our PayPal account: paypal.me/symphonychurchsaa. The finances will be used for meeting materials such as printouts, books, and literature available for all attendees to borrow or use. You may also volunteer to moderate a future meeting by talking to David or e-mailing symphonychurchsaa@gmail.com. The only requirement is that you have attended at least 6 meetings and consistently maintain sobriety of at least 1 month.
Now we will proceed with intros, checkins, and acknowledging sobriety birthdays. If you are a newcomer, feel free to identify yourself. This is to welcome you and to acknowledge the courage it took to get here. We generally recommend you come to at least 6 meetings before committing to the SAA program.
Sample Sharing Template:
Hi, my name is ______ and I am ________.
My inner circle behaviors are ___________.
Today, I feel physically _______________.
Today, I feel emotionally _______________.
Today, I feel spiritually _______________.
Some highlights of this past week were ______.
Some goals I have for this upcoming week are___.
Additionally, I would like to share about______.
And with that, I'll pass.
Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
Wanting our lives to change is not the same as being actually ready for change. The negative patterns uncovered in our inventory represent a lifetime of ingrained beliefs, attitudes, and habits of behavior. Just becoming aware of them can be painful; imagining life without them may seem almost impossible.
Much of our resistance to change is based in fear. We may find it easier to continue in an unhappy, yet familiar way of life, than to face an unknown and uncertain future. For many of us, our problems and shortcomings seemed to define us as people: what would we be without them? Often we find that our character defects started as ways to deal with difficult circumstances, in childhood or later. It is hard to let go of beliefs and behaviors that once helped us cope, or even kept us alive. If we are fearful, we can gently and courageously allow ourselves to consider the possibility of surrendering our familiar defects, trusting that our Higher Power will not give us more than we can handle.
Character defects are undesirable traits, attitudes, and beliefs that make our lives unmanageable, cause pain to others, and block our spiritual growth. Our problems did not begin with our sex addiction, nor do they end when we get into recovery. Step Six builds on the recognition that our malady has roots that run deeper than just our acting-out behavior. It requires the willingness to change fundamentally, to be free of the failings that continue to create serious problems in our lives.
Most of us are well aware of our worst character defects long before we get to this step. If we rage, are uncontrollably jealous, are full of resentments, or feel like a doormat, we probably have had some sense of how these patterns have poisoned our lives and relationships. But rather than solving these problems or accepting our lives, we had hunkered down with our addiction. In the Sixth Step, we become open to the possibility that God can remove the defects we had felt helpless to control and had masked with our acting out.
In working this step, we have found it helpful to refer to the list of character defects we made in our Step Four inventory and perhaps expanded with the help of our sponsor when we took Step Five. Our list includes all of the self-defeating attitudes and behavior patterns that have been revealed to us. Examples of unhealthy attitudes may include resentment, grandiosity, self-pity, perfectionism, blaming others, feeling like a victim, and entitlement. Our list of behaviors might include habitual actions such as raging, isolating from others, lying, manipulating, or avoiding conflict. We may also have noted our negative traits or approaches to life, such as greed, envy, selfishness, and self-hatred. It is important to realize that the words "these defects of character" refer to the "exact nature of our wrongs" admitted in the Fifth Step. In Step Six we focus on those defects that have come to our attention through our inventory work.
We may see, for example, that our expectations of others have led to disappointment and resentment. We may notice that our perfectionism caused us to procrastinate rather than complete a task imperfectly. We may remember instances when our stubbornness, judgmental attitudes, or self-righteousness produced conflict with other people. Looking at areas of unmanageability in our lives can help us recognize our defects, when we identify our responsibility for events that felt painful or out of control. We can also look at where we've been "stuck": areas in our lives that repeatedly gave us trouble. If, for instance, we are the kind of person who won't commit to things, we can recognize this defect in the pattern of problems we have had, such as not staying long in any one job, or jumping from one relationship to another. We look for those aspects of our personality that hold us back in life, whatever they might be.
We can ask our sponsor and friends in recovery for help in identifying our character defects. We can ask them to tell us when they see us making choices that are not in our best interest. They can tell us where we seem to be repeating the same mistakes. Often they will point out the situations that cause us trouble, rather than tell us directly what they think our problems are. It is also helpful to ask our Higher Power to reveal our character defects to us. When we pray or meditate on this step, new insights about ourselves and our shortcomings will often come to us.
As sex addicts, we may find that our character defects take the form of unhealthy beliefs and attitudes about sex. These defects may include: believing that sex is inherently bad or wrong, or that sex is incompatible with being religious, spiritual, or "good"; having difficulty telling the difference between sex and love, or understanding how they relate to each other; having feelings of sexual inadequacy or shame, while avoiding healthy sexual risks; and having feelings of sexual entitlement, or associating sex with power and control. If we have been victims of sexual trauma or abuse, we may feel stuck in the role of either victim or perpetrator, repeatedly reenacting abusive patterns, or we may avoid sex for fear of being victimized again or becoming perpetrators ourselves. In taking this step, we acknowledge that many of our feelings, thoughts, and patterns around sex are beyond our ability to manage and won't disappear overnight. Our part is to become willing and ready for our Higher Power to move us toward healthier ways of being with our sexuality.
We may feel as powerless over our defects as we did over our addictive sexual behaviors. Yet if we are unwilling to let go of our defects, we risk being led back into our addiction. Our Step Four inventory revealed to us how defects such as resentment, self-centeredness, and self-pity led us time and again into our addictive behaviors. By becoming ready to relinquish our defects, we show our willingness to do what it takes to stay abstinent.
Becoming entirely ready involves a deeper commitment to recovery, a willingness to let the God of our understanding effect important changes within us-changes in our ways of thinking and feeling, changes in our behavior. The readiness in the Sixth Step is one of the practical results of our Third Step decision to turn our will and life over to God's care. For our Higher Power's will to work in our lives, we must be willing to let it work. If we feel that we are not yet willing, we can pray to become ready to have these defects removed. Although there is no perfect, infallible way of knowing that we are "entirely" ready, we will know when our doubts and reservations are no longer blocking our way.
Many of us had tried to purge ourselves of our worst traits, and our efforts failed, just as our attempts to be free of our addiction failed. We may have tried vows and resolutions, or adopted beliefs or practices designed for self-improvement, only to see our defects manifesting again, despite good intentions. We wondered how God could remove our character defects. But we need not concern ourselves with this in order to work Step Six. All we have to do is become willing, and leave the rest to our Higher Power.
On the other side of every character defect is a character asset. Part of the process of becoming entirely ready is to practice these character assets in our actions and choices, instead of our defects. If we suffer from emotional rigidity, we can look for ways to become more flexible. If we are perfectionists, overly self-critical, or impatient, we can practice acceptance. Practicing new ways of behavior can help open our hearts to the spiritual changes God wants for us.
The prospect of having life-long habits removed may seem overwhelming. We have learned that the Sixth Step is not a single event, but an ongoing process. We do not need to be willing to have all of our defects removed at once. We can concentrate on being ready to have one or two debilitating character traits removed first. And just as we stop acting out one day at a time, we can allow ourselves to be ready for changes in our character one day at a time. When we see ourselves reacting to a situation in an old way, we can try handling it differently for one day. We will never know perfection, but we can experience progress.
As we let go of old ways of approaching life, and trust that God will reveal new ways, many of us begin to have a greater vision of what our life in recovery could be. We are ready for real change, and our attention now turns directly to our Higher Power, so that we may ask in all humility for the help we need. It is time for Step Seven.
The meeting is now open for discussion. You can share about the reading or just get current. To keep the meeting safe, we do not make direct comments about another person's share or give advice.
Please avoid mentioning the name of a Book, Movie, Treatment Center or the Like in your share because this can be viewed by some as "promotion”. It is ok, however, to talk about your experiences with these items. It is also safe to speak in “I” statements, as opposed to “you” statements. Feel free to share more specific information after the Serenity Prayer when Fellowship begins. It is appropriate to reference the reading.
We ask that any Newcomer that would like to share be given the opportunity. Our focus is making you feel welcome and acknowledge the courage it took getting here. We will reserve some time for Questions and Answers at the end of the meeting.
(optional) Please keep your shares to about ____________minutes.
I will help moderate. Who would like to begin?
As a gentle reminder for all of us, anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions. What you heard was spoken in confidence and should be treated as confidential. Please keep the things you heard here in the confines of your mind. Carry no gossip and always remember to place: principles before personalities.
(Ottawa, Canada Hope and Recovery Group)
Through a renewed Relationship with God/our Higher Power, the healing force of recovery will take hold in our hearts. By giving ourselves over to God/our Higher Power and working our program, our lives will become manageable and we will be restored to sanity. We will receive the inner strength and support needed to face our anxieties and fears, and to deal with the painful feelings that feed our addiction.
Relations with Others will improve as we learn to respect our boundaries and allow others freedom to be themselves. Reaching out in trust and connecting with others will come easier, dispelling our sense of isolation and loneliness. Degrading fantasies and obsessive sexual thinking will diminish.
Relating to Ourselves, self absorption will give way to self-discovery; secrecy to honesty; feelings of unworthiness to dignity; and shame to grace. A restored integrity will guide our behavior. We will feel more alive and regain a sense of happiness. We will hear ourselves laugh again and rediscover play. We will embrace change and will grow.
A Spiritual Awakening will free us from the tyranny of our addiction. An awareness of being guided by a Higher Power and supported by caring friends will sustain us. Regret for the past and worry for the future will give way to living for today. We will open ourselves to the amazing possibilities of a life worth living our life.
Are these extravagant promises?
WE THINK NOT!
We have seen them fulfilled.
They are ours, if we want them and work for them.
Dear God,
I am ready for Your help
In removing from me the defects of character
Which I now realize are an obstacle to my recovery.
Help me to continue being honest with myself &
Guide me toward spiritual & mental health.
Thank you for attending our meeting today! Now it is time for fellowship. Feel free to stick around to chat, ask questions, pass around phone numbers, or get a sponsor.