971 Commonwealth Ave #3
Sundays 8PM
Welcome to the Sunday 8PM closed mix meeting of Sex Addicts Anonymous. My name is ____ and I will be your facilitator this evening.
This meeting is open only to those who are seeking to stop addictive sexual behavior. There is no other requirement. For the sake of those attending, please feel free to leave at this time if this does not apply to you.
Now let's take a moment of silence to meditate and invite God to our meeting. We'll follow that with the Serenity Prayer.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time. Enjoying one moment at a time. Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace. Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world, as it is, not as I would have it. Trusting, that if I surrender to your will, you will make all things right. That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with you forever in the next. Amen.
(pg. 1 of SAA Green Book)
Sex Addicts Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other so they may overcome their sexual addiction and help others recover from sexual addiction and dependency. Membership is open to all who share a desire to stop addictive sexual behavior. There is no other requirement. Our common goals are to become sexually healthy and to help other sex addicts achieve freedom from compulsive sexual behavior. SAA is supported through voluntary contributions from members. We are not affiliated with any other twelve-step programs, nor are we a part of any other organization. We do not support, endorse, or oppose outside causes or issues. Sex Addicts Anonymous is a spiritual program based on the principles and traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous. We are grateful to A.A. for this gift which makes our recovery possible.
(adapted from SAA Green Book and pg. 58 of AA big book)
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program. They cannot develop a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. There are those, too, who suffer from serious emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps.
At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But, we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
Remember that we deal with sexual addiction – cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is one who has all power – that one is God. May you find God now!
Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked God’s protection and care with complete abandon.
Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery.
1. We admitted we were powerless over addictive sexual behavior – that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other sex addicts and to practice these principles in our lives.
Many of us exclaimed, “What an order! I can’t go through with it.” Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection. Our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:
(1) That we were sexually addicted and could not manage our lives.
(2) That probably no human power could have relieved our addiction.
(3) That God could and would if God were sought.
(pg. 14-15 SAA Green Book)
Our goal when entering the SAA Program is abstinence from one or more specific sexual behaviors. But unlike programs for recovering alcoholics or drug addicts, Sex Addicts Anonymous does not have a universal definition of abstinence. Most of us have no desire to stop being sexual altogether. It is not sex in and of itself that causes us problems, but the addiction to certain sexual behaviors. In SAA we will be better able to determine what behavior is addictive and what is healthy. However, the fellowship does not dictate to its members what is and isn’t addictive sexual behavior. Instead we have found that it is necessary for each member to define his or her own abstinence.
Since different addicts suffer from different behaviors, and since our sexuality is experienced in so many different ways, it is necessary that SAA members define for themselves, with the help of their sponsors or others in recovery, which of their sexual behaviors they consider to be “acting out”.
This can be a difficult challenge. If we are too lenient with ourselves, we might not get sober. If we are too strict, we might restrict ourselves from healthy behaviors that we have no need to give up, and an inability to meet our high standards could set us up for relapse. We need the help of other recovering sex addicts, and the reliance on a Power greater than ourselves, to find the right balance between these two extremes.
Our program acknowledges each individual’s dignity and right to choose his or her own concept of healthy sexuality. We have learned that our ideas of what is healthy and what is addictive evolve with experience. In time, we are able to define our individual abstinence with honesty, fairness and gentleness. This process is a valuable exercise in our recovery. It requires us to carefully examine all of our sexual behaviors, decide which ones are healthy or addictive, and note those cases where we’re not sure. It is a way of taking stock of our sexuality that teaches us a lot about ourselves and our behavior.
Our Seventh Tradition holds that SAA ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions. If you would like to contribute to the finances of this meeting, please consider donating any amount to our PayPal account: paypal.me/symphonychurchsaa. The finances will be used for meeting materials such as printouts, books, and literature available for all attendees to borrow or use. We currently have $30 in the account. You may also volunteer to moderate a future meeting by talking to David or e-mailing symphonychurchsaa@gmail.com. The only requirement is that you have attended at least 6 meetings and consistently maintain sobriety of at least 1 month.
Now we will proceed with intros, checkins, and acknowledging sobriety birthdays. If you are a newcomer, feel free to identify yourself. This is to welcome you and to acknowledge the courage it took to get here. We generally recommend you come to at least 6 meetings before committing to the SAA program.
Sample Sharing Template:
Hi, my name is ______ and I am ________.
My inner circle behaviors are ___________.
Today, I feel physically _______________.
Today, I feel emotionally _______________.
Today, I feel spiritually _______________.
Some highlights of this past week were ______.
Some goals I have for this upcoming week are___.
Additionally, I would like to share about______.
And with that, I'll pass.
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out.
In taking the Eleventh Step, we dedicate ourselves to an increasing spiritual awareness and a greater connection with our Higher Power. As we progress in recovery, we come to realize that our Higher Power has always been with us, even in the depths of our addiction. It is our conscious contact with this Power that has increased for us as we work through each step. By making contact with God a conscious practice, we have allowed God into our lives, healing us, directing us, and changing us in ways that were never possible before. In Step Eleven we seek to improve this conscious contact, so that our spiritual connection will become not only the means by which we recover from our sex addiction, but our daily source of guidance and strength.
The Higher Power we seek is loving and supportive. This step works best when we have faith in the goodness of our Higher Power's will for us, even if we can't see the outcome yet. We may still go through hard times or periods of confusion. Yet we hold on to the belief that God's will is for our good and that the knowledge and power we need will be given to us in God's time.
The two practices through which we seek to improve our spiritual connection in this step are prayer and meditation. The quality of our contact with God, the depth and richness of our spiritual life, is the goal; prayer and meditation are the means. The forms that our prayer and meditation take will depend, in large part, on our personal beliefs about our Higher Power. We find help and guidance by asking our sponsor and other friends in recovery about their experiences working this step. We are free to discover what works best for us; the important thing is the goal of maintaining and improving our connection to the God of our understanding.
For many of us, prayer simply means talking with God. Rather than struggling with our life's challenges as if we are alone and need to "figure it out" ourselves, we share our thoughrs and feelings with our Higher Power. When we pray, in effect we' re saying, "Here I am, God, and these are my concerns." By sharing ourselves in this way, we bring ourselves regularly into the open, into the awareness of God's care.
At first, some of us were not very comfortable with praying. Often, we held assumptions about what prayer was, or what it looked like, that held us back. We learned that prayer need not be formal or associated with a religious tradition or text. We can pray in our car or in the shower. We can just say what's on our mind. With practice we become more comfortable. In time, our prayers become regular conversations with our Higher Power.
We have found it very helpful to pray at regular times during the day, as well as other times when we need to feel close to our Higher Power. In the morning we might pray for God's help in facing the challenges of the day. In the evening we may express gratitude for our lives and for the gifts we have received in our recovery. These prayers frame our day, reminding us that nothing is more important than our relationship with our Higher Power. We also pray at unscheduled times when we want or need to. We pray for guidance and courage when we are tempted to act out, or when we're in a difficult situation of some kind. With time, we find ourselves praying spontaneously, as an expression of trust in our Higher Power.
If prayer can be thought of as talking to God, then meditation can be compared to listening. It starts when we take the time to slow down and focus without distraction. We set aside time without work, other people, TV, or other media demanding our attention. For the space of time devoted to meditation, seeking God's will becomes our conscious priority. When we are quiet, we become receptive to wisdom that isn't available otherwise.
Some of us felt resistance when we tried to meditate. Learning to be quiet and pay attention can often be quite difficult for us. In addition, we may be disturbed by unpleasant thoughts and feelings rising to the surface. We can be gentle with ourselves, gradually getting used to the experience of being still and attentive. If we are patient and stay with our meditation, we also find that the disagreeable emotions eventually pass. Any small effort we make to slow down and listen is a step towards connecting with our Higher Power, and will bear fruit in time.
There are many ways to meditate. Once again, we are free to discover whatever works best for us. For example, we may meditate by reading spiritual literature, by practicing one of many techniques to still the mind, or by simply sitting in nature. Whatever method we use, we make ourselves available to our Higher Power, opening ourselves to whatever insight we may receive.
Many of us practice reading meditation, in which we read and contemplate literature that inspires us. This may include spiritual texts of our choice. It may also include daily meditation books that feature a short passage to read for each day of the year. Some of us read meditations written specifically for people working twelve-step recovery. We may then take time to think about what we have read and how it applies to our lives today.
Some of us have found that being out in nature is also a form of meditation. We recognize the natural world as part of a Power greater than ourselves. We find serenity looking at the stars or listening to the ocean. Connecting with God through nature gives us perspective and a special sense of God's presence.
Some of us practice one of the many forms of meditation intended to calm the mind. These practices can be done in a sitting position or while walking. Often the key to this kind of meditation is concentrating on something simple, such as one's breathing. Or we may just sit quietly, turning our attention to our Higher Power, allowing ourselves to be open to God's grace and wisdom. There are meditation practices associated with particular traditions, and there are practices that are wholly personal and unique. No matter which method we choose, we seek to clear our minds so as to become aware of God's presence and available to God's influence.
By the time we get to Step Eleven:, we already enjoy some level of conscious contact with our Higher Power. We have also grown used to asking God for help and for such spiritual gifts as wisdom, serenity, and courage. We have no need to give up these kinds of prayers when we come to this step. Yet in taking Step Eleven, we go further. We surrender our desire for particular results and ask only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out. We go beyond asking for things from God, into a practice of seeking to join our will with God's will for us.
Working this step means being aware of the higher purpose of our spirituality, rather than focusing on personal desire. We learn to accept that reality is not tailored to the limitations of self, and that hardship and loss are as valid a part of life as joy and pleasure. This doesn't mean that we will stop asking God for spiritual gifts or for help in life's challenges. But working Step Eleven lends greater meaning to these other kinds of asking. We come to recognize God's will as our highest good, and in so doing, our asking becomes founded in gratitude rather than self-seeking, faith rather than fear.
When we sense what God would have us do, we also ask for the power to carry that out. We need faith and strength to carry out God's will, for we cannot always foresee the results of the actions we are being led to take, or take into account all possible effects. Our belief that our Higher Power knows what is best for us, and that more will be revealed, grows as we work this step. We also gradually accept that God's will for us extends over all aspects of our lives, not just over our recovery from sex addiction. We find our serenity growing as we align our will with God's in each new area that is revealed to us.
We have been given a new chance at life, awakening to a spiritual dimension we never knew was available to us. We become open to sharing with others what we have gained and to helping others on the path of recovery. In gratitude, we seek opportunities for service to God and our fellow sex addicts. Our path leads to Step Twelve.
The meeting is now open for discussion. You can share about the reading or just get current. To keep the meeting safe, we do not make direct comments about another person's share or give advice.
Please avoid mentioning the name of a Book, Movie, Treatment Center or the Like in your share because this can be viewed by some as "promotion”. It is ok, however, to talk about your experiences with these items. It is also safe to speak in “I” statements, as opposed to “you” statements. Feel free to share more specific information after the Serenity Prayer when Fellowship begins. It is appropriate to reference the reading.
We ask that any Newcomer that would like to share be given the opportunity. Our focus is making you feel welcome and acknowledge the courage it took getting here. We will reserve some time for Questions and Answers at the end of the meeting.
(optional) Please keep your shares to about ____________minutes.
I will help moderate. Who would like to begin?
As a gentle reminder for all of us, anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions. What you heard was spoken in confidence and should be treated as confidential. Please keep the things you heard here in the confines of your mind. Carry no gossip and always remember to place: principles before personalities.
This is how recovery has been for us. Each of us has taken steps of courage and leaps of faith. Each of us has contributed, not only to our own recovery, but to the recovery of other suffering sex addicts as well. We have contributed by showing up at meetings and by sharing our experience, strength, and hope. We have listened to our fellow addicts and supported them in their recovery journey. Like the first members of our fellowship, we continue to remain sexually sober by helping our fellow addict stay sober. Our prayer is that every sex addict who seeks recovery will have the opportunity to find it. And keep coming back.
Some of us started out as a "tourist" at SAA meetings-the member who shows up every week or every other week, who shares at meetings, who may even buy and read the literature, but who doesn't get a sponsor, doesn't work the steps, certainly never stays for a business meeting-and who doesn't stop acting out on his or her inner-circle behaviors for more than a few weeks at a time before the next relapse. This resistance to surrendering to the SAA program is rooted in pride and a stubborn unwillingness to admit defeat, despite the pain and consequences already experienced. As an SAA "tourist," we cling to the belief that we are not really powerless and that just going to meetings (maybe combined with just going to church, or just seeing a therapist, or just getting a slip signed, or just reading a book) will be enough to turn things around without too much inconvenience. Many tourists drop in and out for months or even years before one final crisis brings us to our bottom and makes us willing, at last, to get serious.
This experience brings into focus the difficult truth that no addict is compelled to work the suggested steps in this program. A member can't be kicked out because he relapsed or because she hasn't moved past Step One. Tradition Three assures us that anyone with a desire to stop addictive sexual behavior, however slight the desire, is welcome in SAA, for as long as it takes for recovery to take hold. That said, our hearts go out in compassion to those suffering sex addicts who still hang back, when the solution to our common addiction is so close and when their brothers and sisters in SAA stand ready to help and guide the way.
In our experience, though meetings are important, they are not sufficient for recovery from sex addiction. We need the spiritual solution offered by the Twelve Steps. To be sure, meetings are where most of us first encounter the steps, learn about the program, find our sponsors, and share with others our desire for recovery. But if we want to actually experience recovery in our lives, there are no shortcuts. We have to work the steps to experience the fruits of working the steps.
The steps are the spiritual solution to our addiction - leading not only to a life of abstinence from our addictive sexual behaviors, but to a fulfilling life of service to our brothers and sisters in recovery and beyond. The spiritual awakening described in Step Twelve puts us on the path of service and connects us with our Higher Power, our fellow addicts, and our world in ways we had never dreamed possible. This awakening is the foundation of a responsible and joyful existence as we seek and find our Higher Power's will for us-both in our individual lives and in the life of our fellowship. And for this priceless gift of recovery, so astonishingly simple, so freely available, we are humbly grateful. We invite all suffering sex addicts, inside and outside the rooms of SAA, to join with us in accepting this gift.
(Ottawa, Canada Hope and Recovery Group)
Through a renewed Relationship with God, the healing force of recovery will take hold in our hearts. By giving ourselves over to God and working our program, our lives will become manageable and we will be restored to sanity. We will receive the inner strength and support needed to face our anxieties and fears, and to deal with the painful feelings that feed our addiction.
Relations with Others will improve as we learn to respect our boundaries and allow others freedom to be themselves. Reaching out in trust and connecting with others will come easier, dispelling our sense of isolation and loneliness. Degrading fantasies and obsessive sexual thinking will diminish.
Relating to Ourselves, self absorption will give way to self-discovery; secrecy to honesty; feelings of unworthiness to dignity; and shame to grace. A restored integrity will guide our behavior. We will feel more alive and regain a sense of happiness. We will hear ourselves laugh again and rediscover play. We will embrace change and will grow.
A Spiritual Awakening will free us from the tyranny of our addiction. An awareness of being guided by a Higher Power and supported by caring friends will sustain us. Regret for the past and worry for the future will give way to living for today. We will open ourselves to the amazing possibilities of a life worth living. Our life.
Are these extravagant promises?
WE THINK NOT!
We have seen them fulfilled.
They are ours, if we want them and work for them.
I put my hand in yours and together we can do what we could never do alone. No longer is there a sense of hopelessness. No longer must we each depend upon our own unsteady willpower. We are all together now, reaching out our hands for a power and strength greater than ours; and as we join hands, we find love and understanding beyond our wildest dreams.
Thank you for attending our meeting today! Now it is time for fellowship. Feel free to stick around to chat, ask questions, pass around phone numbers, or get a sponsor.