971 Commonwealth Ave #3
Sundays 8PM
(Meeting moderator)
Welcome to the Sunday 8PM closed mix meeting of Sex Addicts Anonymous. My name is ____ and I will be your facilitator this evening.
This meeting has a hybrid format, meaning that it is both in-person and virtual on zoom. If you are on zoom, please change your name to your first name and last initial. If you are able, please keep your video on at all times, keep your microphone muted when not speaking, and ensure that you are in a private environment to maintain anonymity.
This meeting is open only to those who are seeking to stop addictive sexual behavior. There is no other requirement. For the sake of those attending, please feel free to leave at this time if this does not apply to you.
Now let's take a moment of silence to meditate and invite God to our meeting. We'll follow that with the Serenity Prayer.
(Meeting moderator)
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
(Volunteer)
Sex Addicts Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other so they may overcome their sexual addiction and help others recover from sexual addiction and dependency. Membership is open to all who share a desire to stop addictive sexual behavior. There is no other requirement. Our common goals are to become sexually healthy and to help other sex addicts achieve freedom from compulsive sexual behavior. SAA is supported through voluntary contributions from members. We are not affiliated with any other twelve-step programs, nor are we a part of any other organization. We do not support, endorse, or oppose outside causes or issues. Sex Addicts Anonymous is a spiritual program based on the principles and traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous. We are grateful to A.A. for this gift which makes our recovery possible.
(Volunteer)
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program. They cannot develop a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. There are those, too, who suffer from serious emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps.
At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But, we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
Remember that we deal with sexual addiction – cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is one who has all power – that one is God. May you find God now!
Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked God’s protection and care with complete abandon.
Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery.
(Volunteer)
1. We admitted we were powerless over addictive sexual behavior – that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other sex addicts and to practice these principles in our lives.
Many of us exclaimed, “What an order! I can’t go through with it.” Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection. Our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:
(1) That we were sexually addicted and could not manage our lives.
(2) That probably no human power could have relieved our addiction.
(3) That God could and would if God were sought.
(Volunteer)
Our goal when entering the SAA Program is abstinence from one or more specific sexual behaviors. But unlike programs for recovering alcoholics or drug addicts, Sex Addicts Anonymous does not have a universal definition of abstinence. Most of us have no desire to stop being sexual altogether. It is not sex in and of itself that causes us problems, but the addiction to certain sexual behaviors. In SAA we will be better able to determine what behavior is addictive and what is healthy. However, the fellowship does not dictate to its members what is and isn’t addictive sexual behavior. Instead we have found that it is necessary for each member to define his or her own abstinence.
Since different addicts suffer from different behaviors, and since our sexuality is experienced in so many different ways, it is necessary that SAA members define for themselves, with the help of their sponsors or others in recovery, which of their sexual behaviors they consider to be “acting out”.
This can be a difficult challenge. If we are too lenient with ourselves, we might not get sober. If we are too strict, we might restrict ourselves from healthy behaviors that we have no need to give up, and an inability to meet our high standards could set us up for relapse. We need the help of other recovering sex addicts, and the reliance on a Power greater than ourselves, to find the right balance between these two extremes.
Our program acknowledges each individual’s dignity and right to choose his or her own concept of healthy sexuality. We have learned that our ideas of what is healthy and what is addictive evolve with experience. In time, we are able to define our individual abstinence with honesty, fairness and gentleness. This process is a valuable exercise in our recovery. It requires us to carefully examine all of our sexual behaviors, decide which ones are healthy or addictive, and note those cases where we’re not sure. It is a way of taking stock of our sexuality that teaches us a lot about ourselves and our behavior.
(Meeting moderator)
SAA meetings around the world give out chips to celebrate significant milestones of sobriety. We have chosen to celebrate increments of 1,2,3,6, & 9 months using sobriety "chips". If anyone is currently celebrating one of these milestones, we would be extremely grateful if you would share this with us so we can celebrate your progress with a chip! Please keep in mind that you should only have 1 of each chip maximum (think of them like badges).
Please indicate which color chip you would like to be recognized for today. If a milestone is not listed, please share with us any milestones you are celebrating!
9 months - Gold Chip
6 months - Blue Chip
3 months - Green Chip
2 months - Yellow Chip
1 month - Red Chip
1 day chip - White Chip
(Meeting moderator)
To communicate any changes or disruptions to the meeting schedule, we have created a google calendar. If you would like to be invited to receive updates or changes to our meetings, please send an email to symphonychurchsaa@gmail.com so we can add you to our e-mail list.
(Meeting moderator)
To facilitate program fellowship and support outside of the meetings, we have begun a program call list that will be available upon request. If you would like to be added, please put your phone number in the chat with your first name, last initial, your phone number, and if you would like to be contacted via text first and our secretary will add it into the database. If you would like a copy of this list, please e-mail symphonychurchsaa@gmail.com and we will give you access. We also have a physical list you can look at in person.
(Meeting moderator)
Our Seventh Tradition holds that SAA ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions. We have a wide variety of literature for you to borrow or read - please feel free to take a pamphlet or borrow a copy of the green book. We also have a recurring monthly zoom subscription. If you do decide to borrow something from our literature collection or simply wish to support this meeting, please consider donating. We take Cash or Venmo (@david-lu-21). We currently have $109.42 in the account and have agreed as a group to maintain a cash reserve of $100. If you would like to see our income and expenses, please e-mail us or visit https://bit.ly/symphony-saa-income-expenses-tracker
Our next business meeting will be on Sunday, October 1st, 2023. Please send us an e-mail with any topics you'd like to discuss at the meeting.
Anyone have any SAA-related announcements?
(Meeting moderator)
Now we will proceed with introductions. If you are a newcomer, feel free to identify yourself. This is to welcome you and to acknowledge the courage it took to get here. We generally recommend you come to at least 6 meetings before committing to the SAA program.
Template:
Hi, my name is ______ and I am ________.
(Optional) My inner circle behaviors are ___________.
Today, I feel physically _______________.
Today, I feel emotionally _______________.
Today, I feel spiritually _______________.
(Meeting moderator, until 8:35PM)
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
In the Tenth Step we embrace the discipline of regular spiritual housecleaning. Just as we took action to repair the damage we caused in the past, so we continue taking inventory of our behavior, and making amends when needed, in our lives today. Working Step Ten helps us deal with our shortcomings on a daily basis. Even with our best efforts we make mistakes. We are human, and we fall short of the mark regularly, even when we are abstinent from our addictive sexual behavior. In taking the Tenth Step, we commit to keeping our house in order, whether old failings reappear or new ones arise, as they inevitably will.
Regular inventory is the cornerstone of the Tenth Step. We set aside time to review our behavior, our dealings with others, our emotions, and our spiritual condition. Quiet time for self-reflection, without distraction, is essential. We may each find different ways to set aside this time, and different methods for taking stock. However we work this step, we act on our commitment to making continued self-examination part of our new way of life.
Honest self-examination can take many forms. We may mentally review the events of our day or write our inventories in a journal. We may check in with our sponsor or others in recovery, or we may pause for a "spot check" inventory in the moment. Many of us work the Tenth Step daily, though we can also work it as needed when we feel upset, angry, or off balance. Some of us set aside a block of time weekly, monthly, or annually for a more thorough inventory. The important thing is that we repeat the process we began in Steps Four through Nine, in order to keep the gains we have made in recovery and to strengthen our connections with ourselves, with others, and with our Higher Power.
Many of us take inventory at the end of each day. As we look back, we note what emotions we have felt throughout that day, checking whether particular emotions, such as anger or fear, took center stage. We take stock of our attitudes, the things we say to others, and whether we're taking care of our own needs. We look at any character defects or old habits that may have revealed themselves. We consider whether we have harmed anyone and need to make amends. We also flnd it helpful to remember the things for which we are grateful or things we have done well. Gratitude provides a needed perspective on our problems and helps us feel connected with our Higher Power. We ask God's help with the challenges that face us, while thanking God for the blessings of life and recovery.
Some of us choose to put our Tenth Step inventories in writing. We needn't try to solve all of our problems in these written inventories-we just record our current challenges and difficulties, as well as the positive things we notice about ourselves. If we write regularly in a journal, we can use some of our journal time to work this step as well. The act of writing can give us a sense of clarity that we don't always experience in other ways. It can also help us break through the rationalizations that spring from our character defects. Many of us flnd it useful to later share with our sponsor what we have written.
We can also work the Tenth Step by checking in regularly with our sponsor or other members, or by giving a thorough and rigorous accounting of ourselves at meetings. In addition to honestly admitting our shortcomings and mistakes, many of us use these check-ins to assess how well we are working our program in general. We report honestly any slippery thoughts or behaviors we have been engaging in. We examine the pressures that may tempt us to act out. We review how well we have been using tools of recovery, such as attending meetings, reading recovery literature, making phone calls, or praying. We report how we are taking care of ourselves and what positive risks we are taking to challenge ourselves and grow.
When we feel our serenity disturbed, we can use a spot-check inventory to restore our emotional balance. These quick inventories are often helpful when we find ourselves in conflict with someone or otherwise bothered by uncomfortable emotions. We take a moment to look inside and to gain perspective. We often discover unexamined resentments or other character defects at play. We can pause and ask ourselves what our part is in the situation. We can then admit our part and prepare to do whatever is needed to set things right, whether it is making direct amends, adjusting our attitude, or simply letting go.
It isn't always easy to know when we've been wrong. We may not discover the truth about our behavior until later. When we review our day as part of our Tenth Step, we find ourselves recognizing actions and emotions that we weren't completely aware of at the time. With practice, we learn how to recognize how we are feeling in the moment. We gradually learn to listen to the quiet, gentle voice of our conscience and to notice from within when something feels wrong. As we continue to take personal inventory, we begin to notice our mistakes and hurtful behaviors more quickly.
Sometimes our wrongs may carry significant harm to others, as when we lie, cheat, or act out of anger. We don't need to seriously harm someone, though, in order to be wrong. In fact, our less severe wrongs are often far more pervasive and difficult to recognize. We may forget or be late for appointments, make thoughtless comments, break promises or twist the truth, not follow through on commitments, or test other people's boundaries. Over time, we become better at seeing and admitting the influence of our character defects on all aspects of our behavior.
When we recognize our error, we promptly admit it. First we admit it to ourselves, which means letting go of defensiveness and the desire to be "right" at all costs. Next we may admit it to our sponsor or other support people, especially if we need help in sorting out our amends, and to our Higher Power in prayer. Finally we admit it to those affected by our behavior, and make any amends that are necessary. In some cases, we may need to approach our amends as carefully as we did in Step Nine, and offer reparation if appropriate. Often, however, we don't need to do more than simply acknowledge our wrongdoing to the person affected.
Whatever our wrongs, our promptness in admitting them is essential to the success of this step. The longer we wait to make amends for even minor wrongs, the greater the chance that the situation will worsen. Even more importantly, the longer we wait, the greater the risk to our serenity. Admitting our wrongs as soon as possible helps keep shame and regrets from building up inside us, and allows us to more quickly regain our peace of mind.
Taking regular personal inventory doesn't mean that we beat up on ourselves. Neither self-punishment nor excessive vigilance is the purpose of this step. Instead, we come to accept that making mistakes is a fact of life and an essential part of recovery. Step Ten says "when we were wrong," not "if we were wrong." Our experience shows that we will be wrong on a regular basis. Some of our mistakes stem from the influence of our familiar defects. Other mistakes will result whenever we grow and take new risks in our recovery. In either case our imperfection is certain, and mistakes are inevitable. We adopt the attitude of learning from, rather than denying, our mistakes. Working this step allows us to let go of both perfectionism and grandiosity. We gradually discover the relief and humility of not having to be perfect.
At this point in our recovery, we may have already experienced surprising growth in the quality of our relationships and the quality of our faith. Practicing the Tenth Step helps us continue to grow in selfacceptance, self-awareness, and rigorous honesty. We discover a greater willingness to take risks and learn from our mistakes. We are living in such a way as to keep our accounts balanced and our serenity intact. In gratitude for all we have received from our Higher Power, we move forward to Step Eleven.
(Volunteers, until 8:55PM)
The meeting is now open for sharing. You can share about a specific topic or just get current.
To keep the meeting safe, we do not make direct comments about another person's share or give advice.
Please avoid mentioning the name of a Book, Movie, Treatment Center, Website or the Like in your share because this can be viewed by some as "promotion” and can be a trigger for some. Please also avoid sexually explicit descriptions or comments that could be a trigger. If you feel triggered, please feel free to say a prayer, step out of the room or meeting temporarily, and come back when you feel ready.
It is also safe to speak in “I” statements, as opposed to “you” statements. Feel free to share more specific information after the Unity Prayer when Fellowship begins. It is appropriate to reference the reading.
We ask that any Newcomer that would like to share be given the opportunity. Our focus is making you feel welcome and acknowledge the courage it took getting here. We will reserve some time for Questions and Answers at the end of the meeting.
(optional) Please keep your shares to 5 minutes maximum. If you did not get a chance to share, you may share at the end during fellowship.
I will help moderate.
Who would like to keep time?
Who would like to begin?
(Meeting moderator)
As a gentle reminder for all of us, anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions. What you heard was spoken in confidence and should be treated as confidential. Please keep the things you heard here in the confines of your mind. Carry no gossip and always remember to place principles before personalities.
(Volunteer)
This is how recovery has been for us. Each of us has taken steps of courage and leaps of faith. Each of us has contributed, not only to our own recovery, but to the recovery of other suffering sex addicts as well. We have contributed by showing up at meetings and by sharing our experience, strength, and hope. We have listened to our fellow addicts and supported them in their recovery journey. Like the first members of our fellowship, we continue to remain sexually sober by helping our fellow addict stay sober. Our prayer is that every sex addict who seeks recovery will have the opportunity to find it. And keep coming back.
(Volunteer)
Some of us started out as a "tourist" at SAA meetings-the member who shows up every week or every other week, who shares at meetings, who may even buy and read the literature, but who doesn't get a sponsor, doesn't work the steps, certainly never stays for a business meeting-and who doesn't stop acting out on his or her inner-circle behaviors for more than a few weeks at a time before the next relapse. This resistance to surrendering to the SAA program is rooted in pride and a stubborn unwillingness to admit defeat, despite the pain and consequences already experienced. As an SAA "tourist," we cling to the belief that we are not really powerless and that just going to meetings (maybe combined with just going to church, or just seeing a therapist, or just getting a slip signed, or just reading a book) will be enough to turn things around without too much inconvenience. Many tourists drop in and out for months or even years before one final crisis brings us to our bottom and makes us willing, at last, to get serious.
The steps are the spiritual solution to our addiction - leading not only to a life of abstinence from our addictive sexual behaviors, but to a fulfilling life of service to our brothers and sisters in recovery and beyond. The spiritual awakening described in Step Twelve puts us on the path of service and connects us with our Higher Power, our fellow addicts, and our world in ways we had never dreamed possible. This awakening is the foundation of a responsible and joyful existence as we seek and find our Higher Power's will for us-both in our individual lives and in the life of our fellowship. And for this priceless gift of recovery, so astonishingly simple, so freely available, we are humbly grateful. We invite all suffering sex addicts, inside and outside the rooms of SAA, to join with us in accepting this gift.
(Volunteer)
Through a renewed Relationship with God, the healing force of recovery will take hold in our hearts. By giving ourselves over to God and working our program, our lives will become manageable and we will be restored to sanity. We will receive the inner strength and support needed to face our anxieties and fears, and to deal with the painful feelings that feed our addiction.
Relations with Others will improve as we learn to respect our boundaries and allow others freedom to be themselves. Reaching out in trust and connecting with others will come easier, dispelling our sense of isolation and loneliness. Degrading fantasies and obsessive sexual thinking will diminish.
Relating to Ourselves, self absorption will give way to self-discovery; secrecy to honesty; feelings of unworthiness to dignity; and shame to grace. A restored integrity will guide our behavior. We will feel more alive and regain a sense of happiness. We will hear ourselves laugh again and rediscover play. We will embrace change and will grow.
A Spiritual Awakening will free us from the tyranny of our addiction. An awareness of being guided by a Higher Power and supported by caring friends will sustain us. Regret for the past and worry for the future will give way to living for today. We will open ourselves to the amazing possibilities of a life worth living. Our life.
Are these extravagant promises?
(Altogether) WE THINK NOT!
We have seen them fulfilled.
They are ours, if we want them and work for them.
(Meeting moderator)
I put my hand in yours and together we can do what we could never do alone.
No longer is there a sense of hopelessness.
No longer must we each depend upon our own unsteady willpower.
We are all together now, reaching out our hands for a power and strength greater than ours;
And as we join hands, we find love and understanding beyond our wildest dreams.
(Meeting moderator)
Thank you for attending our meeting today! Now it is time for fellowship.
(optional) Did anyone who did not get a chance to share yet today like to share?
Feel free to stick around to chat, ask questions, pass around phone numbers, or get a sponsor.
(Meeting moderator)
Every quarter, we have a business meeting to discuss any changes to our meeting. Attendees may, when prompted, offer suggestions to the meeting as "motions." For example, if prompted to offer suggestions to the meeting script, the attendee may say "motion to have a step 1 presentation every other month." Afterwards, moderator will ask for someone to "second" that motion by saying "I second that motion." 1 argument for the motion and 1 against will be offered from an attendee. Finally, moderator will say "we will now vote on this motion to have a step 1 presentation every other month. All in favor? All against? All abstain?" Motion will pass if and only if votes for yes are the majority of the responses (over 50% of voting participants). Unpassed motions may be re-motioned at a later meeting.
Agenda:
Motion to open the meeting
Motion to shorten the "conclusion - steps are the spiritual solution" section into just the second paragraph due to concerns of first paragraph being too critical
Motion to buy more literature
20 pamphlets - $0.75 each - $15 + tax + shipping
1 SAA Green book - $14 each + tax + shipping