971 Commonwealth Ave #3
Sundays 8PM
Welcome to the Sunday 8PM closed mix meeting of Sex Addicts Anonymous. My name is ____ and I will be your facilitator this evening.
This meeting is open only to those who are seeking to stop addictive sexual behavior. There is no other requirement. For the sake of those attending, please feel free to leave at this time if this does not apply to you.
Now let's take a moment of silence to meditate and invite God to our meeting. We'll follow that with the Serenity Prayer.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time. Enjoying one moment at a time. Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace. Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world, as it is, not as I would have it. Trusting, that if I surrender to your will, you will make all things right. That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with you forever in the next. Amen.
(pg. 1 of SAA Green Book)
Sex Addicts Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other so they may overcome their sexual addiction and help others recover from sexual addiction and dependency. Membership is open to all who share a desire to stop addictive sexual behavior. There is no other requirement. Our common goals are to become sexually healthy and to help other sex addicts achieve freedom from compulsive sexual behavior. SAA is supported through voluntary contributions from members. We are not affiliated with any other twelve-step programs, nor are we a part of any other organization. We do not support, endorse, or oppose outside causes or issues. Sex Addicts Anonymous is a spiritual program based on the principles and traditions of Alcoholic Anonymous. We are grateful to A.A. for this gift which makes our recovery possible.
(adapted from SAA Green Book and pg. 58 of AA big book)
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program. They cannot develop a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. There are those, too, who suffer from serious emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps.
At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But, we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
Remember that we deal with sexual addiction – cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is one who has all power – that one is God. May you find God now!
Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked God’s protection and care with complete abandon.
Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery.
1. We admitted we were powerless over addictive sexual behavior – that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other sex addicts and to practice these principles in our lives.
Many of us exclaimed, “What an order! I can’t go through with it.” Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection. Our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:
(1) That we were sexually addicted and could not manage our lives.
(2) That probably no human power could have relieved our addiction.
(3) That God could and would if God were sought.
(pg. 14-15 SAA Green Book)
Our goal when entering the SAA Program is abstinence from one or more specific sexual behaviors. But unlike programs for recovering alcoholics or drug addicts, Sex Addicts Anonymous does not have a universal definition of abstinence. Most of us have no desire to stop being sexual altogether. It is not sex in and of itself that causes us problems, but the addiction to certain sexual behaviors. In SAA we will be better able to determine what behavior is addictive and what is healthy. However, the fellowship does not dictate to its members what is and isn’t addictive sexual behavior. Instead we have found that it is necessary for each member to define his or her own abstinence.
Since different addicts suffer from different behaviors, and since our sexuality is experienced in so many different ways, it is necessary that SAA members define for themselves, with the help of their sponsors or others in recovery, which of their sexual behaviors they consider to be “acting out”.
This can be a difficult challenge. If we are too lenient with ourselves, we might not get sober. If we are too strict, we might restrict ourselves from healthy behaviors that we have no need to give up, and an inability to meet our high standards could set us up for relapse. We need the help of other recovering sex addicts, and the reliance on a Power greater than ourselves, to find the right balance between these two extremes.
Our program acknowledges each individual’s dignity and right to choose his or her own concept of healthy sexuality. We have learned that our ideas of what is healthy and what is addictive evolve with experience. In time, we are able to define our individual abstinence with honesty, fairness and gentleness. This process is a valuable exercise in our recovery. It requires us to carefully examine all of our sexual behaviors, decide which ones are healthy or addictive, and note those cases where we’re not sure. It is a way of taking stock of our sexuality that teaches us a lot about ourselves and our behavior.
Our Seventh Tradition holds that SAA ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions. If you would like to contribute to the finances of this meeting, please consider donating any amount to our PayPal account: paypal.me/symphonychurchsaa. The finances will be used for meeting materials such as printouts, books, and literature available for all attendees to borrow or use. You may also volunteer to moderate a future meeting by talking to David or e-mailing symphonychurchsaa@gmail.com. The only requirement is that you have attended at least 6 meetings and consistently maintain sobriety of at least 1 month.
Now we will proceed with intros, checkins, and acknowledging sobriety birthdays. If you are a newcomer, feel free to identify yourself. This is to welcome you and to acknowledge the courage it took to get here. We generally recommend you come to at least 6 meetings before committing to the SAA program.
Sample Sharing Template:
Hi, my name is ______ and I am ________.
My inner circle behaviors are ___________.
Today, I feel physically _______________.
Today, I feel emotionally _______________.
Today, I feel spiritually _______________.
Some highlights of this past week were ______.
Some goals I have for this upcoming week are___.
Additionally, I would like to share about______.
And with that, I'll pass.
Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
The preceding steps bring us to a realization that our character defects, the flaws or shortcomings in our personality, have caused us a great deal of suffering throughout our lives and prevented us from completely aligning ourselves with our Higher Power's will for us. When we become entirely ready to have these self-destructive aspects of our character removed, we then ask God to do so in Step Seven. Whenever we ask for this help, we invite God into our lives in a new way.
We may wonder why it is necessary to ask humbly. Many of us have confused humility with humiliation. We were more familiar with pleading for, or demanding what we wanted, than with asking. In fact, it takes humility to truly ask for help. It means admitting that we are not wholly strong and self-sufficient. It means that we are not too proud or ashamed to believe that we can be helped.
Humility is a result of the self-honesty we have gained through working the preceding steps. It comes from a realistic view of ourselves, a knowledge of both our strengths and limitations. We recognize that our shortcomings are not unique, and that we are not better or worse than anyone else. When we live with this knowledge, we do not expect perfection from ourselves or others. We know that we are bound to make mistakes, and we choose to learn from them rather than punish ourselves for them. Humility means being teachable, vulnerable, and open.
Ready for fundamental change in our lives, and knowing that we cannot change without help from our Higher Power, we humbly ask God to remove our shortcomings. The power of this step is in the asking, not in the result. Asking is a very powerful act-it expresses a deepening surrender on our part. The Seventh Step does not guarantee, or even predict, an outcome. We have found that God's will for us is usually different, and ultimately greater, than our expectations. Simply putting ourselves in God's hands is all that's needed.
Many of us work this step through prayer. Often we include our request in our regular prayers. We may also ask for a particular shortcoming to be removed when a situation demands it. We often find relief as soon as we pray, because our attitude toward the situation has changed through the act of asking.
Change occurs in God's time, not ours. As addicts, we are accustomed to seeking instant gratification. But in recovery, most of us experience gradual improvement rather than sudden transformations. We need patience to work the Seventh Step, and trust that our Higher Power can help us. Some of our defects may indeed be quickly removed. Others may arise again and again, challenging us to a greater reliance on God. We may even find that certain shortcomings have gone into hibernation, allowing us to move forward in our recovery, only to reappear later when we are better able to recognize and surrender them. However we experience this step, the result is a steady increase in our serenity, freedom, and spiritual growth.
One of the main ways God works in our lives is through other people. Asking to have our shortcomings removed is also expressed through opening ourselves to other recovering sex addicts. Our fellow addicts help us in many ways. They can give us encouragement when we lack confidence. They can help us see shortcomings that we have been unable to recognize on our own. And they can support us by sharing their own experiences with taking this step. Simply telling others about our defects can reduce their power over us. And just having someone listen to us in our struggles is often the very help we need.
In working Step Seven, we may also see our conception of a Higher Power becoming more personal. Up to this point, many of us still felt a certain distance and remoteness in our relationship to God. By experiencing how reliance on God has a practical effect on our day-to-day lives, and influences our attitudes and behaviors in tangible ways, we begin to see our Higher Power as a much closer and more intimate presence than we had been aware of before. We can ask for God's help at any time, and in any situation. Humility and openness become a part of everyday life. As we grow in humility, we gradually come to view our lives, and even our problems, with gratitude. When we are free from self-importance, we can recognize that we have much to be grateful for. In our addiction, we felt that no matter what we had, we were missing something. We often risked the wonderful things we had in order to act out. In recovery, with the humility we receive through working the steps, we become thankful for the things we used to take for granted. And we can look at our shortcomings as opportunities to learn and grow.
We also discover that our character defects can become useful in God's hands. Our struggles with our own shortcomings help us to understand and empathize with the struggles of others and to reach out to the still suffering addict by sharing our own experience, strength, and hope.
Aspects of ourselves that we were ashamed of and tried to keep hidden can sometimes blossom unexpectedly into gifts that enrich our recovery, when brought into the light of a loving Higher Power. Anger may contain the seeds of courage; envy can turn to empathy; self-centered pride may grow into a healthy self-love. Each character defect we turn over to God becomes one more way of opening ourselves to God's care.
In the process of asking our Higher Power to remove the flaws in our character, we exercise and deepen our humility. Only when we have come this far in our program, and have begun the change from a selfcentered approach to life to a new approach based on spiritual principles, are we ready to constructively face the damage that we have inflicted on other people. With the willingness to let go of resentment, fear, and the other defects that have isolated us from God and our fellows, we are spiritually prepared to consider repairing the harm we’ve done in the past. We move onto step eight.
The meeting is now open for discussion. You can share about the reading or just get current. To keep the meeting safe, we do not make direct comments about another person's share or give advice.
Please avoid mentioning the name of a Book, Movie, Treatment Center or the Like in your share because this can be viewed by some as "promotion”. It is ok, however, to talk about your experiences with these items. It is also safe to speak in “I” statements, as opposed to “you” statements. Feel free to share more specific information after the Serenity Prayer when Fellowship begins. It is appropriate to reference the reading.
We ask that any Newcomer that would like to share be given the opportunity. Our focus is making you feel welcome and acknowledge the courage it took getting here. We will reserve some time for Questions and Answers at the end of the meeting.
(optional) Please keep your shares to about ____________minutes.
I will help moderate. Who would like to begin?
As a gentle reminder for all of us, anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions. What you heard was spoken in confidence and should be treated as confidential. Please keep the things you heard here in the confines of your mind. Carry no gossip and always remember to place: principles before personalities.
(Ottawa, Canada Hope and Recovery Group)
Through a renewed Relationship with God/our Higher Power, the healing force of recovery will take hold in our hearts. By giving ourselves over to God/our Higher Power and working our program, our lives will become manageable and we will be restored to sanity. We will receive the inner strength and support needed to face our anxieties and fears, and to deal with the painful feelings that feed our addiction.
Relations with Others will improve as we learn to respect our boundaries and allow others freedom to be themselves. Reaching out in trust and connecting with others will come easier, dispelling our sense of isolation and loneliness. Degrading fantasies and obsessive sexual thinking will diminish.
Relating to Ourselves, self absorption will give way to self-discovery; secrecy to honesty; feelings of unworthiness to dignity; and shame to grace. A restored integrity will guide our behavior. We will feel more alive and regain a sense of happiness. We will hear ourselves laugh again and rediscover play. We will embrace change and will grow.
A Spiritual Awakening will free us from the tyranny of our addiction. An awareness of being guided by a Higher Power and supported by caring friends will sustain us. Regret for the past and worry for the future will give way to living for today. We will open ourselves to the amazing possibilities of a life worth living our life.
Are these extravagant promises?
WE THINK NOT!
We have seen them fulfilled.
They are ours, if we want them and work for them.
My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good & bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you & my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here to do Your bidding.
Thank you for attending our meeting today! Now it is time for fellowship. Feel free to stick around to chat, ask questions, pass around phone numbers, or get a sponsor.