971 Commonwealth Ave #3
Sundays 8PM
Welcome to the Sunday 8PM closed mix meeting of Sex Addicts Anonymous. My name is ____ and I will be your facilitator this evening.
This meeting is open only to those who are seeking to stop addictive sexual behavior. There is no other requirement. For the sake of those attending, please feel free to leave at this time if this does not apply to you.
Now let's take a moment of silence to meditate and invite God to our meeting. We'll follow that with the Serenity Prayer.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time. Enjoying one moment at a time. Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace. Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world, as it is, not as I would have it. Trusting, that if I surrender to your will, you will make all things right. That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with you forever in the next. Amen.
(pg. 1 of SAA Green Book)
Sex Addicts Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other so they may overcome their sexual addiction and help others recover from sexual addiction and dependency. Membership is open to all who share a desire to stop addictive sexual behavior. There is no other requirement. Our common goals are to become sexually healthy and to help other sex addicts achieve freedom from compulsive sexual behavior. SAA is supported through voluntary contributions from members. We are not affiliated with any other twelve-step programs, nor are we a part of any other organization. We do not support, endorse, or oppose outside causes or issues. Sex Addicts Anonymous is a spiritual program based on the principles and traditions of Alcoholic Anonymous. We are grateful to A.A. for this gift which makes our recovery possible.
(adapted from SAA Green Book and pg. 58 of AA big book)
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program. They cannot develop a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. There are those, too, who suffer from serious emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps.
At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But, we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
Remember that we deal with sexual addiction – cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is one who has all power – that one is God. May you find God now!
Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked God’s protection and care with complete abandon.
Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery.
1. We admitted we were powerless over addictive sexual behavior – that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other sex addicts and to practice these principles in our lives.
Many of us exclaimed, “What an order! I can’t go through with it.” Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection. Our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:
(1) That we were sexually addicted and could not manage our lives.
(2) That probably no human power could have relieved our addiction.
(3) That God could and would if God were sought.
(pg. 14-15 SAA Green Book)
Our goal when entering the SAA Program is abstinence from one or more specific sexual behaviors. But unlike programs for recovering alcoholics or drug addicts, Sex Addicts Anonymous does not have a universal definition of abstinence. Most of us have no desire to stop being sexual altogether. It is not sex in and of itself that causes us problems, but the addiction to certain sexual behaviors. In SAA we will be better able to determine what behavior is addictive and what is healthy. However, the fellowship does not dictate to its members what is and isn’t addictive sexual behavior. Instead we have found that it is necessary for each member to define his or her own abstinence.
Since different addicts suffer from different behaviors, and since our sexuality is experienced in so many different ways, it is necessary that SAA members define for themselves, with the help of their sponsors or others in recovery, which of their sexual behaviors they consider to be “acting out”.
This can be a difficult challenge. If we are too lenient with ourselves, we might not get sober. If we are too strict, we might restrict ourselves from healthy behaviors that we have no need to give up, and an inability to meet our high standards could set us up for relapse. We need the help of other recovering sex addicts, and the reliance on a Power greater than ourselves, to find the right balance between these two extremes.
Our program acknowledges each individual’s dignity and right to choose his or her own concept of healthy sexuality. We have learned that our ideas of what is healthy and what is addictive evolve with experience. In time, we are able to define our individual abstinence with honesty, fairness and gentleness. This process is a valuable exercise in our recovery. It requires us to carefully examine all of our sexual behaviors, decide which ones are healthy or addictive, and note those cases where we’re not sure. It is a way of taking stock of our sexuality that teaches us a lot about ourselves and our behavior.
Our Seventh Tradition holds that SAA ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions. If you would like to contribute to the finances of this meeting, please consider donating any amount to our PayPal account: paypal.me/symphonychurchsaa. The finances will be used for meeting materials such as printouts, books, and literature available for all attendees to borrow or use. You may also volunteer to moderate a future meeting by talking to David or e-mailing symphonychurchsaa@gmail.com. The only requirement is that you have attended at least 6 meetings and consistently maintain sobriety of at least 1 month.
Now we will proceed with intros, checkins, and acknowledging sobriety birthdays. If you are a newcomer, feel free to identify yourself. This is to welcome you and to acknowledge the courage it took to get here. We generally recommend you come to at least 6 meetings before committing to the SAA program.
Sample Sharing Template:
Hi, my name is ______ and I am ________.
My inner circle behaviors are ___________.
Today, I feel physically _______________.
Today, I feel emotionally _______________.
Today, I feel spiritually _______________.
Some highlights of this past week were ______.
Some goals I have for this upcoming week are___.
Additionally, I would like to share about______.
And with that, I'll pass.
Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Each step of the program is a leap of faith that moves us forward in our recovery. After completing our moral inventory, we are challenged in Step Five to take another leap. We now need to admit the whole truth we have discovered to God, to ourselves, and to another person. Working the Fifth Step helps relieve us of the burden of our secrets, break through our isolation, and face ourselves honestly in a way we cannot do alone. With the Fifth Step, we come out into the open.
As active sex addicts, we hid who we were and what we were doing from others, but also from ourselves. We take the Fifth Step when we come out of hiding, let go of self-deception, and acknowledge our reliance on a Higher Power. Our belief that we were isolated, estranged from the care of a loving God, had kept us in fear. Now, breaking free of secrecy, we admit our wrongs in the light of our relationship with the God of our understanding. If we trust, we will be given the power to acknowledge our shortcomings. Admitting our wrongs to God opens the door to change within ourselves. We have found that God will help us find the courage and honesty we need in order to work this step.
Although we have recorded a detailed inventory in the Fourth Step, it is a different thing altogether to admit the truth to ourselves. We need to be careful to acknowledge the exact nature of our wrongs inwardly, so that denial can give way to acceptance. Sharing our inventory with another human being helps in this process. When we hear ourselves admitting our wrongs to someone, explaining all of the details out loud, our past begins to make more sense, and we can start to view our lives with more clarity. As the reality of our shortcomings sinks in, we can bring them, in humility, to our Higher Power. Our deepest acceptance comes when we know that the God of our understanding loves us no matter what we have done.
In the Fifth Step we reveal all our secrets to another person, many of us for the very first time. Despite our commitment to the program, we often find ourselves feeling afraid at this point. We expect to be judged harshly and rejected if we tell someone our secrets, especially those acting-out behaviors of which we are most ashamed. These fears are only natural, but we cannot allow them to prevent us from taking this step. We call on our Higher Power for strength and for the willingness to share our story. We discover that the person hearing our Fifth Step will not reject us, but will often respect us for our honesty and courage, and love us all the more.
We pick someone we trust to hear our inventory. Most of us share our Fifth Step with our sponsor. Some of us choose a friend in the program, a therapist, a spiritual advisor, or another wise confidant with whom we feel safe. It is best to take this step with the help of a person who has worked this step in his or her own recovery and who already knows and accepts us unconditionally.
We do not take the Fifth Step with our partners, parents, or families. This is not the time for selfish confessions. We need time in the program, and the help of experienced members, before we can judge what to reveal to our families or those closest to us.
Admitting our wrongs means admitting all the ways in which we were dishonest, unfair, abusive, inconsiderate, unjust, or unethical. Our wrongs include all of the ways we broke the rules to get ahead or to avoid consequences we didn't want to face. They may also include actions we neglected to take, as well as ones we took.
We admit our wrongs in a detailed and thorough way. We describe what we did, when we did it, and what we were thinking or feeling when we did it. We describe what the consequences were for ourselves and for others. Many of us tell the story of each wrong rather than simply listing them. In the process, we reexamine situations in which we may have seen ourselves as the victim or minimized our wrongful actions. Striving for thoroughness, we admit all the wrongs we can remember, not just those related to our acting out.
Most importantly, we admit the character defects that motivated our actions, such as pride, envy, selfishness, or greed. These defects or failings are the exact nature of our wrongs. They are those aspects of temperament that hold back our spiritual growth and keep us locked in self-defeating habits, attitudes, and beliefs. We have found that admitting these defects is essential to experiencing a positive breakthrough in our relations with others, and with ourselves.
This may seem like a very difficult task. We should not lose heart. During the Fifth Step, our sponsor will often share his or her own experiences with us, letting us know about similar actions, feelings, and shortcomings. Knowing that others feel the way we do, and have done some of the same kinds of things, helps to relieve us of our shame and isolation. Our sponsor supports us emotionally as we face the most painful parts of ourselves, allowing us to look at our wrongs without flinching.
Although the Fifth Step focuses on admitting the exact nature of our wrongs, it is also very helpful to acknowledge the good things about ourselves. Admitting the ways we have been caring, resourceful, and talented helps us get a balanced picture of the whole of our moral nature. By acknowledging our character assets, and with our sponsor's encouragement, we establish a foundation on which our further recovery can be built.
While we might wish to share our entire Fifth Step in one sitting, some of us may in fact need several meetings to complete the entire step. Once we start, we make a commitment to finish it. We are often emotionally vulnerable while working this step, so we want to be sure to complete it in a timely fashion and to get some extra support. With the help of our Higher Power, and support from our sponsor and others, we can face our pain without becoming consumed by it. Once we finish Step Five, the rewards will prove to have been worth the effort.
When we finish Step Five, it may feel as though a great burden has been lifted from our shoulders. Many of us feel a sense of wholeness and integrity for the very first time. We have acknowledged and taken responsibility for the whole of our being, to ourselves, our fellow addict, and our Higher Power. The acceptance we receive is a profound spiritual experience. Having gained a greater faith in the love and care of the God of our understanding, it is now time to take a good look at our character defects in the light of our relationship with God. Our new awareness leads to a desire for change. We go on to Step Six.
The meeting is now open for discussion. You can share about the reading or just get current. To keep the meeting safe, we do not make direct comments about another person's share or give advice.
Please avoid mentioning the name of a Book, Movie, Treatment Center or the Like in your share because this can be viewed by some as "promotion”. It is ok, however, to talk about your experiences with these items. It is also safe to speak in “I” statements, as opposed to “you” statements. Feel free to share more specific information after the Serenity Prayer when Fellowship begins. It is appropriate to reference the reading.
We ask that any Newcomer that would like to share be given the opportunity. Our focus is making you feel welcome and acknowledge the courage it took getting here. We will reserve some time for Questions and Answers at the end of the meeting.
(optional) Please keep your shares to about ____________minutes.
I will help moderate. Who would like to begin?
As a gentle reminder for all of us, anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions. What you heard was spoken in confidence and should be treated as confidential. Please keep the things you heard here in the confines of your mind. Carry no gossip and always remember to place: principles before personalities.
(Ottawa, Canada Hope and Recovery Group)
Through a renewed Relationship with God/our Higher Power, the healing force of recovery will take hold in our hearts. By giving ourselves over to God/our Higher Power and working our program, our lives will become manageable and we will be restored to sanity. We will receive the inner strength and support needed to face our anxieties and fears, and to deal with the painful feelings that feed our addiction.
Relations with Others will improve as we learn to respect our boundaries and allow others freedom to be themselves. Reaching out in trust and connecting with others will come easier, dispelling our sense of isolation and loneliness. Degrading fantasies and obsessive sexual thinking will diminish.
Relating to Ourselves, self absorption will give way to self-discovery; secrecy to honesty; feelings of unworthiness to dignity; and shame to grace. A restored integrity will guide our behavior. We will feel more alive and regain a sense of happiness. We will hear ourselves laugh again and rediscover play. We will embrace change and will grow.
A Spiritual Awakening will free us from the tyranny of our addiction. An awareness of being guided by a Higher Power and supported by caring friends will sustain us. Regret for the past and worry for the future will give way to living for today. We will open ourselves to the amazing possibilities of a life worth living our life.
Are these extravagant promises?
WE THINK NOT!
We have seen them fulfilled.
They are ours, if we want them and work for them.
Higher Power,
My inventory has shown me who I am,
Yet I ask for Your help
In admitting my wrongs to another person & to You.
Assure me, & be with me, in this Step,
For without this Step I cannot progress in my recovery.
With Your help, I can do this, & I do it.
Thank you for attending our meeting today! Now it is time for fellowship. Feel free to stick around to chat, ask questions, pass around phone numbers, or get a sponsor.