971 Commonwealth Ave #3
Sundays 8PM
Welcome to the Sunday 8PM closed mix meeting of Sex Addicts Anonymous. My name is ____ and I will be your facilitator this evening.
This meeting is open only to those who are seeking to stop addictive sexual behavior. There is no other requirement. For the sake of those attending, please feel free to leave at this time if this does not apply to you.
Now let's take a moment of silence to meditate and invite God to our meeting. We'll follow that with the Serenity Prayer.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time. Enjoying one moment at a time. Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace. Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world, as it is, not as I would have it. Trusting, that if I surrender to your will, you will make all things right. That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with you forever in the next. Amen.
(pg. 1 of SAA Green Book)
Sex Addicts Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other so they may overcome their sexual addiction and help others recover from sexual addiction and dependency. Membership is open to all who share a desire to stop addictive sexual behavior. There is no other requirement. Our common goals are to become sexually healthy and to help other sex addicts achieve freedom from compulsive sexual behavior. SAA is supported through voluntary contributions from members. We are not affiliated with any other twelve-step programs, nor are we a part of any other organization. We do not support, endorse, or oppose outside causes or issues. Sex Addicts Anonymous is a spiritual program based on the principles and traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous. We are grateful to A.A. for this gift which makes our recovery possible.
(adapted from SAA Green Book and pg. 58 of AA big book)
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program. They cannot develop a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. There are those, too, who suffer from serious emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps.
At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But, we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
Remember that we deal with sexual addiction – cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is one who has all power – that one is God. May you find God now!
Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked God’s protection and care with complete abandon.
Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery.
1. We admitted we were powerless over addictive sexual behavior – that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other sex addicts and to practice these principles in our lives.
Many of us exclaimed, “What an order! I can’t go through with it.” Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection. Our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:
(1) That we were sexually addicted and could not manage our lives.
(2) That probably no human power could have relieved our addiction.
(3) That God could and would if God were sought.
(pg. 14-15 SAA Green Book)
Our goal when entering the SAA Program is abstinence from one or more specific sexual behaviors. But unlike programs for recovering alcoholics or drug addicts, Sex Addicts Anonymous does not have a universal definition of abstinence. Most of us have no desire to stop being sexual altogether. It is not sex in and of itself that causes us problems, but the addiction to certain sexual behaviors. In SAA we will be better able to determine what behavior is addictive and what is healthy. However, the fellowship does not dictate to its members what is and isn’t addictive sexual behavior. Instead we have found that it is necessary for each member to define his or her own abstinence.
Since different addicts suffer from different behaviors, and since our sexuality is experienced in so many different ways, it is necessary that SAA members define for themselves, with the help of their sponsors or others in recovery, which of their sexual behaviors they consider to be “acting out”.
This can be a difficult challenge. If we are too lenient with ourselves, we might not get sober. If we are too strict, we might restrict ourselves from healthy behaviors that we have no need to give up, and an inability to meet our high standards could set us up for relapse. We need the help of other recovering sex addicts, and the reliance on a Power greater than ourselves, to find the right balance between these two extremes.
Our program acknowledges each individual’s dignity and right to choose his or her own concept of healthy sexuality. We have learned that our ideas of what is healthy and what is addictive evolve with experience. In time, we are able to define our individual abstinence with honesty, fairness and gentleness. This process is a valuable exercise in our recovery. It requires us to carefully examine all of our sexual behaviors, decide which ones are healthy or addictive, and note those cases where we’re not sure. It is a way of taking stock of our sexuality that teaches us a lot about ourselves and our behavior.
Our Seventh Tradition holds that SAA ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions. If you would like to contribute to the finances of this meeting, please consider donating any amount to our PayPal account: paypal.me/symphonychurchsaa. The finances will be used for meeting materials such as printouts, books, and literature available for all attendees to borrow or use. We currently have $35 in the account. You may also volunteer to moderate a future meeting by talking to David or e-mailing symphonychurchsaa@gmail.com. The only requirement is that you have attended at least 6 meetings and are committed to stopping addictive sexual behaviors.
We invite all attendees to consider reading their 1st Step Presentations at the meeting to admit powerlessness and unmanageability of this addiction. This is an opportunity to powerfully invite God and the fellowship to support you in completing the most crucial part of the 1st step. If you are interested please talk to David or e-mail symphonychurchsaa@gmail.com with 2 weeks notice of your preferred meeting date. Our next Step 1 Presentation will be on Sunday, May 8th.
Now we will proceed with intros, checkins, and acknowledging sobriety birthdays. If you are a newcomer, feel free to identify yourself. This is to welcome you and to acknowledge the courage it took to get here. We generally recommend you come to at least 6 meetings before committing to the SAA program.
Sample Sharing Template:
Hi, my name is ______ and I am ________.
My inner circle behaviors are ___________.
Today, I feel physically _______________.
Today, I feel emotionally _______________.
Today, I feel spiritually _______________.
Some highlights of this past week were ______.
Some goals I have for this upcoming week are___.
Additionally, I would like to share about______.
And with that, I'll pass.
SAA was founded when a sex addict, weary from his addiction and feeling defeated by its consequences, called a colleague and asked for help. They took a walk around a lake near their homes, and as they talked, the colleague revealed that he suffered from similar addictive behaviors. They may not have known to call it sex addiction at first, but they decided to try adapting the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous to deal with their problem. They began meeting together regularly, sharing about their addiction and exploring how the Steps might help them find recovery. Soon, a third member joined them, and then others.
Gradually the fellowship grew. Brave and desperate people formed their own meetings, and others joined them. Before long, regular meetings of Sex Addicts Anonymous were being held in cities around the country. As the years went by, the message of recovery was carried around the world.
Some knew that they needed help for their sex addiction, but didn't know where to get it. Some found relief by attending other twelve-step groups. And some started their own meeting of SAA. It may have started when two or three people discovered by chance that they had similar problems and began meeting informally in a private home or coffee shop. Others may have begun with just one addict who found a space for a meeting, advertised the time and location in the local paper, then waited at the scheduled time, praying for someone else to show up. All of these pioneers knew they needed help, and they were willing to go to any length to get it. Soon they were blessed with a meeting that would take hold and grow.
Some members found that the drives to their meetings were too long. Rather than drop out, they started new meetings in their own cities or towns. Others found that they couldn't always attend the one meeting in their town, or they decided that they needed more support than what a single meeting could provide. So they started a second or third meeting in their community.
What they all had in common was a desire to recover from their addiction-a desire that overcame any fear, adversity, or inconvenience. They were courageous. Perhaps they were brave simply because they were able to comprehend the seriousness of their condition.
And so it has been for all of us since then. Each of us has had to face our problem after years of denying it. Each of us has had to make the decision: "Do I want to go on destroying what I value the most and hurting those I care about, or am I willing to change?"
It took courage for us to reach out. Each of us faced our addiction and admitted our defeat. Courageously, but not fearlessly, we each took a first step toward recovery. We made contact with the SAA fellowship. We went to our frrst meeting. We read SA literature. At the meetings we found people like us, and when they told their stories, we could hear our own story. The details were often very different, but the feelings were the same. When we finally talked, we often let out secrets that we once thought we could tell no one.
Once we decided that we wanted recovery, the hard work began. Few of us began working the program without some hesitation. At each step of the way of surrender that was offered to us, we could choose to do things our own way. We have had to wrestle with that choice again and again.
We have had to work at staying sexually sober, as well as rebuilding our lives and relationships. Sometimes the steps seemed overwhelming. But we found that we had several things working in our favor. We had time and energy available that we used to waste on our addiction. We had our new friends in recovery. And most importantly, we had the God of our understanding to sustain us. Through the program, we were able to face problems that we never had the courage to face before, and to do things we never imagined possible.
This is how recovery has been for us. Each of us has taken steps of courage and leaps of faith. Each of us has contributed, not only to our own recovery, but to the recovery of other suffering sex addicts as well. We have contributed by showing up at meetings and by sharing our experience, strength, and hope. We have listened to our fellow addicts and supported them in their recovery journey. Like the first members of our fellowship, we continue to remain sexually sober by helping our fellow addict stay sober. Our prayer is that every sex addict who seeks recovery will have the opportunity to find it. And keep coming back.
SAA offers a program of recovery from sex addiction. Although our experience has shown that the Twelve Steps lead to a spiritual awakening, and provide invaluable guidance for a new way of life, we do not claim that our program provides answers to every problem or situation that we might face. Many of us have felt the need to seek help from outside the fellowship, in addition to the support we receive in our SAA groups. We are encouraged by our friends in recovery to take whatever action necessary to further our well-being and personal growth.
For some of us, sex is not our only addiction. We may have come to SAA from another recovery program. Or we may discover, in the course of working our program in SAA, that our lives are unmanageable in other areas as well. We might find that we need more support for our other issues and behaviors than SAA alone can provide. Although we are not affiliated with and do not endorse any other twelve-step fellowship, we acknowledge our common roots in the Steps and Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous as they are practiced in AA and other twelvestep programs. Open meetings of other twelve-step fellowships, and the literature they offer, are always available as resources.
Some of us have also found support for our recovery through our involvement with some form of religious organization. We may seek more structure in our spiritual practices, or to establish a sense of community with others who share our religious or spiritual beliefs. Some of us find that participating in a religious community or attending religious services can strengthen our own spirituality and help our program. At the same time, some of us choose to practice our spirituality without being involved in any religious tradition. Once again, we are encouraged to do whatever feels right for us. All of us are free to go wherever our faith may lead us.
Many of us have sought therapy in order to help ourselves heal from deep-seated emotional and psychological wounds, including sexual abuse and trauma. We may have suffered grave losses associated with our addictive behaviors or past abuse, and our grief over these losses may seem overwhelming. Or we may find that we need professional support in coping with the effects of sexual trauma. We are free to seek whatever professional help we need in order to aid our grieving and healing process.
We may also seek therapy as part of a commitment to self-improvement or awareness. For example, some of us have turned to couples therapy for help with issues that come up in our relationships. We may simply consider therapy part of an ongoing program of psychological self-care.
In addition, some of us have sought professional medical treatment for depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues. We may take prescription medications under the care of a doctor. Many of us have found medication to be helpful, particularly with conditions that aggravate our addiction, such as clinical depression.
Those of us who are sex offenders may find ourselves court-ordered into group therapy or outpatient treatment. SAA does not have an opinion on these programs. For some of us, both the SAA program and treatment may be necessary for full recovery. However, the process of recovery through working the Twelve Steps is a completely different process from therapy, although the two may complement each other.
For us, it was important to recognize that none of the resources mentioned above are substitutes for working the SAA program. SAA neither endorses nor opposes any other fellowship or religious organization, or the use of any particular medication or form of therapy. As SAA members, we view all of these as outside help that is available if we need it.
As we grow in recovery, we discover what we need in order to take care of ourselves, and give ourselves permission to meet those needs. Outside resources are available as part of our self-care. We also grow in our willingness and ability to reach out beyond the SAA program, enjoy a greater connection with people, and engage with life. We gain not only freedom to from our disease, but the freedom to be at home in the world.
The meeting is now open for discussion. You can share about the reading or just get current. To keep the meeting safe, we do not make direct comments about another person's share or give advice.
Please avoid mentioning the name of a Book, Movie, Treatment Center or the Like in your share because this can be viewed by some as "promotion”. It is ok, however, to talk about your experiences with these items. It is also safe to speak in “I” statements, as opposed to “you” statements. Feel free to share more specific information after the Serenity Prayer when Fellowship begins. It is appropriate to reference the reading.
We ask that any Newcomer that would like to share be given the opportunity. Our focus is making you feel welcome and acknowledge the courage it took getting here. We will reserve some time for Questions and Answers at the end of the meeting.
(optional) Please keep your shares to about ____________minutes.
I will help moderate. Who would like to begin?
As a gentle reminder for all of us, anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions. What you heard was spoken in confidence and should be treated as confidential. Please keep the things you heard here in the confines of your mind. Carry no gossip and always remember to place: principles before personalities.
This is how recovery has been for us. Each of us has taken steps of courage and leaps of faith. Each of us has contributed, not only to our own recovery, but to the recovery of other suffering sex addicts as well. We have contributed by showing up at meetings and by sharing our experience, strength, and hope. We have listened to our fellow addicts and supported them in their recovery journey. Like the first members of our fellowship, we continue to remain sexually sober by helping our fellow addict stay sober. Our prayer is that every sex addict who seeks recovery will have the opportunity to find it. And keep coming back.
Some of us started out as a "tourist" at SAA meetings-the member who shows up every week or every other week, who shares at meetings, who may even buy and read the literature, but who doesn't get a sponsor, doesn't work the steps, certainly never stays for a business meeting-and who doesn't stop acting out on his or her inner-circle behaviors for more than a few weeks at a time before the next relapse. This resistance to surrendering to the SAA program is rooted in pride and a stubborn unwillingness to admit defeat, despite the pain and consequences already experienced. As an SAA "tourist," we cling to the belief that we are not really powerless and that just going to meetings (maybe combined with just going to church, or just seeing a therapist, or just getting a slip signed, or just reading a book) will be enough to turn things around without too much inconvenience. Many tourists drop in and out for months or even years before one final crisis brings us to our bottom and makes us willing, at last, to get serious.
This experience brings into focus the difficult truth that no addict is compelled to work the suggested steps in this program. A member can't be kicked out because he relapsed or because she hasn't moved past Step One. Tradition Three assures us that anyone with a desire to stop addictive sexual behavior, however slight the desire, is welcome in SAA, for as long as it takes for recovery to take hold. That said, our hearts go out in compassion to those suffering sex addicts who still hang back, when the solution to our common addiction is so close and when their brothers and sisters in SAA stand ready to help and guide the way.
In our experience, though meetings are important, they are not sufficient for recovery from sex addiction. We need the spiritual solution offered by the Twelve Steps. To be sure, meetings are where most of us first encounter the steps, learn about the program, find our sponsors, and share with others our desire for recovery. But if we want to actually experience recovery in our lives, there are no shortcuts. We have to work the steps to experience the fruits of working the steps.
The steps are the spiritual solution to our addiction - leading not only to a life of abstinence from our addictive sexual behaviors, but to a fulfilling life of service to our brothers and sisters in recovery and beyond. The spiritual awakening described in Step Twelve puts us on the path of service and connects us with our Higher Power, our fellow addicts, and our world in ways we had never dreamed possible. This awakening is the foundation of a responsible and joyful existence as we seek and find our Higher Power's will for us-both in our individual lives and in the life of our fellowship. And for this priceless gift of recovery, so astonishingly simple, so freely available, we are humbly grateful. We invite all suffering sex addicts, inside and outside the rooms of SAA, to join with us in accepting this gift.
(Ottawa, Canada Hope and Recovery Group)
Through a renewed Relationship with God, the healing force of recovery will take hold in our hearts. By giving ourselves over to God and working our program, our lives will become manageable and we will be restored to sanity. We will receive the inner strength and support needed to face our anxieties and fears, and to deal with the painful feelings that feed our addiction.
Relations with Others will improve as we learn to respect our boundaries and allow others freedom to be themselves. Reaching out in trust and connecting with others will come easier, dispelling our sense of isolation and loneliness. Degrading fantasies and obsessive sexual thinking will diminish.
Relating to Ourselves, self absorption will give way to self-discovery; secrecy to honesty; feelings of unworthiness to dignity; and shame to grace. A restored integrity will guide our behavior. We will feel more alive and regain a sense of happiness. We will hear ourselves laugh again and rediscover play. We will embrace change and will grow.
A Spiritual Awakening will free us from the tyranny of our addiction. An awareness of being guided by a Higher Power and supported by caring friends will sustain us. Regret for the past and worry for the future will give way to living for today. We will open ourselves to the amazing possibilities of a life worth living. Our life.
Are these extravagant promises?
WE THINK NOT!
We have seen them fulfilled.
They are ours, if we want them and work for them.
I put my hand in yours and together we can do what we could never do alone. No longer is there a sense of hopelessness. No longer must we each depend upon our own unsteady willpower. We are all together now, reaching out our hands for a power and strength greater than ours; and as we join hands, we find love and understanding beyond our wildest dreams.
Thank you for attending our meeting today! Now it is time for fellowship. Feel free to stick around to chat, ask questions, pass around phone numbers, or get a sponsor.