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With crime, corruption, and Maths Demons running rampant throughout our streets, many are left wondering who will restore this country to the glory we know exists hidden beneath the grime. The split between supporters has left families divided, colleagues and friends bitter, and comradery torn asunder from the weight of the un-scoopiness.
However, a light has finally appeared at the end of the tunnel. After years of biding their time and planning, a new party has emerged: Partit Scoopmungus.
Led by illustrious, dedicated cofounders, this ambitious Partit has sworn to right the wrongs within the very system itself. With a tough, resolute attitude regarding demons, Partit Scoopmungus has promised to crack down on the issues this country faces.
Partit Scoopmungus is led by the guidings of the wisest of the wise: Jenkins, Jared, Joe Mama, and Pazaza. With a team composed of these incredibly competent individuals, they are sure to lead this country to an age of glorious prosperity.
In an exclusive interview with one of the most high-ranking members of the company, more is revealed regarding Partit Scoopmungus’s campaign and manifesto.
Interviewer: What is Scoopmungus's view on the dire economic situation this country is headed towards?
Scoop Rep: If our party comes to power, we aim to completely eradicate the monetary system as it is tainted with the irrevocable stain of the Maths Demons. We believe that a system based on trading braincells will be much more effective in supporting the economy and creating a rise in the standard of living.
Interviewer: What is this party's view on maintaining and creating spaces for diversity within sectors of the economy where diversity is low?
Scoop Rep: The very foundations of our team here at Scoopmungus are remarkably diverse. This can be seen through our candidate list, which consists of a Nobel prize-winning octopus, a sparkle demon, a squirrel pope, and an entity known by us mortals as Joe Mama. If elected, our party will ensure equal opportunities for all, whether humans, demons, or omnipotent entities, in every sector of the economy.
Interviewer: What measures will Partit Scoopmungus take to combat the rise of the demons in our country, most notably the Math demons, if elected?
Scoop Rep: I would first like to point out that not all demons are fundamentally corrupt. Pazaza, for instance, is a highly valued member of our party. However, those demons who wish to harm our country, such as the Maths Demons, will be completely eradicated through our three-point plan. Firstly, we will eradicate the source: maths will stop being taught in schools. Next, we will have a recovery program for those who have suffered from the demons. Lastly, we will set up Anti-Maths programs and make Anti-Maths a mandatory subject in all schools.
Interviewer: Fascinating! Finally, what changes would Partit Scoopmungus make within the first 6 months of being in office?
Scoop Rep: Apart from our Anti-Maths campaign, our Party would like to take action in order to conserve the environment. We will be instituting Flying Lessons so that cars and other forms of transport which cause pollution, will become obsolete. Furthermore, Jared will be leading his team in an underwater sea clean up. Some reforms will take place in the education sector. MATSEC will be abolished, and Malcolm will be arrested for being a loser. Instead, a new board presided over by Joe Mama will be set up. There will only be one mandatory examination: a Coolness Test. Those who do not pass the cool bar will have to repeat a year at the Scooperson's University.
Interviewer: Thank you so much for your time.
Evidently, this Partit is dedicated to protecting and cultivating our country and nourishing its values so that it may blossom into the country we know it can be. We must look forward to the future, as this is a story that, if we act together, will have no end.
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