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One night in the 15th century, the infamous mage Thomas Bianco LXXIX was talking to the stars when they started talking back to him. This is what they said:
Listen now and listen well
To the splendorous news we have to tell.
Though things may not have been going great,
We have the answer: Ħobż biż-Żejt.
Five tomatoes to slice and chop,
This sick beat is about to drop.
As you’re cooking, feel free to brag,
Peeling onions is truly swag.
At this high level of finesse,
You must place three capers, no more no less.
Drizzle, drizzle a bit of oil,
We’re nearing the end of this great toil.
Just a pinch of salt and that will do,
To ensure that your meal is as salty as you 💕
Written in the stars each night are the age old instructions on how to cast the spell to summon the Ħobż biż-żejt. They read as follows:
Go to the northernmost point in your local area while wearing Joseph Mother's Chef Hat.
Lay sand in the shape of a star around yourself and stand in the center, looking upwards towards our Scoopmungus deities and stars.
Chant the age old poem (found above) 3 times in succession, the last one being in a North-Atlantic accent.
And ta-da, you have summoned Ħobż biż-żejt! If you haven't managed to do so, be sure to buy new Chefs Hats till you succeed!
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