When I Grow Up

When I was younger I couldn't wait to grow up,

I could wear makeup,

Choose my own clothes,

I could go out on my own,

I'd have my own phone,

I might even get a boyfriend,

And I'd be taller, I'd have grown.

And now that I've grown up I wish I was younger.

I can wear makeup but it consumes me,

Trying to paint my face pretty,

Though I could never make it happy,

And I choose my own clothes,

But can't wear what I want,

Because the ghost of my reflection in the mirror haunts me,

And I can go out on my own,

But it just feels lonely and sad,

Because I'm used to being alone and friendless,

And I have my own phone,

But I wish I never did,

It makes the self-doubt creep in,

I never got that boyfriend,

I never turned their heads,

I just doubted whether I even liked them instead,

And sure, I'm taller,

Though not by much,

But I haven't really grown,

I've just shrunk inside a hollow shell,

Just a smaller version of my younger self,

The same person but with lost parts,

Cut them off long ago to fit in,

To the world the I never belonged within.

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