The Ache

I act as though I have nine lives,

Fed love from silver spoons,

But chose to lick it off of knives,

And then words bled out my mouth,

Words I didn't mean, they were mean,

At the look on your face I almost felt bad,

But if guilt can't fix me, nothing can,

Blood, sweat and tears can't wash away the scars,

I won't, I can't, be clean again,

And I take that out on you, I know I shouldn't,

But I lied when I told you I quit, that I wouldn't,

Then we argued, I refused to eat,

I can't look you in the eyes,

And you can't look at my arms,

So now we're even.

Aside from the secrets,

I've been thinking of leaving,

Starting anew, somewhere far from here,

Far from me and you,

Change my life and change my name,

I've cut off all my hair,

It didn't help me abstain,

Didn't satiate the hunger,

Didn't help me win the game,

You grazed your knees, you drowned in two feet,

But my fall was fatal, drowning in ten,

I'm looking back though I promised I wouldn't again,

Lost in the madness, I feel like a ghost,

I'm done being more than just a daughter,

More than just a body, acting like a machine,

I'm with Alice, down the rabbit hole,

Bottles with drink me,

Cats to blame the scratches on,

Marching bands with funeral hymns,

Any God watching,

Shouldn't have wanted this,

Agnostic madness in godly chaos,

But maybe God is just behind one Eat Me label,

I'm sober, I'm celibate,

But that's the one thing I won't do,

So maybe God's not watching,

But if he wasn't watching why,

Why then, he still won't let me in,

I'm an angel, I'm a ghost, I'm sweet and I'm a fruit,

I'm here to satiate but never to consume,

Just an homage, lacking a home,

An old collage, memories that aren't my own,

Silver dark and a marble arch from times I can't remember,

A fallen cross I can't restore,

And a milky white expired,

To ache is to be alive,

But I can't reach God to tell him,

I should be feeling this more,

To ache is to be alive,

But I am numb,

I don't feel a thing,

Immune to the pain,

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