"Damn." Kato hurled his cell phone, the latest technology's specimen on the comfortable coffee-brown couch, where it bounced twice and fell down on the carpeted floor. If he hadn't destroyed two phones already, he would probably have thrown it against the wall, but as it was, destroying another phone would mean Alex's questioning gaze, a lift of his brow and then, when he explained that it was an accident, those soft lips amusedly smirking and telling him that he should be more careful next time, knowing full well that it had been Kato's temper that broke the phone.
Damn. Kato kicked at the air. Why couldn't he say to Alex that yes, he would mind if Alex went for a drink with Klemen after work and came home a bit late, and that no, the lunch, even though he could reheat it, couldn't wait. He tugged on the strand of hair that fell over his brow to the point of pain. He knew why he couldn't say no to Alex, because saying no would be selfish and it would mean that his assurances that he was trying to change were empty promises which were forgotten in the passing of time.
He went toward the couch, picked up the phone and pocketed it. This was the third time in a row, and the seventh time this month, that they hadn't spent Alex's lunch break together. He went in the kitchen where the calendar hung. Today was Tuesday, the twenty-third, so that meant that-- he counted the working days with his finger--seven times out of seventeen, Alex had rejected, with some shallow excuse, his offer to spend his lunch break together and this was the fifth time, he thought, looking at the food that he prepared, that he would be eating alone.
And hadn't it been just yesterday when he had caught Alex giggling in front of the computer screen again, and when he wrapped his arms around Alex's neck and asked What are you doing?, Alex had quickly closed the active window and awkwardly laughed, saying it was nothing. Very suspicious.
He spent two seconds looking at the food on the new, shiny, metal stove and then turned on his heel and went through the door, down the stairs into the small lobby. And there were also those mysterious phone calls Alex had been making this last week, always whispering into the phone and hanging up as soon as he saw Kato coming.
More than very suspicious.
It meant something was going on. Kato wanted to talk to somebody about that, get his suspicions out, but by some weird coincidence, he couldn't get Siva on the phone;Siva's parents said that he had gone abroad with his girlfriend -- or David or Miko, and even the rest of the band's members were unavailable. Damn.
He took his warm fur-lined jacket and a cap from the closet. He put them on, took his keys from the low shoe cabinet and with a loud slam of the door left the house but then stopped on the doorstep.
He sighed. Standing in front of the building that that five times a week, from seven to three o'clock, deprived him of Alex's company, waiting for Alex to stop working and then following him was a bad, very bad idea. His little Kukki had some kind of Katoradar and he would probably be spotted as soon as Alex stepped out of the building. He had been the first time. And the second. And also the third. Should he try for the fourth time?
Alex had said, after the third time, that he would be very disappointed if he found Kato following him again. Kato knew how to read between the lines -- that meant that if it happened one more time, Alex would be the sort to hide in his room, angry, and ignore Kato for days , which meant no cuddling, no sex, no anything.
He turned on his heel and went back inside. It was not worth it.
He got out of the jacket, put it and the cap back in the closet and then spend the next hour pacing to and fro until he settled behind the Playstation, pushing the console's button like crazy, kicking and throwing punches to his game's adversaries, imagining that he was punching that blonde Alex was with.
And he was on a roll. He was fighting the last battle before the ninth level and he was beating the huge giant who always gave him problems into a bloody pulp, when the door of the living room opened and Alex appeared .
Kato was on his feet in a second and he almost pounced on Alex, like a wild cat pouncing on his prey. His warm hands embraced Alex's face, cold from the chill outside, and with his thumb he brushed Alex's somewhat cracked and dry lips.
"Kato?"
If Alex were cheating on him with Klemen, his lips would be swollen from kissing, wouldn't they? Kato closed the distance between them and entangled them into deep, long kiss, his tongue sliding over Alex's, exploring him and tasting him.
Alex wrapped his arms around Kato's neck, pressed himself closer and reciprocated.
Alex always felt and tasted so wonderful, his body always moulded to his like they were made for each other -- and they were, at least in his mind. Kato ended the kiss and brushed with his thumb against Alex's now swollen lips. And he couldn't help himself, he had to caress those now warm and flushed cheeks too.
"Tadaima. I'm home." Alex smiled and tried to wiggle out from between Kato's hands.
"Okaerinasai. Welcome home." Kato pressed a quick peck on Alex's lips before he let him go, reluctantly. Then he followed Alex into the kitchen.
"You really went out of your way," Alex said after he opened the fridge and saw what Kato had cooked and after Kato said that he hadn't eaten anything yet, started to load up two plates and reheat food in the microwave.
Kato took two sets of tableware and sat at the table waiting for Alex to join him. And as soon as Alex put the plates on the table, he pulled Alex onto his lap.
"How was the date with Klemen?" Kato sneaked his hands under Alex's sweater, to feel that soft skin, still cold in some places. He couldn't help himself, he was addicted.
"Ok, nothing special. And it wasn't a date, you know that it wasn't." Alex behaved like the hands underneath his clothes, patting and caressing him, was a completely normal, daily thing, which it actually was. He drew the plate closer to him, took the fork and started to eat. "How about you, did you write anything?"
"No. I started something, but…" Kato rubbed Alex's belly and then slid with his palm over Alex's navel. He hadn't been able to focus on the music for some time now, not since Alex's weird phone calls and giggling before the computer had started and besides, how could he write songs, good songs, when Alex was out with somebody else? No way.
Maybe he should say something, ask Alex what was going on… But what if something was going on? He would rather not know that. And if it was nothing, please, let it be nothing, he didn't want to make a fool of himself and he didn't want to appear too possessive, even though he was. In the past he had almost lost Alex because of it and it was awful. Just awful.
Alex slapped Kato's hand away. "Will you sing it to me?"
"Yes, when it's finished." Kato walked his fingers down Alex's abdomen again, following path of the fine hair that trailed down from navel.
"Stop that." Alex swatted Kato's hand away and took another bite of the food.
"Why?" Kato slid his hand down again and his hand was slapped away this time too. Didn't his Kukki want Kato like Kato wanted him?
"You are making me horny."
"That's the point." Kato pressed a kiss on the top of Alex's head. He needed to touch Alex, to have him, to assure himself that Alex was his.
"We don't have time for that." Alex put his fork down and turned sideways. "You haven't even started eating and we have to go out and go shopping for all the stuff for Christmas dinner tomorrow. And I also have to wrap all the presents, alone, because you are horrible with wrapping paper."
"Just one quickie." Kato wrapped his arms around Alex's waist and started to nibble on Alex's ear.
"In your dictionary that means an hour, minimum." Alex said, his voice a little strained. He tilted his head, giving more skin for Kato's teeth to nibble. "And as much I would love that… we… we really don't have time for that."
"Well if you hadn't been on a date with Klemen, there wouldn't be a time issue." Kato's hand slid under Alex's sweater and patted and caressed Alex's skin.
"It was not a date." Alex leaned the back of his head on Kato's shoulder. "He's going on a month-long trip and he just wanted to say goodbye and you know that. And he give me a Christmas present, he gave me one for you too."
"I don't want it." Kato kept his touch light and with his fingers he was slowly nearing his target. "I don't like him." Because you like him.
"Kato." Alex grabbed the hand that was sliding down his abdomen again and tilted his head, so that his cheek was resting on Kato's shoulder. With the other hand he tugged on Kato's hair and pressed a quick kiss on Kato's lips. "I love you. Not Klemen. You."
No matter how many times Kato heard those words, they made his heart sing every time and turned him all mushy and mellow. He pressed a chaste kiss on the corner of Alex's mouth. "Say it again."
"I love you." Alex's eyes were soft and big and very blue. He combed his fingers through Kato's red bangs. "So much. And going out for drinks with Klemen or with anybody else will not change that."
Was he so transparent? Or was just that his Kukki knew him so well? Kato tightened his hold on Alex.
"Can we eat now, please?" Alex put his palm on Kato's chest. "And then go shopping without you trying to distract me?"
Kato was about to object, when Alex cupped Kato's jaw, his fingers brushed Kato's cheeks. "And then we can go to bed early."
"How early?"
"Very, very early."
Ok, Kato was all for that. He pushed Alex gently out of his lap. "Then what are you waiting for, let's eat."
Xxx
Kato lay on his side, leaning on one elbow, his fingers stroking through Alex's soft, brown hair. The soft light of the moon that was reflecting from the snow lit Alex's face, enabling Kato to see those pouting lips moving with each breath and the slight movements of Alex's eyes beneath his eyelids.
It was still early in the morning, too early for his Kukki to be up. He captured the brown tassel of Alex's hair and rolled it around his finger.
He loved to watch his Kukki, even though Alex didn't like that; Alex said that he always got the feeling that something was expected of him when somebody stared at him in that way. So the only way Kato could indulge himself in that pleasure was when Alex slept. It was a good thing that he was a early riser and Alex a sleepy head.
Kato released Alex's strand of hair and brushed his fingers down the side of Alex's face.
Alex murmured something and turned on his side, facing Kato. He put his elbow under his head and opened his eyes, revealing the blue of his irises for a moment before he closed his eyes again. " Up?"
"No, you don't have to get up. It's your day off." Kato brushed away the brown strands of hair that had fallen on Alex's face.
"Good," Alex murmured. He reached out like he was looking for something, then he threw his arm around Kato's waist and snuggled closer to Kato's warmth. "You took the blanket again. Give it back."
"No. You can use me instead ." Kato rolled them so that Alex half lay underneath him. One wouldn't have thought it, but in their relationship he was the main cuddler and Alex didn't mind it, most of the time.
Alex opened his eyes and entangled his cold feet with Kato's legs. "I don't know why you always have to do that."
"Because I love being your personal heater." Kato laid his head on Alex's chest and put his hand on Alex's hip. He would love it even more if Alex were naked instead of being in his terry lemon, childish looking pajamas, but his Kukki was always cold, so he had learned to accept Alex's nightwear.
"But I can't go back to sleep like that." Alex yawned and wrapped his arm around Kato's shoulder. His eyelids fluttered closed.
"Kukki." Kato rubbed his cheek against Alex.
"Hmm?" Alex began to move his palm in small circles on Kato's shoulder .
"You've been having mysterious phone calls lately. Who are you talking with?"
"What?" Alex opened his eyes and stilled his hand. "What are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about the calls you disconnect as soon as I walk into the room."
"There's no –"
"Kukki, please don't lie to me." Kato lifted himself up, framed Alex's head with his arm and towered over him. He didn't know what made him bring up the matter, when he had, after much debate with himself, decided that he would stay silent, but now that the words were spoken, he needed to know the answer. "I can tolerate a lot of things, but lying isn't one of them."
"Maybe I should get up. I still have to wrap presents and mom is coming at ten." Alex tried to wiggle his way out from underneath Kato.
"Alex?" Why did Alex's elusiveness hurt so much? And it must have shown on his face, because Alex stopped squirming.
"Kato." Alex sighed and caressed Kato's cheeks. "You do know that I love you? And you do believe me when I say it, don't you?"
Kato nodded. He did, even now in this moment, he did believe. It was just that something was going on, and there was also the fact that some people cheated their partner even though they loved them.
"And you do love me?"
"You know that I do." Sometimes almost desperately.
"Do you love me enough to wait until after the Christmas dinner? I promise to tell you then."
"Why not now?"
"So you don't…" Alex turned away.
"Of course I do. But why do I have to wait?"
"You don't love me enough."
Kato heard a pout in Alex's voice. He knew that this was a case of his Kukki wrapping him around his little finger, something that Alex knew how to do really well when he wanted to. "Of course I love you enough."
"So…"
"After dinner then." Kato relented and leaned down to seal their deal with a kiss.
Alex covered his mouth with both hands .
"Kukki?"
"Morning breath." Alex mumbled between his fingers.
"I don't care." Kato smiled and pulled Alex's upper hand away. He had already brushed his teeth, after his morning exercise, and as far as Alex's breath, his Kukki always tasted good to him.
"I do. I do. Get off." Alex kicked Kato and scrambled away from him and off bed, he ran into the bathroom and locked himself in.
Kato slowly got up and rubbed his hip, where Alex's kick had landed. He went toward the bathroom door and leaned his arm on the door frame. He had forgotten to hide the key again. He knocked on the door. "Kukki, if you want me to wait until evening, I want a kiss, a very big one."
He heard the running of water and some mumbling and then the door opened.
Alex stepped forward; he wrapped his arms around Kato and pressed his lips against Kato's, drawing them into a deep, delightful kiss, which he ended with a small nip on Kato's lower lip.
"That was nice." Kato enveloped Alex into a hug and purred: "I want more."
And Alex complied.
Xxx
Kato liked to drive, he really did, but whenever Alex and he went somewhere, Alex always insisted on driving, because Kato wasn't used to driving on the right side of the road, so Kato let him. And now after five months of driving only two or three times, he had problems not only with driving, but also with parking. He stepped out of the car, took the bag of groceries from the passenger's seat and closed the door. He frowned at the sight of a long scratch over the car's door, Alex was not going to like that. He frowned. When Alex started to nag, he would just have to point out that a scratch on the car was better than one on him.
He went out of the garage and with a press of the button on his keychain he locked it. It was four o'clock and he was coming home from the urgent mission -- getting some missing ingredient Alex and his mom had sent him on. It was a good thing that by now he knew enough of the town and enough Slovenian to get by.
He climbed up the stairs and opened the entrance door. He put the bag on the cabinet, got rid of his shoes and put his slippers on. He took the bag and went into a kitchen. "Tadaima."
"Okaerinasai," Alex, in the middle of taking something from the oven, looked at him. "There's a surprise for you in the living room."
"Yeah." Kato put the bag on the counter.
"Thank you." The brunette, very well preserved for her fifties, from whom Alex had inherited the colouring and his high cheekbones, took the bag and rummaged through it.
"Mom, leave the bag and take care of the sauce that you are making." Alex put the tray with potatoes on the counter and gently nudged his mother back in front of the stove.
"Can I help?" Kato stood in the middle of the kitchen, feeling a little in the way.
"No." Alex smiled and wrapped an arm around Kato's waist; he leaned on him for a moment. "You go and see what kind of surprise I prepared for you." He pushed him out of the kitchen.
Kato would rather have stayed in the kitchen, watching Alex and his mom cooking and stealing kisses from Alex behind his mother's back. He went toward the living room door and pushed it open.
And he froze at the sight of his mother and father and his friends, Miko, David and Siva, sitting on the couch.
"Okaerinasai," they greeted him in unison.
"Tadaima." Kato smiled and hurried toward them. "It's so good to see you. But, what are you doing here?"
"Alex said that you are feeling restless and that you miss Japan. He asked if we could come," David said.
"And we came," Siva added.
Kato gave a hug to all of them, one at the time, and then sat down between his parents. He put his head on his mother's shoulder, something that he had done as a child and something that he hadn't been able to do for so many years, but he was getting used to doing it again.
They talked, Siva reported on how his staff members were doing, what Naya, Ame and Tanaka were up to, and David and Miko told some snippets from the lives of Japan's rich and famous.
And soon Nina, Alex's friend and Alex's three cousins and their family showed up and they had Christmas dinner. A lot of talking, in three different languages, and laughing and stuffing themselves with the food that Alex and his mom had prepared and then it was time for exchanging presents.
Alex had put all the presents that he had wrapped that morning under the medium-sized plastic fir tree in the corner of the living room, under the stairs. And Kato had helped with wrapping presents too, because it wasn't that he was terrible with wrapping paper, he was just so particular about it that in the time Alex wrapped four of them, he only finished one.
Now everyone except the two of them were gathered around the tree, looking for a box with their name on it. And Kato and Alex got presents too, they were on the low table before the couch, unopened, because everything Kato wanted and needed was in his lap and he wasn't letting him go.
"But I want to see what I got." Alex whined and squirmed in Kato's embrace, albeit very weakly.
"You will see that later." Kato leaned his chin on Alex's shoulder. "Now, tell me, was their coming here the reason for those disconnected calls?"
"Yeah." Alex stopped fidgeting and he nodded. "And yesterday when I came home late, the drink with Klemen only lasted twenty minutes, the rest of the time I spent with them."
"That's nice to hear." Kato buried his nose into Alex's shoulder-length brown hair. It always smelled so good. "And now, when you are so willing to share things with me, would you mind telling me the reason for your giggling at the computer?"
Alex turned sidewise in Kato's lap, pink decorated his cheeks, and he narrowed his eyes at Kato.
"What? I want to know?"
"You don't have to know everything."
"Oh, yes I do." Now even more, when the pink on Alex's face became even more evident.
"You don't."
"Tell me," Kato pulled Alex even closer, "or I'll french you so indecently that it would make even Siva blush."
"With my mom and your parents here? You wouldn't dare."
Kato gave Alex a lopsided grin. "Try me."
When Alex just watched him with a frown between his eyes, he cupped Alex's face and drew it closer.
"Ok. Ok." Alex swatted Kato's hands away. "If you have to know, I discovered this site with yaoi fan-fictions."
Kato rubbed Alex's back. And here he had been thinking that Alex was corresponding with somebody, which actually wasn't anything terrible, but what was worrying was the expression of guilt on his Kukki's face while he enjoyed his time in front of the screen, giggling. He wondered, "What's so funny about yaoi fan-fiction?"
Alex bent his head like he's ashamed. "I found some about you and Siva, and some of the characterizations are really funny."
"You were reading fan-fiction about me." Kato combed with his fingers through Alex's hair.
"Yes." Alex still held his head down.
"That so cute." Kato slid his finger beneath Alex's chin, tilted Alex's head up and drew him into one very indecent kiss, because his Kukki was too cute to be true and he had a feeling that Alex's mom and his parents, if they by any chance glimpsed their way, would understand. And besides, it was Christmas.