What if everything might not be alright
Kato slid his palm down Alex's back in a swirling, slow motion and when he came to the end of Alex's spine, he begun tiptoeing up, drawing mystical designs on Alex's skin. His eyes shined down on Alex and a tender smile decorated his face. "I love you."
There were a thousand bubbles of delight bursting in the pit of Alex's stomach and his lips turned upwards and, as much as he tried, they didn't want to stay down. He would have never expected Kato to say something like that and could barely even believe that this was possible, but the words were spoken, he heard them clearly. Now he couldn't help himself, something that he didn't want to admit even to himself was trying to find its way out. "I love you too."
Kato wrapped his hands tightly around Alex and he pressed a kiss on Alex's forehead.
And it hurt.
It hurt.
Why did it hurt?
Alex looked up, but it wasn't Kato's face looking down on him anymore, it was Kedajin's and he was pressing something against Alex's forehead.
It hurt.
Alex whimpered and pushed against him. A cold dread wetted the edge of his scalp and he felt like crying. Why was this happening to him? Why?
"Let me go, let me go." He fisted his hands and punched against Kedajin's chest, but his fists didn't hit hard flesh, but a soft, cold surface and the pressure on his forehead increased. His eyes opened and there was nobody there; there were only couch pillows, one of them tight against Alex's head.
He put some distance between himself and the pillows. Without the pressure against his forehead, the sharp pain lost its edges and became a dull throbbing. It was a dream. His heart, a moment ago like a frightened bird fluttering in his ribcage, slowly calmed down. It was only a dream. He would sigh in relief, but when he turned and his eyes took in his surrounding, he was faced with the fact that reality wasn't any better.
It was semi-dark, the only source of light coming through a slit in the ceiling, it was just enough light for Alex to distinguish outlines of the furniture in the room, not that he needed to anymore. He knew that there were two chairs in front of the couch, behind the chairs was a desk with a chair, and there was a long closet behind it. There was an additional door beside the one Shoji had pushed him through and that was all. No windows, no pictures on any of the walls, they were empty and bare like the soul of the man that locked him in.
Alex hadn't seen Shoji since he was pushed into the room -- not that he missed him, Shoji's absence was a good thing, a very good thing. It was just that he had been locked in for roughly two days and because there was no food in the room, except some chocolate and snacks that he been eaten yesterday and he was hungry. He was really hungry.
Shoji should have planned his kidnapping better; he should at least prepare some food for him. Bastard. It seemed that Alex could count himself lucky that he at least had a fresh supply of water, and that there was a toilet and a sink in the room behind the door that was parallel to the exit ones.
He stood up from the couch and went toward the exit door. He reviewed the damage that he had done to door's hinges. He had managed to completely smash the upper hinge and was now prepared to start to work on the middle one. He was not going to give up and despair, and he also needed a distraction from thinking about his dreams. He knew that the words that tumbled past his lips were true. That he loves Kato. He sighed. He always thought that what ever he was feeling toward Kato was just a shallow infatuation, not love. Or maybe he just wished for it to be just a shallow infatuation because love complicated things.
He took the big, metal hole-puncher from the table and went back to the door. He lifted the hole-puncher, his grip on the handle strong, and smashed it against the middle hinge. And then again. And again.
After few more hits, sweat ran down his temple and his spine, and the swelling that was covering his forehead and his nose painfully throbbed. He was annoyed with the fact that he needed a break again, but there wasn't anything that he could do. So, he put down his demolition tool and was about to go toward the couch when he heard a persistent knock on the door and a hushed voice called: "Alex. Alex, is that you?"
It sounded like James' voice.
Alex pressed his ear to the door. "James?"
"Yeah."
"Can you get me out?"
"Yeah."
Alex heard metal scraping and then the door opened, and the next moment he was babbling against James' strong chest. "You are here… happy… Shoji…gun…I didn't."
James awkwardly patted Alex's back. "There, there," He patiently waited for Alex to calm down.
"How…" Alex took a big breath and looked up at James. "How did you find me?"
James titled Alex's face upwards, "You look like hell."
"No kidding." Alex had looked at himself in the bathroom mirror and he knew that with his greenish, purple swellings he looked like a Frankenstein's monster. "I feel like hell too."
James put his hand on his left ear, bent his head and mumbled something.
"What?"
"Nothing." James put his arm around Alex's shoulder and led them away from the room. "I'm just letting the guys know that I found you."
"What guys?" Alex tried to keep up with James. He stumbled.
"I recruited some friends from the army to help us find you. Here, let me help you." James wound his arm around Alex's waist and picked him up.
"Oh, ok." Alex hooked his arm around James' neck; he didn't have anything against being carried. "Your friends from Okinawa?" Almost everybody from Kato's inner circle was from Okinawa and one way or another connected with the American camp that had the same name as that uncle in Adams family. Kato as a child lived near that camp where he met David who worked there as a translator and teacher of Japanese and English, through David's English lessons for outsiders. And David was also the one who recommended James, John, and some other members of staff who were stationed in that camp to Kato when their military contract expired and they needed a job. Or at least that's what Alex had gathered from what they told him.
They crossed the hall and were outside at the beginning of the stairs.
"Yes, you owe David and me a big one." James shifted Alex in his arms, grabbed him more firmly before they started their descent. "And to Kedajin."
"What?"
"He told us were you were."
"How did he know?" Had that bastard worked together with Shoji? Alex frowned. "Ouch."
"He saw you and Shoji, and he followed you," James said. They were almost at the end of the stairs.
"He followed us! What was he doing there? Wait a minute. He followed us! He knew from the start were I was?" Alex narrowed his eyes at James. "I hope there's a good reason why it took so long to get me? And where's Kato?"
"Stop moving around." James stepped down from the last step. "He told us this morning."
"This morning. That bastard. But why? Why wait?" What would Kedajin gain with waiting? Whatever. Alex sighed. It wasn't important, the important thing was that he was safe now and… "Where's Kato?"
"He's waiting in the car. Or should be waiting in the car." James fixed his gaze on something before him.
Alex followed that gaze and there was Kato, his favourite redhead who was coming toward them quickly, two big men on his heels. Warmth enveloped Alex and suddenly he became conscious of his appearance.
Kato was almost runningand then he was there, his hands on Alex, searching for anything that might be broken. "I was so worried."
"Kato, I'm ok." Alex was keeping his face hidden behind the curtain of his hair.
James put Alex on the ground.
Kato removed Alex's hair away from his face. "Oh, my god." He got hold of Alex's face between his palms and he examined the damage. "What has he done to you?"
"Caught me by surprise." Alex pulled his head away. He wanted Kato to stop looking at him.
"Lets get you home." Kato wrapped his arms around Alex and pulled him tightly against his chest. "I'll make you a hot bath and… something to eat… and… whatever you want. What do you want? What do you need?"
"You have a performance in an hour." James put his hand on Kato's shoulder. "And-"
Alex didn't know what it was, maybe it was a sound or maybe it was just James' gut feeling, but in the next moment James pushed them behind him and when Alex peeked over his shoulder, he saw Shoji at the beginning of the stairs with a gun in his hand.
"Kato! Where are you going?" Shoji shouted. "Do you think you can come here and leave as you please? To take your whore away and leave me with nothing." He narrowed his eyes and lips. "I want you to suffer like I have."
James pulled out his gun and pointed it at Shoji. "Mikumi-san, put the gun down."
"I should have been our parents' favourite one, not you. I was the first," Shoji ignored James. "I should be the famous and the rich one, not you. Everything should have been mine. Mine. Not yours, you sick faggot."
Kato stepped in front of James. "Shoji, put that gun away and come down. We can talk and work everything out."
"You are nothing! Nothing! Do you hear me Kato?" Shoji aimed his gun at Kato. "I won't lose against you." He fired his gun.
Alex could see in his mind the image of Kato falling down, hurt. "No." He pushed Kato away.
And he fell.
It seemed to Alex like he was falling forever, like he was floating through the air, until his body touched the rough ground and he felt the sand through the thin fabric of his shirt.
"Alex!" Kato crawled over Alex. "Alex?"
"I'm ok." Alex rolled onto his side. He felt fine, a little shaken from the fall, but fine. That is until he saw it, the red wetness on his right shoulder; and then his body became limp, his eyes fluttered closed, and his world faded into darkness.
Xxx
"Kukki. Wake up."
Alex could feel Kato's hands on his cheeks. And he wasn't really sleeping, but he wasn't awake either. He was in that place in-between, in the place were you are aware of everything that's going on around you, but you are still not there. He wanted to open his eyes, he was trying to open up his eyes, if for nothing else than to tell Kato to stop bugging him, but it was as if his eyelids were stuck together and his tongue was a dead muscle, the only thing that came out of his mouth was a short grumble.
"Alex, c'mon, wake up. There's nothing wrong with you. The bullet just scratched you, and well, the doctor says you are a little dehydrated and suspects that you have a mild concussion, but other than that you are ok and you can go home. So wake up, kukki, open your eyes for me. I need to hear you say you are ok."
"Boss, let him be."
"No. I want him to wake up."
"He will, eventually."
"Then I'll wait until he does and then we'll all go home together."
"You have a show to catch and your fans are outside the hospital."
"What? I guess I better go out and clear the entrance for you two. Just let me a moment longer with him."
"…"
"James. Let go of me."
"…"
"James, that was an order. Do you hear me?"
"Yes, boss."
"Then stop pushing me out of the room!"
Xxx
The sound of somebody's complaining pulled Alex from the darkness of sleep into the haze of drowsing, he turned around, pulled his legs toward his chest and turned his head, his cheek pressed into something hard, something warm.
"Shhh. Shhh." Fingers interwove into his hair and fingertips started to massage Alex's back.
Alex moaned under that delightful touch and as soon as the sound escaped out, two hands grabbed him, tore him away from that soothing hand and lifted him up into sitting position.
He blinked, his eyelashes brushed against his skin.
"Oh, you are awake." Kato said, he held Alex in a loose hug, an innocent expression on his face.
"No, I'm not." Alex yawned, leaned on Kato and closed his eyes. The collar of James' borrowed T-shirt slipped down and exposed a large portion of Alex's collarbone. He would ask Kato, where have you been, but he knew where he was. James told him when he had been driven him home, that because they wanted to keep the impression that nothing had happened, Kato went to perform as planned (Alex would probably never understand how Kato could and was able to do that after his own brother tried to shoot him). And then when the members of the band went home, James went to pick up Kato, so they could go to the police to take care of Shoji's business.
"Why are you sleeping in Siva's bed?"
Alex yawned again, turned his head and leaned with his cheek on Kato's shoulder. His eyes found Siva's and he smiled lazily at him, he was grateful to Siva that he was willing to keep him company. "I was sleepy and Siva didn't want to sleep in your bed."
"What!" Kato jumped up from the bed. "You asked Siva to sleep with you! In my bed!"
Alex fell on his right shoulder, on his wounded right shoulder. If he was still drowsy a moment ago, now he was completely awake. He hissed.
Kato was at Alex's side in a second. He picked him up. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He tugged on Alex's collar to examine the bandage on his shoulder.
"I didn't want to be alone." Kato should understand that and be there for him, not yell at him. Alex could feel the wetness in the corner in his eyes and no matter how much he tried to blink them away, he couldn't.
"What's wrong with you?" Siva hit Kato's head.
Kato pushed Siva away and gathered Alex in his arms, careful not to touch Alex's wounded shoulder. "I'm sorry, kukki. Please, don't cry." He stood up and pulled Alex with him. "Don't cry. I didn't mean it like that, I was just…"
"I'm…I'm… not crying."
"Possessive? Selfish? Not thinking of anybody but yourself?"
"Siva, shut up." Kato wound his arm around Alex's waist. "C'mon kukki, let get you into bed." He helped Alex put on his slippers and led Alex out of Siva's room.
"But, but…I was in a bed," Alex rubbed his eyes and let Kato lead him toward his room. He became drowsy again and he couldn't stop crying and Alex blamed those pills that the doctor gave him.
"Yeah, you were, but it was the wrong one."
"You…you weren't here."
"And I'm sorry because of that, but do you know what would happen if the press found out what went on?" Kato opened the door to his room, "It would be a big scandal and they would have involved you," closed the door behind them and directed them toward his bed, "and I couldn't let that happen." He pushed the blanket aside.
Alex lay down, turned on his unharmed side, toward Kato and curled up. He understood why Kato was absent, sort of, but that didn't mean that he was all right with it.
Kato sat beside Alex and rolled gently Alex on his back. He took some tissue from the nightstand's drawer and wiped Alex's tears and his nose. He tossed the used tissue in the bin behind the nightstand and then he was gazing down on Alex again. "Are you alright now?"
"No."
"No?" Kato removed the hair away Alex's face and tucked it behind Alex's ear. "Tell me what to do."
"Don't look." Alex turned his head aside and shivered. He was cold again.
Kato lay down beside Alex. He placed his fingers on Alex's chin and forced him to face him. "Why not?"
Alex touched his bruise. James had put something on it that reduced the swelling a little and it didn't hurt any more, except if you pressed on it, but it was still purple and it was ugly. He was ugly. "Ugly."
Kato lifted himself on his elbow and his fingers tiptoed gently over Alex's forehead. "You are beautiful."
Alex closed his eyes.
"My kukki", Kato removed his fingers and pressed a kiss on Alex's forehead, "is very beautiful," on Alex's right eyelid, "and cute," left eyelid, "and sweet," on right cheek "and no bruise", left cheek, "can't change that," and the last one on Alex's lips.
Alex sighed, he saw himself in the mirror and he didn't believe Kato, but who was he to argue? He hooked his left arm around Kato's neck and pressed himself closer. He was still cold and Kato was so wonderfully warm.
Kato pushed his tongue into Alex's mouth and tasted Alex with a soft, familiar cares.
Alex was like a sponge, he absorbed each sweep of Kato's tongue, each caress of Kato's fingers on his neck and cheek and each warm touch of Kato's skin against his. He needed this, the touch, the warmth.
Kato ended the kiss with a sweet peck on Alex's lip. "I was so worried." He took hold of Alex's right arm and carefully moved it aside. "I waited for you that day." He rolled Alex's shirt up, his eyes slid over the exposed chest and belly, his fingers followed.
Alex opened his eyes.
"You didn't come and the driver said that you left with some man. And it made me angry." Kato looked up, his jaw set like he was experiencing everything in his mind again. "I thought you left with somebody, you know?"
Alex sighed. He reached out; he wanted to touch Kato's cheek.
Kato intercepted him, he pressed a tender kiss on Alex's palm and put Alex's arm down. "When I came home, the door was wide open, there on the counter were your bento-boxes and I almost stepped on the pendant that I gave you." He splayed his fingers over Alex's abdomen. "I knew there was something wrong when the security guy in the lobby said that you left with Shoji. They showed me the security tape. And I didn't know what to do."
"Kato?"
"I didn't know what to do, where to look…I was afraid I'd never see you again." Kato leaned over Alex. "And then… he shot you...
Alex tugged on Kato's neck and pressed their cheeks together. It was ok now.
"And now you are here and I just…" Kato slid his palms over Alex's sides and pressed their bodies together. "I need to touch you, to feel you. I need to be sure you are really here."
"Here," Alex mumbled and wrapped his arm and legs loosely around Kato. "And cold. And tired."
"I know." Kato turned and pressed a kiss against Alex's cheek and then slid down with his mouth. He sucked on Alex's neck while his fingers were kneading and massaging Alex's hips and backside. "I'll warm you up."
Alex slipped his hand between them. "Tired."
"You don't have to do a thing." Kato lifted his head and his chocolate-brown eyes shined down on Alex. He cupped Alex's cheek and stroked Alex's lower lip with his thumb. "And I won't do anything that you don't want me to do."
Alex suppressed a yawn and observed Kato's intense brown eyes from under his eyelashes. "But…"
"Just let me love you."
And Alex did. He let Kato to shower soft kisses and tender caresses on him. To tiptoe his fingers over his sides and back. To nibble and suck the soft skin of his neck. To trail a wet path over his collarbone and chest. To get his body reacquainted with Alex's body again. And to raise his temperature from cold to warm, from warm to hot. And all because Kato used the word love and because it made Alex's heart flutter.