What if… the words can hurt more than you'll ever know
"I'm sorry." Kato was looking down on Alex, who was sitting on the small-leathered divan.
Alex looked up, his hand still rubbing absently at the sensitive flesh, where a nasty bruise in the shape of Kato's fingers was already forming. There was still a frown on Kato's face and anger still in his posture, but his eyes were showing care and that was enough for Alex. "It's ok."
"No, it's not ok." Kato kneeled down. "You should say something."
"Like what?"
"I don't know." Kato said. "Maybe yell at me to let you go or something like that."
Yell at him? Was he on something? "You are my boss, Kato, and I'm your worker. And besides, it's just a bruise, not a big deal."
"It is a big deal. I hurt you. I don't want to hurt you, so next time when I'm being a brute like that you must stop me. You tell me off or yell at me, ok?"
"Ok." Like he would.
"Ok, then." Kato stood up.
"Kato."
"Hmm?"
"What was that all about?" Alex couldn't help asking.
The frown that had almost disappeared from between Kato's brows appeared again. "Stay away from him."
"But why?" Alex wasn't about to listen to something without knowing the reason why.
"Cause I said so."
No, that wasn't a good enough reason. "If I yell at you, would you tell me?"
A short snort escaped Kato and he patted Alex's head. "You can try."
Alex averted his eyes, his gaze travelling over the white walls of the small office in which Kato dragged him in. It was quite impersonal with white walls with no pictures and a clean desk; it looked like it wasn't really used. He didn't really expect for Kato to tell him, but…
"It's a long story, the only thing you should know is that Edo and I don't like each other and he's not a nice person. He could try to use you to get to me." Kato said, looking down at Alex. "You are rather naïve and I don't want anything to happen to you. And I don't like other people to touch my things, especially not the people that I can't stand."
Naïve! His things! Talk about I don't want to hurt you. Alex pushed his fingernails in the soft skin of his palm and a wrinkle marred his forehead for a moment, before he quickly smoothed it out. Just pretend that he didn't say anything, ignore it. Be quiet and don't say a thing. "I'm not naïve and I'm certainly not one of your things!"
"Oh, but you are." Kato smirked down on him. "On both accounts."
Something very similar to dog's snarl found its way out from Alex's throat. He took care of himself from God knows when, working for his own food, for the roof over his head, for everything; and then Kato, who knows him only for the last couple of months, dares to say he was naïve, and not only that, he called him a thing. A thing!
"Did you growl just now?"
Calm down, just calm down; count from ten. Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven.
"You growled at me?"
Six. Five. Four.
"You growled at me."
"You called me a thing." Alex stood up, his voice soft and his eyes challenging Kato.
"My thing."
"A thing." Alex tried to preserve the softness and evenness in his tone and in his voice. "I'm nobody's thing."
"I meant it in a good way."
"You know what," Alex's said, he decided that the best thing for him would be to get away from Kato and to calm down, and if Kato thinks he's his naïve thing, let him keep his illusion, he knew better. "I'll wait for you in the car."
Alex managed to pass Kato and was now by the door.
"Alex, wait." Kato's hand took hold of Alex's arm. "Why are you always running away when you are upset?"
"I'm not upset and I'm not running away." Alex lied; his fingers were holding the doorknob. "And weren't you supposed to be out there in the main hall, giving out the autographs to the fans like the other show's guests?"
"Yes, I should be there, but your little chat with Edo sidetracked me. Remember what I said-"
"To stay away from him. My memory is working just fine." Alex opened the door and went through it. "Now go, I'll wait for you in the car."
With opened palm, he waited for James, who stood with John beside the door in the hallway, to give him the car card. Then, he watched them disappear into the distance, before he directed his step toward the elevator.
He pushed the button for down beside the elevator's door and waited. A thing. How could he?
The door opened and the sight of Edo Kedajin grinning at him greeted him. He hesitated for a moment, and then stepped into the small space. He pushed the –1 button and positioned himself on Kedajin's side, because not entering would be too impolite.
"Imagine, meeting you again so soon."
"Hmm." Alex crossed his arms, his gaze fixed on the door before him.
A smirk curled Kedajin's lips upwards. "What did he say to you?"
"Nothing." Alex's glanced sideways at Kedajin who was looking down on him amusedly.
"Noting about alcohol, drugs, wild parties, and orgies?"
"No."
Kedajin's arms snuck around Alex's shoulder, his breath hot on Alex's ear. "Not even a warning about how I like to fuck small boys?"
Alex's posture was stiff; he was looking ahead. Personal bubble, people, personal bubble. Didn't anybody know what that was anymore? "I'm not a small boy."
"With the right clothes you could look like one." Kedajin raspy voice was a seductive breeze, silky velvet worn too many times.
Alex absently wondered why no part of his body reacted to it - why just the thought of Kato did more to his body than this husky voice that carried the promise of wild tumbles and rumpled sheets. He stood still, like a muse stood still before the sneak's watchful eyes.
"If you ask Kato maybe he would lend you the ones in which he was whoring himself in."
"Huh?"
"He didn't tell you? What a shock." Kedajin's hand snuck down. " Kato was some American's slut after his parents threw him out."
Alex stopped the progress of that hand. It was a lie. He was trying to put a bad light on Kato, that's all. "Why are you telling me this?"
"Cause I can." Kedajin's laugh was cold and dry. "Cause you knowing might hurt him, might even hurt you."
Maybe it was true… even if it was, so what? It doesn't concern him and who was he to judge others? "How old was he?"
"Fourteen, fifteen… how the hell should I know." Kedajin removed his hands from Alex.
He could imagine fifteen-year-old Kato, he must have been adorable and if his parents really threw him out….
"It doesn't affect you," it was more a statement than a question. "A shame."
It seems that Kato was right; Kedajin was not a nice person.
The beep that announced that the elevator had reached its destination was heard and the door opened.
"I would love to play more, but I have to run." Kedajin winked at Alex. "Maybe next time." And he was gone.
Alex stared into the now closed elevator's door. What a strange man and very stupid one if he thought that anything he'd say would influence his feelings toward Kato.
And it seemed that he was wrong when he expected that by coming into Japan, he'd mostly deal with very reserved, polite and very diplomatic people. He only came across people, who by the looks of things, didn't live by Japanese norms: Kato with his constant demands and this ex-manager of his were neither reserved nor diplomatic.
Xxx
"Siva." Alex was searching for the words to ask him what he had been intended to ask him since that day he had met Edo Kedajin, but there wasn't an opportunity for it. The last week had been chaotic and busy… photo shoots, interviews, and appearances on various shows. Every day Alex was woken up early, he got up and ready, and then they were running around until late in the evening, so that after they get home, he could quite literary fall into the bed. There hadn't even been time to sat down and have a decent meal.
Siva, dressed in a green sweat suit, who had been examining some boxes in the corner of the living room that had arrived late that afternoon with interest, looked over his shoulder at Alex. "Hmm?"
"Kato and you are a childhood's friends, right?" Alex moved toward Siva and the boxes.
"Yeah, we have known each other since forever." Siva picked up a box wrapped in shining green paper to his ear and shook it. "What do you think is in it?"
"I don't know." Alex's gaze travelled over the boxes that were lined up together with ties and bows, wrapped in shining papers, and looking very festive. Tomorrow was Kato's birthday and the president of Kato's fan club had already brought the first shipment of presents. "Since when? How old were you when you first met?"
"Six, seven, I'm not really sure." Siva put down the green box and lifted up another one, giving it the same treatment. "Did you already buy a present for him?"
"Yes." He didn't really know what to give to the man who already had everything, so he ended up buying, via the Internet, a silver key chain that had in the back inscribed: 'from Alex'. (He wanted to do something himself, but he didn't have and couldn't get the ingredients and there was also the time factor.) It was in a small box in the drawer of his nightstand, waiting to be given to Kato.
"I still didn't get anything." Siva put down the box and took a new one, shaking it, then put it down and he took another and so on, totally ignoring Alex.
"Siva." Alex smoothed his hair that was held away from his face with a headband and decided that a direct approach would be the best. "Is it true that Kato's parents threw Kato out when he was fourteen?"
The box that Siva was holding fell to the floor with a loud thud and Siva turned, his face tense and his brown eyes wide. "Where did you hear that?"
Oh, my god. It was true! His heart went out to Kato, to that poor fourteen-year-old boy. "Kedajin." A need to sit down rose in him, he went toward the couch and sat down.
Siva followed him; he sat on the table instead, so that he was facing Alex. "He is a cold-hearted bastard and you shouldn't believe anything that comes from his mouth. You stay away from him."
"I didn't believe him. Not until now." Alex looked up, his eyes intense on Siva's face. "But it's true? Even the part when he said that Kato lived with some American?" And having sex with him, but not whoring, never whoring… not Kato.
Siva's eyes narrowed at him. "He wasn't that nice, was he? Knowing him he probably called Kato a slut or something worst?"
Alex nodded, hoping that Siva would tell him more about Kato's past.
"That's only because Kedajin wanted to get between Kato's legs since he first laid his eyes on him, always pushing him, pressuring him, but Kato never let him and he also tried to cheat us." Siva's gaze was for a moment lost in the distance, before it was on Alex again. "Kato did live with an older man, an American as Kedajin said, but that's because he wanted to - because he choose it, not because he was forced to. He could come and live with my family anytime. And, Kedajin never said a thing about it to you and you never heard a word about it from me, do you understand?"
"I don't know anything about it." Alex nodded again and he was actually telling the truth.
"You better not." Siva said. "It's a personal thing. Very personal."
"But I'm his personal assistant." Alex smiled.
"Yeah, you are. Very personal assistant." Siva chuckled. "I saw it."
Alex felt the heat creeping up on his face and he averted his eyes.
Siva stood up. "I just thought of the perfect gift for Kato."
Alex looked up. "What?"
"You'll see." Siva grinned down at Alex. Something rustled and his hand patted Alex's head. "Now, could you do me a favour and get him; he's probably finished his shower."
"Why don't you call him?" Siva and Kato usually used the mobile phone to call a person over, even if that person was one room away; actually all the band members had that habit. Alex was a lot of times called through Kato's phone, once even when he was standing behind Kato and Kato didn't knew it. It was quite funny.
"I forgot it in my room."
Yeah, right. Alex didn't believe him, but it didn't really matter, he had to talk to Kato anyway. He stood up and went out of the living room, through the hallway toward Kato's room, where he stopped, and knocked.
He waited for the 'come in' but before it came, there was a voice coming from behind the door, like Kato is talking with himself.
He opened the door and looked in. "Can I talk with you?"
Kato in his cotton, blue robe stood by the bed, his red hair still slightly wet, with the phone in his hand. He put it down on the nightstand. "Come in."
Alex stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. "I would like to take a day off tomorrow." According to the contract, he was entitled to one free day every six days; if he couldn't use it, they were added together, and now he had about one weeks worth of free days.
"On my birthday. Why?" Kato sat down and patted the spot beside him.
"You don't need me." Alex sat down on the appointed space. According to schedule, there would be a car coming in the late morning to pick Kato up and to drive him into a three hour pampering of the body and soul in some very fancy place. It was his manager's, Ikeda Naomi, personal gift to Kato, while Kato's record's company was paying for Kato's birthday party which started early in the evening. Kato said that it was his Record's way of PR-ing, using him, and giving him yet another obligation to fill. "And I would really like to have a day to myself."
"Of course I need you." Kato moved closer to Alex. "Who'll keep me company in that 'spa' or at the party?"
Alex didn't see the price tag on that 'treatment' gift, but he heard from James that even the most basic treatment in that establishment was quite expensive, and that even he, James wasn't allowed to accompany Kato into that building; there were some troubles from Kato because of that, but they assured him that the establishment had a first rate security system.
Alex had also read the guest list of Kato's party, on which he didn't want to be, even as Kato's personal guest. He know himself and he would feel too out of place in the environment like that… ok, maybe he would be tempted if there would be Gackt or any member of Dir en grey on the list… ok, he would definitely be there if one of them was there, but they were all out of the country on tour. "We both know that I can't get into that 'spa' unless you pay for my treatment and I would rather not go to your party."
"You don't want to come to my party?" Kato thigh was now touching Alex's. "I thought you liked me?"
Here we go again. Alex shook his head in amusement and he turned toward Kato. He reached out and patted Kato's arm. "Of course I like you."
"You don't want to come to my birthday party." Kato put his hand over Alex's, stopping his caress. "You know that I can make you change your mind?"
"Yes." But Alex had some tricks up his sleeves, too. He withdrew his hand from under Kato's and smiled gently. "So, will there be any familiar faces?"
"What do you mean?" Kato narrowed his eyes at him, like he knew Alex was up to something. "Like who?"
It was a good thing he went over the guest list. "Like Edo Kedajin. I can't stay away from him if you are putting me in the same room as him."
"He's on the guest list?"
"Yup."
"That damned record and that bitch of a PR." Kato stood up and started to pace. "I said no Edo Kedajin, but do they listen? No. And that bastard goes to every party there is." He stopped in front of Alex. "You are not going."
"I thought so." Alex finally had a point toward Kato's many. At last. Alex tried to hide the victorious grin that was tugging at the corner of his mouth.
Kato's expression on his face was soft. "But on the other hand, I can keep a very close eye on you."
"I would rather have a free day."
"So would I." Kato sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, "But I have to be there." He stepped forward, his knees touching Alex's.
"It would look weird if you'd be absent." Alex nodded. "So about that free day- hey, what are you doing?"
Kato's hands were on Alex's knees, he pushed them apart. "Siva called me." He fingers took hold of Alex's glasses; he pulled them down from Alex's nose and then careful put them on the nightstand.
Alex knew Siva was lying about the phone, he knew it. He looked up, his knees turning into jelly under that intensive gaze. "He said he needs you."
"He said to me that there would a birthday present knocking on my door." Kato bent down and pressed his lips against Alex's, his hand cupping Alex's nape. His tongue explored Alex's wet cave, sliding over the roof of Alex's mouth, seducing him in to a slow titillating dance.
Alex titled his head and deepened the kiss, the slow, tantalizing pleasure that inflamed the sparks of desire in the pit of his stomach. He moaned into Kato's mouth.
Kato smiled against Alex's lips and with a small peck, he ended the kiss. "You are the best present ever. " Kato's hand went on top of Alex's head and he pulled down a little bow that was stuck there, showing it to Alex. "I'm going to have so much fun in opening this present."
"How did that get there?" Alex pushed himself backwards, in the middle of the bed, away from Kato, away from the temptation. Opening the present, my ass.
"Siva put it there." Kato chuckled and put first one knee on the bed and then another, he climbed toward Alex. "He has such wonderful ideas sometimes."
Alex's eyes were on Kato's progress. So that was a reason for that big grin on Siva's face when he was leaving the living room. He bit the inside of his cheek and tried to put out the flames of desire that were licking his insides. He was about to scramble away from that predatory gaze, when a hand grabbed his leg.
"Where do you think you are going?" Kato pulled him toward himself.
Alex blinked. Where indeed? He could feel the hot fire pulsing into his veins. According to things, Kato intended to have his wicked way with him and he wanted to escape. Talk about stupid. "Nowhere, it seems." He pulled himself up on his elbows.
"Good." Kato climbed over him, a blue cloud of fabric settling down, and in the next moment Alex was flat on his back again, with Kato's left hand holding his wrists above his head and Kato's right hand on the waistband of his pants.
A button was popped open, the zipper pulled down, Kato's hand on Alex's semi hard flesh and Kato's lips and tongue on Alex's neck, licking his way up to that tender spot behind the lobe of the ear.
The tremor shook Alex's body and he arched his spine, all the remaining blood leaving his brain and rushing into his lower regions. Where did Kato found out about his weakness to that spot?
"Somebody likes that." Kato chuckled, his breath caressed Alex's skin. He applied more pressure on Alex's erection and then he shoved his fingers down farther, forcing Alex to open his legs wider, over the thin strip of sensitive flesh that led up to Alex's opening. The tip of the finger slid over it, repeatedly and simultaneously Kato's mouth attacked Alex's nipple, wetting the fabric of Alex's cotton shirt.
Alex's breath hitched in his throat. His hands were suddenly free and he entangled his fingers into that red hair, his body torn between the desire to push up into Kato's mouth and the desire to push down on that teasing finger. And he could feel Kato's smile against the wet fabric that was glued on his skin. Was he laughing to him? If he was, he can't allow that. "It's that… is that… all the foreplay that I get?"
Kato drew back, the warmth of his hands leaving Alex's body and his brown eyes shining down on Alex. "What did you expect? A blowjob?"
Alex's tongue darted out, wetting his lips. "That would be nice."
"Such a greedy boy." Kato's hands tugged on Alex's shirt until it was removed with Alex's help. Alex's pants and underwear were next. "Next time then, cause I don't think I'd last long enough." Kato presses his body down on Alex's and he pushed his tongue between Alex's willing lips.
Alex could feel the hard, pulsing length against his groin and it made his head spin, he moaned into Kato's mouth, slid his tongue against Kato's exploring one.
The kiss ended and Alex, with his palms against Kato's chest, stared up into Kato's eyes. "When did that happen?"
Kato chuckled. "I should be used to comments like that, shouldn't I?" He rubbed his nose against Alex's cheek before he reached toward the drawer. "Maybe when I was in the shower", he opened the drawer, his eyes on Alex, "with a hand on my dick", he pulled out the tube of lube and a silver foil, "thinking of you."
Shivers ran up Alex's spine and he had to close his eyes for a moment. Kato was just saying that. He hooked his leg around Kato's waist and pushed out with his pubic bone, his skin coming into contact with cool cotton and Kato's' warm skin. This was moving too fast and it would probably end badly, like so many times before; but he couldn't force himself to care.
Kato nipped at Alex's lower lip and his slick hands were suddenly everywhere. On Alex's neck, holding his nape, while other one was on Alex's chest, sliding lower, over the abdomen and lower. Wet and slick the fingers lingered for a moment or two on Alex's turgid length and then it was gone again, the fingertips tiptoeing lower, lower and then a finger pressed into Alex.
Alex's fingers grabbed the fabric of the robe that was slipping over Kato's shoulders. It had been such a long time since he been that intimate with somebody. He opened his legs wider.
"My little kukki (cookie) is so tight," Kato added a second finger, "so hot" greasing him and stretching him with scissoring motions, "and feels so nice." Another finger was added and then Kato twisted his fingers, he pushed against the sensitive tissue deep within.
A shot of pleasure shoot through Alex and he felt his cock twitch.
Kato's fingers withdrew and after he greased himself and the condom was put on, the head of his flesh was pulsing against Alex's opening. He pushed in.
Alex whimpered at the intrusion. The burning heat filled him to the hilt and made his breath laboured and fast.
Kato leaned with his forehead on top of Alex's head and their eyes were holding each other.
Alex's chest so full of some strange fuzzy feeling that it hurt. He tried to look away from those warm brown eyes, to squash down that increasing ball of sweet delight that was chocking him, but he couldn't.
Kato's fisted hand started to work on Alex's softening erection until it became hard again, and then he moved, the retreat of his cock earned a soft gasp for Alex and then a hushed moan when he pushed back in. He set a rhythm of hard surges; his hips moving, he changed the angles of his entry until he found the one that pushed against Alex's special spot. And he hit it. Over and over again.
Alex's hooked his legs high on Kato's back, he opened himself even wider to Kato's long, deep strokes. He was flexing his lower body, the pain of the entry long buried under the heat of pleasured delight that Kato's every blow against his prostate produced. Yeah, right there. "Oh, god right there."
Kato plunged deep, his breath hot on Alex's skin, his hand sliding over Alex's flushed cheeks. "Beg me my little kukki," another deep thrust, "beg me to fuck you harder."
"Please. Please." Alex was gasping and writhing under Kato's assaults.
"You want more," Kato increased the speed of his thrusts, "don't you," the hand on Alex's erection a quickly moving fist, "my little greedy kukki (cookie)!"
"Yes," Alex breathed out. More, so much more.
Oh, shit, shit. Right there. Harder. Harder. Oh, please harder. RIGHT THERE. Alex's mouth was opening, but there was no words coming out. He wrapped his arms around Kato's neck and hid his face in Kato's neck. "Oh, GOD!"
The next deep stroke against that spot was so hard, that suddenly everything was white. "OH." So white. So beautiful white.
Oh god, he couldn't breathe anymore. He cried out, Kato's name on his lips. The tremors coursed through his body, he was falling, falling deep and he wasn't falling alone, the spasms of his muscles were taking Kato with him.