What if… I get lost in the dark
Alex opened his eyes; he blinked, tried to focus. There was darkness all around him and blurry images of Kedajin hovering over him still lingered at the corner of his eyes. There was something missing and as he turned in bed, his body searching for the comfort of a warm embrace that was always available, his mind registered what it was. Kato. Where was Kato?
He sat up and rubbed his eyes. Kato's arms were always there when he woke up and now when they weren't he missed them. Not that he was ever going to admit that to Kato. Not when the man secretly emptied his room; moved all of his stuff without his knowledge out of it and locked it. The only thing Kato was willing to say on the subject was that Alex having his own room was a waste of space, when Kato's room and bed were more than big enough for both of them.
A noise drew his gaze toward the corner where the dressing room's door was and when he squinted his eyes, he noticed a very weak ray of light coming through a crack beneath the door.
He pushed the light blanket that was covering him to the side and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. His bare feet touched soft carpet as he got up and padded toward the door. He opened the door and the bright light blinded him, but he could still see outlines of a body and he directed his step toward it.
"Kukki, why are you up?" Kato's strong arms intercepted him and wrapped him in a tender embrace.
Alex put his head on Kato's warm chest and snuggled close. "You woke me up. What are you doing?"
"Did you forget?" Kato's fingers combed through Alex's bangs. "The video filming for the song Shelter for Heart is today."
"Oh, yeah." Alex remembered that he had something like that as a reminder written in his palmpilot. "Why didn't you wake me up?"
"You are not going." Kato's fingertips were now massaging Alex's scalp.
"Why?" Alex's eyes were intense on Kato's face. "Don't you want me there?"
Stupid, why did he have to ask that? It was obvious; if Kato wanted him with him he would take him with him.
"I would love to have you with me, but James and John will be occupied with other things and they won't have time to look after you."
"Why would they need to look after me?" Alex wiggled out of Kato's hold and crossed his arms on his chest. "I don't need anybody-"
"Yes, you do. For my sake. I don't want to see any additional bruises on your body." Kato's hand was on Alex's shoulder. "And you don't want to make me worry, do you?"
"But Kato…," Alex didn't really know what to say, he didn't want Kato to worry about him, even though Kato was so overacting with whole let's save Alex thing. On the other hand, he was Kato's personal assistant and as such, his job was to be there for Kato, to arrange things for him. And there was also the fact that he loved to watch Kato do his work, he loved the passion, the dedication, it was like watching Kato making love to the music. "…who would bring you stuff without me there?"
"I think I will manage. And hey, what do you say," Kato turned Alex around and hooked his arm around Alex's shoulder, "if I send somebody to pick you up at lunch time and I take you somewhere to have lunch. Just you and me." He led him out of the closet toward the bed. "Or better yet, you cook something and we can have a picnic."
"Just you and me?" Alex's eyes were big on his face. Like a date? He looked away and bit his tongue, glad that he hadn't said that out loud. He didn't really know what Kato and he were. Maybe they were in this just for sex, but a lot of times it did seemed that they were more - at least that was what Kato's pampering and Kato's desire to cuddle were telling Alex. But… he wasn't sure and he wanted to keep that illusion just for a while longer; which meant that he wouldn't give Kato a chance to set him on the right track.
Kato chuckled and pushed Alex into the bed. "Just you and me." He pulled the blanket over Alex's body and framed him with his arms. "Would my Kukki like to have a picnic with me?"
"Ummm." Of course he would. Alex lay back on the pillow. "What would you like to eat?"
"Whatever you do is fine by me. Surprise me." Kato pressed a quick kiss on Alex's lips. "Now, go to back to sleep. It four o'clock, too early for you, a sleepy head that you are, to be up."
Alex nodded and snuggled deeper under the cover. His mind was already planning a menu for them. He tried to remember all the food that was suitable for bentoboxes. Some vegetables, pieces of fish and rice sounded good and maybe some desert, something with which they can feed each other. Yeah, a smile spread over Alex's face, feeding each other sounded lovely.
At the end he decided for some simple steamed vegetables, bite-sized fried fish, rice, and rice balls with different kinds of filling.
When he finally got up, Alex stood in the kitchen and his gaze travelled over the packed food. The Japanese usually stuffed their bentoboxes with large varieties of food and they put a lot of effort into the presentation; and, as his gaze travelled over the packed food, he was pleased with himself that even thought the food's variety and presentation didn't look like on pictures, he did quite well.
Alex closed the first lower half of the bentobox and repeated the procedure with the other box. He intended to use both upper parts of the boxes for the deserts. He made a pie and he was really proud of how it turned out. He filled both of the upper parts of the bentoboxes with small, square pieces of the pie, closed the lids, and then put the rest of the pie into a food container that he had prepared earlier. He had made so much of it that there was probably enough of it for everybody on the scene of filming.
He looked around, he had been cleaning as he worked, so there wasn't a lot to do, except he had a feeling he'd forgetting something. What was he forgetting?
As his phone started to vibrate, he turned around and picked it up from the counter that divided the kitchen area from the rest of the room and was usually used as a breakfast table.
It was Kato.
Alex flipped the phone open and with a stupid smile on his face, he leaned his side on a refrigerator. "Hello."
"Moshi mochi. Where are you?"
"Still waiting for the lift." Alex's free hand went to his hair and he started to twirl a lock of it around his finger. "I think that the driver got stuck in traffic."
"Probably. Did you already pack everything?"
"Yes." The only thing that was left to do, was to pack everything into a bag and figure out what was missing. "But I have this feeling that I'm forgetting something."
"What's there to forget? You only need food and drinks."
Drinks. How could he forget the beverages? Alex palmed his face.
"Alex?"
The intercom beeped.
"I think that the driver has arrived." Alex went into the hallway toward the intercom stationed on the wall between the kitchen's door and the living room's door.
"Let him in."
"What did you do, arranged for a door to door delivery?" Like he couldn't go down himself. Alex rolled his eyes and picked up the intercom's receiver. He repeated Kato's words to the doorkeeper that was on the other end and then put the receiver back in its holder.
"Just in case your bag is too heavy."
"Of course." Alex went to the apartment entrance door, unlocked it and went back into the kitchen, leaving the kitchen's door opened.
"Of course."
"Who did you send? And shouldn't you be working?" Alex picked up a bag that was on a bar stool, put it on the counter beside the boxes and with one hands started to pack things into it.
"Some guy. He's been working for the record company for quite some time. And what do you mean, I am working."
"No, you are not, you are on the phone talking with me." Alex stepped into the hallway and listened to Kato's reply with one ear. He thought he'd heard something. He listened. Yes, somebody was at the entrance door. "Your driver is at the door now- it's open, just come in." He stepped back into the kitchen. The only thing he had to do now was to pack the drinks. "So I guess we will see each other soon?"
"Yeah, soon. I hope you made something good, I'm hungry."
Alex heard the entrance door opening and closing and he yelled, "I'll be right there," then with the words see you soon said goodbye to Kato and put the phone aside.
He opened the refrigerator and pulled out a few bottles and put them on the counter by the bag. He was still holding the edge of the refrigerator's door, trying to think of anything else that he should take with him, when he heard steps behind him, a hand grabbed his hair and with a force slammed his head into the refrigerator's door.
Alex's head hit the smooth, metal surface hard and then with a groan, he half fell, half slid to the ground. His face grimaced in the piercing pain and his hands flew to his forehead. What the fuck?
"Up. Get up," a harsh voice accompanied a hand that sharply pulled on Alex's hair.
Alex raised himself up on his knees. His heart was hammering loudly in his ears and with a shaking hand, he grabbed the edge of the counter and pulled himself up. He blinked the fog before his eyes away and turned his head toward the assaulter. His glasses were askew, their edge pressing into the skin under his left eye and he had to lift his chin so he could see the bastard's face through his glasses. It was an unknown face, but so familiar, like he had met him before.
He doubted that this was a driver that Kato sent, because no one of the staff would ever dare to use violence on another member of staff. Perhaps it was an obsessive fan that had gotten lucky in getting into his idol's place? But no, the face looking with narrowed eyes and lips at him didn't look like its owner could be a fan of anything. "Who are you? What do you want?"
The stranger's face distorted in a cruel smirk and suddenly the fear that was hidden beneath the sickness and dizziness leaped forward and Alex almost chocked on it. And he knew, he knew in that moment who the stranger was. His gut feeling told him it was Shoji, Kato's older brother. They had a similar chin, nose, and maybe even mouth, but where Kato had wrinkles from smiling and laughing, Shoji had them from frowning and scowling and while Kato's eyes shined with kindness and love toward the world, Shoji's eyes showed cruelty and greed.
Alex swallowed. "What do you want?"
"Everything.." Shoji reach out with his hand, his fingers grabbed the pedant that was on Alex's necklace and he tugged on it, bringing their faces together. "I had everything, until you came along. If not for you, Kato would still be my puppet, he would still jump at my every command," Shoji snarled in Alex's face, "he would even marry. He would do anything in hope that our parents might want to see him again. And then you came along, they told me about you," he tore the pedant from Alex's neck and tossed it aside, the sound of stone against wood echoing in the room "about the boy who wears our grandmother's pendant, who must mean something to Kato and who came on a visit together with Kato."
Alex would like to use on Shoji one of the moves James taught him and even though he doubted chances of success, he put his still wobbling right feet forward and reached out for Shoji's wrist.
Shoji swatted Alex's hand away and grabbed Alex by his hair again, "it's your fault," he smashed Alex's head against wooded surface of the hanging cabinet. "Kato would have never faced our parents on his own."
Alex slid down on the floor and cradled his head. Damn, it hurt. It hurt so much. It felt like his head would explode.
"Get up."
Alex clumsily sat up, his hand clawed at the flat surface of the cabinet, he tried to find something to hold on to.
"Get up! Now!"
He has to do something, Alex closed his eyes, but what?
"Get up." Slap.
Alex's hand flew to his cheek.
"Stop playing with me and get up."
"I don't feel too good." God, he wanted to lay down. Alex pulled himself up with trouble, his head was so heavy, his breath laboured, his knuckles white from the grip on the edge of the counter.
He furrowed his forehead, try to think, go past the pain. There were situations in his life when a threat of a beating was diverted by his resourceful mind, he just wished that he could think of something now. "I never did anything to you, neither did Kato. He loves you-"
"Shut up. You don't know what you are talking about." Shoji pulled him by his hair again, this time he pulled him behind him out of the kitchen, he lead them toward the entrance door.
Alex grabbed the wrist of the hand that was holding him and slid down on his knees, trying to be a dead weight, actually he was a death weight. "I'm not," he cleared his throat, "I'm not going anywhere with you."
"Yes you are." Shoji pushed something metallic, something looking like a pipe before Alex's face.
Was this, was this, oh, my god, it was. Alex stared at the barrel which in his eyes became bigger and bigger with each second that was ticking away. His face became pale as a ghost, his heart was hammered loudly in his ears and suddenly he couldn't move anymore. Even the sharp pain that was filling his head, tortured him suddenly faded before that metal threat that was before his eyes.
"I suggest that you move your ass or do you want to see my shooting skills on anybody that might come by?" Shoji waved with his gun. "Do you think I don't know that you are expecting somebody? I would have never been able to come up if you weren't. I'm not stupid. So move."
Alex swallowed, ignored the weakness in his body and pushed himself up. His opinion about Shoji wasn't good, but no matter, he would have never thought that something like that would happen to him.
Shoji pushed him before him. "We are going out now." He pressed the barrel of the gun against Alex's spine. "You better cooperate or I swear I'll use it."
Alex nodded and they were on their way out of the apartment and into the elevator. Alex felt the need to lie down, his legs wobbled, but he didn't say a thing.
Shoji pushed Alex here and there forward, but otherwise he ignored Alex tottered walk and Alex's heavy breathing.
The silence in an elevator was suffocating and when the elevator stopped with the light jump on ground floor, Shoji whispered a threat that he'd shoot the doorkeeper if Alex does anything stupid, if he doesn't play along.
They went out in the lobby, Shoji's arm around Alex's shoulder, hid his frame with his body, the gun hidden between them. Out from the corner of his eye, Alex saw the curious look on the doorkeeper's face through the reception's glass cubic and he more felt than saw the reassuring nod that Shoji sent the doorkeeper's way. And it shocked him that since the doorkeeper was familiar with Shoji's face, and not with his, because he usually used garage as the entrance, that it was enough. They came to the entrance door and then they were out on the street.
Shoji dragged him around the corner toward a blue BMW that was at there meters away from the entrance of the builidng and that was, to Alex's bad luck, hidden from any inquisitive eyes behind a lorry and trees that divided the road and sidewalk.
Shoji opened the trunk of his car and waved his gun. "Get in."
Alex prayed that there would be somebody who could help him, who could alarm somebody, but there was nobody, oh wait… no, it was nothing. For a moment he thought that there was somebody hidden behind a car he could partially see between the lorry and the building, but it was nothing, probably just one of the dark dots that were dancing before his eyes. He sighed in defeat and after Shoji repeated, get in more impatiently, he with Shoji's help clumsily climbed into the trunk, because no matter how much he tried, he couldn't think of anything that would get him out of this situation.
The hood of the trunk closed behind him, the darkness embraced him, and he probably passed out, because the next thing that happened was somebody pouring water on his face and shaking him. "Wake up. Wake up."
Alex opened one eye, closed it again and moaned. His head. His fucking head. He lifted his hands to rub his temples and found out that his wrists were tied together. He opened his eyes again. What wasgoing on? Then he saw Shoji's face before him and everything came back to him.
And he couldn't breathe anymore. It was like fear's fist had grabbfed him around his neck and squeezed, taking the air out of his lungs.
Shoji grabbed Alex's hair again and lifted him up into a sitting position. Then he roughly pulled on Alex's tied wrists.
Alex fell out of the trunk.
Shoji's grip on the tie prevented Alex's face from hitting the gravelled ground and he pulled him up. Then with narrow lips, he grabbed the mop of Alex's hair and, as if his former pulls hadn't abused Alex's scalp enough, he used it as a leash.
Alex grinded his teeth and he staggered behind Shoji, so focused on breathing, on blocking out the pain that he was almost blind to his surroundings.
Shoji pulled Alex up the stairs and then along one of the warehouse's hall. It was empty.
There was still dark grey fog on the edges of Alex's vision and he couldn't think. He couldn't think damn it, why couldn't he think?
They stopped.
He heard the sound of a door opening and Alex was pushed through the door into a semi-dark room.
Alex heard the door being locked behind him and he slid down on his knees. His eyes noticed the outline of a couch on the right side of the door and he crawled toward it, on it. He made himself comfortable as much as a person in his situation could. He needed rest, painkillers, and somebody's consoling arms, preferable Kato's.
He tucked his hands under his chin and he took a moment to just lie there, to stare into the nothingness. He wanted Kato and he wanted his mom, to hug him and tell him that she raised a resilient boy, that she had faith in him and that he would get himself out of this mess.