What if… you start to fall and there's no ground.
"I didn't think you'd come." James' eyes glimpsed with the help of the rear-view mirror at Alex who was sitting in the back seat.
"Neither did I." Siva turned and looked at Alex over the back of the passenger seat. "I think even Kato doubted."
" How could he doubt? I signed the contract before you left." It was either that or have Kato and company still in his little apartment; with Kato's gentle persuasions to work for him and promises of a good pay and health insurance. When he told his mom about it, he noticed that she didn't like the idea of her son being so far away and missing her Sunday lunches, but she knew about his obsession about Japanese things and a wish to see Japan, so at the end she even encourage him to go. Alex unglued his gaze from the view of tall buildings and busy streets of Tokyo. "And he called me, almost every day, asking: 'Have you already quit? How long until they let you go? Can we proceed with a working visa? When are you coming? Nagging, nagging, nagging. I still don't know when he had a time for all those calls. I would have thought that he has much more important things to do."
"He is like that sometimes, like a Doberman who grabs something and then can't let go." Siva laughed. "But he wasn't so bad, was he?"
"Well, he did have the decency to ask me how I am." Not only that. Kato even listen if something was bothering him; Alex started with complaining about something that happened and angered him because he thought that Kato would quickly end the conversation, if for nothing else, because of the high phone charges, but he didn't. He listened to him, said some comforting words and talked about his day; about the things that were either funny or that annoyed him, calming Alex with his stories. And it was nice to hear him talking, to listen to his voice, even if he wasn't ready to admit that out loud.
And when he was already thinking about Kato and the things he wasn't ready to admit at loud, where the hell was Kato? After all those calls, one would expect to see him at the airport, maybe a flower or two in his hand in the sign of welcome, but noooo… "So, where are you taking me?"
"Home, where else?" Siva said.
By Kato's words home was a big cosy house by the beach with a terrific view of the ocean, which he and company used whenever they could; but now that they were in Tokyo, Siva probably meant the two three bedroom apartments in the skyscraper in Shinagawa ward. As Alex remembered Kato saying, one was used by him and Shiva and the other one by his Staff; while Ame, Tanaka and Naya had their own apartment just a door down the hall.
"With a little detour." James added. "We have to pick up Kato."
"He has, actually had an appearance on Utaban." Siva was still facing Alex. He made a face. "Why am I never invited on those shows?"
"Apparently you are not important enough." James said.
"Maybe just not pretty enough."
Alex turned toward the window and listened to Siva and James only with one ear. He didn't know why, but he was anxious waiting to see Kato again, if the way his heartbeat accelerated when James mentioned the picking up part, was any indication.
After some long minutes of drive, James turned the car off the road and into an underground garage. The metal lattice door stopped their progression until James pushed the button on the communication box and said something into it. The door opened and the car slid in.
James directed the car toward the shining metal door at the other side, where he parked for that designated place on the right side of the door, turned the engine off and then they waited, making a small talk.
The door opened and Kato with some people came through it. They nodded to each other, said some words, probably same phrases in goodbye and then Kato was opening the car's door and getting into the car.
"So, you finally came." Kato sat down on the seat beside Alex; he was without make-up and looking even more gorgeous than Alex remembered and closed the car's door. He smiled at Alex, a wonderful, warm smile and leaned close.
Oh, god. Alex's hands clasped the edge of the seat. His heart was wedged in his throat and his blue eyes were looking too big on his face.
Kato's hand reached out, his fingers removed the tuft of hair that was on Alex face, tucked it behind his ear and then he leaned back on the seat. "It's good to see you."
"You too." Alex forced his lips into a smile. Why was he feeling so disappointed?
James turned on the ignition of the car and they drove out into the daylight again.
"How was your flight?" Kato settled himself so that he could look at Alex without excessively turning his head.
"Long." Alex turned his head, looked into those warm, sparkling brown eyes. "Very long."
"So what did you do?"
"Sleep," and dream. Mostly about Kato; which wasn't really anything shocking, not anymore, not after his life was taking such a big turn and will in the future mostly revolve around this shining man.
They made small talk, with Siva taking the lead of conversation and with Alex preoccupied with looking at Kato out of the corners of his eyes until the car was steered and parked in another one of those underground garages.
When Alex finally climbed out of the car and went toward the boot, all of his luggage was already out and arranged for transportation, leaving him only with small backpack which he was already holding in his hands. They went toward the elevator and when in the key was inserted into the number twelve.
The elevator stopped and Alex followed them toward the door, through the door, and into the apartment. In the foyer that led into what seemed to be a white-walled long turning hallway. Kato took the cosy looking slippers out from the first dark narrow cabinet and handed one to Alex and kept one for himself. Alex got rid of his shoes and replaced them with the slippers and then he followed Kato through the first left turn of the hallway.
"Siva's bedroom." Kato pointed at the first door on the right and then opened the second door, giving Alex a glimpse of a bright spacious room. "Living room."
The first door on the left was a toilet, the new turn on the hallway on the left and a new door on the right was the kitchen, the second Kato's bedroom; the first door on the left laundry room, the second bathroom and the last Alex's bedroom.
Alex stepped into a 9,2 m2 sized room with white walls and with dark wood with the feel of narrow planks on the floor and ceiling. The cabinets, twins of the ones in the foyer, were occupying the wall right from the door. There in the middle of the room was a low bed, a little larger than single one perpendicular on the right wall, with the nightstands and cute little antique lamps on top of it on, on each side of the bed and the balcony door on the opposite wall of the entrance door.
Alex went toward his luggage that was between the bed and the cabinets. He thanked James and Siva who were on their way out of the room and looked at Kato, who stepped into the room and was now leaned on the doorpost. "Why am I here? Shouldn't I be in the Staff's apartment?"
"Yes. I would like to know that too." Siva stopped outside the door and grinned at Kato. "That should be interesting."
Kato frowned at Siva and then his gaze was directed in Alex's direction. "Well about that. There's no free room in the Staff's apartment with James, John and Aika there."
"Oh." Alex sat down on the bed. This was perfectly logical. And probably he will be transferred there as soon as Aika moves out. Should he even unpack?
"Yeah." Siva leaned with his shoulder on the wall beside the door. "Now tell us why John is also here in Tokyo, when you in Tokyo always just use James, not both."
"Shizuka ni (shut up)!" Kato gave Siva a warning glance.
"Why don't you speak English?" Siva laughed at Kato, which seemed to agitate Kato even more.
Alex watched them for some time and listened to them. He had attended an intensive Japanese class in January, one paid for by Kato, but he still didn't possess enough knowledge to follow the rush of words that were exchanged between Kato and Siva; he did catch something that sounded similar to his name a couple of times, but he felt tired and drained, so he just didn't bother with asking what their little fight was about. He shrugged his shoulders and with the intention to unpack, he pushed the large suitcase closer to the cabinets, nudging Kato gently toward the door, out of the way. "Can you take this somewhere else, please?"
"Sure. Come in the living room when you are done." Siva grabbed Kato by his elbow and pulled him out of the room, closing the door behind them.
Because of his decision to unpack only the things most necessary, the unpacking was quickly done and after he slipped into some more comfortable clothes, Alex went on the balcony and lit a well-earned smoke.
He leaned on the rail and raised his head, watching the sky above. He couldn't believe he was in Japan, in Tokyo. He always wanted to visit Japan, to see it and its ways; but he never thought he'd find himself here so soon and for the long term. To make a change like that just wasn't in him and without Kato's pushes, he doubted he would take such a big step.
The cigarette was smoked and extinguished; his hands and mouth washed and devoid of the smell of tobacco and Alex found his way into a large room with white walls and with low, dark and wooden cabinets, looking so similar to those in the foyer. The low table between two large bloody red leathered couches were made from the same wood as the counter that was dividing the living room from the small, narrow kitchen and all of the kitchen's cupboards and cabinets. Even the medium sized table by the counter and its chairs were made from the same dark brown wood.
Kato and Siva were sitting on the couch that was facing the door and looking at some papers that were scattered between them on the table. Kato had a guitar in his lap.
Alex stopped inside the room, his gaze on the inhabitants of the living room. He didn't know whether he should get deeper into the room or leave them alone.
Kato noticed him and a soft smile graced his features. He patted the spot on his unoccupied side. "Come. Come."
Alex with hesitating steps went toward the couch opposite to them and sat down. He put his hands in his lap and straitened his spine. He crossed his legs and then after a second thought uncrossed them, sitting properly like an English lady having tea with a Mother Queen would.
"Relax. You should know by now that we don't bite." Siva winked. "Well… at least I don't, while Kato does sometimes."
Alex flashed a fake smile. He didn't really know why he was on edge like that. It wasn't like this was the first time he sat in the company of Kato and Siva; the singer after all spend a freaking week at his place, with Siva and the other members of the band constantly popping in and out of his apartment. It was really annoying and he had to take the week of vacation, vacation that he didn't have…. Well, but all that was water under the bridge, because he quit his boring job as an administrator and now had another. Actually, he was on one month probation. He sighed. There was only one month in which he had to decide if he likes it here or not and if he's willing to commit five years of his life to Kato. On that note… "Where's Aika?"
"Aika?" Kato's face turned really pale, the whiteness causing his hair to glow even redder.
Alex watched really fascinated, white skin and red hair really went good together. He looked at Siva whose mouth was forming a big 'o' and he had an idea what happened.
"I have to go." Kato jumped up, his gaze a little wild and he quite literally ran out of the room.
"I can believe it." Siva started to laugh. He looked at Alex. "It's probably…" laugh "…all your fault."
Alex rolled his eyes. Why would be his fault? But it was funny. Kato forgetting or loosing Aika. He giggled, leaned forward and grabbed the paper from the table to look at it. It was a music sheet. A filled out music sheet. So Kato and Siva were working on new songs. Yay. He could hardly wait to hear it. Oooo. Oooo. Maybe he could hear it right now. He lifted his eyes from the sheet, the corners of his mouth turned upwards. He looked at Siva.
"Oj." Siva inched backwards. "What's with that look?"
Two minutes later Siva was playing on the guitar, the soft sound of music flowing through the air and Alex moved, sat himself close to Siva; with his legs underneath him, he leaned back into the couch and closed his eyes. Who would have thought that Siva could be so easily persuaded; it was probably Kato's influence. He softly smiled to himself.
xxx
"The belts, where are my belts?" Siva pulled a brown bag toward the little couch on which he was sitting.
"I don't have it. Stop rummaging through my things." Tanaka stood up from the chair behind the small drum and threw himself into the fight over his bag.
"Kodomono you desu. (You are like children.)" Ame looked up from her guitar.
The door opened: "Nijuu fun, mina-san. Nijuu fun, (Twenty minutes, everybody. Twenty minutes)" and closed.
"Alex." Kato eyes meet Alex's in the mirror. "Could you find me Eiyoudorinkku (nutrition drink)."
"Sure. " Alex said. "Does anybody else need anything?" When everybody shook their heads in no, he stood up from the small chair that was in the corner of the room, out of everybody's way and went out of the room, toward the vending machine he saw earlier in the hallway.
In this few weeks that he was working for Kato, he learned that the position of the vending machines could be valuable information, that it is always good to have water, some kind of fruit and colourless gloss in his bag, because Kato will be either thirsty, want a snack or/and lost his gloss again and that a light massage or just laying of hands on Kato's neck and shoulders could calm down Kato's nervous and uneasiness before the appearance.
He inserted the money into the slot and pushed the number 17. Just one week more and a month of probation will run out and he still didn't know if he would sign himself for more. It wasn't that he didn't like it or that he didn't fit in, because he did; he felt like he's been working for Kato forever and the job wasn't that hard, it was actually fun most of the time. It was just…
The tin with green leaves on the orange background felt down. Alex took it out from the hole and then went back. He handed the drink to Kato.
Kato took the can and their fingers brushed.
Electricity travelled up Alex's arm and he quickly pulled his fingers away.
"Juugo fun. (Fifteen minutes.)"
Alex was about to turn and go to his little corner, when Kato's hand on his wrist stopped him.
"Could you?" Kato tapped his shoulder.
"Sure." Alex said, even thought he would rather not, but who was he to say no to Kato and besides as he discovered Kato really didn't understand the word no. He put his palms on Kato's shoulders, his thumps touching over the beginning of Kato's spine. His palms warmed up and started to tingle. He risked the glance in the mirror, toward Kato.
Kato's brown burning eyes were there taking his in a strong hold.
Alex tried to look away from that intense gaze, but he couldn't. His throat felt dry like a bone and he had trouble with swallowing. The noise, voices of others were hushed down, everything disappeared in a haze and there was only the two of them left.
Kato's right hand sneaked up and he covered with it Alex's, his lips curving into a warm, sunny smile, the one that since his coming to Japan become so familiar to Alex.
Alex's tongue darted out wetting his dried-up lips. He wished he could press a kiss on those plump delicious looking lips, to try to see if they are really as soft as they seem.
"Juu fun, mina-san. (Ten minutes, everybody)."
The spell was broken and with a shake of his head Alex tore his gaze away. He slid his palms on the end of Kato's shoulders and back toward neck a few times, then stepped back. "Ok?"
"No, but it will do for now." Kato was still smiling.
"No?" Alex stood there, his arms by his sides, not knowing what Kato meant, then, when Kato didn't answered him, just watched him with that intent gaze, he shrugged his shoulders and went into his little corner.
"Go fun. Dekiteimasuka ? (Five minutes. Are you ready?)"
"Hai. Hai," the band's members said in almost perfect union and stood up. "Ikimashoo. (Let's go.)"
"Ganbatte kudasai. (Do your best, please.)" Alex stood up and watched them disappear through the door. He would follow their path soon enough, but he (like all the members of staff) just gave them some distance so they could perform their usual ceremony in peace. Well, the real reason for his distance was that the first - and the last time - he was naïve enough to be close, the band had pulled him into the tight hug and yelled something like ore or ora in his ears. They almost crushed his ribs and the ringing in his ears hadn't stopped for days.
After ten minutes, when The fallen souls and Kato were already announced and performing on the stage, Alex went over to the edge of the beginning of the stage, careful enough to find a spot where he wouldn't be an obstacle to anybody.
They were at the start of the song. Ame's intro was coming to an end, the drum's sound was still soft, and Siva's fingers started to touch his bass's strings while Naya's fingers and pose suggested that she was in the low start.
Kato's right foot was hooked on the low speaker on the middle of the end of the stage. He leaned forward, toward the crowd, and he was tapping it in the rhythm of Tanaka's beat. He started to sing.
A few lines and then the tempo became quicker, the guitars louder, and that voice more deep, richer.
Oh, god. He was so good, they were all really good. Alex closed his eyes, lost himself in that melodic, velvet voice and just enjoyed in the song. In moments like that he was grateful to be here by their side and that maybe he can contribute a little to their work, even if just with bringing them stuff and little things like that. If only. If only Kato would be less of a temptation, if only there wouldn't be a danger to fall head over heels over him; but as much he wanted and needed to lie to himself, he knew that even now he was falling…he just choose to ignore that little fact.