What if I needed you, would you be there
Alex stood at the kitchen counter, with his hands at the edge of the marble surface and his forehead leaned on the kitchen cabinet as he waited for the water to boil.
A single tear slid down his cheek and he wiped it out, erased it like it was never there. He wanted to hit something, to channel all of the frustration in one blow and he wanted to hit that something now.
It shouldn't matter. Kato's absence beside him when he woke up shouldn't matter.
But it did.
And where was he? Was he in somebody else's bed, in somebody else's arms? In David's and Miko's arms?
A piercing whistle woke him from his thoughts; he picked up the kettle and put it on the thin ceramic flower.
Why was the most negative version of what might have happened always the first one in his mind? Why couldn't the first thought be that Kato was just out exercising the way he was exercising every morning in Tokyo?
He reached out for a small beige and green paper bag that was at the edge of the counter, and he put a small amount of greenish powder from the bag into a cup and poured boiled water over it, and then put the bag back.
Why couldn't he forget Kato's words about spending the night with Miko and David? At the end, Kato had spent the night with him. Kato held him, his fingers massaged his back and he bestowed small pecks on his temples, cheeks, jaw, the corner of his mouth, on his mouth, which slowly led to other things, thrice, he wrinkled his forehead. Or it was five times? He absently pulled the seam of his baggy pants away from his slightly sore ass. It was a good thing his body was now somewhat used to Kato's insatiable sex drive. And actually he didn't mind it; he just pretended to, because if he showed his desire for Kato, everyone would probably think he was a satyromaniac
He lifted the cup toward his lips and took a small sip. He was pathetic, Kato was probably on his morning exercise or something similar and he was here feeling sorry for himself because of his vivid imagination. Really pathetic. He couldn't let himself to become so distressed. So even if Kato, that slut, went to Miko and David, it wasn't the end of the world. He nodded to himself. It wasn't the end of the world and besides, as soon as they left this place, he would have Kato for himself again.
He turned around and slowly progressed toward the table that ruled in the middle of the, for a Japanese house quite large, kitchen.
"Ocha kudasai." Two hands wrapped themselves around Alex's middle and a head found its space on Alex's shoulder. "Ocha."
What the hell? Alex almost spilled his tea. He looked down on the black, longhaired head and he identified the always-elegant Miko in the zombie that was hanging on him. He coughed and with his free hand poked the lightly snoring body.
Two red-rimmed eyes looked up at Alex, "Ocha, kuddasa," before they were hidden behind the long curtain of hair again.
"How can I make you tea when you are in hanging off me like that?" Alex said and the only thing he got as a replay was the continuance of the light snoring. He poked Miko in his side again.
"Ocha, kudasai."
Was that all he could get, tea please? Alex poked him again.
"Ocha, kudasai."
Alex giggled and poked him again.
"Ocha."
"Good morning," a familiar, velvet voice said.
Kato. The corners of Alex's mouth turned upwards on their own, he looked in the direction of the voice and his gaze drunk in the sight of sweaty, still slightly out of breath Kato. "Good morning."
"I see you have a problem." Kato closed the distance and pressed a tender kiss on Alex's lips over Miko's head.
"Yeah." Alex reached out his free hand and pulled gently on a lock of red hair that fell over Kato's brow. "Where were you? You left me alone."
"Morning exercise." Kato took the cup from Alex's hand and took a sip, before he put the cup on the table. "I thought you'd still be sleeping when I came back and when you weren't in the bed anymore, I came looking for you." He hooked his arms around Miko, coaxed him to let go of Alex.
So he was worrying for nothing. Alex bit his lip. Damn, he was really pathetic; almost crying because of something that he had imagined.
"Ocha." Miko murmured and his arms released Alex.
Kato put him in the chair behind the table, and Miko rested his head in his arms on the table.
"You'd get your ocha soon." Kato's fingers combed through Miko's hair.
A pang of jealousy pierced Alex's heart and he adverted his gaze. He didn't wait for Kato to ask him; he took the kettle, went to the sink, filled the kettle with water, and put it on the stove. "Is Miko always like that in the mornings?" He turned the gas on.
"Yeah." Kato appeared behind Alex and wound his arms around Alex's waist. "He's not a morning person."
That was saying it mildly. Alex resisted the urge to lean back against Kato's strong chest and he fixed his gaze on the kettle. "You are sweaty."
"I'm going to shower." Kato's palms rubbed Alex's belly and then he released him. "Make a cup for me too, please."
"Yes, of course."
When Kato came back wrapped into cotton robe, Miko's eyes were already clear, his spine straight, and Alex was finishing his breakfast, a toast and some kind of yoghurt.
Kato sat down behind the table and put Alex's palm pilot on the table, in front of Alex. "This was very noisy."
Alex pulled it close, pressed a button and the screen lit up. There was a little envelope beeping in the left upper corner of the display. Taking the pilot's pen from a niche in the side of the pilot, he touched the envelope with the tip, and a row of letters appeared. Thank god they were normal letters, not that Hiragana, Katakana and Kanji's. He was hopeless with those.
"It's Naomi-san." Actually, it was her secretary. "She says that…" he looked closer. Oh, my god, that's great. "your album Kono bubun ue, This side up has just become Platinum and the record company organized a special interview on MTV Special for you and your band to mark this occasion. It's tomorrow at six o'clock." There were also the information in which building and studio the interview would be filmed, along with the questions that would be asked and the notification that after that there would be a party on which Kato's presence was obligatory. He told that to Kato.
"Great news." Miko said. "We are very proud."
"That means we have to pack." Alex turned the hand pilot off.
"We?" Kato's fingers clasped around the cup that Miko pushed toward him.
"I… am I not going with you?" Was he going to leave him here?
"Do you want to?"
"It's your decision."
"No, you tell me if you want to go with me."
"Only if you want me to."
"You two will giving me a headache." Miko stood up. "I'm leaving." He put his cup in the sink and left the room.
xxx
Alex slid off the stool, went to the door and carefully peeked through it. The sound of music, the commotion and short snaps of talk burst into the kitchen.
Alex's gaze travelled over the shiny, skin-tight acrylic, heavy brocade; silky corsets, leather pants, chiffon skirts and strong make-up. He only came along because Naomi-san assured him that Gackt was going to be present and he wanted to meet the man, maybe even get an autograph. He had it all planed, he even knew what he was going to say if the opportunity arose, had been practising in the mirror when Kato trampled his already made plans with an order to stay put in the kitchen. Damn it.
He stepped aside, gave way to a waiter that carried a big plate of a variety of sushi in his hand and then turned toward the corner of the room where people with the same job description as his were sitting behind the table. There were some of them in the room next door, taking care of their employers, trotting after them like puppies trot after their mother.
As soon as the door closed after waiter, he peeked into the room again.
Oh my god, there he was. Gackt. Alex opened the door wider, looked around and, when there was no sign of Kato, he took a step through it.
He didn't really know why he was so afraid of the possibility of Kato catching him disobeying him, he was not a child anymore and Kato was not his guardian; it was not like Kato was going to spank him. He bit his lip and stifled a giggle. Not that Kato wouldn't be all for that, he would probably love it, the pervert.
He saw his target climbing up the stairs at the opposite wall and with a quick step, he crossed the room and went after him, with the corner of his eyes on the lookout for the familiar red head.
The stairs leaded on the long hallway with doors on the both side of the walls. He looked around; there was no sign of Gackt. Where did he disappear? He went deeper into the hallway. Where could he be?
There was a small light seen in the distance, it was like a beacon in the semi-dark hallway. He went closer. It was a light coming from under the door. Now what?
There was little metal Kanji on the door and Alex stared at it. Could it mean a toilet? Maybe.
So what now, should he knock on the door and say Gackt, Gackt, it's me, one of your fans, who decided that bothering you in the toilet was a good idea, but just ignore that and please give me an autograph.
Yeah right.
He put some distance between himself and the door and stopped in the middle of the hallway, where he leaned with his shoulder on the wall, his gaze fixed on the door that hid Gackt before his eyes, determined to wait until Gackt came out so he could jump him and demand an autograph. Well, more like gently coax him into giving him an autograph.
He heard something and he whirled around.
"Look, look. What do we have here?" A big smirk on Edo Kedajin's face greeted him. "I thought I saw somebody familiar sneaking around the corner." He leaned over Alex on the wall, his breath reeking of alcohol. "Does Kato know you are running around without the leash?"
Oh, god. Alex rolled his eyes and moved his head away from Kedajin's breath. That's all he needed. "Can you move, please, you are in the way?"
"I know." Kedajin moved closer and his hand slipped on Alex's hip.
"Get your hands off me." Alex's swatted at the hand, he pushed it away. He heard about Kedajin's drunken attics from Siva and he was really annoyed that Kedajin was trying them on him.
Kedajin's hand grabbed Alex's hands and pushed Alex back against the wall. "So unfriendly. I bet you are a lot more friendly to Kato."
"If you don't release me right away, I'm going to scream," Alex hissed. What did the bastard think, that he could handle him as he pleases?
The hand that Kedajin had leaned on the wall was suddenly on Alex's mouth. "You can try, little one."
Alex paled and his eyes became too big on his face. Shit. Goose-bumps rose on his skin and he wiggled in Kedajin's hold. That didn't seemed like Kedajin's drunken attics.
"I wonder," Kedajin's breath was scorching on Alex's cheek, "what does Kato call you? What's his pet name for you?" He rubbed his groin against Alex's hip.
Bastard. And his sick jokes. Does he think this would scare him? That this would make him panic? Well maybe a little, well maybe more than a little, but he was not going to back down. He wouldn't. He wouldn't. He pulled his hands out of Kedajin's grasp.
"I bet he calls you babe or baby." Kedajin pressed himself closer.
I'm kukki, kukki, not baby. He could feel Kedajin's erection on his hip. He opened his mouth and bit in the hand that was pressed against his lips.
"You little shit." Kedajin swung his hand and his palm made a red imprint of fingers on Alex's cheek.
Alex's back hit the wall. Where was Kato, his shining knight in armour? He, with defiance in his eyes, lifted his leg up and, with all of his weight, stepped on Kedajin's foot.
Where was Kato to take care of him? Alex poked with his fingers Kedajin's eyes.
Kedajin yelped and his hands flew to his eyes.
Not here. Not here, when he needed him. Alex swung his knee aiming for a kill. He couldn't count on him; he couldn't count on anybody but himself. He knew this. He knew this, so why was he so disappointed?
Kedajin, with an obscenity on his lips, cupped his family jewels, while the other one's fingers flew around searching for the support, they grabbed Alex's waistband.
Alex used his elbow and he swung around, hitting Kedajin at the side of his head, causing for the big man to fall with a loud groan on the ground.
Kedajin's fingers pulled at the edge of Alex's waistband, testing the fabric limits, the buttons went flying.
Alex turned around, his hand holding his pants together and just in case, because you never know, he kicked into Kedajin's rolled up body a few times before he ran toward the stairs.
Damn bastard. Something wet trickled down Alex's cheeks. With the edge of his sleeve, he rubbed his eyes.
Why was he crying? Nothing happened.
His steps slowed down, he took a few deep breaths and he smoothed out his hair. He used few strands that were loose from the tail to hide his face with a tilt of his head, and then went down the stairs.
Nothing happened.
He stopped at the bottom of the stairs, closed his eyes, and tried to wipe the memory of Kedajin's touch on his body.
Then why did he feel a need to shower, to scrub his skin until it became red and raw? He pushed his nails into the wooden surface of the railing. That dirty bastard.
Somebody's hand grabbed Alex's shoulder. He yelped and his heart almost jumped out of his chest. He peeked out under his hair at the intruder and he sighed out from relief. It was only Kato. For a moment he thought… He wasn't stupid, he knew that he was lucky, that the element of surprise and Edo's too confident ego were the ones that got him out of whatever was on that drunk sicko's mind.
"I said to you to stay in the kitchen!" Kato voice was quiet and sharp in Alex's ear.
Alex swallowed the sigh of anger. "I'm," he wanted to hiss something, but he bit into his tongue. "I'm sorry."
"You should be. Why don't you ever listen to me?" Kato pushed him before him. "And what the hell happened to you?"
"Nothing. And I always listen to you."
"Nothing?" Kato turned them so that his body shielded Alex from any inquisitive eyes. He stroked the hair out of Alex's face; his fingers brushed Alex's cheek. "Somebody hit you. Who?"
"Nobody." Alex turned away from that intensive gaze. Kato couldn't find out what happened, he wouldn't let Kedajin the satisfaction. He fisted his hands. He wouldn't. "I'm fine."
"You don't look like you are. And what's that?" Kato's eyes slide down. "You have your trousers torn?"
"I had an accident. I lost some buttons." Alex clutched his pants tighter. "That's all. I'm fine, really. "
"James," Kato looked over his shoulder at the bodyguard that stood behind him. "He came downstairs. Go look if anybody is up there, please."
"Yes, boss." James bypassed them and climbed the stairs.
"Alex, no more lies." Kato cupped Alex's cheeks. "Just tell me who did this to you?"
"For what? What do you intent to? Protect me? Avenge me?" Alex stepped back. "I don't need it, I did both myself."
"Kukki."
"I can take care of myself." He'd done that more than half of his life. He learned that the only one he could count on, the only one who would never let him down was himself. As much as he wanted to lean his head on Kato's shoulder, giving him all of his burdens, Kato was not a brave knight on a white horse and he was not a princess in distress.
"If you could, there would have never been an outline of a hand on your face and there would be buttons on your pants." Kato's hand was heavy on Alex's shoulder.
No, if he couldn't, there was a possibility that his pants would be around his ankles and the imprint of a hand would be the last worry on his mind. He felt the moistness in his eyes and he blinked it away. It wasn't fair that after everything that happened to him, he had to be the one calming Kato down, not the other way around.
The sound of heavy steps made them look up, and there was James coming down the stairs, a well-known performer behind him. James stopped beside Alex and Kato, while the idol with a tilt of his head in greeting, bypassed them.
Kato's face became pale, he turned. "It doesn't matter, I'm going to-"
"It wasn't him." Alex grabbed Kato's hand.
"It couldn't be him. He was stuck in the toilet. I had to get him out." James's calm voice stopped Kato from whatever he was about to do. "But beside him I couldn't find anybody else. Who ever slapped Alex hid well."
"I see." Kato's intensive gaze landed on Alex.
"Kato." Alex put his free hand on Kato's chest. He had to direct Kato's attention before Kato's pit bull jaw bit in him too hard. "Could James take me home, please?"
"We are all going home." Kato wrapped his arm around Alex's shoulder. "But don't you think I'm through with you. As soon as I'm done with that pesky brother of mine, it's your turn."