What if… somebody cares and it's not you
"You selfish bastard, how could you?"
"Siva. Stop it. You're going to wake him up."
"You are sick! He probably went through hell because of you and you…"
"I couldn't help myself, ok? I couldn't help myself. I was losing my mind the last couple of days and then he was finally there, so soft and sweet- owwwww."
Alex, curled up under the blanket, listened to what was happening on the other side of the door and opened his eyes. He knew why Siva was yelling at Kato, his: you fucked him, you fucking fucked him, was what woke him up. Even though Kato had been quick to get up, covering Siva's mouth and dragging him out on the hallway.
"You hit me."
"You deserve it. Now get out of my way."
Alex yawned. He should probably get up and stop them, but he was still sleepy and tired from yesterday morning, from yesterday afternoon and yesterday evening. He stretched and then his hand flew toward his bandage. He grimaced. Not to mention that his shoulder hurt and there was also soreness in his lower body, it wasn't anything bad, but it was Kato's fault and well, it made him less inclined to be Kato's saviour.
And if he thought about it, hadn't he done enough for Kato already?
He pulled the shirt's collar away and examined the bandage, there was no blood coming through. But he should probably change the bandage anyway. He'd ask James later if he could do it -- and the good thing was that James' shirt was large enough that he wouldn't need to undress. He chuckled. Well, that was the reason why James gave him one of his larger shirts. One would never believe but James had problems with nudity, even when the nudity was only one skinny chest.
The door opened and Siva walked through. He closed the door with a loud bang and directed his step toward the chest of drawers that was between the cabinet and bathroom's door. He picked up a tray that was there and continued his path toward the bed. "Good morning."
The door opened again and this time Kato walked through, he flashed a quick smile at Alex, and then he closed the door, leaned on the wall and crossed his arms.
"Good morning." Alex pushed himself up on the pillows. His eyes travelled between Siva and Kato. Siva was all frowns and ugly looks, while Kato had a big pout on his lips and had Siva on close watch. Oh, well. He looked what was on the tray that Siva put on the nightstand. He was hungry, very hungry. The only thing that they had given him yesterday to eat was a soup and this time he would have… he opened the cover of the bowl. "A soup. For breakfast?"
"We don't want to irritate your stomach." Siva, with a smile on his face for Alex, sat on the bed and pulled out of his pocket two boxes of pills and put them on the nightstand. "Here are the pills that James picked up in the pharmacy."
Alex picked up the boxes.
"This one," Siva leaned closer and tapped the box with Katonal written on it, "The doctor prescribed for your wound pain and this one, Betaserc, is for the head. For pain and for dizziness."
"Should I take them now?" Alex lifted his head.
"James said that you should eat something first and then take the head pill, but leave Katonal for when you are really in pain."
"Ok. But I want something better than soup. If it has to be something liquid I want a stew." Yeah, stew sounded good to Alex and he deserved it. He'd saved Kato's life yesterday, hadn't he?
Siva turned around, with a sharp gaze he ordered to Kato, "Go, get the stew. And while you are at it, clean this mess up," he pointed at the empty condom wrapper near the bin beside the nightstand on Kato's side. "It's disgusting."
"Fuck you."
"You are still horny?" Siva raised his eyebrows. "Even after last night?"
Kato had the decency to blush and with a quick step he went, picked up the empty wrapper and stormed out of the room.
"Siva, it's ok." Alex put his hands in his lap. "If I said no, we wouldn't have…."
"But you never say no to him and he can do with you as he pleases."
"I can take care of myself."
"I know you can. James told me what you did with the door. He said that in a day or two, you would get out on your own." Siva put a hand over Alex's hands. "You are very resourceful and independent, but not when Kato is in the picture. And because of that I'm a little worried about you."
"Don't be." Alex withdrew his hands from underneath Siva's. He focused his attention on the bowl. He cleared the lid away, put the bowl in his lap and took the spoon.
"But I am. Look, Kato's one of the nicest people I know and he would do anything for the ones he loves, but he's also very selfish, he doesn't think, not before it is too late and people are hurt."
Alex looked up; he held his spoon in mid-air. "What are you trying to say?"
"You have to stop Kato when he's going too far, because he's too selfish to notice that himself."
Alex nodded and put the spoon in his mouth. He swallowed. The words 'he would do anything for the ones he loves' were still echoing in his head and somehow he dreaded that he wasn't one of those.
Xxx
Alex tapped his pen against the low table in the living room. He was surveying the plans for The Fallen Souls' tour that is going to start three weeks from now. There was also some information about it on his PDA and, in among those and among all those papers Naomi sent, he couldn't find his task list. Actually he had, but it only said pack Kato's stuff, so there would have to be an additional paper somewhere. There had to be.
He went through the papers again. When he had stepped into Aika's shoes, he only took less then half of Aika's tasks, The larger half had fallen on Naomi's office's shoulders and it was understood that with time his pile of task would slowly get bigger, but it wasn't, it got smaller.
He leaned back and nibbled on the end of the pen. And it wasn't just the tour. He knew that Kato had at least two appearances and one interview scheduled this week. Kato had told him himself, but there was no information on them on his palm pilot. He thought about calling Naomi again, but he'd only been able to reach her secretary the first time and she said that was because he was on a sick leave. Being on sick leave was find and dandy, but it had been two weeks since Shoji shot him and the wound was only superficial. It didn't really explaine why his task list had shrunken so completely.
"What are you doing?" David sat beside Alex, his gaze travelling over the papers scattered on the table.
Alex gathered the papers into one pile and pushed them to the edge of the table. "I can't find my task list for the tour."
David furrowed his eyebrows. "Didn't Kato tell you? You are not going with them. He's sending you to my place, I mean to ours, mine and Miko's place, ne Miko?"
"What?"
"Yes." Miko, who stood behind the couch, came forward and sat beside David. "Because of everything you have been through, he thinks you deserve a break."
"Does he now?"
"You should be grateful." Miko hooked his arm around David's. "Our spa is one of the best."
"I see." Alex forced his lips into a smile. So this was how it was. Kato probably got tired of him and he was sending him away.
"Alex?"
"Hmm." Alex looked up.
"What's the matter?" David had a concerned look in his eyes.
"Nothing really." Maybe he's just overreacting, it wouldn't be the first time, and maybe Kato was really thinking of his welfare. Alex put his fingers in his mouth and nibbled on them. Well, Kato's behaviour around him, like he was walking on the eggshells, could be interpreted as if Kato was really concerned about him or Kato was tired of him and didn't know how to tell him that, cause Alex had sort of saved his life.
"He's probably just overwhelmed. It's not everyday that one gets surprised with good news like this." Miko slid his fingers up David's arm. "Oh, I almost forgot to tell you, Alex, Kedajin called again."
"I don't want to see him. I told you that. I told him that." Alex stood up. Why was Kedajin so persistent on seeing him and why the hell wasn't anybody against Kedajin anymore? It's like Kedajin telling Kato where Shoji took him wiped away all the old grudges that Kato held against him. Kato had even said a word or two in Kedajin's favour when he declined Kedajin's request for a meeting. And why would Kedajin want to see him? Did that bastard want to assault him again? "And Kato won't like you pushing me."
"I don't care." Miko smoothed the fabric on the sleeve of his greenish kimono. "You should do the right thing and show him some gratitude."
"I don't feel grateful to him. He waited two whole days before he told Kato where I was and in that time I almost got out on my own." So fuck him. Alex fisted his hands. He could tell them what happened and then they would understand his resistance, but he kept quiet then and telling now it would be like he was trying to toss dirt on Kedajin's new image.
"Calm down." David leaned forward and covered Alex's fists with his hands. "I know that Kedajin is a bastard and you don't need to see him if you don't want him."
"But he does," Miko quickly intervened. "We live in polite society and even when some people are nothing more than barbarians, like Kedajin, it's my personal opinion that we who are civilized and properly raised should show them what manners are. And besides, he's here. He's waiting outside in the hallway."
Alex's knuckles became white, he stood up. He watched as Miko stood up and went to the door, letting Kedajin in and he stayed silent. Not because he wanted to, but because it seemed to him that the moment he opened his mouth, he would not be able to hold in the anger that was boiling inside him. Bitch. Miko was such a bitch. He watched Kedajin walk through the door.
"Alex?" David pushed Alex down on the couch.
"He molested me." Alex whispered, his eyes were glued on every move Kedajin made when he was coming closer.
David squeezed Alex's hands. His voice was low and quiet, "Why didn't you told us?"
"Because…" he was stupid and he didn't want Kato to get upset. "I thought I would never see him again."
"Ah."
Alex fixed his eyes on David. Why did David look so calm? That dick molested him and all David said was ah. "Is that all you can say?"
"It's Kedajin." David shrugged. "When he's drunk, he molests almost everybody. He gropes people and wags his tongue around, but that's all. Nothing serious. He didn't rape anybody."
"Yet." Alex hissed silently. And to him it was more then just drunken groping, its scarred him. "And he hit me."
"He hit you!" David's voice adopted the normal volume; actually it was a little louder.
There was a sound of a tumble and out of the corner of his eyes Alex could see a greenish blur of waves in the air. He turned his head and there at the beginning of the couch Kedajin was on his knees and Miko behind him, holding Kedajin's arm twisted behind his back,
"You are lucky that Kato isn't here." David stood up. "He's a little overprotective were Alex is concerned, he would probably break your nose and tear off your balls."
"Yes, you are lucky." Miko leaned down, his black hair cascading over his shoulder. "We won't disfigure your lovely features, but there will be something missing in the continuance of your life, your family jewels."
And suddenly Alex felt better and facing Kedajin suddenly wasn't that bad. He relaxed on the couch and was about to open his mouth and inquire as to what Kedajin wanted, when David beat him to it.
"I wanted to say sorry."
"Yeah, right." Alex narrowed his eyes.
"But I did." Kedajin said. "And Miko, could you get off me. My arm is starting to hurt."
"Good." Miko backed off and sat on the couch opposite to Alex and David, he patted the spot beside him. "Now sit here, so I can keep my hand on you."
"I don't think David would like that," Kedajin grinned and sat down.
"Stop being funny and explain yourself." David leaned forward, a frown on his face.
"Is there a way Alex and I could talk alone?" When two of three pairs of eyes became narrow slits, Kedajin sighed, "I thought not." He focused his eyes on Alex. "I really am sorry, Alex. I mean… I probably wouldn't be if I didn't see you getting squeezed into a car boot. That really shocked me. Cause I could be the one crossing the line like that."
Kedajin leaned his elbows on his knees. "You have to know, at that party, I wouldn't have done anything to you. I only wanted to scare you and annoy Kato. I know how possessive and touchy he can be, and when Kato didn't come after me, I suspected that you didn't tell him what happened. I was on my way to taunt you, to make you freak out, to anger Kato through you, when I saw you dragged out of the building."
Alex knew it, he knew it. Bastard. His lips transformed into a thin line.
"So, after I saw where Shoji locked you up, I went home and the only thing I could think of was how I was going to cash that knowledge in with Kato. How if I wait a few days –"
"You are a piece of work," David said.
"So I waited and then I woke up in the morning and looked at myself in the mirror and I, I really didn't like what I saw. I was about to use somebody's misfortune, to prolong it in try to extort sex…"
"Ok, thank you." Alex stood up. "Please, go now. I don't want to hear you anymore."
"No, listen," Kedajin reached out.
"Don't." Miko grabbed Kedajin's arm before Kedajin could wrapped his fingers around Alex's hand.
"I don't think you are an evil, evil person," Alex tucked a wisp of hair behind his ear, "but I think you are a manipulator and as far as I know, you might be sorry or you might just be trying to twist the situation in your favour. Whatever. Let's say that you are sorry that you assaulted me, and that you are sorry that you sat for two days on the information about where I was. Ok, I listened to your apology and if you need my forgiveness, fine you have it. I really don't care about you as long as I don't see or hear about you, I just don't care. So go now, please, and don't come back."
The sound of clapping drew their eyes toward the door.
Kato stopped clapping and unglued himself from the door on which he was leaning. "Well said. You said it better than I would." Kato had his eyes on Kedajin and he tensed his jaw. "But Edo is not leaving, not before I show him some of my moves." Kato slowly advanced toward them; he rolled up his sleeves, first one then the other. "Edo was the one that slapped you and tore your pants, wasn't he?" He looked at Alex, before his gaze was on Kedajin again. "Aren't you, Edo?"
Edo stood up, "I said I was sorry," he sidestepped Miko; he tried to put as much distance between Kato and him as he was able to.
"Kato," Alex frowned. "What are you going to do? Beat the shit out of him?"
"Oh, yeah." Kato flashed a lopsided grin in Alex's direction before his eyes were on Kedajin again.
"David!" Alex looked down at David, who just shrugged with his shoulders in a don't look at me sort of gesture.
"Miko?" When there was no answer from Miko, who avoided eye contact, Alex threw his hands in the air. "You two are just going to let him-"
"Beat the shit out of Kedajin? Of course." David said.
Alex rolled his eyes. He was not going to stay and watch. "I think this is stupid." He went toward the door. He took a quick peek in Kato's and Kedajin's direction before he left the living room and he saw how Kato was like a big, wild cat, with a predatory smirk cornering Kedajin and even though Kedajin was bigger and taller than Kato, it seemed like he shrunk under Kato's hard gaze. He shook his head in disapproval and closed the door behind him.
He went into Kato's room and went to the window. It would be dark soon and the buildings and streets before him would flare up in a splash of yellow and orange so strong that the sky would look like it was pale grey, not black or dark blue. He put his palms on the smooth surface of the glass and looked up. Even the stars' light would be suffocated by the artificial glow from below and only if he looked very hard would he see the pale dots of the brightest ones.
He heard the door open and close and he didn't have to look over his shoulder to know who entered the room.
"Are you ok?" Kato wrapped his arms around Alex.
"Yeah," sort of, but his problem wasn't Kedajin, but Kato. Alex leaned back on Kato's chest. "What did you do with Kedajin?"
"Nothing much. I just punched him once." Kato put his chin on Alex's shoulder. "I think I broke his nose."
"Really mature." Alex turned in Kato's arms.
"I never said that I was the mature one." Kato slid his splayed hand up and down Alex's back. "You should have told me. I would never have let him into the apartment or anywhere close to you."
"I know." Alex wrapped his hands around Kato's neck. "I should have, but if I did, he would have gotten what he wanted."
"And now he didn't?"
"He got your anger and a broken nose, and I doubt he wanted that. I think that he was sorry that he molested me, but only because he was afraid that if it leaked out now he would be out of your good grace. I think that was the real reason why he wanted to see me and all that talk about looking in the mirror was just a… lie."
"Yeah. Bastard. I showed him. Maybe now he can get over all that rejection stuff." Kato titled his head. "Imagine, it was ten years ago and he still didn't get over it."
"I really don't want to talk about Kedajin." Alex pressed himself closer. Kedajin was the last thing on his mind; his brains were occupied with different, larger problems. Like if he was going to have to press charges against Shoji or if they were going to keep Shoji without the trial in that padded room where he was already spending his days and nights, screaming that he was not going to lose against Kato. But he didn't want to talk or think about that either.
The more important question for Alex was: did the fact that the last time they'd had sex was the night he came home and that the amount of affections and caresses that Kato liked to shower down on him reduced on a slow dripper, the result of Kato being busy with preparation on the tour, which was would begging in a three weeks time or was the reason laying somewhere else. Alex bit the inside of his cheek and looked up, his blue eyes searching the depths of those warm, chocolate ones.
He wasn't used to being the initiative one, but when one had gone cold turkey like he was, and there was no other indirect way to find out… he intertwined his fingers into Kato's hair and pressed his lips against Kato's.
Kato opened his mouth and their tongues slid together.
Alex titled his head and deepened the kiss. With his hand be snuck down between their bodies, he cupped Kato's cock and rubbed it with the heel of his hand.
"Whoa." Kato ended the kiss and stepped back. Something flashed in his eyes, but whatever it was he hid it behind his smile in the next second.
So he didn't want him. Alex sidestepped and was about to make a quick escape to some dark, hidden corner where he could sulk, feel sorry for himself, bitch over Kato and himself, and maybe even over his fucked up destiny, when Kato wrapped his arms around him.
Kato entangled them into one of those long, sweet kisses that turned Alex's brain into soup every time, and turned them around. He led them toward the bed and when Alex's leg bumped against the edge of the mattress, he ended the kiss and pushed Alex down.
Alex fell down on the bed. He does want him. A stupid smile bloomed on his face. He divided his legs and pulled himself up on his elbow.
Kato leaned forward and he started a path of kisses that started on the corner of Alex's mouth, over Alex's cheek, down Alex's neck, chest and ended on Alex's abdomen. Meanwhile, his hands unbuttoned Alex's pants and when Alex's lifted his hips he pulled them down.
Alex's semi-hard cook sprung forward.
Kato kneeled between Alex's legs, wrapped his hand around Alex's erection and he looked up.
Alex held that inteneintense gaze until Kato's mouth enveloped him into velvet heat and he was lost in a pleasure. His arms suddenly couldn't hold him up anymore and he fell down on his back. Oh, god.
Kato sucked and licked at the head of Alex's erection in a steady rhythm, his hands fondled Alex's balls.
Alex moaned, he put his feet on the bed and pushed with his heels against the soft surface to push himself deeper into that warmth. He wanted more of this hot delight that made pleasure zigzag up his spine and hitched his breath.
Kato coughed and put his arm over Alex's belly, he pushed him down. "So greedy." He smiled, a very naughty smile. "Ok, have it your way."
"Huh, what?" Alex was about to push himself on his elbows, but then Kato deep-throated him and hummed, the sound vibrating so deliciously around his cock and sucked on him like he was that new vacuum cleaner from the commercial, the one that had enough sucking power to lift the skittle-ball, and Alex didn't have the strength to do anything more than burrow his fingers into the blanket, looking for something to hold on. He could feel the tension raising, tightening his balls and then it spilled forward. He cried, his body arched and then went still.
Kato swallowed, his hands still absently stroking Alex, his eyes observing Alex's face until the last tremor left Alex's body. He let Alex's cock slip out of his mouth and then he pressed a kiss on the inside of Alex's thigh before he pulled himself up on his feet.
Alex lifted himself up, so wonderfully relaxed, his toes still curled from the blow-up of white stars, and he reached out for Kato.
Kato got hold of Alex's hands and he bent to press a small kiss on Alex's lips. He smiled, the turn of his lips looking a little strained. "I have to go to the bathroom."
"Kato?"
"I'll be right back." The door closed.
Alex furrowed his forehead. He looked up, his eyes drilling holes into the door through which Kato disappeared. He stayed that way for couple of second then he pulled his pants up and scrambled off the bed. He went toward the door, opened them and went through them. His gaze travelled between the toilet and bathroom's door. After he heard the sound coming from the bathroom, the tiptoed toward it and leaned with his ear on the door, yeah, Kato was in there. What was he doing there? He put his hand on the knob and silently opened the door for a peek.
Kato had his back turned toward the door. With his left arm, he was leaned on the wall before him while the other one was down in his pocket, moving with short, quick movement.
Was Kato searching for something? No, it couldn't be, Alex noticed, Kato pants were hanging on his hip and…
Kato moaned.
He was jerking off. Alex quickly closed the door and leaned on it. He was jerking himself off. How could he? He was lying there on the bed all ready steady to… and Kato goes and jerks off. Bastard.
Alex bit down on his lip; he pushed himself off the door. What does this mean?