ep 13-14
ChristianityÂ
ChristianityÂ
0:02
um did you get a chance to do any more
0:05
research on the side effects of Sarah
0:08
Quil and how you can help me get off of
0:13
it yeah so I was seeing that there's a
0:15
lot of I mean
0:17
there's you know various ones like um
0:21
obviously the fatigue
0:23
constipation um vomiting food stuff yeah
0:27
vomiting yeah
0:30
well so
0:33
um um Flor Arnold my Med provider I love
0:38
her she's a very lovely lady oh she's
0:40
wonderful um she tried to help me lower
0:43
it to 75 milligrams now I don't know if
0:47
you're familiar with dosing of this
0:48
particular
0:50
medicine
0:51
um but I the 75 is not working for me I
0:56
need it to be the therapeutic doses
1:00
more like 100 which some people take
1:03
like 400 or 500 milligrams which so
1:08
there's a range there's a pretty big
1:10
range I think you get the
1:14
real um antis psychotic effects from the
1:19
higher dosages like two or three or 400
1:23
and so now I'm personally dabbling in
1:27
you know 75 to to
1:30
150 like that's that's where I'm I'm
1:34
kind of I I kind of go back and forth
1:36
with it sometime which I'm told is okay
1:39
it's not ideal you want it to be
1:41
consistent but I want to get rid of it
1:43
all together and I I I don't I don't
1:46
have any plan right now to make that
1:49
happen or any strategy and so that's
1:52
what I need you to help me with is some
1:54
strategy or just I guess deal with it
1:57
just deal with the side effects
2:01
yeah I mean there's a there's a few
2:02
things here you can oh look who came in
2:04
me oopsies look at my little guy so cute
2:08
he my little puffy he
2:11
just okay what what so you can take the
2:15
medication you know as as you were and
2:18
and have the side effects of the
2:20
medication um so you're getting good
2:23
sleep but then have the negative side
2:25
effects then feeling you know the
2:26
grogginess and all of that so that's you
2:28
know that's one option another option is
2:32
sounds like what you're doing is
2:33
reducing the dose to see if if maybe you
2:36
can still have some of the positive
2:38
benefits without the
2:40
negative um and then the other option is
2:43
just to continue or discontinue and and
2:46
work through the the
2:48
withdraw as they come and then then once
2:51
you're through on the other
2:53
end have isue have you ever dealt with
2:56
clients for example that have that take
3:00
benzos benzo deines of various kinds and
3:04
you have and thank God actually none of
3:07
my providers have ever given me any
3:10
benzos um probably because it's not um
3:14
acute trauma is not my problem I have I
3:20
have long-term trauma I mean this is
3:23
right a cute and uh chronic I have
3:26
chronic trauma like it's and so anyway
3:30
but from my understanding you can die by
3:33
if you take a lot of benzos and you stop
3:36
taking them you can just die that's
3:39
that's yeah with yeah benzo and alcohol
3:42
detox requires medical intervention
3:45
because alcohol it's it's the same as
3:47
benzos you can die from
3:49
withraw oh gosh well you know I do
3:52
consider myself an alcoholic I don't
3:54
know we haven't really talked about that
3:56
too much um I got it under control
4:00
I've been an alcoholic for a long long
4:02
time and um thank God I tell you this I
4:05
was never the kind of alcoholic that was
4:08
drink liquor first thing in the morning
4:10
you know to stop the
4:12
shakes I've never progressed that far
4:15
not even
4:16
close thank goodness for for
4:20
that um but yes benzo um benzos and
4:24
alcohol withdraw can can lead to um
4:28
seizures and
4:30
that all right when you're that's a very
4:32
severe addiction yes very sever yes yes
4:36
big time um in fact I would be very very
4:40
interested uh when I start working I
4:43
would I would love to work at an
4:46
inpatient um facility of some kind and
4:49
work with um drug addictions and alcohol
4:53
addictions and all that stuff that's it
4:55
because it's just something that I'm um
4:59
well personally familiar with so I would
5:02
be even more effective at helping people
5:05
with it
5:06
um anyways Okay so we've got no real
5:09
good solution to the cakle issue yet I'm
5:12
I'm not expecting to crack the code
5:14
right
5:15
now yeah I mean what was what what was
5:18
your conversation with for Arnold like
5:20
was was she I said let's was the goal to
5:23
like get to zero well I said let's
5:26
switch it and and she was like no that's
5:30
not a good
5:31
idea and I was you know I don't know I
5:35
don't know what to switch it to what I
5:37
mean I've taken triazone before and uh
5:42
triazone puts you in this Haze like they
5:45
call it the triazone
5:47
haze I don't know if you're familiar
5:49
with that um that's a fun fun medicine
5:53
all right anyways let's move on I have a
5:56
couple of more more important things
5:58
than that to talk about
6:04
um have you ever heard the term dink
6:07
wad d i n k d i n k w a d dink
6:14
wad probably in some capacity yeah like
6:19
it's not one I can't like point to a
6:21
thing so you don't know what it means
6:23
then is an acronym I mean oh no I I
6:26
figured it was just what you call
6:28
someone who's being like
6:30
okay no so it's a new thing it's a new
6:33
acronym that it's a
6:36
lifestyle okay wait dual income no kids
6:39
with a
6:41
dog or with a dog with a dog think W
6:45
think a d whack would be with the
6:49
cat a d
6:51
whack so hey you figured it out so good
6:54
for you um yes it's a lifestyle dual
6:58
income double
7:00
income no children that's sort of where
7:03
I'm at in my life right now well I'm not
7:05
a dual income yet when I start working
7:08
I'll be a dual income all by myself but
7:11
it does mean now a sync I guess instead
7:14
of a dink would be a
7:16
single income no children but why it's a
7:19
lifestyle is you you you're an adult and
7:23
you have an abundance of income like you
7:27
go to work so you have money and and you
7:29
spend it all on yourself you you you go
7:31
on
7:32
vacations you buy yourself nice stuff
7:35
cuz children are like absurdly
7:38
expensive and to invest to not invest in
7:41
children to put it all into
7:46
yourself I get it I get that that's
7:49
satisfying that that could be
7:51
satisfying and
7:54
um I don't know maybe I should just
7:56
Embrace being a dink wad
8:01
um yeah that's you know that's certainly
8:05
uh I'm I'm all in favor of embracing our
8:09
current experience so if you're
8:11
currently a dink quad working towards
8:13
being a dink quad embrace it well to be
8:16
a real ding guad I would need a partner
8:18
I would need uh you know a girlfriend
8:20
that is in the same situation that works
8:23
makes her own money but I can spend all
8:26
my time with I I can go on vacations
8:28
with that sounds
8:29
very
8:31
appealing like especially now for me for
8:35
me this is kind of an important decision
8:38
to make
8:40
because you know do I want to pursue for
8:44
example uh a much younger woman perhaps
8:48
like a woman in her 20s you know that
8:51
wants
8:52
babies and then that's a a lifestyle I
8:55
could pursue is I could you know be in
8:57
my 40s and have children but I would
9:00
have to pursue a younger woman cuz if
9:03
I honestly it's not I don't think it's
9:06
all that healthy for women to have
9:08
children after the age of
9:11
45 like it biologically they're running
9:15
out of time like they're healthier when
9:18
they have babies when they're younger so
9:21
if I pursue a woman older than me for
9:24
example like a 50-year-old woman like I
9:28
should not be expecting to have be
9:30
having lots of children with a
9:33
50-year-old versus if I go for a
9:36
25-year-old that wants children then I
9:38
won't be a dink wad I would yeah you
9:42
know with a dog I love that the dog yeah
9:46
that's funny
9:48
um okay so okay why I mention that is I
9:52
know we're running out of time but this
9:53
is the final big this is the the climax
9:57
here of my of my note
10:00
Monday July
10:03
8th I'm planning on going to Springfield
10:08
probate
10:10
court I'm going to meet with
10:13
Sheila and um we're GNA get some at the
10:17
court they have a
10:19
notary I'm going to bring all the
10:21
paperwork I have it there it's five
10:24
forms five different forms that uh have
10:27
to be filled out to final the
10:30
divorce one of them is a joint petition
10:33
for divorce which we both have to sign
10:36
and notorized
10:38
the the next one is an
10:40
affidavit for irretrievable
10:45
breakdown and that's really the only
10:47
form that like you write something in
10:50
other than filling out the form it has a
10:52
blank you know you could write a
10:54
paragraph why is it irretrievable
10:57
breakdown and I think I have a couple of
11:00
good answers to put put there one of
11:03
them would be I'm a disabled veteran and
11:06
I simply had far more issues than she
11:09
could handle than my wife could
11:12
handle she never accepted me as a
11:14
disabled veteran she never she she was
11:17
outraged by you know my
11:21
limitations like so I think that's a
11:23
pretty good way to phrase it right I'm a
11:26
100% disabled
11:27
veteran she could could take care of me
11:30
right she couldn't she couldn't she just
11:34
couldn't like she expected I don't well
11:37
she's a narcissist and and she made
11:40
everything about herself for one so any
11:44
of my flaws no matter what flaws I had
11:47
like would have been issues she never
11:50
let anything be about me which is right
11:53
which which has
11:55
just crushed my soul forever I don't
11:58
know if ever recover from that aspect of
12:01
things like I if I met somebody and they
12:05
made thing they let things be about me
12:08
like if they fed my ego for example I
12:10
wouldn't know what to do with it yeah oh
12:13
I have a fun I have a fun acronym for
12:16
ego right uh Dr Wayne Dyer taught me
12:19
this you know Dr Wayne Dyer are you
12:22
familiar with him no oh he's a great
12:25
famous doctor um ego go means edging God
12:32
out and I that's a good way to define
12:36
what ego is right like ego is all about
12:38
you and being a
12:41
Christian you know you're supposed to
12:43
surrender yourself to some point you're
12:45
not supposed being a Christian life
12:46
isn't about you it's about
12:48
God and and narcissists or egotistical
12:51
people make everything about
12:54
themselves I was having a discussion
12:58
well actually so this paperwork filling
13:00
out this paperwork for the divorce is
13:03
bothering me a bunch a whole bunch
13:06
because where it says you know fill out
13:08
how many children did you have in the
13:10
marriage I have to put zero like we
13:13
didn't have any children like the reason
13:15
that this should go pretty smoothly is
13:18
because we have no assets to fight over
13:22
there's there's no disagreement in
13:25
parenting time cuz there are no children
13:27
or child custody
13:29
or child
13:31
support yeah and alimony would be the
13:34
only thing that could be up for
13:36
discussion but thank God the federal law
13:40
for disabled veterans is it's my
13:43
disability you can't take it from me in
13:45
a divorce like otherwise women could be
13:49
going around or whoever could be going
13:52
around marrying disabled veterans and
13:55
then divorcing them and taking their
13:57
disability that would be that would be a
13:59
messed up world like if they let that
14:02
happen so I've got no money to give her
14:07
alimony which this is so huge is
14:10
finalizing this divorce
14:15
because well first off it's going to set
14:18
me free it's going to let me pursue my
14:21
own life start over and but um
14:32
it's just it's a big deal it's clo it's
14:33
closure you know it's moving it's moving
14:35
forward and
14:39
um it allows you to move forward but
14:42
it's it's awfully depressing and it's
14:44
very stress it's stressful to fill out
14:47
these paperwork this paperwork that you
14:50
know explaining to the government why my
14:54
marriage didn't work it's just it's kind
14:56
of messed up
15:00
It's Kind it's kind of it's one of those
15:02
one of those
15:04
like necessary evils or whatever it's
15:07
like almost like playing the game just
15:10
to get out of the game yeah yeah well
15:12
and thankfully as a society I think we
15:15
have evolved a little bit in terms of
15:18
marriage um for example I think 40 40
15:23
years ago maybe in in the Commonwealth
15:26
of Massachusetts anyways um um you had
15:30
to prove why you had to get divorced and
15:33
a judge could say no you have to stay
15:34
married if you don't prove it like and
15:37
the only way to prove it would be
15:40
adultery or
15:42
infidelity that would be one way to
15:45
prove you you know what I mean but who
15:48
the [ __ ] is the government to tell me if
15:50
I can stay married or not right um but
15:54
it's because it's a social system
15:58
designed to protect
15:59
children and I appreciate that it it
16:02
really is it's designed that if parents
16:05
screw up the their lives the children
16:08
still you know are taken care of but in
16:11
my case that doesn't that doesn't matter
16:13
at
16:15
all except I still think of the kids as
16:18
my kids like they're they're
16:21
yeah and you can and you can think of
16:23
them as your kids and kind of hold that
16:25
within you and and then still
16:29
this game that we play with the state in
16:30
terms of filling out paperwork and kind
16:32
of right now they don't have to prove it
16:35
that so it's a no fault
16:38
divorce um they just all they all the
16:41
state is concerned about is is it
16:45
Equitable like if we had stuff is it SE
16:49
is it divided equally well we don't have
16:52
anything to divide there's nothing to
16:54
fight over like we don't have property
16:57
anymore I used to own a house and I sold
16:59
it and gave her I gave her $20,000 like
17:03
I I sold my house for an extra $40,000
17:06
than what I
17:08
owed and I gave her half of
17:10
it so that's come and gone there's no
17:13
money left
17:15
yeah um when is our next session good
17:20
sir let me put my
17:27
calendar man going to be
17:30
July oh yeah next Friday is or next
17:33
Thursday is in is July 4th oh wow okay
17:37
can uh are you working July
17:40
3rd Wednesday um yes can I you got any
17:46
openings yeah we can do 10 10 10 or 11
17:50
11th
17:52
better 11:00 a.m. um Wednesday July 4th
17:57
okay yeah cuz I oh July 3rd yeah um
18:03
because yes I need to see you I
18:05
definitely need to see you because that
18:08
following
18:09
Monday I'm going to be going down to
18:12
Springfield to to finalize this I've
18:15
already got the day planned after I do
18:18
the court thing I'm going to be seeing
18:20
the girls for the day we're going to
18:23
going to take them out to eat or bowling
18:26
or
18:27
something nice
18:31
um right sir so we should wrap up here
18:33
yeah yeah well I I managed to hit my
18:35
whole list so that worked out well one
18:38
final thing
18:40
um I did have uh I I I started taking
18:43
piano lessons again cool and um and yeah
18:48
it's going really really well like I'm
18:51
getting really really good at piano oh
18:53
one also one final closure last week I
18:57
was supposed to send you something
18:58
through the secure messaging let me tell
19:01
you that's not a very convenient way to
19:03
send messages like at all and I don't
19:06
particularly care if anything is secure
19:09
or not is there can I email you instead
19:12
would that be
19:13
okay we we're not allowed to give out
19:15
our
19:17
emails why the VA has what about your
19:19
public email address don't you have a
19:21
public
19:23
one it's I don't think it's public I
19:26
don't know I bet you I could figure it
19:28
out it might be like eric. Tiff va.gov
19:33
something like that
19:35
no might be you might we're just we're
19:38
just not allowed to out our emails well
19:41
how else can I talk to you other than
19:43
that secure messaging I mean I don't you
19:45
don't want me text messaging you so
19:47
that's that's uh we're told that it's
19:51
the secure messaging is the way
19:55
h i could search for you on social media
19:58
by the way if you have any of it I would
20:00
I could find it if I was so driven and I
20:04
could send you messages that
20:06
way um I'm just saying there's a few
20:09
extra tip things throughout the week it
20:12
would be nice if I could just send you a
20:14
question of something
20:17
that like if cuz when I take my notes
20:21
okay
20:23
beforehand I I I take my note I I write
20:26
this sheet out before the session but a
20:29
couple of days prior I might have a
20:31
question for you that gets completely
20:34
forgotten by the time I make my notes
20:37
and by the time we sit down and talk so
20:38
if I could just send you little bits of
20:41
information for you to think about it
20:43
could greatly help the therapeutic
20:48
relationship could it could you could
20:50
also write down like as they come to you
20:53
throughout the week down guess I guess
20:56
that would be more professional wouldn't
20:58
it all right all right good sir I think
21:01
that's a bit that's it for today thank
21:04
you so much yeah I'll see you next week
21:07
and hey let's just can we end with um
21:10
there is meaning and purpose to all
21:12
things
21:14
like is that is that a good thing to
21:17
leave on there is meaning and purpose to
21:19
All Things versus nothing matters I'm
21:22
just
21:24
saying
21:26
yeah yeah yeah either one whichever
21:30
either one sounds good to me whichever
21:32
one works best for you no but we've
21:34
already determined nihilism isn't
21:37
helpful okay there we go there's your
21:39
answer there's the answer all right
21:40
thank you sir I appreciate it take care
21:42
yep all right
21:49
byebye hi that was great