Parents

An Honest Apology and Request for Understanding. My Thoughts and Feelings – I Hope We Can Find Resolution

Parent-Adult Child Relationships

* **Liking:** A parent might like their adult child's personality, find their company enjoyable, and appreciate their qualities. It's a positive connection but less deep than love.

* **Loving:** A parent's love for their adult child is often unconditional, characterized by deep care, concern for their well-being, and a strong emotional bond. It's a foundational aspect of their relationship.

* **Not caring:** This is a severe disconnect, indicating a lack of interest or concern for the adult child's life, well-being, or experiences. It's generally unhealthy and uncommon in parent-child relationships.

It's important to note that these are general descriptions, and individual experiences can vary greatly.

I want to sincerely apologize. I recognize that I’m emotionally struggling right now and dealing with intense feelings of not being loved, failure, abandonment, and rejection. I deeply regret not being a better, more likable person.

It’s important to acknowledge that a lot of these emotions are common among disabled war veterans and those who have recently gone through a divorce. While I struggle with accepting your boundaries, I do respect them, even though I may not fully understand them. It also troubles me that my perception of myself is so negative.

That said, no matter how I feel about myself or the world, it’s wrong of me to try and spark action from you through guilt. It’s also cowardly and immature of me to seek validation from you in this way. Love cannot be forced; it’s either freely given or it’s not. I’m deeply saddened by the loss of our relationship, and I’m embarrassed by my behavior. I truly apologize if I’ve made you feel bad. I do believe that this situation could be resolved if I felt more validated.

Some relationships are too important to walk away from without leaving a lasting impact. I’ve vowed to never let my children feel abandoned or unloved. As I search for purpose and meaning in life, I’ve come to believe that children might be the only real purpose.

It’s unusual for me to feel this way about you, and I acknowledge that I could be misunderstanding something or that my perception is influenced by trauma. I hope that I’m wrong. I struggle to find ways to resolve these deep internal feelings other than by you helping to correct my misguided thinking. To do that, all I need is to feel valuable, loved, respected, and dignified. After over 20 years of therapy, I’ve learned that my feelings are valid and deserve respect from those who care about me.

Please forgive me for my emotional confusion.

For the record, I care deeply about Paul and respect him. I understand his emotional limitations, and he’s not the person I should be turning to for these feelings. Sarah has said that parents don’t owe their children anything, and while I understand that perspective, if you value a relationship, you do owe that person respect. Otherwise, the relationship will deteriorate.

One thing I know for certain is that abandonment only makes things worse and reinforces my feelings of worthlessness. So I respectfully ask, if that’s something you’re concerned about, please reach out and tell me I’m wrong. Validate my value.

8/17/2024 1325

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