UL HQ (June 15)—With the West Division wide open as we enter the heat of summer, one GM is making waves (in his kiddie pool where he likes to relax with an adult beverage) and making it clear that his team will accept nothing short of UL glory this year.  We’ll get to him in a moment.

Let’s start with HAV.  As vultures picked over the dead body of The LA Outlaws, Havana GM Lance “not Bill” Mueller launched the first missile in this war by trading for 3B Jeff Cirillo and sending 3B Kevin Seitzer, SP David Cone, and HAV’s 1999 1st to LA, as Mueller hoped this move would inch the Leones closer to the playoffs.  The Leones have been agonizingly close the past several years, and I can say that personally I am pulling for the club and Mueller.  The UL is a better place when Mueller’s club is contending.

Not one who takes things sitting down (but one who is willing to take things lying down in previously referred to kiddie pool), GM Charlie “Ballsie” Qualls of the Cleveland Barons came out with guns blazing by sending some picks and Eric Davis to LA for ace SP Greg Swindell and OF Dwight Smith.  This move was so unexpected and earth-shattering that the ghost of Keith Jackson was heard, giving Keith’s famous “Whoa, Nelly!” as a sign of approval.

Then fairly newish CHI GM Peter Vays tried to one-up CLE by trading some guys older than dirt and a 2nd round pick for LA’s SP/RP Rheal “Madrid” Cormier, a move that sent murmurs through the UL, as many thought Cormier was worth more.

And while many UL observers thought this was the end of the trade run started by HAV, it clearly was not as ATL GM Andy Chaney, fresh off an attempted deal involving Boggs that was killed due to a no-trade clause cleverly hidden in Boggs’ contract, threw caution to the wind by sending Homer Bush, Phil Bradley, his beloved RP Steve “YES” Howe, and a 3rd to LA for SP/RP Dave Schmidt, RP Kevin Rogers and CF Kenny Lofton.  When asked by reporters if he thought he gave up too much to ATL, new GM TurboTimLA stated.  “I can’t help it; I just love Bush”.

As if that weren’t enough, Minnefridley GM Steve “And” Haugh, decided that he had to get involved as well.  Remember that Haugh is coming off his assault of GM Chaney and GM Vays, and an attempted assault on GM TurboTimLA at the Commish’s last presser regarding issues with trade processing, and one wonders if the above Cormier deal between CHI-LA could have been the trigger for his conniption.  Regardless, in an astute move, Haugh sent ATL’s 1998 2nd to LA for Count Floyd Youmans, as Haugh tries to power-up the Foxes for a possible playoff run, as the Foxes have been pretty darn solid this year, and this reporter is penciling them in for a surprise 3rd place finish.

But just when you thought there was no more meat on the LA bone (emergency shipments of EET are en route to LA) and no other escalation of this arms race could occur, Ballsie Quallsie came through with a stunning deal, sending roughly a quarter of his organization plus a 3rd and some 4th picks to LA for SP Bruce “Shifty” Hurst and two minor leaguers.  Again, sources inside the Barons’ organization state they clearly heard Keith Jackson say “Whoa, Nelly!” after the deal was confirmed.

And when UL observers thought that was the end of the wheeling and dealing, the Baron of the Blockbuster, CLE GM Qualls once AGAIN showed the League how he rolls by sending SP/RP Salomon Torres and OF Butch Huskey to FLO for OF Orlando Merced and RP Pep Harris.  This move essentially erases the Barons' one semi-weak spot in their line-up, as Merced gives Qualls a high-glove and solid hitting RF, while Pep just improves his pen even more.  Barons’ staff report that they now see Jackson’s apparition routinely at Johnny Podres Field, and that the ghost is quite jolly and appears happy to be haunting the Barons’ newish park.

Now we have to be done, correct?  Not in the slightest!  ATL GM Andy Chaney threw any remaining caution to the wind by consummating a deal with KEY, in which ATL gets SP John Smoltz for SP Daryl Kile, 1B Greg Colbrunn, and ATL’s 1999 1st.  Holy cow!  This is madness I tell you!

Whew.  That was a lot.  But where does that leave us as we grind closer and closer to September?  Who won?  Who lost?  And is there such a thing as a good-tasting light beer?

• HAV – winner!  Although the current version of the Leones is still not clicking 100%, Cirillo gives them a great glove, excellent hitter, and relatively cheap 3B.  I’d expect the team to gel and begin playing better; the only question is does HAV have enough time to sneak into the playoffs? 

• CLE (Swindell Trade) – winner!  Qualls nabbed likely the best SP available in Swindell.  Could this be the player that puts CLE over the top?

• CHI – sort of a winner.  Cormier should definitely help the Colts’ rotation, which was dealt a massive blow with the John Doherty injury, but with the other madness that occurred, I’m not certain that Cormier is enough.

• Minnefridley – winner!  In addition to not giving up much for Youmans, sources inside the Foxes organization say that Youmans has already signed a three-year deal for relatively peanuts, so look for Minnefridley to contend much sooner than expected.

• CLE (Hurst Trade) – winner!  As if Swindell weren’t enough, Qualls now has Hurst, a cagey SP who is 74 years old but also a 5/6/7.  CLE’s rotation is now Valdez, Swindell, DeLeon, Fernandez and Hurst.  Good luck with that. 

• CLE (Merced trade) – winner!  The Barons fill what is arguably the only hole in their line-up, as Merced gives the team a bitching corner OF that plays both LF and RF at a high level.  

• ATL (Smoltz trade) – sort of a winner.  The upside for ATL in acquiring Smoltz is that the dude has crazy ratings and should be a dominant SP.  The downside is that not only did ATL mortgage their house, buy a farm with the proceeds, and then mortgage that, but also ATL is counting heavily on an SP who has never really played up to his ratings.  Gutsy move; ATL now waits to see which Smoltz they get.  

• The rest of the teams in the West – losers!  As the big fish swam around eating everyone, the minnows of the West swam away and hid to ensure that no one tried to pull a unilateral deal for their players.  If you thought the West was difficult two days ago, try playing in this division now.

This objective and unbiased reporter makes no predictions as to which three teams in the West make it, but one would think that the teams that acquired players remain in the driver’s seat for a playoff spot.  Wait!  This objective and unbiased reporter did make a prediction as to at least one team that would make it in the West, stating the Minnefridley would finish 3rd.  If CLE wins the Division, then which team places 2nd?  Hmmm……