Well, well, well!  What’s all this then?  That’s certainly how UL observers were thinking when MAN GM Eric “Our” Holthaus, who by chance was giving his presser in the middle of our street, announced that MAN would no longer be requiring pitching.  And as fast as you could say “Bob’s your uncle”, SP Andy Pettitte shipped up to Boston.  RP John Mitchell went to CHI.  Melido “the most traded UL player ever” Perez, Rick Helling, and Roberto Hernandez left for CLE.  One anonymous source inside the Gray Sox organization claimed that Holthaus was ready to trade pitchers from MON and nearly had a deal sealed until MON GM Gryka showed up in NYC with several large men from LFG, Inc., and promised to “rearrange things” unless Holthaus backed off.

Let’s go back to Holthaus’ presser, in which he noted:  “My team kinda sucks.  And you don’t need pitching to win.  I’ve always thought it’s hitting and defense.  As such I’ve announced that all pitchers must leave the Gray Sox post-haste.”

After spending weeks living and working non-stop at his stadium, Holthaus has built a team with a lineup from top to bottom that is above average to outstanding in the field.  When Mickey Morandini is your *worst* defender, you must be doing something right when it comes to defense.  And with the exception of Nunnally and Sprague, this is not a MAN lineup that will bash you out of the park, and Holthaus notes that he really doesn’t care about “pumped up hits” (3Bs and HRs).  This team will score runs, but it’s not going to do it with the HR.  And while Hentgen-Munoz-Harris-Seminara-Mullholland may not initially scare hitters, don’t think twice, they’re all right.

Defying expectations, MAN has gone on a run and currently sit atop the East with BOS and TOR, something no one who follows the UL expected.  As such, we must celebrate MAN and GM Holthaus in song!   It’s been a while since we’ve sung about MAN.  Unfortunately, while this IS dedicated to Eric and MAN, it is not my magnum opus, “The Battle of Can He Score?”

Regardless, let’s look at how Eric created a team that has gold glovers galore, and how he dares all to try to outrun the bullets his defenders can throw with their veritable guns for arms.  Oh, I also strongly suggest that everyone revist “The Battle of Can He Score?”, which I wrote after the hand of God and Bob Dylan touched me (not that way, MPS Steve, you pervert).  Check that out here.  Seriously, I’m telling you this tune dedicated to the juggernaut Gray Sox of the late 1970s is the bomb.  After that, follow along to Pumped Up Hits here.  

Eric is a weatherman
He looked at his team, and then he told us his plan
We don’t need funky sobriquets
Throwing out all guys; we’re all golden gloves, yeah

We all thought his team was done
But MAN is crushing; he’s having lots of fun
No one really knows how
But MAN’s coming for you, yeah, MAN's coming for you

All the other teams with the pumped up hits
You try to run, try to run outrun my gun
All the other teams with the pumped up hits
You try to run, try to run faster than my bullet
(Twice)

Eric works a long day
He'd be coming home late, yeah, he's coming home late
But he's bringing fans a surprise
'Cause the East’s guaranteed; champagne’s packed on ice

Fans waited for a long time
Yeah, the trades that he made; he had a quick pull trigger
Despite all doubts he’s now set
“To win one plays with fire; you can never lose your wits, yeah"

All the other teams with the pumped up hits
You try to run, try to run outrun my gun
All the other teams with the pumped up hits
You try to run, try to run faster than my bullet