Ken Griffey Jr homered and drove in four runs in Brooklyn's 9-2 win over the St. Louis Maroons in the Founder's Cup Final, giving the Superbas a second FC title. Brooklyn stumbled a bit in the group stage, going 3-2, including a 16-1 drubbing by Minneapolis in their third game and a 5-3 loss to Atlanta's Darryl Kile. But the Bas edged past Manhattan and Minneapolis in the quarterfinals and semifinals, respectively, eeking out 2-1 and 7-6 wins with winning runs in the 7th inning.

St. Louis was also 3-2 in the group stage, landing in second place in Group 2 after losses to Florida and Keystone. But Joe Magrane and Donovon Osborne were masterful in the knockout phase, with Magrane notching his first win with a three-hit, one-run outing in a 2-1 win, and Osborne holding the Barons to two runs in eight innings in a 3-2 win.

The Maroons' sometimes-starter Ken Howell was excellent in the final, allowing just two hits in four shutout innings, as the Dark Reds took a 1-0 lead into the fifth. But as soon as Brooklyn got to the St. Louis bullpen, all bets were off. Antonio Osuna coughed up three runs without even registering an out, and Joe Johnson gave up three more, essentially putting the game out of reach. Griffey Jr was 3-for-4 in the game, including a two-run homer in the fifth, and Matt Williams and Marty Cordova added homers, as the Superbas rolled to a 9-2 win.

Brooklyn now joins Detroit and Dallas (now Seattle) as the only two-time winners of the midseason classic. The Superbas won it in 1966, at the tail end of their 1960s dynasty, behind a MVP performance by eventual Hall of Famer Dick McAuliffe.

Griffins, Foxes Fall After 5-0 Group Stages
The group stage was dominated by Detroit and Minneapolis, who both swept the table to top their respective groups. Detroit plated 20 runs in wins over Cleveland and hosts Seattle, then turned to the pitching staff, which allowed just two runs in the next three games. Alex Fernandez anchored a five-hit shutout of Montreal in the third game.

The Foxes nippled Toronto 7-6 in the opening thriller, compliments of a two-run bottom of the 10th, then rallied to beat Dwight Gooden in a 5-3 win over Atlanta. In their third game, Dick Schofield Jr drove in five and Garrett Anderson added four more in a 16-1 bludgeoning of Brooklyn.

Other top performances from the tournament week include Atlanta's Charles Johnson hitting 4-for-4 with a pair of homers, Sammy Sosa (BOS) homering twice and driving in five, and Fernando Valenzuela blanking Boston with a two-hit, 10-K shutout.

Brooklyn takes home $3 million in prize money, while St. Louis nets $1.5 million. The 1998 tournament will be hosted by Brooklyn's Frank Thomas Memorial Stadium.

1995 ALL-STAR GAME
Matt Williams Ends East Slump With Two Dongs
East Wins 5-2 Behind the Carson Crusher

Brooklyn's Matt Williams continued his assault on the record books Tuesday night, homering twice in the Midsummer Classic to lead his East DIvision to a 5-2 win. The victory snapped the East's five-game losing streak dating back to 1989. The "Carson Crusher" has 93 RBIs in 92 games and is on pace to break the single-season RBI record. Keystone shortstop Wil Cordero also drove in a pair and Washington's Ryne Sandberg doubled twice. The West jumped to an early lead when Chicago's Gary Sheffield tagged Mike Mussina for a two-run homer in the top of the first, but those were the only runs the West would get all night.

Williams joins Ellis "Two Time" Valentine and Jose Valentin (no relation) as the only players to hit two home runs in an All-Star Game.

Notable goats include Mussina, who gave up two runs in the first, Don Robinson, who gave up two runs in the ninth, and Mike Piazza, who was 0-for-3 with two strikeouts.

Divisonal realignment will delay Florida hosting the midsummer classic for the first time. The Flamingos' Ponce de Leon Stadium was on tap to host the game for the West next season, but the team's move to the East will push that event to 1997. Instead, the 1996 game will be played at Minneapolis' Pronto Pup Stadium.

Deals of the Century!
Andy “Not Lon” Chaney and Ballsie Quallsie Shock the League!
By Sean “He’s the same guy as the Griffins GM!” Holloway, UL Beat Reporter

While there were some interesting deals made as the UL 1995 trade deadline got closer, no one in their right mind would have predicted the utter insanity that ATL GM Chaney and CLE GM Qualls would inflict on the League.

As TOR GM Eric “I am a doctor, but I don’t play one on TV” Clemons saw his beloved Polar Bears nearing what seemed to be an inescapable coming together of players aging and salaries skyrocketing, Clemons tossed out Gooden, one of the UL’s best SPs, as bait to see who’d bite.  And boy did ATL bite.  To get Gooden, they sent four picks and five players, included in the deal is SP John “Not Very Friendly to the Media” Smoltz.  Thus, a total of NINE players went for Gooden; quite the haul for TOR.  ATL, obviously, is doubling down on its pitcher-focused approach, and few would argue that their starting rotation did not get better.

Then, as if that deal wasn’t enough, CLE GM Charlie “Hold My Beer” Qualls immediately follows ATL-TOR with a deal that sends TEN players PLUS $3M in cash to SEA for SP Mike “Free” Mason and RP Doug “Oh” Henry.  CLE is thought by many to have a very strong rotation and pen, so Qualls has strengthened his pitching even more, likely in an effort to overtake LA and ATL in the West.

As far as this reporter is concerned, both deals should benefit all four teams involved, with TOR and SEA getting a huge shot in the arm and a head start on rebuilding, while ATL and CLE simply made it more difficult for the rest of the League to compete.

Reaction from across the League was swift.

MPS GM Foxy Steve: “I’m so shocked that I cannot even make a musical reference to what just happened.”

STL GM Reed: “Anyone want Bonds?”

WAS GM Gudim:  “I need an upgrade at GM.”

FLO GM Lima: “Interested in GM swamp; DM me.”

CHI GM Sexton: “Goddamn it, if he can trade Gooden, someone has to trade me for Trammell.”

LA GM Peter Vays was reportedly holding a press conference in the near future to announce that the Outlaws and the Detroit Griffins will be merging with John Wetton, Steve Howe, Geoff Downes, and Carl Palmer to form a baseball and musical supergroup “Asian Outlaws”.  Sighed Vays “it’s the only way to take on ATL and CLE, and at the very least we’ll have a rock concert in the parking lot after the game when we lose.”  This reporter is not sure how the league will look at this effort, but I would not put it past Vays to eventually pull this off. 

HOWEVER, while the vast majority like the deals, some observers note that both ATL and CLE may have mortgaged the near future in exchange for winning today.  To wit, HAV GM, DET Special Counsel, and UL Special Special Counsel, Lance Mueller, reacted to the CLE deal:  “Charlie’s balls deep in his drive to win the West. Hell, he’s not just balls deep, he’s all the way to his taint, no backing out now.”

And as we are now on the subject of balls and depth and taints, what better way to honor GM Chaney and GM Qualls than through song!  These are deals for the ages, and they will be sung about throughout the ages!  Did ATL and CLE give up too much in an effort to claim the trophy?  Maybe.  Regardless of what happens, one has to respect having the balls to make deals like these. 

Thus, let us sing along to a little ditty by The Box Tops that explores the ATL deal first, then CLE’s and then ends with an acknowledgement that Dickie Thon’s latest movie, “Balls Deep”, a touching tale of a ball girl who starts a relationship with the team’s catcher by asking him to help collect several baseballs that have fallen into an open sewer grating and are deep beyond her reach.  

Gooden, I don't know much
I know he loved you so much
My chance depends on your touch

And now all of my picks are gone; I’m balls deep
No more trading now; the price was steep!
Deal’s too big to hide and I won’t be denied
If this doesn’t end well for me, I will freak

I've worked the deal to death for ya
Just to get the both of ya
I gave up ten players for ya

‘Cause Lance said to me “Quallsie go - balls deep!
The Barons are ready now; they’ll soon peak!
Your big guns will ride and you won’t be denied
And the depths you’ll be plumbing; balls deep!

The World Series that I hope to win
Depends on the shape one’s FIP is in
Fernie, believe me
If you should leave me

Team be nothin' but an empty shell
I know darn well, I can tell, ah

We don't know much
But we know we love them so much
Our chance depends on your touch
Andy and Charlie are going balls deep
Hoping that the rewards, they will reap!

Thon’s is too big to hide and he won’t be denied
All three of these guys are going balls deep!