19/3/2020: From yesterday: I broke the glass! And the relation? Shortly after that:... and then I looked at her face and I thought... yeah, what did I think? Well, today, after a good night sleep, we are a team again. Yesterday, we discussed the issues and agreed not to take dramatic steps in a hyper tense period. Somehow, the anger dropped off. Not my second skin though, which in these times, resembling urban war, I need more than ever, to feel comfortable and ready, indeed, ready to fight, whatever!
20/3/2020: The quarantine continues. Note my modified spelling, obtained after an online lookup. Todays dilemma is meaning versus pleasure, or, trying to get meaning out of this period, versus giving in to hedonic impulses, either in the sphere of consumption or adventure. No, there will be no elaboration now, but as I indicated before, there can be variety in the flavors of lunch!
21/3/2020: We went to the park, early in the morning, to be outside, avoiding the crowd, and get some exercise. It was cold, 3 degrees, when we get out, but exercise keeps you warm. Warm enough, and staying healthy in this period has a price, suffering the cold is part of it.
Ironically, I see the cancelling of cinedans almost as a personal revenge, for not involving me, a well-deserved punishment. And for the rest, life goes on, depressing, with tension, leading us easily to the verge of quarrel, and to some extent, a release, just let go and enjoy the freedom, in time if not in space, no need for a schedule, deadlines and hurry, all these are counter-productive. Yet, there is a need for structure. but that, ideally, takes a process of discovery, and an effort to suppress the disgust from all the moralizing words and images that are thrown at us via the social media. Also the online course becomes a virus, as a colleague of my wife noted, a mixed mind and media virus, playing with people's need for guidance and structure.
22/3/2020: The streets are empty, the sun is shining. The whole atmosphere is depressing, a reflection of the fear, due to the virus, spreading in our mind and media.
Short moments of satisfaction after a successful post on social media, but quickly disappearing to make place for the nervous strivings that a meaningful life brings with it. There is some sense of community in our anger towards people who break the rules of social distance. Agression takes over anxiety, soon to be replaced by forced calm, attempts to play the role of influencer, and manifesting good behavior complying with high moral standards. To regain control of our habits, and re-establish new habits in this bizarre period, that seems to be the problem we all face. Our freedom is limited, we feel the need to communicate, yet the social media do not satisfy this need.
Sofar the children adapt well to this new regime, eager to satisfy their parents, and with some effort this will hopefully continue, yet the limit is easily reached, our moods are on the edge, and we will have to see to what extent our values agree. Let's enjoy the freedom, despite the reality of its abject origin, the corona virus, leading to mind virus, media virus and now also the online course virus, with all these faces, eager to please, with their radiant hope of recognition, smiling, and straining to make a generous contribution to our common well-being!
23/3/2020: Keep social distance. I have been eager to express my opinion about the intricacies of the virus in a (virtually) poetic way, via facebook, to show my face, so to speak, and have my voice heard. Satisfying for my self in some sense, or perhaps in some non-sensical way, but all in all not with much impact or recognition. Perhaps I should stop, but then I would miss the relief, which might be needed to avoid domestic terror.