chapter 1 - life

24/2/2020: In the middle of the night she woke up and screamed. I have to puke, she said. Three times she got out of bed and puked in the toilet. After that, she lay close to me, warm and sensitive. Deep warm love, as simple as that. In the morning I got up, business as usual, exercise, breakfast, and the children to school. After all, I cherish the memory of skiing, especially after sharing on facebook, our prison-like room, with family.eliens.net, we are the aeliens in dot.com. We are, aren't we? And, looking my fate in the face, there they are, the five stages of dealing with health and self: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. The whole series of mental states. Not included is the aspiration: barefoot urban warrior. And, I still have to buy a ringband for my diary. Black, of course!

When it comes to choice, is it gravity or discipline? Anyway, it is important to practice energy work, to apply instrumantal aggression, when circumstances require, and action. It is, indeed, the dissolution of the pose into the endless flow of life, from the black word to the colors of the rainbow, the expression of life in its full vigor, blah, blah, blah ...

I am now reading the biology of belief. I started reading it when we went for skiing, as an attempt to reduce the stress of social pressure, and as a weapon against the possible fear of skiing. To explain, after reading about the principles of natural movement, I now had to move myself, starting a bit stiff and with the impressions of touching the void, that is meeting the mountains, still in my mind. Due to the busy time before our stay in the skiing place, radio NST (non-stop thinking) was constantly on, loud and clear, that is noticable in an unavoidable way, however confused. My solution to skiing was just to keep warm and adapt, no need to show-off, and just take it slow. Fortunately, this worked, with the occasional mistake. But, to be honest, I did like the falling. In the end, I even experienced my personal elegance, as a relief from worry and fear.