chapter 15 - challenge

30/4/2020: We are concerned about the continuity of shorinji kempo in Amsterdam. A high ranked official told us at a lunch, for which we were invited by him, in the period we were at hombu for our third dan exam. We, that is my mate and me. Now, he is out, and I am on the side. Yet it was no surprise, when I was called this afternoon, with the invitation to have a beer on the playground. Actually, I did feel the beer, it made me slightly dizzy. The rest as they say is history, and may be reported elsewhere. My role in this has been to bring the conversation back to the conflict, the possible solutions, and, moreover, our common interest the future of shorinji kempo in Amsterdam.

1/5/2020: After washing the dishes, a task to avoid the blame game, my last task in the line of ken, pen, zen, yes it is the pen, some more writing to finish the day. My complaint, somehow she always takes priority in space, does not listen, and even interrupts me when I start talking, and today I didn't even like her food, but still, I think, she means well, is itchy, and in my perception over tense, mentally exhausted, also due to the conflict with her mother, and the worry about the family, another symptom of tension and anxiety.

Today, I posted the moving hands, with as the motto politic hand. It served as the basis for another digital experience, with material I collected in the past, for serious games. What I forgot to mention yesterday, in terms of challenge and inspiration, we need mu-shin, no-mind, which is in some sense part of the performance trance, that in retrospect is one of the important things our sensei was able to establish, partly due to his japanese background and his attitude of mystery, and partly because he was an actor, an actor with a serious interest in martial art though!

3/5/2020: One minute past eleven, my day is almost finished, but for one more task, writing about my daily dilemma in my black diary, which is a dilemma I should possibly reconsider. In short, two posts on facebook, actually three if it includes the urban qigong post of my wife, with my last post cycle added to maintain ownership of my timeline. The first post was about like, showing the like-shooting machine-gun, and indeed keeping track of facebook and delivering the appropriate likes is almost a job in itself, but I wonder whether anybody saw the connection, even the three people that liked it. And for the rest, indeed I should take a rest, and continue reading about vital points and deadly strikes, tomorrow!

4/5/2020: The quarantine period started in a bad way. First, I caught a cold, because the windows in the dojo were opened as a way to decrease the chance of infection. Then, I hurt my back by lifting a box with food supplies. It was too heavy, but I still did give it a try. Of course, I succeeded, but I had to skip one day of (upside-dewn) exercise, fearing I would have to give up my habitual series of handstands.

During that period there was also a lot of tension, and disputes, about moving to another place, for example in a more natural area, read the suburbs. It took only a few days to come to a firm resolution, no, I will not move. With the additional comment, perhaps it is time to separate. In the end, of course, we did not separate, and the whole issue seems to be off. As a matter of fact, we both enjoy the urban walks, and she even started a series of short urban qigong videos, which might result in (pop-up) qigong lessons somewhere in public space.

Today started not well. She mostly ignored me. This perlod has an impact on all social interaction, even domestic. Fortunately, as the main challenge, I keep to my daily discipline!