chapter 12 - reference

16/4/2020: Just when I decided this should be my last post on facebook, my kindle stopped working, that is it did not sync to get my latest purchases. What is happening? Is my digital territory breaking apart? And, if so, what? Am I being punished for my gregarious reading and use of digital media. That would be ironic. Should it happen in this period of isolation due to the corona pandemic, I would feel tortured, punished, for whatever sin is possible, I would say, just after finishing the artist as a young man. Somehow all my digital equipment is outdated, on the verge of breakdown, I fear.

17/4/2020: Yesterday, Interrupted by my wife's rehearsal for her yin yoga teacher training lesson, in which she compares and bridges qi gong, vinyasa flow and yin yoga. Interesting, and it might be the start of being active in this period, in the only way possible, zoom from our living room, which had only to be slightly adapted for that purpose. I finished reading the artist as a young man, in which surprisingly I recognized a number of things, due to our sharing a catholic youth.

Although in a much more mild degree, many of the temptations and terrors are recognizable. And, as I wrote yesterday, I made the decision not to post on facebook anymore. I am happy to see that my wife's ping pong post is well appreciated. Who wins? One got it right! Surprisingly many likes. In that sense, I have almost no friends. Nor in real life, for that matter, I must cherish what I have, children, but for the rest I am not scared, I even like it because I am a wanderer, even if I live for more than 40 years in the same place. That has been my base for freedom, and it still is, secure, solid and cheap.

My next reading project includes the evasive obvious, the mutual impact of movement and awareness, planned when I was suffering from a back ache, but still relevant now, when there is no longer an immediate health issue, apart from the concern for my mental health, naturally, and moving on the other half of the Bell curve, the one not concerned with health but performance, is still an issue, both from a competitive perspective, as well as having goals to live for, that is a reference for habits, self-control and discipline.

18/4/2020: Is this where I want to go with my life? We played ping pong outside, leaving the children at home, playing with their toys. We started out exploring, slow, fast, different strokes. I was not in a competitive mood, and was slowly getting into the flow of play. She proposed to have a match. Two out of three makes the winner. Eventhough we were close, I lost all three, in a way happy to get it over with. Yesterday, my mood was competitive, and I won, I guess today her mood was competitive and she won. We're both getting better, about equal it seems. Who will win tomorrow, that is in our next match, is an open issue. A game of chance, I might say. Anyway, it is good to be out, and practice a different skill, and, no, I will not post on facebook. 19/4/2020: Today is sunday. My final task of today, keeping to my schedule of habits, is writing. Actually, I did some writing already, in an answer to a post on facebook, addressing the issue of what the role of shorinji kempo is in the current situation, that is the isolation of people incurred by the corona pandemic, and our (dutch) intelligent lock down. Referring to a previous post on facebook, which recorded how we met in the westerpark, I emphasized the notions of stance and posture, but by giving the definition equally structure and both mental and physical preparation for possible confrontations. I repeated that this period requires a zen-state of mind to be able to withstand the threats that we may encounter, physically and mentally, as a way to overcome fear and be ready for action, in response to whatever reality hands us.

It is a game of chance, I wrote, we do not need to be enlightened to be able to cope, just open for challenges, not afraid, but accepting these as part of our life, for which we can prepare by practicing the teachings of shorinji kempo!

20/4/2020: After a bit of search, I found my dilemma for today: relinquishing the wall as a guru, and categorically select open space, indoor and outdoor, as my preferred way of practicing.

This morning, we went to the DAM square, early, before seven, to do some shooting for qi gong promotion, taking the empty space in front of the palace as a background. Beautiful, with the light of the early sun on the upper half of the palace. We also did some for my upside-down. A still image was the best we get out of it, due to the cold and my level of alertness. That motivates my resolution for today.