chapter 19 - keywords

18/5/2020: There are eight keywords for today. Most important of these are performance and relation. Performance gives meaning to training and practice. When the performance element, or rather I should say, performance trance is not there, something is lacking, as apparently these days in shorinji kempo. Whether it is yoga, qigong or martial art, or even simply meetings in life, performance is part of it. The flow of being together, In other words, no performance, no flow, no life. Adapting to challenges is the key to forgetting yourself, and simply being immersed in whatever you are doing.

I started today with writing, lock down, screw up, but I forgot why I wrote that, so in that sense, I did screw up. Also, it took quite an effort to maintain my self-imposed discipline of 600 handstands, but finally I did it and even though I considered to stop with writing my daily notes, I did that as well, just to keep the practice going. Am I satisfied with it? That is totally unimportant, time will tell whether it was relevant or not. For now, it is simply self-expression, and a way to practice, the skill of writing and the use of my hands other than for smoking and Chand) stands.

19/5/2020: I am in the middle of guarding my digital immortality, while reading about self-defense. stress, attacks, it is all part of life. Especially life in this period of a world-wide pandemic, due to the corona or COVID-19 virus. Today's dilemma was mostly about bringing up the energy to exercise or rather to complete my full round of exercises. Tomorrow's dilemma will again be whether to take the wall as my guru or the open space, starting early in the morning. And to be honest, getting out of bed just before six o'clock is a daily dilemma, one that I am able to cope with (almost) every day, even though I am getting used to going back to bed after one round, and enjoy a light slumber in the warmth of our bed.

And for the rest, yeah for the rest... My wife will stop her diary within ten days, at the beginning of june, when most of normal life will be resumed. For several days, already, I am in doubt whether I should continue writing on a daily basis. But so far, I like it, and if I would have to make a choice between posting on facebook or writing my notes, I perhaps would drop fake book. Oh, sorry, facebook!

20/5/2020: Today, today, today, what shall I say, say, say. Well, let's say hello, hello to the world, hello to all the smiling faces, hello to the noise of urban life resuming its legitimate place in the city, now that most people think the pandemic is over. Is it? I don't know, but there is still doubt, and fear. But most people have been close to a depression and are eager to get away from it. The result is, as usual, noise, both in terms of lively behavior, which is lively, and nice, even if it seems at times a bit over acted, as well as voices that spread messages of moral strength, ecological recovery and human love. Sentimental noise, that is, In other words, shit. But I love it, at least I pretend I do. But to be honest, without the children, I would not be able to fake it. They are lively, and with only one letter difference, lovely.

And yet, I couldn't stop myself from yet another facebook post, screen vision -- trust, portraying a warning message at the entrance of the park. Inside the park it becomes more and more noisy, with many people getting out, to rest, or for a work-out, apparently enjoying life, carefree, Or is it, from a more critical perspective, also just acting out, but sometimes it is not so bad to tell yourself that life is good, even if it takes an effort. And, let's be honest, by effort I was able to complete my disciplinary exercises, ten times sixty upside-down stands! i

21/5/2020: So many keywords, as the expression of a worried mind, on the hottest day of the year, so far, including i think, money, and a high level of distress because of the status of my payment for my digital immortality domain -- eliens.net. When trying to resolve the unclarity, that is checking whether the payment was made to the right account, the printer broke down which fortunately got resolved by pushing the paper, even though another worry presented itself, to buy ink and paper.

Later we went to the woeste westen, a children play ground in the westerpork, mimicking a natural area, I don't like it so much because it is full of well-meaning parents and their noisy children I refused carrying the swimming stuff, because I wanted to enjoy walking with my hands free. Then my wife began to call me names, you act like an old grandfather, you do nothing for us, you only think about yourself. Indeed, I think about myself, and I don't want to be degraded to a domestic servant by a dominant woman. I'd rather be on my own, and if my digital immortality becomes jeopardised, bad luck, I want to live my life my way!