chapter 3 - ritual

29/2/2020 There is everyday the daily dilemma, well many of them, starting with get up or stay in, and usually ending with reading or go to sleep. To keep it simple, my solution is usually time-based. With an eye on the clock, I do what I think I have to do, in a ritual manner, you might say, keeping for quite some period already rather strict metrics on my behavior, that is exercise and tasks, both intellectual and domestic, which then also makes me easily annoyed when others do not comply, and deviate from the simple standards that I have set and to which I feel subjected. And for clarity, these include the standards set by my wife, even if I sometimes disagree with them.

And, again, for clarity, it spells DD, meaning daily dilemma, even though it does not present itself in the same way every day!

1/3/2020: Too many domestic tasks, I didn't have the chance to stay in bed and sleep, deep in the darkness of my thought. The children seem happy though. I observe them, human life, spontaneous, even though already infected by the cultural virus of entertainment. Playing games on their phone, computer or ipad. Domestic life, now too nervous and busy not because there is too much to do, but out of fear and anxiety for the pandemic threat. What used to be a beer is now a virus.

I take socializing after the birthday party, where I have to collect my daughter, as an excuse not to go to kempo. Another dilemma solved for today. How stupid. I took the opportunity to do the tax application. I thought done is done. But when the outcome was different from what I expected, I got lost in it, and discovered that I made a mistake earlier in the year, that is, I payed the tax for 2020, leaving me short on money for the tax for 2019, which is 2000 more than I expected, due to the high capital for the children, that they got from their grandparents. Being lost in this web of confusion, I forgot about my exercise, and only stuck to a meager 420, that is 7 sets of 60 today. Stupid. Now I have to call the tax office tomorrow to see if my mistake can be corrected.

1/3/2020: Almost eleven in the evening and I am wondering, did I really forget mu exercis, or did I just forgot to write it down, amounting to a total of 9 sets of 60, that is 540.

2/3/2020: Again I got lost in the institutional labyrinth. Fortunately, there is no risk, only symbolic frustration, that is, it might take some time to have all the accounts balanced. I regret, though, that I tried to be so smart!

3/3/2020: I feel a bit guilty that I removed my facebook post, that was already liked, replacing it with another one, that has a better or different view of the bridge. I could have left the old one so that they could be compared. This morning I thought of making another post: exercise -- facebook run., with an appropriate photo. However, walking in the street, I saw nothing that I liked, and I wanted to finish my business at the pharmacy, that is get my pills and the money I paid some months ago, that they still have not refunded yet. And then, of course, there was another dilemma, shall I take a nap or read. I decided to continue reading the code of the universe,, but not after doing another round of exercise and some coffee!

4/4/2020: The DD for today was, to begin with, get up or stay in bed. I got up, taking much less time than I first thought, and did my exercises, happy I was able to maintain my discipline.

Before bringing the kids to school, she said: We support each other. Too sentimental I thought, and I told her in the same words. Just words! After I came back, we had a quarrel, about washing hands, on returning home. But before doing that I just wanted to complete another round of exercise. Yesterday, she complained again about tho small house, and somehow she is always in my way. Dominant, not willing to compromise. Next week I will be 68 and perhaps someday I will run away.