Honey Bee
“You are God's favorite, Clarice.” Thomas says quietly. The setting sun gleaming off the side of his face makes him look ethereal . My cheeks heat up at the sweet comment.
“Oh Thomas, you’ve always known the way to a woman’s heart.” The scarf on my balding head sways slightly in the wind coming off of the ocean's waves.
“You’ve always been my favorite, you know that.” Thomas gleams at me. His lopsided smile never failed to make me smile after all of these years. He goes quiet for a few moments. I can see that he’s hurting deeply and trying to process all of the news that has been thrown our way.
“I don’t want to spend the rest of my days in a hospital bed surrounded by people that are awaiting my death. I want to spend it doing something I love or doing something fun that I’ve never done before .” I keep my voice soft and calm, trying not to darken the mood or upset him in any way. I feel Thomas grab onto my frail hand, The calluses on his palm scratch my smooth skin. Thomas doesn’t say anything in response to that, all he says is
“Get up.” My brows furrow at the sudden change in pace. “Let’s dance on the beach, honey bee.” My smile grows a million times bigger when I get on my feet. My chest is swelling with happiness at this moment. His body sways with mine at the rhythm of the waves crashing against the sand. I can feel the grains of sand seeping in between my toes.
“We should go to Paris and dance in front of the Eiffel Tower” I state, with wide eyes and a pleading look.
“You ask and you shall receive.” Thomas rests his forehead on mine as we sway across the beach. The orange sky heightens this beautiful moment between us.
“I think we should actually do it, let's run away, darling.” I say against his lips that are brushing mine. We dance till the sun goes down and till our feet hurt.
We got back to the house and I immediately hopped on the computer to book the next flight to Paris. Thomas helps me pack multiple huge suitcases with all of our wardrobe stuffed inside. A feeling of tiredness hits me in the chest causing me to fall back onto the bed. I take deep breaths in and out to help regulate my breathing back to normal. “You will work and breathe properly for this trip, okay?” I say to my lungs like they will hear me. The next morning we are on the way to the airport with butterflies in our stomach and excitement swirling in the air.
“We’ll be alright,honey bee. You got this.” Thomas squeezes my hands before getting out of the car to open my door for me and help me out. I take a deep breath before stepping into the airport. The flight didn’t go well. My anxiety shot through the roof as soon as we were in the air. The thought of not getting any medical help if something were to happen wracked my brain. Thomas gave me words of affirmation; his words cooled me down for the rest of the flight and suddenly we are finally in the City of Love. Thomas and I walk quickly down the streets of Paris in search of the Eiffel Tower. The glimmering lights of the city at night feel so magical and special. This moment will forever stay in my heart.
We turn a corner and that's when we see it. The huge structure is gleaming in the night. I feel tears prick the corners of my eyes. I have never seen something so beautiful, so much that I'm in complete awe. I look over at Thomas to see if he’s seeing what I'm seeing, but Thomas isn’t looking at the tower. Thomas is staring at me with tears flowing down his face. “I can’t lose you,” he says in a hoarse voice. My eyes gloss over when his voice cracks. “Oh darling, you will never get rid of me.” My smile makes him grin at me. “Didn’t we say something about dancing? Let’s dance.” My feet move before I can even process that we are running towards the tower. Thomas reaches his hand out for me. His hand envelopes mine as we twirl around the Eiffel Tower. Thomas spins me and catches me in his arms gracefully. I lean in to give him a kiss and in this moment I feel infinite. In this moment I don’t have a life-threatening disease. All I am is infinite. Nothing can hurt me right now although I know that’s not true, I will play pretend. We continue to dance through the night until we feel dizzy. Thomas and I walk back to the hotel. We change into our pjs which basically consists of a rock band shirt and a pair of very old shorts that I’ve had since sophomore year of high school. I sit down on the bed and lay back onto the pillows with a deep sigh. All of the exhaustion hurling at me from the day spent working my lungs. Thomas noticed my heavy sigh.
“Is everything okay, do you need anything? I can grab something for you.” Thomas’ eye brows furrow as he scrambles to come to my aid. I raise my hand instead of saying anything. Thomas had always pushed me too far when it came to my health. Thomas’ comment brought back a memory I wish I had forgotten.
“Thomas, you cannot keep telling me to keep going. You have no idea how I feel!” I shout at him out of annoyance.
“ I’m just following the doctor's orders, I’m doing what’s best for you!” Thomas’ hands flail in the air as he yells back at me. I feel pieces of my heart chipping away as we continue arguing.I run my hands through my blonde hair and tug at the roots.
“You don’t know what is best for me.” My voice quiets down a notch to tell him that I’m done arguing.
“ I want you to keep fighting, bee.” Thomas has tears in his eyes when he turns to look at me. I take a deep breath before cupping his cheeks. I stand on my tippy toes so I can rest my forehead against his.
“Please let me have this, it's what I want.” I murmur against his lips. I feel Thomas nod in agreement. A soft smile creeps onto my face, my eyes fall shut feeling a sense of comfort. “Thank you, Thomas.” Thomas opens his eyes to look at me in full.
“All I’ve wanted is for you to be happy.” My eyes start to water, no one has accepted and loved me as much as Thomas has. I’m truly grateful for everything he has done for me. My heart feels so empty but so full.
I blink a few times to shake the memory away. I turn onto my side, tucking my arm under my head. My eyes droop and everything goes black. Thomas tucks himself next to me.The next morning we walk to the museum down the road. Hand in hand, we walk slowly through the gallery. The different art pieces surf past us. A small painting of a mother and a baby makes me stop in my tracks. I stay frozen in my spot, mesmerized by the painting. Thomas notices my abrupt stop and hurries towards me. His face drops at what I’m looking at. He knows how badly I wanted children and how badly he wanted them too. The loss of our son hurt us in more ways than one. We didn't know I was pregnant at the time so the chemo killed our baby. “Are you okay?” Thomas puts his hand on my shoulder for reassurance.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m alright.” I look down to the floor for a few seconds to recompose myself. My chest feels tight and my knees begin to wobble a bit. “Thomas.” His face drops again. The trepidation hangs so deeply in the air. “Take me to the beach.” My breathing worsens, but I’m choosing to ignore it for the sake of getting to the beach. Thomas picks me up bridal style and walks me out of the museum.
We take a seat on the sand, I sit on Thomas’ lap. Cradled in his arms, I feel safe but it's getting harder to breathe. I look up at him with a soft smile. I squeeze his hands three times to tell him that I love him. His lip quivers, tears trickle down his kind face. “This can’t be the last time I ever see you again.” His voice cracks in complete heartbreak.
“Our story isn’t over yet, my love.” I struggle to get my words together but I manage to get the important ones out. Dying isn’t what I had expected. I feel peaceful, I feel at home, I feel protected. “No, no y-you can’t go. I can’t do this without you. Please don’t leave me honey bee.” Thomas hugs me tighter, rocking me back and forth. “Please, please, please.” I start to feel very drowsy and tired. My eyes droop and my breathing is unsteady . I can hear Thomas’ loud sobbing coming from above me.
“Choose love.” My voice is frail and weak but it was loud enough for Thomas to hear. My eyes finally close and my breathing calmly comes to a stop. My mouth relaxes and my arms fall down to my sides. Peace, all I feel is peace.
Two years later…
As I sit in my empty house, I stare at the white envelope. Dread filling my veins. Two long years passed since my dearest honey bee died on the beach in my arms. Nothing has changed since then. I have a dog. His name is Bee. I named him after Clarice. Tears drop onto the envelope as I continue to stare at it. Two years is long enough to wait to read this letter. After all of this time, I’m ready to hear from my lover again.
Dear Thomas,
I've been dreading writing this letter for a while now,
It hurts me to leave you like this but I have no control over this situation. I have loved you from the first time I saw you, to the way you move your hair out of your face and to the way you smile. The way you tuck my hair behind my ear when I’m sad to the way you wipe my tears. I love the way you call me honeybee and how you always seem to cheer me up. The day we found out about the cancer I saw the way your heart broke into a million pieces. I don’t want your heart to be in pieces forever. Find peace in the fact that I didn't lose to cancer but more I threw in the towel. We both know how hard I tried to keep going but seeing how much the chemo affected my mood and my body. Not being able to sit up in bed without help wasn’t our first choice. I know our story isn’t over and that’s a fact. Wherever I end up just know I'll be watching over you. Give yourself time to heal but don’t stay by yourself forever. Find someone new, explore yourself. Find yourself again and I'll find you along the way. Your honeybee will always love you. Get a dog, buy a different house. Do whatever you want, I’m not going to be there to hold you back. Please don’t spend your life grieving over the loss. Be yourself and stay true to yourself. Choose love.
~Your honey bee <3
Hello, my name is Riley Looft. I am currently in my sophomore year at Saint Peter High School. Writing for me is a sense of peace. Getting stuck in my world that I created is something that I want to keep forever. Having the opportunity to take this class makes me feel so grateful and I hope that the grade below me will have the choice to take this class, too. When it comes to the piece that I submitted, this one came very easily at the beginning of the semester. The idea popped into my head and I immediately ran with it. At first I had thought that the story was too sad, seeing that the main character was dying was a touchy subject. This was the first short story I have ever written and it turned out to be okay.