About the piece: Brigit is one of my best friends, I know from the look and title of the poem it sounds like I hate her, but on the contrary. I meant this poem as a joke and most of the things I wrote were just jokes. In fact she gave me permission to write all of this and every line I always asked for her permission to say this. So please don’t take this poem literally.
Brigit insults
Not to name names
But to name heights, 5 foot 1 and a half
She’s a bitch
Plain and simple
Although she was kind enough to let me write this
Albeit with her constant approval
She’s a short little shorty
5 foot 1 and a half lookin
Messy hair wreck
Clothes that are obviously hand me down
I don’t hate her because she’s poor
That’s a reason though
The worst accents ever
Pauses between random words because it’s “funny”
She was mistaken for a 5th grader and it totally makes sense
She is youthful looking
She is reading this over my shoulder as we speak
She is laughing her annoying laugh
She sounds like a shrill banshee
Gremlin or Goblin looking
She says Gremlin but I have to disagree
Much like a goblin she is short and messy
She constantly steals from people
She stole my calculator over the summer
She stole my money
She stole my will to live
She’ll steal yours too
Much like a raccoon
She rummages through the trash
My death will most likely be her fault
Either she kills me
Or annoys me to death
I recommend not getting a friend like her
She will annoy you to death
She will insult you all the time
She will have computer problems that she is too dumb to fix
I don’t recommend getting a friend like her
If I had to give her a rating
0/10 would not recommend
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Introduction: This song was inspired by the song First Date by Blink-182. I wrote it from the perspective of a guy going on his first date, all the emotions rushing through his head, all the panicking, and all the pressure is all something that should be relatable to any guy who is on a date with a girl that they really like.
First Date
I look directly at the mirror with comb in my hand
One swipe through my hair
I look like ass
One more swipe through my hair
I still look like ass
It’s almost 7 pm. I promised to pick her up in 20 minutes
In 20 minutes I will become an upstanding gentleman
In 20 minutes I will become someone new
A new person
A person who doesn’t laugh at immature jokes
A person who pays for the bill at restaurants
A person who is a kind and courteous
The car beckons me
My golden chariot awaits
I look alright
My jeans blue and casual
My shirt buttoned and casual
I bet you can’t guess how I look
Casual
In less than 20 minutes I am at her place
The door seems miles away from my noble steed
The time is now
The moment is now
I am about to throw up now
Moment after moment
Step after step
The door looming over me like a tower
The doorbell ringing
My palms are sweaty
My knees weak
Am I doing the right thing?
Do I look good?
Is my car clean?
Did I put on deodorant?
Did I leave my wallet at home?
I think I left my wallet at home
Holy crap I think I left my wallet at home
Then the door opens
And she looks radiant
Bio: I am a senior and joined the creative writing class to improve my writing skills. The class helped me learn how to write different genres in different types of ways. Before I hated poems and writing them, but now I really enjoy writing poems (even though I have no ideas on what to write). I enjoy writing comedic pieces, but I have dabbled into more serious writing.