75th Resolution

Resolution of Gratitude

Kaija Mortensen, PhD

Assistant Professor of Philosophy

Randolph College

Secretary, Virginia Philosophical Association

November 8, 2014

'Twas the day after Thursday, when all through V.A.

Philosophers were restless, more than done with their day

Papers remained ungraded on desks, 

Lectures unwritten and meetings grotesque

The students were trying, we'd all had our fill

So we packed up our bags and headed for the hills

After train rides and plane rides and kids having to pee

Who was waiting to greet us, but Robert E. Lee

From his troubled history arose such a clatter

We sprang from our doldrums and began to chatter!

But if we begin in the middle, we might come to blows

We must dialogue with Plato before we can close

Before determining Lee's eternal destiny

We must ponder our own immortality

Doug made a case that persons aren't souls

Then Jonah objected that persons are wholes

Then Tad chimed in with a worrisome knot

Does immortality mean thinking identical thoughts?

I knew in a moment it was time to move on

Another life and death drama was about to go down

More rapid than eagles the arguments came

With full color handouts, David called them by name:

Marquis and McMahan and Thompson are wrong!

Morally relevant potential is a matter of how

A being's interest in healthy development grows

And matters from its head all the way down to its toes

Mark Piper's arguments also raced by

Demanding definitions of value and time

But discussions of aliens, killer viruses, and clowns

Were trumped by a roof-dwelling infant saved from the ground

Then after a break eating wedges of melon

Came "Thresholds of Knowledge" by Michael Hannon

Is knowledge pure or impure, communal or solo?

Adam Tiller sided with Brown, as if playing polo

Then between us and dinner stood only LeBar

Defending the virtue of justice without any mar

Eric Moore in his comments did admirably well

Explaining the ideas of Hayek as our stomachs growled

Then in a joyous quandary we sat

Our stomachs most certainly no longer flat

With wine on the podium and a room loud with chatter

Angie Smith brought us back to the heart of the matter

Is the privilege of conversing now in this room

Dependent on past wrongs of founders in tombs?

Is this dinner ultimately paid

By profits earned through the selling of slaves?

Notwithstanding these wrongs, we must thank our hosts

Individuals still living need our thanks the most

Opinions of Pres. Washington and Gen. Lee are mixed

But we thank the Dean of the College our funds having fixed

Our delicious dinner was certainly not lacking

Although perhaps our food was paid for by fracking

Past and president officers the VPA

Thanks for encouraging philosophy in Virgin-ee-i-ay

In addition we owe a pile of thanks

To the Washington & Lee faculty in our ranks

These philosophers read hundred of pages

Finding good arguments without any wages

We also thank Nat for his final decisions

For logistics and timekeeping and procuring provisions

And for scheduling this morning to start with Melina

Whose talk nicely expanded last night's ideas

What community of discourse do we strive to create? 

Honor, recognition, challenge, hate?

How do we help educate the masses

To preserve freedom of speech so creativity catches?

In his comments, Chris introduced us to "Bill"

A happy combination of "Bell" and "Mill"

I have to admit, Victor, I was happy to see

Slides with no words, just colors to perceive

And a frank conversation of the analytic/continental divide

Which modeled collaboration without taking sides

My apologies to Carl and Tad, the last two to speak

Your ideas were so interesting, my rhymes were too weak

Thanks to you all for working and traveling

For expressing your views and their unraveling.