74th Resolution

Resolution of Gratitude

NATHANIEL GOLDBERG, PH.D.

Associate Professor of Philosophy

Washington and Lee University

Secretary, Virginia Philosophical Association

19 October 2013

Mr. President, Mr. Vice President, epistemologists, ethicists, metaphysicians,

members of Congress, it falls upon me as Secretary of the Virginia Philosophical

Association to present this Resolution of Gratitude.

Be it resolved that the Association is grateful to George Mason University for

hosting; to Peter Sutton and Kirby Arinder for presiding and vice-presiding,

respectively, over; and to Peter and Ted Kinnaman for organizing, this conference.

Be it also resolved that the Association is grateful to its speakers. Each has,

knowingly or not, imparted a valuable lesson concerning two events of monumental

importance. The first, albeit less significant, is the valiant but—alas!—unsuccessful

effort these past couple of weeks to defund Obamacare. The second, and more

significant, event is the tragic canceling a few months ago of Star Wars: Clone

Wars. While (as everyone knows) the latter is the critically-acclaimed, cartoon

series taking place between Episodes II (Attack of the Clones) and III (Revenge of

the Sith), not everyone might know that the Republican-controlled House of

Representatives only the other day reopened the government after shutting it down

for 16 days for virtuous political ends.

Consider what each speaker has taught us about these two events. For starters,

insincere emotions don’t kill Obamacare; sincere ones do—if only enough people

had them! Just watch your backs during the primaries, RINOs! More importantly,

once Darth Sidious became aware that Darth Maul had, through the help of the

Night Sisters, survived, and teamed up with his brother, Savage Oppress, Sidous

would never take Maul’s humility as a sincere emotion. Consequently Sidious had

to take both Maul and Oppress out.

Next we learned that Plato is right to assert that no one goes willingly toward what

she believes to be bad, except, i.e., for Barrack Obama. This is wound up in

Platonic discussions of akrasia. Obi Wan’s will, incidentally, was anything but weak

when he faked his own death and pretended to be a bounty hunter, even though his

doing so made Anakin question the Jedi Order further.

Make no mistake. Next we learned how not to argue for a strict separation between

feelings and emotions. Indeed both should have been allied in defunding

Obamacare. Of course Asaj Ventriss channeled both in defending herself against

Count Duku—Darth Tyrannous—when he turned on her, pushing Ventriss to join

Asohka Tano and Anakin Skywalker against space pirates.

Then we learned that Weber can mediate a paradox between behavioral and neo-

classical economics—much as the Tea Party can mediate a paradox between

freedom-loving Americans and a Muslim Kenyan Socialist in the White House

(“Step away from the Qur’an, Mr. President”) just as Anakin can mediate a paradox

among the Son, Daughter, and Father, Force eternals, on the planet Mortis.

Over dinner the American people heard about Edwards on persistence—just what

the Republican Ted Cruz demonstrated against Obama and the very thing that the

Duchess Satine demonstrated against the Republic and the Confederacy.

Then, this morning, we learned that the self can show up in experience. So can evil

incarnate in the White House, as can—and will—(speaking of Duchess Satine) the

Mandalorians true warlike nature, evidenced by Death Watch.

We also learned about heroic virtue. See John Boehner and the Grand Old Party

of the Republic. More impressively, see Reg and the rest of the clones in the Grand

Army of the Republic—before Order 66 of course.

Finally, just now, we learned about respect for sentient beings. Beings who feel.

Beings who are part of the Force. Whose energy surrounds us and binds us.

Luminous beings are they, not this crude matter. Sentient beings can feel the Force

around us; here, between you, me, the tree, the rock, the defunding of Obamacare,

everywhere yes.

In conclusion we learned this final lesson. May the Force—and not the farce 20

miles east of us—be with us, always.