Kessel's Volleyball Jargon

Post date: Mar 9, 2015 6:09:50 AM

Occasionally I like to drop some of my favorites from John Kessel....just because....it puts a smile on my face and I hope it does the same for you today!

• Ball! - a universal cry that means "Don't Jump!" as a ball is dangerously close to rolling under those jumping
• Broken Window - any ball landing directly on the forehead after passing through the fingers of a player attempting to set
• Cake - the war cry from a defensive player who has just dug the best opposing hitter
• Calendar Ball - a spike or serve that goes so slow you could time its speed with a calendar rather than a stopwatch
• Charlie Tuna - a novice player constantly running into the net
• Hand Grenade Defense - a defense that would not have been hurt had the volleyball actually been a hand grenade, i.e. nobody was anywhere near the falling ball
• Helicopter - any badly spinning set, often not whistled. Also a "whirlybird, sometimes a parent
• Kodak Defense - players standing around taking pictures of each other rather than groveling on the floor to get the ball up
• M & M - Major Mismatch, caused by a crafty setter who gets the hitters up against a no or a weak block
• Monument Defense - a form of team defense where everyone looks like unmoving statues
• Movie Ball - a spike that doesn't go down but instead sails far out of bounds. It comes from the fact that on a flight that long, movies are usually shown
• Power Outage - a serve that doesn't clear the net, or a spike that ends up as a tip, esp. if it does not clear the net
• Scud - another word for an errant spike
• Satellite Ball - a very high set that may even touch the out of bounds ceiling
• Six Pack - another term for getting a spiked ball in the face on defense. A "Twelve Pack" actually knocks down the defender
• Radar Ball - a ball that goes so fast it needs to be clocked with a speed gun. The hardest hitters are honored with a ticket for going too fast
• Seven-Eleven Block as in open all of the time, a failed attempt at blocking
• Spank - a great spike
• TLAR - That Looks About Right, a common scientific, specific coaching phrase
• Tuna - the opposing blocker that net fouls, especially when the ball would have been their ball. Also called "Catching a fish"
• Too - the most important number of a volleyball player. Examples of proper volleyball math include "I'm too tired" or "It's too far"
• Turbo Sleep - compression of sleep into a short period of time, done in the gym during a tournament
• The Vortex - a series of bad plays which seem to suck a team under
• Twilight Zone - the place players with no or little attention spans or ability to concentrate tend to go during important parts of a match
• WOW - Wide Open Whining
• Wall Ball - a hard spike that is mis-hit and strike the wall "X" number of bricks high
• Waffle - missing a spike completely or just off the tips of your fingers
• Uh, Nice Try - a somewhat sarcastic response to a token effort