Oct 2021 Viva Las Osos!

After no Vegas at all of 2020, I now have two Vegas's in the past 100 days!

The set up, me, my Dad and my Brother. Long overdue Boys trip to the casino. We had this trip set, ever since the NFL published what games would go on this season. We had October 10th circled, for Bears VS Raiders. For the first time in the history of sports, my Bears will be playing in my favorite town.

Tickets for the game? $900 for the cheap seats. Fuck that noise, I can do more with $900 in the casino. Hell, all 3 of us can. $3K to watch football in the enemies stadium? Nope. We just want to be in town to soak up the experience. After coming off a 26-6 ass whippin by the stupid Cleveland Browns. And just barley beating the garbage Lions. Our hopes are not that high for a victory. But a girl can hope!

The original plan, was to stay at Mandalay Bay, suck down $300 in resort credits and play off $450 in free play. Land the big boy suite, like I had back in June. And enjoy those sweet sweet limo rides to and from the airport, like my MB Host could do for me.

Until Mandalay Bay actually happened on my last trip. I have never taken as hard of a beating as that trip. Had so little fun gambling, as my money got me next to nothing. And I was seriously reconsidering where I'd vacation going forward.

Alright, enough of me being a whiny little bitch. I pulled a double audible. Switched my Mandalay room, for a big suite at Cosmo. This offer had the great room, but no limo rides. Just $100 in resort credit, and only $250 in free play. But I do love me some Cosmo!

Day 1, flight in sucks as always. Only the hope and anticipation of whats in store keep us going on that 4 hour flight in.

We land at 6:30PM on a Sunday, and Vegas is already dark outside. WTF?

Check in was smooth and easy in the invited guest line. And before you can say "Who got COVID from that dirty Spirit airplane"?, we are up to the room.

And what a room it is! Living room #1, Bedroom #1 for good old Dad, and his bonkers snoring, and shitter #1 are below.

But wait, there's more! Bedroom #2, with a fuck couch. Which did not get much use this trip. Shitter #2 (of 3). Our Dining room and our Living room, for most of our football watching pleasure.

And a Cosmopolitan trip just wouldn't be the same without those damn awesome balconies! Of which, we had 2 of them!

Well, our money wont lose itself you know. Down to get our gambol on!

I had $250 in free play, which I promptly shit away on $5.00 pinball machine. I turned that $250 into a measly $75 of "real" money. That is my first fuck you of the trip. One of many I assume.

I did turn my luck around on this $9 max bet game below. A solid $200 hit, and I am the first of us on the boards with a "good" slot win.

I had that $270 ticket down to $100 on James Bond below. $10 a spin will do that to you. I'm fresh in town. I have a full bankroll. So I am throwing money around like Jon Gruden tosses racist slurs. I eventually rebound with a $135 progressive, and I am nearly back to my high point.

Why Cosmo? Besides the fact it is a sexy ass casino... Their slot selection is second to none. And I don't just mean in Vegas, I mean of anywhere I have played. Old and new. Classics and hard to find games. Any denomination you want, its all right here.

Exhibit #1, Monsters Returns. I haven't seen this one in a long time. Its right next to Austin Powers and Vacation, which also are rare birds these days.

By now, everyone has held their own for a good hour. And since its been a good 7 hours since we ate anything, we head up to the mezzanine for sliders and waffle fries. It wasn't overly crowded. But that didn't stop them for taking a good 30 mins to fry up 3 tiny burgers and 3 orders of fries.

It was good, as always. And an easy $30 room charge to start using up the resort credit.

Back to the grind, even though it is now about 11PM "our" time. Which is 9PM Vegas time. One tiny beef with Cosmo, as I am the rated player, I would hand my card off to whoever in our group ran into the sundries shop to buy a pop. Not to pay for anything, but to harvest the points that come with resort spend. And they always got rejected, as they card you for some reason.

Why? Is there a rash of good Samaritans out there, using random people's cards to gift them some tier credits? Who would scam the system like that? Lame!

Back to the story. I find MJ, yet another hard to find slot. And he dealt me a good $122 bonus round. Michael might have been a raging pervert and pedophile, but the man makes for a really fun slot machine.

This is by far one of the shittest Wheel of Fortune slots I have played. Mind you, there have been like 100 titles by now. Pays seem shit, and the wheel was fairly hard for me to get. I won on it, so no sour grapes. Just not all that fun.

But I will tell you what is fun! Elvis! And the King blessed me with a $220 progressive!

Played around a bit, just so much I want to have a whack at in here. I ended up playing another game, that I used to play all over Vegas a good 10+ years ago. Anything but 6. I was way too conservative with banking my wins. And if I hadn't been so chicken shit trying to avoid a $0 bonus, I would have won a lot more than just $124

Yet another new Wizard of Oz. You would have thought they beat that horse of a different color to death by now. Nope. I did manage a $114 progressive, but it was on an $8.00 bet.

Over to the Bachelor. A show I never watched, but a slot I liked playing 5 years ago when they first rolled it out. Cosmo must have one of the last ones around, so I gave it a shot, and won...

I'd like to say I won that first night, but I didn't. I played for hours on end, we all did. While I did lose my day one money, about a grand, I still felt like I got $1,000 worth of entertainment, as I was able to play everything I wanted, for as long as I wanted.

I didn't win, but I sure as hell didn't feel like I lost. If that makes any sense.

I wake up way to fucking early on Sunday. Vegas. Game Day. Slots. Who can sleep? As you can see from my 6AM balcony shot, I had Vegas all to myself at this hour.

My Brother was still sleeping on the couch, as we decided we didn't want to cuddle in the same bed this trip. No clue what my Dad was doing. Probably jerking off, as he did just get new stints put in his heart. He has to make sure he is getting his monies worth.

Like a true Degen, I head down to the casino, alone, and at 7AM. One of the first games I played, was Jeopardy. She wasn't cheap, at $10 a spin. And when I finally got the bonus, it was only good for $90.

That was the best I could do this morning, as I proceeded to piss away another $500 in under an hour. I just couldn't hit shit.

Finally Dad texts me, I guess he too was awake this whole time. Just hiding in his own personal side of the suite. And not a minute too soon, as I was already on tilt.

Going back to the beginning of the story, and me giving up $450 in Free Play and all that resort credit with Mandalay Bay. I decided to be bold, as I have two chowder heads with me that can gamble up my card. And I double booked Bellagio for the night. My Brother could sleep in a real bed, and I could still cash in on a couple hundred bucks in resort credit plus that $450 in free play.

Since we will now be on yet another corporate tit, we head to Aria right next door for breakfast. I have some Express comps I can burn. Breakfast was OK, some Burger place that was open. The fries, while not cheap, were huge. That alone filled me up.

And since its NFL season, I placed a nice 3 team parlay in the sports book. I planned this out for a good week, and I feel pretty confident with my picks.

The Bills to win, as underdogs, against the Chiefs. The Packers to cover over the Bengals. And the Raiders to cover 5.5 over my Bears.

Yes, I bet against my team. The Raiders, at home and averaging something crazy like 29 points per game. The Bears, on the road, and averaging something even crazier (and not in the good way) of like 12 points per game.

If the Bears win, I'll be happy my team won. If they lose, I wont be as sad, as I can go collect on my $715 slip if all goes well. If they didn't want me to bet against them, then they shouldn't be fielding such a shit brick team this year!

Since we are on the clock with Mlife, might as well invest a little here at Aria. While I like the selection at Cosmo, it is so hard to stay glued to one casino while in Vegas for 4 days. Sometimes, you want to get out and explore. And double dipping with Mlife gave us a good excuse to stretch our wings some.

I LOVE these older Cash Wheel games. And really only Mlife casinos still have em. I took $140 off this one.

Played on this guy below for awhile. I did manage a $116 & $112 wins. I actually pocketed the money I was up here, to help level off the $1500 I was down at Cosmo.

I actually used the Mlife app again for this Bellagio stay. That way, you can get your room number before your room is actually ready. And all I need is that portfolio open, to get my free play and use the resort credit.

I decide to not fuck up this time, and grind my $450 in free play into $375 on video poker. Not the best, but way better than my slot flip at Cosmo yesterday. And by now, I am still down about a grand even with that. Getting closer to fixing myself up though!

But why stop there? I don't want to totally fuck up my Mlife offers. After all, they did just buy my beloved Cosmo! And if I burn that bridge, I'd shoot myself in both feet.

We all grab a card by now, and do manage to put in some action.

I took $90 off one of my spin and win games, as well as $200 off the Price is Right, which normally shits in my face.

Bellagio was packed by noon on a Sunday! Plenty of Bears fans in town as well. We travel well!

I had 12:15 reservations at Sadelles here. Reservations were a must, as that stand by line was something out of Walt Disney World.

The place is nice, and after 20+ years in Vegas, I have always wanted to eat here. Well, today was that day!

The omelettes were a bit thin, but super filling. 3 of those, a coke and an ice tea came out to $90. Certainly not a good deal, but still on the house. So fuck them.

We didn't have time to gamble much more, as the Bears game was starting in about 20 mins from when we finished eating.

Out through the main door, and right over to Cosmo. A nice easy 5 minute walk.

Did I mention we were staying at Cosmo? Just look at what we get to sit and watch all day!

Speaking of watching, the Packers did cover the 2.5 spread. Win #1 on my parlay. The Bears? Well, they actually won. And it wasn't even close. Good for me, but bad for my bet.

How was I to know the Raiders head coach Jon Gruden was getting ready to get fired? Excuse me, retire. And he just didn't give a shit about this game. I didn't find that out until the next day.

Well, Bears win! And what followed was a chant of "Da Bears" to every fellow fan that noticed my Bears hat, or otherwise smelled Lake Michigan on us.

Since I didn't win my $700 on the game, I will at least try to win $700 in the casino!

I sat down on this Lobstermania game, since the must hit progressive was at $125, and needed to pop by $140. I was able to grind away awhile, with a couple decent hits, until it finally popped. At $140 no less. Dick.

Yep, it should have said Must Hit AT $140, and not by $140.

From here on, for a good hour, I go on a tear. Slowly winning back the money I lost. $100 here, $300 there, it was exactly what I wanted this trip to be!

I call home, to talk to the kids, while I plucked $132 off Mad Max here. Not even the good Mad Max, with Mel Gibson. Of all the movies to turn into slots, its this turd that bombed in the US, and no one actually saw it.

Still creeping on my comeback, I land $400 on the original Wizard of Oz. I picked the shit out of the bonus!

I had my $100 seed money up to $429 with the Wizard. And then $539 with Elvis below.

And by the time I got on Austin Powers, and landed a $370 bonus game. I had a ticket worth almost $900. Nearly all my money back! Viva Las Vegas!

While you never stop when on a heater, my Dad wasn't fairing as well. My Brother was still kicking ass all trip, but we decided to take the tram from Aria and go explore Park MGM, which neither of them have seen.

I told them it was small, and boring. With only Eataly as anything worth a shit. But they still wanted to go. And I was glad they did. I only played 2 games there, and I took $300 off of one and $125 off the other. That was a quick $330 profit!

We end up in New York New York because, well, there was nothing to see or do in Park Boring.

Same deal, first game I played and a nice $200 win. It should have been more, on a $10 bet. But I will take what I can get. And with that, I am officially up for the trip!

Refreshed with cash, and roaring to go, we play at NY NY for awhile. I did manage to lose about $300 here in the end, even with this $100 hit below on yet another of my older wheel games.

We make the trek back to Bellagio for dinner. We grabbed some pizza to chew up the resort credit, before taking it back to Cosmo to eat in peace. It was a fucking ordeal. Took an hour from the time we walked in, until we walked out with a shitty salty meat pie. We wanted to eat in the room, so we could watch the Bills beat the Chiefs which would have been the last game I picked correctly, to not win my Parlay.

Finished eating, and headed back down to play some more. I was rich you know! And then, it happened. I completely went on tilt, and couldn't buy a fucking win. I drop a good grand here that night, erasing my earlier wins in one fast kick in the dick. It happens, and it certainly happened before. Still, it is a little salty to go from one high emotion, to the gut punch of blowing $1500 in 2 hours.

On the bright side, I still have half my money left, and just a day and a half in town.

I walk my Brother over to Bellagio, so he can have a real bed to sleep in. And we waste the last of that resort credit buy buying 2 dozen churros and 4 bottles of Coke to keep in the room.

Monday, the last full day in Vegas. I got to watch the cleaning staff wash those glass balcony windows. I think I would puke if I had to lean over and scrub that shit 50 stories in the air.

I use the Mlife app once more to check him out of Bellagio, so my fat ass didn't have to walk over there. We went $10 over the resort credit, not too shabby.

This time, we all met up to go down to the casino together. I still have $70 in resort credit, and Wicked Spoon is one of the only buffets left on the Strip

Load the BOGO for being Sterling on my card, and head up to the buffet. Another annoyance, is having to wait in line at the players club to load that BOGO I get every month.

No luck on the slots before we ate.

The buffet is good, solid quality. But really not what I eat. Lots of fancy stuff, but I filled up on eggs, hashbrowns and ice cream.

Dear Cosmo, if you are going to put out your delicious mashed potatoes. Please put out some gravy as well. You have 37 different kinds of breads. 44 different salad dressings. And zero gravy for anything. Of, and some cheese sauce. I could have used that for my hash browns. You have nacho chips out, but zero cheese for them. What gives?

Funally had some decent luck on the slot below. We all got to play together this time. $100, $280 & $95 bonuses. I'd like to say I turned my $100 into that $467 you see below. But I sat on it a little too long, and only managed to win a hundo on her.

The day is still young! And I had some fleeting success on these 2, but that was short lived.

My Brother was still killing it! After this $700 win below, he banked his entire bankroll and just played on house money until we left. Fucker.

Cosmo was running a slot promo while we were there. Pretty easy to get to 7,000 points, when you have a multiplier with a better tier card. $17,500 of coin in on the slots, get you a try at the machine. You win $5 on the low end and $1,000 on the high end. With my Sterling card, I got to play every $8,750 of coin. Not too shabby!

I got, in order, $50, $25, $100, $25 & $75 while I was there. Love when they run slot promos, that don't cost anything to do as a player but play!

The problem with a cool promo, is the fact the players club desk was jam packed all the time. You cant just win your free play, and play your free play. Nothing in life is that easy. You have to take a ticket the machine shits out, over to the desk, and they have to load it on your card. Yet another wait in line to do something, and they never had more than two people in that booth the whole time I was there.

Honestly, between loading my free play, loading my BOGO, loading these promo dollars ETC, I had to have spent a solid hour total in lines at their club booth. That is time I could have been gambling!

I turn that $75 into not much of anything, and Dad now wants to go nap in the room. Bless his newly reconstructed heart, he has been a warrior this whole trip with everything we have done.

My Brother wants to play some games he has only seen at Planet Ho and Paris. So, we head over there for awhile.

I lose $100 at the Planet. And another $100 at Paris. Not sure why we went to Bally's, as I hate their casino. But I did manage to lose yet another $100 there as well. Which was nice to keep the streak going.

By the time we got back to Cosmo, Vegas was engulfed in a nice layer of fog. And it was windy! I come from Chicago, I know wind. But God Damn is it scary being 50 stories in the air, on a balcony, while its that windy.

We actually made a game out of it, by seeing who could stand out there the longest. Mind you, we are all big men. Zero chance we would blow away Mary Poppins style. But that didn't make it any less frightening!

One last trip through the casino, and we all get our asses handed to us. My Brother, who could do no wrong all trip, drops $800 in a blink. Dad goes on tilt, and tucks tail with a couple hunded left to play tomorrow. And me? Well, I lost the other half of my money.

I stick my last $100 in Pinball, and actually get a bonus. These were good to me all trip. I know I am now pushing for Gold, after all the play we got in. And moving up in a players club always makes me feel so fancy!

If I can just manage $5K more of coin in tomorrow, I would have enough points to play the kiosk promo once more. Maybe even win $1K on it, and turn this ship around!

Last day, Tuesday.

We all wake up bright and early, and a bit hungry. Cosmo, for all her greatness, doesn't really have a lot of breakfast options. Sure, Egg Slut is popular. Too popular. Look at that line below, like a fucking disco or something.

My local mall has 3 Starbucks, and they are all busy! How about adding another Eggslut Cosmo? Or just make this one bigger!

Their food court thing didn't open until like 11AM. Useless. That is 1PM Chicago time, and I'm not waiting that long to eat.

We ended up eating at the coffee house in the casino. Well, sort of. They were out of nearly everything we asked for. No ham, to make a ham and cheese croissant. Not that it mattered, as they only had 1 croissant left anyway. Mind you, its 9AM in the morning, and they are out of food.

My breakfast, was a Pepsi. And no, I wasn't very happy about it.

We have the room until 1PM, and with all this play, I have $325 in point play built up on my card.

I sit and turn those points into $320 of real money on video poker. Rock solid conversion. Dad chips in his last $200 on my card, to help me get enough points for one last promo spin. And I set off with my newly minted $320 to see how close I can get.

My Brother, now nursing his original bankroll, didn't want in on the fun, and risk going home a loser.

Sat on this White Fire Quick Hits for awhile, which helped.

Got another Pinball bonus, and I am still grinding up points.

And finally, for the first time all trip, I make my way over to my bank of Grinders. And Grind I did! Ended up with a $75 win on the promo kiosk, and still managed to make a few more points before I tucked my last $200 back into my wallet, so I didn't go home completely busted.

All in all, it was one hell of a trip. And a super fun ride to take, with all the ups and downs on the slots. Night and day difference from my last Vegas stay, but I did still come home a loser once more.

My Bears won, I got to spend a few nights with two of my favorite people. And I got to play wall to wall slots for 3 days. I really don't feel like I lost here at all.

In the end, I just missed going from 0 points, past Sterling and into Gold status by the skin of my teeth. I needed 2,000 more points, to hit 20,000 to level up. Still, those 18,000 tier points represent $45,000 gambled through on the slots. And that is a hellofva lot of play!

And now, I have a reason to come back. Hopefully I can do so, before MGM takes over, and fucks up the casino like they have all of their other ones. Fingers crossed, Cosmo gets to stay Cosmo!