The secrets to getting the most from your play

Obviously table games are pretty cut and dry. Find the best value game and play it. Hope you hit that Royal Flush on Caribbean Stud or double down just when you upped your bet on Black Jack. Outside of pushing "all in" on your last hand, or hitting your number on a wheel, there is nothing I can show you on how to maximize your table play.

Plus, I’m too lazy to count cards in Black Jack or come up with a scheme on how to cheat. If there is anything you will learn from reading my Vegas exploits, I’m pretty lazy.

But slot machines are an entirely different animal! If you read some of my other entries in this section, you know the higher the denomination the better the odds.

Look for the reported "win" on slots in Las Vegas. The casinos have to report how much money they won on machines to the gambling commission. The GC then makes that info public. You wont find it broken down by casino, but rather by region.

Grab a copy of Strictly Slots or Casino Player magazine, they list it in the back each month. If you cant find one, just check online. Google is your friend here, just search "Las Vegas slot machine hold" and look at the UNLV report that month.

Just a quick example, and what it means to you. The casinos report a "win" of 12% on pennies machines at the Strip casinos in 2015. Flip that "win" number backwards and you'll see the "payback" which in this case is 88%. So for every $1.00 gambled through you would expect (on average) to see $0.88 remaining. The $0.12 loss just went to the house!

But the same report says the "win" was just 8% on nickle machines. That's 92% payback for us! So what's 4 points between friends?

Let me put it into real world money and you'll see just how fast that adds up per spin.

88% payback VS 92% payback (just generics for this exercise)

The casino win on every 10 spins at 12% hold (88% payback) is expected to be $1.20 ($0.12 X 10 = $1.20)

The Casino win on every 10 spins at 8% hold (92% payback) is expected to be $0.80 ($0.08 X 10 = $0.80)

So it seems like just 4 points, but that's 50% more lost per spin. Figured in over 100 spins you would expect to lose $120 VS just $80. Obviously there is no way to quantify winning and loosing spins along the way. You could hit big on either set of machines. But just looking at pure average math those 4 points could mean playing on a machine for 90 minutes VS just an hour on the lower payback.

Always look for the best value in gambling when playing slots. You can throw out things like Megabucks. One guy wins the lions share so a big hit that month can make a shitty payback machine look good.

To take this to the extreme, a 95% payback dollar machine in Reno means you can expect to lose $5.00 for every $100 spent. Play a dollar machine that's 80% payback at the airport and your $100 will lose $20 (again all on average) That's 4 times the play for the same $100. It just looks like 15 points. But that's quadruple the expected loss.

Here are a few more tips for getting the most of the machines.

So what do I look for to maximize my slot time, and enjoy the highest level of comps I can get? I play the 5 line mechanical reels. I’ll look for a top award as low as I can find. These machines often pay back slow and steady, since there is no “hold” that gets thrown in a huge progressive. I can sit and grind out point after point on these machines, and sometimes I even win! Not a life changing amount but enough where I come home with a free trip under my belt.

The old stand bys are still in casinos, since people know they can win on them. Sure, not every time, but these games always give you a fair shake. Double Diamond, Triple Diamond, Top Dollar, Pinball etc. If the machine looks older, and you see them in every casino, chances are this is a brand that has been played and loved for years. It must have stuck around for a good reason, so give it a try!

There are no sure fire ways to win on a slot machine. No system to buy or twitching reels to look for. You will not lose more money if you are playing with a club card in and no matter how hard you rub the screen, that last magic bonus symbol wont suddenly pop up unless it was supposed to. Everything a machine does is based on its Random Number Generator.

This RNG is how the machine determines who wins and who loses. That nanosecond you hit spin, a number is grabbed and the machine shows that as a win or loss. The lower the payback on a machine, the more losing combinations its RNG holds. Pretty simple. So no one can steal your jackpot. You get up to take a piss and someone else plays your machine and wins on it. Chances are that you would not have hit that button at the exact same nanosecond as the Jackpot thief so relax.   

Read the rules on the machine. Sometimes you can only win that top award or progressive if you play Max Bet! No one wants to be the guy that landed the 3 Wheel of Fortune symbols when he was only playing $1.00 instead of $2.00. Other games can only trigger the bonus games if you play a certain amount.

So if you can only risk $1.00 a spin, find a game that will let you play all the features at that level. And make sure you cover all lines. 100 lines at a penny each will get you more in the long run than 1 line at a dollar. If the dollar machine you are playing has payouts equal to each other, play 1 credit if you wish. 3 top symbols pay $500 for 1 credit, $1,000 for 2 credits and $1,500 for 3 credits, its all the same shit to you.

But look at the pay tables! If it is 3 top symbols pay $500 for 1 credit, $1,500 for 2 credits and $3,000 for 3 credits, don't piss away your money 1 credit at a time. Play max to get the full benefit of the math or else move on!

Stick and move! You just won $30.00 on a $1.00 bet on a penny machine. The most notoriously bad bets in the house. Those penny money grubbers can get stingy fast. You just beat the house. Stick and move, cash out and see if you can get lucky again. I don’t know how many times I’ve sat at a machine I just hit on thinking it must be loose only to see my buy in and profits go away. If you think it’s getting hot play a few more spins. If nothing move on with your day.

If you are playing a machine and its slowly building up some credits, you might have found a good one. Or one where the math doesn't completely suck. Don’t be afraid to sit and grind on it. After all, that’s how you build up points for the freebies. But don’t be afraid to cash out ahead. Winning some money is better than losing all your money.

Don’t be lazy! God knows I’m a good American, and lazy is what I do best. But don’t just sit on a machine because you only have a $10.00 ticket left and you don’t feel like finding a better one. If you are not feeling it, move. Instead of blowing that 10 bucks you might actually win something on a better machine. Remember that mentality of it has to hit soon might not actually work in your favor in the short term.

Don’t get sucked in because you are invested. Just because you fed a machine $80.00 already and it hasn’t paid squat doesn’t mean that next pull will level the playing field. Maybe you were just sitting on a lemon.

Break down your bills. If you stick in a $100.00 bill on a machine its way too easy to keep slapping that spin button. I like to carry 5 $20’s instead, that way if I zone out while I’m playing I don’t actually over play my bankroll.

Get your free drinks! Its Vegas and the booze is flowing. Find a good machine to sit on for your freebies. I like to play video poker for this. I can gamble a quarter a spin every so often and wait out my drink. I can’t tell you how many times I was playing a dollar machine and ordered a beer just to find out I blew $100.00 waiting for my $2.00 bud light. Quick tip. Playing Video poker at the bar and ask the bartender for a drink. That way you get it quick and no chance of pissing away cash waiting on the waitress. There is a reason the drinks are free and they take so long to get them to you. So don’t be a sucker! And for God’s sake, tip the lady. $1.00 a drink won’t kill you.