Living the Dream Oct 24 Part I Resorts World

I'm pretty excited to write this one! We booked this entire stay, around a suite that was mysteriously made available to me at Bellagio. Of all the places I have taken my sticky kids to in Vegas, the Big B was not one of them. It is typically an older, more fancy crowd. And not very kid friendly. Which I totally get.

They say you cant take kids to Vegas. Which is wrong. You can, they just ruin everything! I have been away from staying at Bellagio for far too long now. And with my kids both a bit older, the time is now. One small hick up, they wont comp me on the weekend. Why? I guess the room is like $3,000 a night. So, I need someplace to crash for Saturday and Sunday before I can get to it.

I so wanted to tell Resorts World to fuck off. For one, I don't much like my condescending host there. Which if you read my last couple reports, you'd know why. And two, they recently had what my host called a "decline in player reinvestment". IE, they slashed comps. I was getting $1,000 in free play + $200 in resort credit. Even though my play keeps going up there, they dropped me to $600 and $100. That is almost a 50% decline.

When I pissed and moaned to my host about it, I got the typical "Fuck You that's all you deserve anyway" reply I have come to expect. I mean, she is right. They were giving me more than other places in town for the same play. But they almost have to, to get me to stay on an island up there in no man's land, away from all the real action in Vegas. But I digress.

2 nights comped in a suite at Conrad it is.

Day One, Saturday

Broken record. Spirit gate at O'hare is dirty and crowded. Blah Blah. It is only 4 hours between me and Vegas. It is what it is. 

Above is what we are starting at. I have 157,310 points at Resorts World. I have stayed with them every trip to Vegas this year. 2 nights at a clip. I am now within striking distance of Monarch level. That alone will get me $350 in Airfare Reimbursement plus a $350 Tier Level Dining Credit. That is $700 in free shit. Since I know multiplying $350 x 2 is hard for some of you dummies. 

But the biggest perk, is the 25% boost on slot points. Which is needed, as their program pays shit for point play. I get 10% boost now. Which is still insulting. 

We get here at 1PM, and naturally the room is not ready. The room is never ready early at Resorts World. It is just one of those things. I do the pre-checkin, and like other places. You can use any of your comps, without having the room key. You just have to have a room assigned to you. 

Not that their measly $100 in resort credit would cover us for a couple days. But still, I like that its available right away. You just have to go to a slot machine to activate it. 

Over to Street Eats, where we know my celiac daughter can safely eat some Mexican food. Everything they sell at the Mexican stand is gluten-free, except for the cheese sauce for some reason. 

Her and I chow down, while the other two go get some ramen. It's good. I don't think I have ever had anything bad here. It is just all so pricey. $8 for a small bottle of Coke? Whatever...

$600 loaded up, and here. We. Go!

AND....... I fuck it up. I turned $600 into $360 on my free play. That sucks! I just couldn't hit shit. Was playing $1.00 Denom Deuces and flipped to $5 in hopes of a miracle. But it just sunk my ship that much faster. Still, up $360 I guess. 

I pissed most of that away on Casper, before clearing out a progressive for $170. But now only up $260.

And I had that $260 down to $40, before I Conan'ed the shit out of the above for $300. Back to $342, while the girls sit and munch on their lunch. 

This Wheel of Fortune is directly behind where they are eating. And I played it, so they can watch Dad in full on Degen mode. 

$10 spins, and I get the Gold Spin! Spin that wheel, and get a 5 X Multiplier! Whatever I land on the next wheel spin, is worth five times more. My first handpay of the trip, I can feel it! And the ladies can watch it happen! She slows down close to the $1,000 wedge. AND... $40. Fuck me! Well, That puts me at up $500. 

Still with time to kill before I get the "Room Ready" text. We wander off into their mall. Which has next to nothing for us. And the idea of taking their picture next to the giant ball, proves futile. Either you can see them, or the ball. But not both. Its just too fucking big. 

For some reason, my eight year old is obsessed with makeup. Mostly lip gloss and body lotions. I don't know, and I don't get it. My older daughter is much more of a jock and gamer-girl. My wife feeds into the younger ones obsession, since she is the only glamour girl she has now. Needless to say, we had to go into every lotion and potion store we saw in town.

This weekend just so happens to be Mr. Olympia as well. My old football buddy from my last Vegas report and I, used to be obsessed with Mr. Olympia back in our body builder days. In fact, we were buddies with former 3 time Mr Olympia Sergio Oliva back in the 90s. He was still living in Chicago, and used to work out at our gym near Uptown. 

And with that being held across the street at the convention center. There are a ton of buff chicks and jacked guys walking around here. Which is wonderful, as I needed something to deflate my ego as I walk around feeling all pudgy now.

Around 3PM, the room is finally ready. That is actually decent for them. So good work RW! I have shown and talked about the Conrad suites before. So I wont bore you all too much. 

It is a nice space. Separate living room, with a door. Which is great so we can put up a divide between us and the kids. Well, accept for tonight. My 4-2 Chicago Bears and King Caleb Williams play at an ungodly 6AM tomorrow in London. And as it turns out, stupid Resorts World doesn't have the NFL Network in room.

I will be sleeping on the couch tonight, so I can wake up that early tomorrow and head down to the casino to watch in the sports book. Boo!

I ditch the dead weight family, and head down to gamble. And I couldn't win for shit! I have long bragged about how "fair" the slots are here. But you can hit a rut anywhere you play. And I now find myself standing in one. 

I blow the $500 TITO I had on the main floor. Piggy Bankin and Huff N Puff just weren't having it. By the time I hit the High limit room, I lost that $500 and $500 more. The above Lobster hit for $225 seems OK. But it was on a $15 bet, and I was into it for a good $500 as well. I walk out of High Limit down the $500 I was up, plus $1,000 of my money. That is a -$1,500 swing in like 40 minutes. 

But man, did I catch fucking fire after that! Fu Dao Le is one of the few Oriental slots I play. And those things are everywhere these days. Not that I have anything against the Orient. I mean, look at my family. But every other game seems to have some sort of China/Japan theme nowadays. It is a bit of an overkill IMO. 

Hit for $109, and get my new hundo up to $231. Hit for $215, and now I have $414. Hit for $284, and up to $557! I am nibbling my way out of a hole!

$191, and now I am back to $543. Finally a bonus for $529, and I am holding a $994 ticket! One last $103 hit, and I cash out almost a grand! Boom, all my money back!

Strike that, I hit a bonus for $250 almost immediately on the next game I play. And I cash out a $1,185 TITO. Up almost $200 once more! Vegas! Vegas! Vegas! See, I told you all Resorts World was awesome! 

And then, I took another shit on myself. From being up $185 until I hit this measly $107 bonus above. I drop -$1,500 farting around. My bonuses were either shit, like $50 on a $10 bet. Or I just wasn't hitting anything. $200 into Eagle Bucks = $0. $200 into $5.00 Top Dollar = $0.00. Sonofa Bitch!

Did I say I was down $1500? Well, now I am up $600! Midnight Express for the win! I am a little salty, as I was playing it for $12.50 a spin and not winning. I only had $6.55 left in the machine, so I dropped my bet to $6.25 and hit the bonus. I cant be mad. As the time it took me to curse losing my money and switching my bet, I hit the random number generator perfectly to land all this. 

In the bonus, I kept getting a special train symbol ball that played the bonus in the bonus. So it kept multiplying my big beautiful balls. Those are all nickles mind you! $50 became $100. $100 became $200. $200 became $400 and so on. Once it ran out of steam, $2,125 Jackpot!

Now the entire time that bonus was playing out. I started to draw a crowd. It was a pretty prolonged bonus. And it's not like I was drawing attention to myself. But it is a very big screen, and the fucking train sounds out a horn noise with every spin. Along with a chugga-chugga-chugga. Some random lady plops herself next to me to watch. She tells me she just likes being nosey, and I reply "I can tell". She is cheering me on with each spin, but it is super annoying and ruining my experience. I just ignore her, but she keeps trying to chat with me. 

I am pretty sure she is not a hooker, as she is fairly homely. I mean, if she was a whore I cant image business being too good for her. Even after the bonus was over, she stood there trying to talk to me about her looking for her friend, but she cant find her. And she is afraid she got ditched. So now I am thinking she is just a beggar and hopes I will break her off some money once my handpay comes. 

Think again. I just text on my phone while I wait for my cash. And she sticks her hand out to shake mine, and tells me her name. And I just nod and say nice to meet you.  She wanders off soon enough. 

I get paid, but now I fear I broke my karma after not being nicer to the bum lady. But the very next game I play, I hit for $360 on a fast bonus. So I figure I'm in the good! Fuck her!

I took that new hundo up to $514. Cleared another Casper progressive for $130. Which pushed me up to $651. Then nailed a Wolf progressive for $257, and I was holding a TITO worth $836! From down $1500 to up $1500 in a blink! Resorts World! Resorts World! Resorts World! 

Then I fucked up again. I cant be left unsupervised for too long. I went off to meet with the girls for dinner, and that proved to be my heater breaker. Some fleeting luck on the above, but I ended up tanking $500 off my high water mark. Still, day one in the books and I gambled my fill. Going to bed up a grand aint nothing!

Good night Resorts World. You done good!

Day Two

Up before any sane person should be on vacation. And I am down to the casino by 5:54AM local time. 68 degrees in Winchester NV, where Resorts World sits. I am pretty sure I mentioned this before. But most Las Vegas casinos, aren't even in Las Vegas. I am up here in Winchester, where Circus Circus, Fontainebleau & Westgate are. Below us, is everything on the "Strip" from Mandalay Bay to Wynn is really in Paradise NV. Actual Las Vegas doesn't start until you get to the Strat and go North. The "real" Las Vegas, is kinda a dump.

Tier credit check. Looks like we did 39,985 points yesterday. $1 coin in = 3 TC's. My abacus says I did $13K coin. Well, $13,328 to be exact. Not too shabby, considering I gambled through all that. And still won $1,000!

The Bears game starts at 6:30AM, so I have time to kill. $9 bets on Casper's clone Hot Stuff, and I take a $140 progressive off him. If that little devil looks familiar to you. He should. That pimp is out there selling all kinds of stuff! From Tabasco sauce to Cheetos. He is actually a licensed character who started off in Comic Books back in the 50's. Now anyone with money to burn, get it? Can pay to use him on whatever. If I come out with my own brand of herpes cream. I am putting Hot Stuff on it for sure!

The pisser for me now, is that the only real place to watch my game in the casino is the stupid Dawg House bar. And they want you to spend $25 to sit there and watch! Fuck them! $5BIL to build this place. And they stick their sportsbook into their stupid hillbilly bar? I mean, I could have stood there like a chump and watched. But who would do that for a 3 hour game? I also could have spent the $25, which looks like it would have gotten me 2 Coors Lights and nothing more. But I am no chump. 

I end up watching the game from the casino floor, as the TV's over the tables were showing it. Not ideal, and no sound. So I am kinda pissed about things. Still, I play some video poker and make the best of it. 

Anything near the TV's are fair game. And its working out well. I land a decent line hit on Top Dollar for $250. And play the world's shittest first spin bonus on this NFL slot. $10 bet, and I land the free spins. 10 spins, which I immediately retrigger for 10 more. 20 spins and I only get $100? These NFL slots are tough to beat. What with all the licensing fees and whatnot. I am sure the league charges more than Harvey Comics does to use Hot Stuff!

By now, I am getting bored of only watching and not hearing my game. But the Monsters of the Midway are absolutely destroying the stupid Jaguars. I wander around, and play random shit. Like Little Shop of Horrors for a $255 victory. 

Bears up 14-3 by now at half time. So I keep pressing my luck. I was holding my own on Wolf Run above, and my TITO was a steady $500ish for the past almost 2 hours of gambling. And then, the wheels fell off my cart. I was down to $73 chasing a progressive on Money Storm. I landed a $171 bonus, which got me back to half my money. But if I could just hit that $188.90 progressive, I could just about be even and back up on the day to my $500 benchmark. 

I'd like to say I was smart, and hit the $200. Which I did! But it cost me that $245 ticket. Plus $140 more of my money. I spent $385 to "win" $200. Not my best decision. But I couldn't stand by and watch someone else steal "my" progressive, now could I?  I did land at $137 bonus on this wheel game. But I'm now down like $700 before breakfast. 

I get the "We are awake and hungry" text from the Mrs. And I bring up some grub from Suns Out Buns Out. Which, if you follow this stoopid blog at all. Means I got my poutine! I end up kinda watching the Bears game on a janky youtube channel on my phone. Long story short, Bears 35 Jaguars 16. Caleb Williams tosses 4 TD's in a blowout in London. Technically it was a bears home game. Which extends our league leading home win streak to 12 straight games. Not bad, for a team that had the worst record in the NFL just 3 years ago!

Even after dropping $700 this morning. I am still up $300 for the trip. So there is that. I don't want to blow my load before lunch, and I head down to the pool with the fam after we eat. Being the middle of October, and before 10AM, we have the pace to ourselves. 

I honestly tried my best to sit there and watch my kids swim. It was a nice 72 degree morning, before the desert heat cooked the place. The family pool has all sorts of fun shit in it for them. A big dumping water bucket. A splash zone with water jets ETC. But all I could do, is nervously shake my leg and think about all the money I wasn't winning! 

After 45 minutes, I tap the wife on the head and tell her to let me know when they are done fucking around, and we will go do something else together. My money wont lose itself you know!

Once more, I just wasn't getting much bang for my buck. $150 on a $5.00 bet for Piggy Bankin was OK. $112 on a $5.00 bet for Quick Hits was not. I had 30 games all paying out double. And I couldn't even manage to average $4.00 per spin. I did win big on Ultra Rush Gold here. Betting $5.00, I got a bonus worth $330! Which turned out to be my undoing. 

You get these Golden Balls, and those lock in place to make it easier to get the hold and spin bonus. I know its a sucker concept to keep you playing. But I was a sucker I guess. I figured, if I won $330 betting $5.00. I would have had a grand if I bet $15! So I did, and I didn't. I lost that $554 TITO plus some more. 

Casper's have been my ATM ever since I found it. As a multiplier, the pays are not that great. As the price of admission is $9.00 per spin. But I did clear out yet another progressive for $233 which helped. But then shitted that away on this weird orb game I never played before. Before finally sinking my mini come back on Gold Bar 7's, which has always been great to me here. But I couldn't hit fuck-all on it today. 

I went down to the pool up $300 on the trip. And just over an hour after getting back up to the casino, I am now down $700. A -$1,000 swing. Ugh. I should have stayed at the fucking pool. 

I was just going to go back up to the room and wait for them to come play with me. And said just one more game. Holy Hot Stuff! I triggered the wheel spin, which is kinda hard to do on this and its clone Casper. And I thought for sure I just got fucked with a $20 spin, on a $9.00 bet. Nope!

It hung on to the very corner of the Mega progressive for $1,635.75! And don't forget my line pay of $30 for a total win of $1,665! Back to Back handy days! And just like that, back up a grand for the trip!

I fan out the money back in the room, as I did head straight up after the handpay. Only my 8 year old seemed impressed by all my hard work. 

The team votes 3 to 1 that we walk over to the Fashion Show Mall to go look for makeup and body lotions. #DadLife. 

I think the last time we were here, the older kid was just a toddler. And the younger one was just learning how to walk. So a good 6 years or so. All of these pictures were taken through the store windows, as I stood outside holding the bags full of their treasures. 

It has to be one of the few mega malls left in America that isn't suffering these days. All of those international shoppers pump a ton of cash into here I am sure. We end up eating a late lunch in the food court, before heading back to home base. 

I dump them in the lobby, to go make my last stand in the casino before shutting things down for the stay. Up $1K, and I fuck up once more. I get absolutely nothing worth a shit in the High Limit room again. I dropped at least $600 in there. Plus another $600 on the casino floor. With not a single hit worth $100 to show for it. 

And then the clouds parted, and my Wolf game started shitting out money! It is the same game I hit the $257 progressive on yesterday. It has expanding wilds, that stick and grow for 4 spins. If you can line em up just right, you do this!

$282.75 hit, Boom! $689.00 hit, Bam! $207.75 hit, Bing! $99.50 hit, Bang! Completely erasing my earlier sins! I just dumped $1200 and won $1300! Up $1,100 for the trip!

A quick point check, and I just earned another 25,042 points. Which is only $8,347 of coin in. Not a great look for me here. I guess they should have shelved the player reinvestment BS. From check in, to check out, And now 4 days later as I write this. My shitty host never checked in on me once. Good, since she didn't brow beat me about gambling more. Maybe she reads my blog, and knows I shit on her. If so, do better Ana!

I briefly consider chasing the 27,663 points I need to move up to Monarch. But that is still over $9,000 of coin-in away. And I'd have to gamble more than twice as much as I just did today. And I am still not so sure I want to devote another years worth of trips to Resorts World. I'll have to think on things, and maybe do a one day stay before the year is up. 

72,000 points is worth $72 in point play. Which I just run through video poker, and play until its gone. About $22K in coin, and I get $72 back. Rio was $1.25 per penny back. The same play would have been worth $176. At at MGM, it would be roughly the same $70 in free play But another $70 in resort credit. Overall, RW has a shitty players program. But with a fair casino, I kinda get it. 

$11K per day and $22K for a trip average is fairly solid play. Which is respectable. The crazy thing is, if I wasn't on the winning streak. I would have played more. 

But now, I want to book another win. And knowing I got my suite comped, which is worth upwards of $750 per night. Plus I took a grand off them. Makes me feel justified being a dirty gambler! 

I get into the same debate with my non-gambling friends all the time. Pretty sure I posted this before, but we can all relate. 

Them: Oh, you are on vacation next week? Let me guess, Vegas? 

Me: Yup!

Them: Don't you get tired pissing away your money there all the time?

Me: I don't always piss it away. At least not all of it anyway. Still, I might drop a few grand. But I get my suite worth $1500 for free. They give me $500 to play with. And they cover a few hundred bucks in food. Sometimes, not always, but sometimes I actually win. Making all that free no matter what, plus cash on top!

Them: How often does that happen?

Me: Not very!

Well, this trip to Resorts World. It did happen! I will now be walking into Bellagio tomorrow, and staying in the suite of suites! And not only is my bankroll 100% intact. After cabs, tips and gambling. I have $1,000 more than I came with!