Excalibur Hotel & Casino Las Vegas.

Excalibur Hotel & Casino Las Vegas. What you need to know!

Gambling!

Plenty of slots & video poker, no I didn’t look up the math I just do not gamble here much. At 100,000 Square Feet of gaming it’s on par with the other casinos on the strip. By me being a fan boy of themed resorts you would think I’d love it here. But the sad fact is I don’t. I can’t put my finger on it. Is it the smell? Maybe. The dregs of society? Yeah probably. The fact that they refused to comp me a free ride on the Sponge Bob 4D motion simulator? Well that certainly did not help their cause!

I came here for the 1^st time in the late 90’s and I liked it! They had jugglers running around, and costumed Knights & Jesters to interact with. It was like Disneyland with slot machines. Over the years they stopped doing all that cool stuff that made the castle a place to visit. Gone was the free wizard & dragon show out front. Now you are lucky if they add water to the moat. The Ex has seen better days and since it’s on the down-slide it seems like MGM refuses to throw any money at it. This place is pretty dusty.

Some Table & Poker Games. All your basics; Blackjack, 3 Card Poker, Baccarat, Craps, Let it Ride, Roulette etc. They also have Mini-Baccarat, Let-it-Ride, Pai Gow Poker and more. It’s the strip, if their neighbor has it, they have it!

What’s to eat?

If you are looking for fine dining, why are you at Excalibur? This is Las Vegas! Any chef on TV has his own place somewhere, no need to eat here. But if you just want something cheap, Step right up you came to the right place!

To simplify your selection the following have been rated for value.

As Vegas eateries change almost hourly you might want to double check if these places are still in operation. This blog is very lazy with updates...

Cheap (reasonably priced for what you get). ‘Bout what you’d expect (if you don’t understand this you should stick to McDonalds). Holy Shit! (Unless you are used to your bill looking like your phone number stay away)

In no particular order.

• American Burger Works – Hamburgers Cheap

• Baja Fresh Mexican Grill - Mexican / Fast Food Cheap

• Buca di Beppo - Italian ‘Bout what you’d expect

• Dick's Last Resort –American Cheap

• Excalibur Buffet – Buffet Cheap

• Lynrd Skynyrd BBQ & Beer – Barbeque ‘Bout what you’d expect

• The Steakhouse at Camelot - Steak House DUH! ‘Bout what you’d expect

• Auntie Anne's Pretzels Cheap

• Coldstone Creamery Cheap

• Dairy Queen and Orange Julius Cheap

• Krispy Kreme Cheap

• Manchu Wok Cheap

• McDonald's Cheap

• Pizza Hut Express Cheap

• Quiznos Cheap

• StarBucks Coffee Cheap

We actually ate at a bunch of places in here on our way to and from the better joints in town. So here are some tips. The McDonalds does not serve Ice Cream cones, sucks I know right? But the Coldstone has you covered. Sure they aren’t $1.00 like Mickey D’s but they do have Birthday Cake, and the awesome Oreo Cream filling ice cream! But whatever you do, avoid ABX (American Burger Works). I have had burgers in some of the finest restaurants in the country. That’s my thing. I’ve had shitty burgers in fancy places and great burgers in shitty places. But the burgers they served me here we just plain bad. Greasy, bland and just thrown together. They say they double fry their French Fries. But all it does is turn them into a fry shaped potato chip. All crunch and no taste. They also have a bunch of dipping sauces, for an extra fee, but our top 3 choices were sold out. Which is funny since this place is always empty and we were sitting in their alone. Looks like others have learned of this shithole and are avoiding it. I suggest you do the same.

Hotel

This was once one of the largest hotels in the world so there are plenty of rooms for you.

The Room Basics

The standard rooms at Excalibur suck. I mean really suck. Not so much because they are small, they are on average with most places. I smoke, and 99% of my smoking rooms in Vegas have a hint of smell to them. I know this, and I add to this. So I live with this. Excalibur smelled like someone pissed in an ashtray, then put out their cigarette in it and glued it to my nose. They refused to move us unless we wanted a non-smoking room. So we took it and guess what, it smelled like smoke! It’s been years since we actually stayed here. The fact that there is no tub, just a big walk in shower is enough reason for the wife to not come back. We saw 2 fights break out during our 4 day stay and the cops had to be called in for one of them. Now I’m not saying it’s dangerous, I never felt unsafe there. But it seems they attract a lower class of people. If you insist on staying here pay for the widescreen room. Those are very nice. Any room that’s selling point is the TV makes me suspicious but the room is pretty solid. Recently done with clean neutral prints and less ass smell than their other rooms. It’s worth the money.

What you need to know.

Yes it’s cheap and yes you get what you pay for. But pay the extra $20.00 a night and book Luxor if you are value shopping and want to stay on that end of the strip. They make you pay the stupid resort fee for this dump. That’s like paying a luxury tax on a snicker bar.

In closing:

Excalibur Hotel & Casino Las Vegas is OK, if you have to stay here you will still have fun. The casino is always packed, and it looks like people are having a good time. Supposedly their slots are a little looser than most strip places and I personally have done well when playing here in the past. With low rent comes lower end people. If you are looking for a Sugar Daddy look elsewhere. Free monorail to connect you to Mandalay Bay or Luxor means easy access to tour around if you want. You can also walk to and from Luxor on a series of people movers. These are all life savers in those hot summer months. The pool sucks. Period.

Funny Story time!

There used to be a fast food place here called Little Johns. I loved the nachos (may they rest in peace) but the 1 pound hotdog did my poor asshole no favors at all. It was like eating a deli log of baloney. My wife told me I was an idiot for ordering it but I wanted to prove her wrong and pretended I liked it. Until the explosion hit

I've never crapped so much in my life. I painted that bowl. The maid must have been sooo pissed at me. It’s not like they leave anything in the bathroom for you to clean up after yourself. I swear I was thinking about blaming it on someone else and switching rooms it was so bad. Luckily we were staying here at the time and everything smelled like shit anyway. If I had dropped that bomb at the Wynn they would have thrown me out!

What else you need to know?

They do have a Spa (Royal Treatment) & Wedding Chapel that you can even be married by Merlin if you choose. Plenty of cheap shit to see and do here. They know they are not a fancy joint, so everything seems to be catered to the party value crowd.

They have a Fun Dungeon. But its not nearly as sexual as you would think. It’s really just an older arcade with carnival type games to play. With all of the kids running all over the casino you would think this arcade would be hopping. Nope. It’s always dead whenever I go down there. And kinda creepy as well, like a Scooby Doo cartoon. It’s a shadow of what it once was in the 90’s.

Major attractions.

As Vegas shows change almost hourly you might want to double check if these are still in operation. This blog is very lazy with updates...

Tournament of Kings. If you have seen a Medieval Times show before this is the exact same thing. Kids seem to love it.

Thunder from Down Under. Ladies, you will love this show. Men, not so much. Athough if you let your wife go to this all male nudie show they will come back with their batteries charged! Although I hear they don’t get completely naked its still plenty of flesh. Lots of Bachelorette parties in here.

Australian Bee Gees. I never saw it, but I hear they sound just like the real group. If you like the Bee Gees you’ll like this. If not save your money.

What did a hundo get us?

We played through five $20.00 bills on various machines. If we bet $1.00 a spin, we give em 20 spins and cash out. $2.00 per spin is 10 spins. If you can’t wrap your brain around this math, please do not gamble. I am sure this test of the slots is insanely scientific. But your actual millage may vary.

1^st machine: Bier Haus. $1.00 a spin. Cashed out with $72.00. Major hit $68.00 on a bunch of drunken Germans

2^nd machine: King of Cash. $0.75 Max Bet. Cashed out with $8.00 Major hit none. This is a bonus or nothing type game. Double bars across

3^rd machine: Spin & Win. $1.25 Max Bet. Cashed out with $21.25 Major hit Instant Spin for 75 quarters.

4^th machine: Money Mad Martians. $0.75 a spin. Cashed out with $6.50 Major hit, nothing really.

5^th machine Money Mad Martians Again. $0.75 a spin. Cashed out $36.50 Major Hit, Martian Bonus for 125 quarters.

Total results. Turning $100.00 into $140.20 in 25 minutes seemed pretty easy. Assuming my math is correct, everyone that plays in Excalibur is bound to end up filthy rich!

Excalibur Hotel & Casino

· Contact Information

www.excalibur.com

General Information – (702)-597-7700

Toll Free – (800)-937-7777

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