I just Fontainebleau all my money Oct 25

Welp, here is a Trip Report I have never written before. Las Vegas, all alone, like a true degenerate. Never thought I would become one of "Those People". Other gamblers swear by it. They love the freedom of going alone. I always thought it would be sort of sad. Like the cover of those problem gambling guides. "When the fun stops".

I mean, what sort of husband would leave his wife home while he vacations alone to spend their money? What kind of father would abandon his kids on Halloween to piss away their inheritance? I guess this kind of guy would!

It was just too good of a deal to pass up! The room was worth $1250 a night, that is a $3,750 value alone. It comes with a slot tournament, with a minimum prize of $250. I have $750 in free play. And they are giving me two Adam Sandler show tickets worth $500. That is a $5,250 value. Far more than I would piss away gambling. Don't ask why, just book. 

The wife never has much interest in Vegas. My kids do, but not enough to miss Trick-or-Treating with their friends. My favorite brother just got married weeks ago, and he burned up all his vacation days. My father doesn't love me enough to come with. Even though he just won almost Five Grand at the casino. He says he wanted to visit my sister on BumbleFuck Illinois instead. I see where I rate. 

The only friend I can tolerate a real trip like this coaches college football games on Saturdays. So the Grid must go alone!

Day 1, Thursday

No wife, no kids and no need to book a real flight. I will be flying out via United on a very unpopular Thursday early evening. In the United Terminal, they have a dinosaur wearing a Blackhawks jersey brought to you by Circa Las Vegas. Its a sign! 

Trump is out there making trouble with all kinds of people. Canada is pissed at us, and they don't want to go to Vegas now. He really has the Chinese mad, and those fuckers love to gamble. But the Chinese are not coming to Vegas any more either. Sucks for Vegas, but has nothing to do with Grid. Until it does!

The Democrats don't like Trumps new policy changes. And are pretty dug in on shutting down the Government.  I guess they are doing away with parts of Obama Care that covered low income families. Or if you believe Trump, the Dems are mad that they cant give sex changes to illegal immigrants anymore.  What does that have to do with me? Well the Air Traffic Controllers aren't getting paid now. And they are calling in "sick" in mass. The flight from New York that should have been to my gate at 11AM, is now due in to that gate at 3PM. That means my big ass, with no heads up from United, has to not only run to a new gate. But that new gate is in a different Terminal. WTF!

Well, in Vegas now. So fuck them all! 

These three were looking at me like I was some sort of weirdo. Sure, after snapping this picture of them I did pull my dick out and wagged it around a bit. But that is fairly normal in Vegas. We all have our own traditions when we land. 

Oh, and one more part of the plan to share with you all. If you have been reading my last few reports, you'd know I was at an end with Resorts World. It just didn't work out. It is a nice place, and I wish it well. But I have taken my North Strip game over to Fontainebleau. BUT, those dummies at Resorts World hadn't cut me off just yet!

But they are about to. I have zero offers past October, as expected since I just kept converting my free play, eating my resort credit and walking out. All dick moves for sure. And something I never do. But I am sort of a petty bitch. And my last couple stays, along with my shit host, brought me to this point. 

I just took a cab from the airport to here, to rob them one last time. It is now 7:30PM, on a Thursday the night before Halloween. And the place is an absolute ghost town!

$300 in free play, flipped into $240 of real money. Not the best conversion on Video Poker. But that pays for the cab here, and now I have $200 more to give Fontainebleau 

I double check my resort credit, and its $60. One of the many fails at RW is how they let you use your funds. When I first stayed with them, I was told you had to charge to your room. And they use the credit to offset that. Then the next trip, I was told to never use your resort credit to charge to your room. As they cant process it that way. Then I was told you had to use it all at once, which is just stupid as I'd have hundreds of dollars here. And why only use that once, when you are staying there for days? 

I was finally told it now worked as a debit card. And the money gets pulled from the fund until its spent. I took this picture, in case they gave me a hard time. 

Here is a look around, I am pretty much alone. I think FB across the street sucked most people up from this end by now. 

I hit up Randy's donuts. Half a dozen of those and 4 Cokes was $49. Crazy, I know. Suns Out Buns Out finally came back. I guess they had some sort of dispute with the Resort. I was going to use my last $10 in credit on some cheese fries for dinner. But when I placed my order, I was told the credit was one time use again. And I pissed away that $10. 

Why Randy's, who saw the $60, didn't tell me I had $10 more if I needed. Who knows. I canceled my order at Suns and walked out. A fitting ending to this dump. 

But do you know what is not a dump? Fontainebleau! It was an easy 10MIN walk over. I was still dressed for Chicago, with my Bears hoody and all. Even though it was almost 90 degrees in Vegas.

Check in was fast and friendly in the VIP room. They used to have cakes and donuts in here I was told. But by the time I started started here, it was just full size cookies. Now those cookies are mini sized and shitty. Everyone is cutting back I guess. 

The Noble Suite is nice! We stayed in a bigger suite the last time. But I told my host not to waste that on me, as I am all alone this time. It's not like I need over 1,000 SQFT to jerk off in or anything. 

And I get to see the Sphere! I have Wizard of Oz there on my to do list. For sure my kids have zero interest in it. Maybe I can sneak over there this trip. 

By now it is about 8:30PM in Vegas. I settle in for a breakfast burrito at Roadside Taco. It was almost $20, big and flavorless. 

But here is the star of the show! That big, bright gorgeous casino! I mean, just look at this place!

$750 in free play, and I started out converting that on Video Poker per usu. It was going OK, but I was so giddy to be here. That I moved on to slots right away to convert off some more. 

That was... the right move! They only have these 4 Ainsworth slots in the entire casino. These types of games by them are all over the Indian casinos back home in the Midwest. But not many in Vegas. No clue why, they seem like a pretty big company. 

Line hit for $125, which is not nothing. Then a bonus game for $668.75!

Move one seat over, and a fast bonus for $142.50. Move over again, and a Cougar Cash line hit for $312.50! I was one fucking cougar away from a grand. 

The line between what was my money and what was converted free play was a blur after all that. I do know I started with their $750, and cashed out a grand. On top of the $240 from Resorts, I have only been in town a few hours and I already won $1300!

I cash that $1075 TITO out and have some luck above for $118. And went on a roll below with nearly back to back $185 bonuses on Quick Hits. I was up  $400 more, before shitting way too much away on this Wheel game I was fucking up the last time. 

It was a dream set up. $11.25 bet, which is a lot on this chunk of shit Wheel spin at 4 X. And I was getting ready for my first handpay. And only landed on $37.50 x 4 = $150. I was gutted. The wedge to the left was worth $6,000. And to the right was worth $4,440. And I got $150.

From here on, I started to bleed out a bit. Casper at $9 a spin fucked me. Top Dollar and Pinball at $10 a spin fucked me hard. I dropped like $500 in those two. I planned on only using my free pay for today. And that $1300ish I once had in found money, was nearly gone.

I did hit the below for $391 on a $6.25 bet. That helped

Then a fast bonus here for $121. I clawed $500 back, and after all that I head back to the room up $500. 

Bleau Points are resort credits you earn from playing or spending. Those add up fast. And I plan to use that to eat with. Play Points are One per $2.50 coin in on a slot. Which I like, as it makes it easy to see what your coin in was. 2281 x 2.50 = $5,702 played tonight. All thanks to that Free Play. 

Day 2, Friday

I went to bed last night at 11PM. That is 1AM in Chicago time. And yet, I am still up at the butt crack of dawn. Stupid internal clock. It is about 6AM Vegas time, and I sat in my room watching the Sphere for a bit. Hoping it would do something fun for Halloween. I know in the past it turned into an eyeball or a pumpkin. But all I am getting is random swirls or ads.  

Today I have to register for the slot tourney, to be assigned my starting times. Below is what you get, and pretty damn good odds. I just have to finish in the top 50. That gets me another $500. Top 29, is at least a Grand. I wont hold my breath about the Top 4, where the real money is. I just hope I don't finish at #5. And that poor prick gets the same as the person in 29th!

I figured I had to show a people picture in here. Normally its the wife or kids. If you ever see me out and about, 100% of the time I have this exact outfit on. I had at least a dozen of these black tanks. And all of my jeans look the same. 

I tried to figure out this sign. My best guess is, Two Guys going down on One Girl ahead. 

Ahh, I love the smell of FB in the morning! It is like a mix of vanilla and sunshine. Very faint, yet there. Perfect! 

I have long toyed with the idea of playing small to rack up points. I started this stupid site 15 years ago based on the idea, that a small player can live large. If they just gambled the right way. Grind out points on lower hold games, and make yourself look like a bigger player than you are. 

But over the years Vegas got wise to fools like me. Now they no longer rate you on the coin in you play. But on the holds of the games you played that coin on. If I was playing something with a 5% hold. I'd have to play a lot more than on a game with 15% hold. Vegas figured shit out on me.

They also used to rate you on your daily average. IE, your ADT Average Daily Theoretical (loss). That has now been replaced by your trip average. All ways to water down what you are worth. So now you get better offers, if you stay and play with them longer. I used to always split trips. 2 days here, 2 days there. Now that hurts me. 

Long story longer, the idea is for me to play small, make my bankroll last and just rack up hours of play to earn points here. Part of the Tourney is a raffle. And you get one entry for $10K of coin in. Doesn't matter the slot. And since I have nothing to do but gamble, which is different than when I have the wife and kids. It is a great time to test that theory!

And it was a disaster! I played for almost 2 hours betting $2.50-$3.00. And won fuckall! Didn't matter what I played. Bonuses were worth $40 or less. So nothing to take a pic of for the report. And somehow, I pissed away like $1500!

I switched up to bigger bets when I had the kids start coming to Vegas with me. More time doing family stuff, meant less time to gamble. I didn't have to stretch my money, I could now afford $5.00-$10 bets, as I had less time to play. Bet twice as much, just play half as long. And honestly, that worked out for me fairly well. Sure, there were plenty of times I'd lose that days bankroll in an hour or so. But also many times where I would win big!

$2.50 bet and a 100 X bonus is $250. A $10 bet at 100 X is $1,000. $750 more, for just $7.50 higher investment. Sure, bigger bets add up to faster losses. But it works both ways. 

Pissed that I not only lost the $500 I won last night. But double pissed I lost a grand of my own, and have nothing to show for it. And after all that, I only ran through like $3,000 of coin. So a 50% return. Just horrible! Is this how most people lose their money? 

I walk out of there, and head across the street to the Circus. I have seen lots I wanted to play in here. But I always had the kids with, so I never could. Say what you want about it being a dirty shit hole. But that is one fun dirty shit hole!

I wanted to pull a players club card. Just in case I earn enough points to actually get some free play or something. Would be nice to stay at FB and still be able to walk over here and play some. It is now 8:50AM, and their club booth doesn't open until 9. So I hit up Big Top Eats for some breakfast.

What does one eat for breakfast, without the always judging wife around? Chili Cheese Fries naturally. Circus Circus wants to make sure you get all the carcinogens you possible can. So they served these greasy hot fries on a Styrofoam plate. So it melts that shit and you can properly digest it. 

It was $9, plentiful and delicious. I licked that plate clean. And being in here, no one even batted an eye! 

I walk back to the player club booth at 9:15, and it was open. But no one there. Just a sign saying they would be back in 15 minutes. Man, they give zero shits here about anything! 10 minutes after this, some homeless lady walks in with a cup of coffee. But she wasnt a bum, she actually works here. Crazy. 

I got my card, and found this old gem. $1.50 max bet and a $20.50 bonus. this is how you low roll!

They have all kinds of cool slots n here. I didnt know this one even existed! As soon as I started to play it, it broke. Fucking Circus Circus is an entire new level of WTF

I eventually made my way into Slots-O-Fun to play some coin droppers. 

$60 in Top Dollar = $0 out. $100 in Dragon Wheel = $40 bonus, still -$60. $40 in this last one = $40 lost. 

I had fun, and it only cost me $300 more. But Fuck me to Hell. Now I am down $1,800 and its only like 10AM! This is why my wife should never let me leave the house without an adult. What the fuck is wrong with her? I cant be left to my own accord.

Back over to FB, and I am now torn. The bet small method was an unbridled disaster. But I also pissed away so much money, that I really cant go balls deep either. 

I split the difference, and it gets me back on track. $6.00 bet = $289 bonus. My $9.00 swing gets me a $160 line hit. $4.50 and a great $282 bonus. Now I am grinding up some serious coin. And not losing much in doing so.  

But I am still losing. Just much slower. I take a break, and head to the Hall of Excellence. Where I had a personal tour with the owner, and legendary Sportscaster Jim Gray. 

Look at this fancy shit. Click on the photo below, and it will take you to the walk through! It was pretty cool

So here we now are. It is just about noon. I have lost $2,000 and I am now questioning just what the fuck I am doing here. I cop up to my losses, and tell the wife. I am sure that went over well. But you cant win, if you don't play. Carpe Diem!

In one of the worst choices I have made while playing. I hold 3 Deuces, since I was dealt a straight flush.  Just one more Deuce would have been 3,000 quarters. But I couldn't risk throwing away 3 lines of 100, and only get 3 four of a kinds worth 20. I am now officially a pussy. 

I drop some more, and then BAM! 5 of a kind two ways, and a bonus game worth $848! That helps!

I go on a small run of $160-$200ish wins. 

I pissed that all away though. 

Don't judge me on the first game below. I was betting $7.50 a spin, and only had $2.65 left. So I bet $2.50 and won $337.50. Which is nuts. Then I was playing whatever the fuck this pepper game is, and I won $471.50! Fontainebleau, where you either win a lot or get nothing. 

I even broke even on Pinball. That was $100. Dolphin game was $250 and weird China Dragon game was $264.

I finally registered for the stupid slot tournament. I play at 11AM tomorrow. And I just learned that I have $100 in dining credit somehow.  At first, they were having issues getting people to do the tourney. You should have given up your normal offer, in exchange for that. For me, that would have been like $250 in dining credit and $750 in free play. 

To entice more players, they let us keep our Free Play. Maybe they felt bad, and gave me $100 as well to eat with. There is a shop on the 2nd floor called Morris and Co. Lots of stuff for the kids. I called home to see what they wanted me to grab.

7PM on a Friday night, and the place was hopping! Even the food court had a bunch of people. Which is the first time I have seen that here. 

I make my way over to the theater to see Adam Sandler. I had 2 tickets, I told them I only needed one. But they made me take 2 anyway. I briefly thought about giving the extra away at random. I'd hate to waste a $250 seat. But then I'd have to sit by that person for 2 hours. And that just seemed weird. So now I have more legroom.

Those seats were great! About 3 spots from the stage, and slightly off to the right. 

This place is pretty big. And the showroom was packed! Well, except for the chair next to me. I got to see David Spade do his bit and a song. Rob Schneider did his act as well. Saw some other of Sandlers friends that appeared in his movies. And got to meet  Jonathan Loughran. You will have to Google him. But once you do, you'll say "Oh, that guy".

And who was right behind me? Kevin James! The wife and I were huge King of Queens fans back in the day.

Fun story, I was telling people back home I took a piss next to Piff the Magic Dragon. Who is this little English Magician in town, with his dog Mr Piffles. He had to take his dragon outfit all the way down to take a leak. The first picture below is one of Sandlers cameramen. They were all dressed as dragons being Halloween and all. Opps. 

The show was wonderful. The best show I have seen in my life. But I am a big fan of Sandler and his crew. When they got to the Chris Farley song everyone was tearing up. Even me. Great show  

And the casino got so packed once it let out. Good thing I lost $2500 today, and couldn't afford to play more! I do not manage well in crowds. 

I guess if you looked at today as, I just paid $2,500 to see Adam Sandler and get a hat. I broke even. The Sphere still isn't doing Halloween shit yet. Just more ads. 

8,249 Play Points. Less 2,281 from yesterday = 5,968 X $2.50 was $14,920 of coin in. Which helped a lot. And I actually did end up getting some play for my money. And it now keeps up my $10K coin per day average.

Day 3, Saturday. Last day

Today is the big day of the slot tournament. I only have $1,000 left to gamble with. And I have a red eye flight out at 1AM. Now I really, really need to win something at the tournament. Or the wife will never let me go anywhere alone again.

I booked all of this last minute. I originally said no when my host asked. As I would rather have the $750 in free play instead of an entry, where I could only win $250 as a possibility. Then they added the $750 and the tix. But I had just taken a gambling trip 2 weeks ago, and dropped way more money than I wanted to.

I am usually pretty good about spreading these trips out, so as to not piss away all my money. That trip is called "Four Winds in the Fall". And if you didn't read it, I lost $2,200 there. I did not want to cancel that, when I booked this. As I was meeting up with my Dad. To add insult to injury. On the last day of that trip, I told my Dad I lost over $2K. He says, well that sucks for you. Cracks out his phone, and shows me that he won almost $5,000. That Motherfucker just had to rub it in my face!

But today, I will get back what's mine!

I do not have the bankroll to bet big. Well, big for me anyway. But these $5.00ish bets are keeping me going. $237, and was almost out. Then a ht for $230 and I was right back in it. I played up and down for a bit. But was slowly loosing once more. 

I checked to see how much Wizard of Oz at the Sphere was. If I pissed away all my money, I can go do that for 2 hours. $200? For one fucking ticket? That is madness! Nope.

This Cougar Cash had a Minor Progressive that was ripe. These normally hit right around $170ish. Like I did on the Enforcer version yesterday. I had about $500 or so left to my name. No progressive, but I gt a $94 line hit. 

Then it happened. This bonus game is so fucking hard to get. I was super excited when it triggered! Right away I lined up all five 5 of a kinds. I saw it was a 2 x 5. So worth 10 times each line. It would pay out, as if I was betting $62.50. I peaked the corner of the screen, and saw 7500 quarters. That's whats up! That is almost $2K, and a handpay!

But that was just line one! Line two, three, four and five were 2,500 quarters each. 17,500 quarters on that spin. I cant even do that math in my head! 

Every other spin of the bonus was shit. But there you go! $4,387.50! Trip Saved! In your face Dad!

I just went from $3,500 down on the trip to up a grand!

Get paid, and run upstairs to grab a bagel. I wanted to sit in my room and eat it, while I rolled around naked in my new pile of money! I sent the wife a picture of the win. So she didn't file the divorce papers. At least not yet...

11AM, and the tournament has now begun. Everyone thought it was weird that they did a golf themed tourney on Halloween weekend. But it was a tie-in with Sandler's Happy Gilmore. They were just limited as to what they could get away with. It made more sense when you see it all like this

They had an open bar and some small eats. But I just had my bagel. Round 1, I killed it. 30 players this round and I was in 2nd place. Round 2, I fucked up and was 22nd. Round 3 was strong and I was 10th. All total, and I had just under 500,000 points. That has to get me something! 

The other dynamic of this tourney is the raffle. $10K coin = 1 ticket. If I can run through $10K more today, I'd have 3 of them. I found the right slot to grind on. Take a look at this session below. 

$9.00 a whack. And just up and down with $150-$250 hits to keep me going. 

And on, and on. I did lose $500. But I got like $7500 coin in. Which is solid 

And these two put me over the top.  I now have 3 entries. I felt like Boss Shit. Until i hit the booth to deposit them. And the lady there said the guy before me had 22. 

Cash out knowing I did $30K of coin this trip. Turn in my points for my raffle tickets. And take a breather. 

By now, I have all of my money back and I am dead even for the trip. I ht my goal for play. I have a good chance to win something at the tourney. And now I can play without stress. I banked all "my: money, and just farted around until we know who won something in an hour or so.

I had enough point play for $125, which I flipped into $135 playing video poker. That, with the $130 win above, gets tucked away in my winner pocket

This little Sprite below on the left is my host. She is awesome! When I saw her standing next to the podium, I just assumed they told her to be there for when I win. So she can congratulate me. The High Limit room was filling up. As everyone waited to see if they won the raffle. Of which, I did not. 

But I still had a shot at the tournament! Top 50, and its $500! Top 29, and its at least $1,000! I walk around to kill time until we know. 

And grabbed a horrible smaller, flavorless Philly cheese steak from Chez Bon Bon. And, 54th place and I won the Min $250. Fuck. Well, I cant be mad about today! But just 5 people between me and $250 more. I just missed the cut. I could have finished in 150th place, and got the same. 

I dont want to risk a losing trip. I convert that $250, and sock away a $500 winning trip. That s after paying for cabs, tipping the Handpay lady, the housekeepers and anyone else that smiled at me. Which was a good $200 alone. 

I head up to take a nap before my flight out at 1AM. But cant sleep at all. 

All told, I did $31,260 of coin in. Not too bad for a +$500 trip. 

Being Saturday night, the place was packed after I checked out. And the cab line was at least 50 people deep. But they kept that shit moving. I give them props!

The airport at Midnight on the weekend looked like Resorts World! Very creepy...

So long Vegas! You did me well!