I was healed by God in a church while I was attending undergraduate college at UC Irvine. It was my first time going to this church. I had just walked in with my college sweetheart. We were a little late, as usual. Right before we walked in, I told my sweetheart that I had tremendous back pain and didn't understand why. We sat down and squeezed in to the back. The pastor wanted to know who had just been healed of back pain. And I was a shy introvert, as usual. I said nothing for fear of looking like an idiot when I would not be able to speak. I felt so ashamed that I didn’t go back to that church. Oh I wonder what kind of blessings God had in store for me for speaking up right then. Now I would grab them with all 20 digits! I can only pass this wisdom now so others don’t deny the same God as I did. 

God gave me another chance in the summer before law school at Pepperdine. I went to a birthday party with friends from college. A girl who I had never met at the party made her way over to me to say, “God is telling me to let you know that the one you are dating is not the man for you.” 

The second time I heard from God was the Summer of 1995. I was with the Panchak’s. I was attending a birthday party for a young lady from the College and Career Group of Calvary Chapel Costa Mesa. This young lady marched right up to me and told me that the man I was dating was definitely notthe plan that God had for me. In response, I unsuccessfully attempted a breakup with that man. It would be decades before I would hear from My Heavenly Father again.

God had big plans for me. Was I going to listen this time?

The next day, I called up Ken, a Rockwell engineer I had recently started dating, to break up with him. To my shock and surprise, Ken wept like a baby. I felt so badly for him. He pressed me for the reason why I was breaking up with him after two wonderful weeks. I told him. He said that the girl at the party could not have received a message from God... “It couldn’t be true. Why would God not love me? And why would God not want me to be happy with you?” My heart hurt for him. I wanted him to stop crying. I wanted to make it better for him anyway I could. So, I told him I would not break up with him... Ignoring God’s Will never ended well for me. 

“And the second time the cock crew. 

And Peter called to mind the word that Jesus said unto him, 

Before the cock crow twice, thou shalt deny me thrice. 

And when he thought thereon, he wept.” 

Mark 14:72

The next time I heard directly from GOD.

I experienced a healing from God while attending an Orange County church in the early 90s. I don’t remember which church as I only attended once. On the way to church I complained to Jobe, my loving Christian boyfriend, of an unusual pain: a severe and debilitating back ache. 

We arrived at the church. A girlfriend of mine, Marnee, invited us, but we were late, as usual, and had no time to find her. We asked others to excuse us as we shimmied past them to find our seats. I was embarrassed about being late. And I was painfully shy in crowds. 

I turned to Jobe to let him know that the excruciating back pain had completely stopped. Not a minute later, the pastor wanted to know who had just been healed of back pain. I said nothing for fear of looking like an idiot. I was already embarrassed about walking in late and now this? There was no way I was drawing extra attention to myself. Jobe looked at me incredulously, but said nothing. I am sure he could read my face, as I have never been one who could hide emotion well. 

I felt so ashamed that I didn’t go back to that church. Oh I wonder what kind of blessings God had in store for me for speaking up right then. Now I would grab them with all 20 digits! I can only pass this wisdom on now so others don’t deny the same God as I did. 

As God does, God gave me another chance in the summer before law school at Pepperdine. I went to a birthday party with friends from college. A girl who I had never met at the party made her way over to me to say, “God is telling me to let you know that the one you are dating is not the man for you.” God clearly had big plans for me. Was I going to listen this time?

        The next day, I called up Ken, an engineer I had recently started dating. I broke up with him telling him I could not see him again. To my shock and surprise, Ken wept like a baby. I felt so badly for him. He said that the girl at the party could not have received a message from God about him because she didn’t know him (notice that this is the same argument used by future manipulative boyfriends). 

Ken then wisely prevailed upon my good nature: “It couldn’t be true. Why would God not love me? And why would God not want me to be happy with you?” My heart hurt for him. I wanted him to stop crying. I wanted to make it better for him anyway I could. So, I told him I would not break up with him. 

        As I have grown, I have learned the critical necessity of having a strong Christian support network. I had no true Christian support network for most of my life. I had plenty of condemnation in hopes to guilt me out of sin, but no real loving support on what it was like to actually[1] pick up my cross and follow Christ. 

        I remained trapped in that toxic relationship full of unkept promises for 4 long years before I finally was able to leave. I know my life would have been significantly different if I had listened to God in my youth. Don’t misunderstand me. I don’t think my life would have been easier as much as it would have been much more fulfilling, with much more joy of the Lord, much more purpose-focused, much more abundant, and much more peaceful. Again, don’t misunderstand. I am not dwelling in regret as that is fruitless. Those are thoughts that I know now come straight from the destroyer himself. I am using those incidents as specific reminders to trust God each and every time I hear from him, and I have confirmed that it was him. Without these experiences, I wouldn’t be the Spiritual Warrior I am today.

       I desperately wanted to follow God and break up with Ken. I had nobody to discuss this situation with. I pondered it alone. It was just me. I didn’t know how to go straight to God for strength. I didn’t know how to pray. And I didn’t know how to listen to God. And I had no clue that I could ask God to confirm the message, so that I would have no doubt as to whether the message was truly from God.  

Continue to Chapter 16