Chapter 1

In the last year, my brother finally asked me how I had fallen so far—homeless, disabled, and broke. Because, just a few years earlier, I was a corporate attorney pulling in almost quarter million per year, living in my dream home with my sons and their caregiver, saving for retirement, and booking family vacations. Quite the crash. 

“I committed adultery.” I was somber. “You know, ‘Thou shalt not commit adultery.’”

Brother was stunned into silence. He came in ready to call me out— for my excuses, blame to others, the whole thing. Instead, he got raw honesty from me, sans wiggle room.

I kept going: “You remember the guy who looked like Chris Pratt that I was so in love with back in 2018? Well, I thought we were in the clear—as his wife gave us permission!” 

Brother furrowed his brow in disbelief. “How did you get permission from the wife?” 

I should have said something witty and clever like, “Have you even met me? I’m a lawyer—I don’t do anything without consent and waivers.” But I wasn’t feeling particularly cheeky in this confession. 

Instead, I said: “The wife promised me that they were only married for his military health benefits—because she was pregnant by her live-in boyfriend.” 

I continued “But here’s God’s truth: You cannot get permission to break any of God’s commandments—even if the injured party herself signs off. Because sin is not against God’s creations… sin is against God Himself.” 

My brother was silently taking in the depth of my confession. 

He was satisfied. I took the blame. We were good. 

He changed the subject. 

“Be sober, be vigilant; 

because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, 

seeking whom he may devour.”

1 Peter 5:8

Unlike Peter or Job, Satan didn’t need to first ask permission, from God, to sift me like wheat. By willfully and unrepentantly breaking one of God’s commandments, I gave the enemy an open-door invite to waltz into my life and take me down and out, permanently. The enemy knew God’s laws and his rights over me better than I did. I was ignorant of both. And he knows his limits: he must ask God for the legal right to break a sinner if there isn't an automatic legal right given. 

Because God’s Laws are directly between Him and you, this is why you must ask God for forgiveness of your sins. You don’t necessarily need the forgiveness of the person you wronged—although that is always a nice idea to try to get. You need forgiveness from Our Creator. 

For it is written, 

“Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.” 

Deuteronomy 32:35

If you are injured, the injuring party, the perp, doesn't necessarily need your forgiveness, instead he needs God's forgiveness. So, who gets to avenge the wrong against you, if forgiveness isn't sought. Spoiler alert:  It ain't you!

I know it is human nature to seek revenge. But don't! God’s Laws are directly between Him and the perp. You don't even get the right to seek vengeance when you are the injured party. Again, the one who wrongs you must seek their own cleansing, and their own righteousness, directly with GOD and around you! Your only job is to forgive[1] the one who wronged you. That’s it. Full stop. Yes— much easier said than done. 

Now, back to my story. I knew how I gave the enemy access to me. But I didn’t know how to cut off that access. And I knew that in order to get my “miraculous healing” - I must cut off all access to the enemy[2].

Yet I still wasn’t properly motivated to keep seeking such healing from God. I wasn’t 100% convinced that my disability or medical condition was only tied to my transgressions. So, I kept trying different recommended treatments and protocols, religious or not, from every helpful soul that popped into my life. 

1 I promise to divulge the ways I found to forgive and to not seek revenge beginning in Chapter 16 on Forgiving.

2 Chapter 39 dives deeper into how to close off all legal rights to the enemy through eschewing sin while keeping all of God’s commandments.