Steps to Supporting a Dysregulated Child by Allyson Apsey 

(click here for the full article)

1. Self-talk: As I approach a child who is emotional crisis, I use lots of self-talk. I remind myself that the child is doing the best they can in the moment. I remind myself that patience and grace are two tools I will need to use.

2. Slow everything down: There are times I need to rush to a child to keep them safe, but other than that rush to protect the child or other students, I slow everything down. I slow my breathing, I slow my thinking, and I become hyper-aware of my surroundings. I observe the child carefully and I observe everyone else around carefully. These pieces of information can help me understand the problem that is occurring, how everyone is feeling about it, and helps me get in emotional control.

3. Get down to the child’s level and acknowledge big feelings: Slowly getting down to the child’s level and acknowledging the big feelings they are experiencing helps the child feel understood and affirms trust in our relationship. At this time I typically put out my hands as an offering to hold hands (if you feel that is appropriate). Sometimes the child isn’t ready for touch yet, and that is okay.

4. Say, “I will always help you.” That help looks different for each child. For some, it is a walk. For others, it is a distraction. For yet others, they want to verbalize what is happening. Some need a sensory break before they can work through the problem. Some just need to sit with you and join your calm for a bit.

After the child is back in emotional regulation, then we can decide next steps on how to fix the problem that occurred and if consequences would be appropriate. Our focus is on supporting the child in fixing what caused the problem and any damage occured  (to relationships, to materials, etc.) while they were in crisis. We work hard to help the child avoid feelings of shame.