"Within the interests and needs level, there is greater potential for successful conflict resolution; it is there that you can get to the heart of the disagreement and why someone wants what they want.

As reflected by Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, we all have the same needs: to be seen, heard, respected, valued, validated, loved, and  so much more. The problem is that vocalizing these needs can feel vulnerable – and in a conflict situation, people may not want to say something that they think can be used against them.

But therein lies the secret sauce to conflict resolution: when we let go of our armor, get curious, and are willing to show up and see what the deeper interests and needs may be, we can more effectively create win-win solutions.

Bottom Line: Focus on Interests and Needs Instead of Positions to Master Conflict Resolution.

When we're in the heat of an argument, disagreeing with someone, or in a full-blown conflict, it can feel difficult to get to the interests and needs. But asking what, why, how, when, and other open-ended questions can start the exploration toward different options, generate creative solutions, and stimulate value for both sides. It is from here that you can create a new middle, potentially solving the issue in a way that ideally creates a win-win for all."

Source: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/pin-framework-mastering-conflict-resolution-bryant-galindo 

Identifying/Understanding Emotions & Perspective-Taking 

Building empathy within students can often help when conflict arises. Helping students understand and identify their own feelings, as well as those of others around them is helpful in undersanding why we feel these different emotions. 

Once students have that understanding, they can begin exploring differing perspectives by utilizing perspective-taking activities (e.g., putting yourself in the shoes of others), or even optical illusion visuals (various points of view). By using these activities, students can see that it is possible to have different or conflicting feelings or behaviours from another person, and that does not necessarily mean one is wrong and the other right. This then leads into a natural discussion on conflict resolution.

Guiding Questions: 

• Is my perspective the only way to see a situation? Why or why not? 

• How can I work towards seeing the point of view of other people? 

• How does it make you feel when you consider how others are feeling or when you think about what they may be going through? 

• How can that change your actions toward them? 

Using "I" Statements (Affective Language)

The use of "you" language as opposed to "I" statements makes it more likely that a conversation will disintegrate into  a full fledged argument, leaving no one feeling particularly good. Affective statements (e.g., I felt ______ when _____ happened) are non-judgemental personal expressions of feelings in response to the behaviour of others. Affective statements can be used at any time and when implemented with commitment, can reinforce positive actions and explain feelings without assigning blame or shame. By proactively giving students the tools and language to use when they are frustrated or when anger is building, it allows them to call on these skills to defuse conflict before it happens. 

Examples of how to translate a "You" statement into an “I” statement:

1. “You never listen to anyone, and you’re not really listening to me now.”

“I feel that my concerns are not being heard.”

2. “You screw up everyone’s schedule by being late.”

“I feel frustrated when I have to wait.”

3. "You never clean up after yourself."

"I feel uncomfortable when the shared space is disorganized."

4. "You didn't call me like you promised!"

"I feel worried when I don't know whether or not you made it home safely."

5. "You don't even care."

"I feel sad when it seems like my feelings are not taken seriously."

Another look at Affective Statements: