Can you handle it?

His Royal Purpleness may be feeling right peachy, but the thing is, can the little fella handle it?

What exactly did you say at the Brits?

What I was trying to say is that me and the New Power Generation are completely free on stage but not on record. I don’t own my music, my record company does. If I want to use something from Purple Rain I have to re-record it or pay them money. That’s wrong.

But how does that make you a slave?

You know, that makes me feel like Warners is “the master” up in the big house eating chicken and I’m out in the yard thinking “Damn! What did I do wrong to get treated so bad?”. One day this system will end, though. You’ll give me your address and I’ll send you my album on the Internet. I’d like to give you a tape of The Gold Experience (his new album that the record company won’t, release), but I’ll get in trouble.

Are you really as weird as people think you are?

I guess my life might seem strange to some people, but it’s normal to me. I don’t really have much of a life outside of music - and at the moment I’m totally focused on this business thing.

So what do you eat for breakfast?

I don’t eat breakfast. In fact, I hardly eat at all, I don’t like it very much. I don’t sleep either. I just stay up all night playing music. Or I just get up to mischief. What kind? Oh, I don’t think your readers are ready to hear about it! (Bit saucy is it?) Uh-huh. But it’s music mainly.

What do you think of Take That?

I don’t really know much about them, but I saw them on the Brits and that song was pretty cool. I’d like to get together with those guys, actually. I asked my press officer to fix me up with a tape but so far all he’s got me is a Kylie Minogue video.

Ah, yes, Kylie. You had a bit of a “thing” with her, didn’t you?

Yeah, we worked on a song called Baby Doll. It was really cool, I’d like to do a whole album with her.

When I said “thing” I meant romance, really.

(Looks peeved) Romance? What is romance? (Er ... one brief definition later) Sure, me and Kylie went out but I go out with people all the time.

But did you snog Kylie or what?

(Laughs uproariously) But that’s not romance either! Just ‘cos you kiss doesn’t mean it’s a romance.

It means you find them attractive, though.

True. And Kylie’s very beautiful.

Is that a yes?

Er, you see, I still don’t see that as a romance. If I’m involved with someone there won’t be no secrecy, the whole damn world’s gonna know about it.

Do you have problems finding clothes that fit?

(Looks perplexed) No, finding my size is no trouble. I like real big sweaters and funky stuff.

So how do you actually pronounce your name?

There is no way to pronounce it. People have to understand that this is my name now. They called Mohammed Ali (boxing legend) all sorts of names, but he knew his name. Once, this other boxer kept calling him by his old name, Cassius Clay, so he hit him ‘til he called him Ali. And I’ll keep com_ing with the musical jabs until people call me by my name.

Are you any good at basketball?

I used to be a mad keen sportsman: basketball, horse riding, boat sailing, everything. But I never have time for it any more.

Is it true you’re bankrupt?

(Sighs) Oh, man. Do I look like a man who’s bankrupt? Eventually you get to the point where your record company eases off. It happened with my single Letitgo. Great record, but they let it slide. It’s stupid. But I sure as hell ain’t ·bankrupt!

I can lend you a tenner...

(Pretending to be annoyed, but laughing really) No, I don’t want to borrow no money. Put it away, man. Get outta here!