Just the fax – ’The Artist’ speaks (sort of)

The Artist doesn’t do interviews.

“I don’t speak so good. I sing better than I speak,” USA Today reports he told a group of journalists this summer during a New York press conference.

He does, however, do faxes.

So when The Artist’s publicist gave this reporter—who will be addressed as “The Scribe” for the duration of this article—the ’go’ to fax exactly six, “nothing personal” questions for The Purple One, who would reply to them in the same fashion, The Scribe had mixed emotions.

What began as “Great! A fax", rapidly deteriorated into, "Great ... a fax.”

Just put yourself in The Scribe’s shoes (comfy, white Keds, in case you were wondering. Nothing’s too personal to share with my fans!): What do you ask The Artist, arguably The Most Perplexing Person On The Planet?

Still up for debate was whether or not he would bother to reply (The publicist explained that he was very busy, but would likely get to The Scribe’s questions.)

He did.

So here, for your reading enjoyment, are the half-dozen queries The Scribe presented to The Artist. (And because his retorts were too vague to incorporate into a real story, we’re printing those here, too.)

The Scribe: “So many of today’s entertainers are crusaders for charitable causes. How are you working to ensure that (your foundation) Love 4 One Another, and your role in it, does not get lost in the shuffle?

The Artist: “Shuffle? Any charitable act is love in motion and love needs no publicity, because love just is.”

The Scribe: “You composed orchestral pieces for (wife Mayte’s) NPG Dance Company. How do those works reflect your tastes in dance, and is it refreshing to see and hear your compositions being utilized in another medium?”

The Artist: “My wife’s work is rewarding on many levels. It has given me greater respect for the word ’artist’ now.”

The Scribe: “What is your musical goal, and do you feel you will ever attain it? What effect might an achievement of that magnitude have on you as a human being? On your inspiration and ambition as an artist?”

The Artist: “My goals r personal. Time tells.’

The Scribe: “Now that you have distanced yourself from Prince, where from within do you find the strength to perform the songs that made you famous?”

The Artist: “All my songs r like my children. There is no difficulty in showing love and respect 2 a child.”

The Scribe: “You have taken an abundance of criticism about several aspects of your life and career—from movie roles, to fashion choices, to the lyrical content of your songs. Do you feel that you have ever been misunderstood? Is there anything you would do differently if you had to do it again? Or, for that matter, is there anything you’re particularly proud of having done?

The Artist: “(Insert graphic of an eye) am part of everything (Insert graphic of an eye)’ve done. Can you say the same?”

The Scribe: “Finally, for all of the controversy and critical acclaim, what impression do you hope your music and legacy leave upon the human race?”

The Artist: “My music has already left many impressions. Ask any human.”